Author's note: Thank you to NotMarge, gossamermouse101, Arkytior's Song, kmj1989 and anonymouscsifan for the reviews! So like I said last time, the next few chapters are full of new stuff! Today's is completely new except for one little snippet, but the next few chapters are actually completely new. I feel like it adds more depth to Vivien's conflicted feelings. I hope you all enjoy :-)
Thank you to everyone who reads this. Reviews make my day, so feel free!
A Very Happy Birthday to Me
December 28, 1974
"What did you think?" Hank asks curiously as we step out of the movie theater, still under the marquee. We just finished watching The Godfather, Part II.
"It was even better the second time," I reply.
He pauses in the act of opening an umbrella for us both, protection from the freezing rain that started to fall while we were inside. "The second time?"
"Yeah," I say. "I saw it with Peter the other day. Honestly, I think this might be even better than the first movie. What do you think?"
Instead of answering Hank's eyebrows furrow, and he pointedly looks away. "You should've mentioned that you'd already seen it," he mutters. "So we could've watched something else."
I shrug. I'm kinda confused, actually, as to why he seems so disgruntled all the sudden. "I didn't mind seeing it again, though," I explain reasonably. "Did you not want to watch it or something?"
He shakes his head. "I didn't say that."
"Then why-?"
A thought occurs to me.
"Oh my God, Hank, are you jealous?"
It's only because I'm watching him so closely that I see him flinch. "Come on, darling," he says, opening the umbrella and holding it over our heads. He slips his arm around me. "How do pancakes before we go our separate ways sound?"
I plant my feet and refuse to budge from under the marquee. "Don't try to distract me," I snap. "Answer the question, Hank. Are you jealous?"
He closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale before turning to face me, his arm falling to his side. "Am I jealous of a man who gets to see you all the time? Who gets to live in the same house as you and doesn't have to hide his association with you?" he asks rhetorically. "Yes, I am."
"Hank," I plead, stepping closer to him. As I reach up and cup his face in my hands I can't help noticing how his own free hand seems to almost begrudgingly curl back around my waist, like holding me is something he just can't resist.
I open my mouth to defend myself. To assure him that Peter's like a brother to me, and our going to the movies together was completely platonic- hell, it was actually more of an appeasement to keep him from getting suspicious of my frequent absences. That I would never, ever cheat on him-
But then I realize that he didn't actually accuse me of anything. He simply stated his envy of someone who can openly hang out with me all the time, without fear of reprisal. Things he can't do, and in all likelihood never will.
Jesus Christ.
That's not fair to Hank. None of this is fair to him.
He deserves so much more than I can give him. He deserves the honest, open relationship he wanted in the first place. I know that- I've known that from the very beginning. It's always been bubbling just under the surface, a dark shadow in the back of my mind that whispers that I'm a selfish, terrible person for doing this to him. If I was a better human being I would set him free, so he could go find a girl who could give him everything he deserves.
"I'm sorry," is all I can think to say. I allow my hands to drop from his face. "Do you... are you saying you're tired of this?" I swallow the sudden lump in my throat. "Do you want to break up with me?"
"No," Hank replies sharply. His grip on my waist is suddenly so tight it almost hurts. "Darling, no. I don't want to lose you, Vivien."
"And you won't," I promise him. "I'm in this for as long as you are, baby. I live for the time I get to spend with you, Hank."
"Same here," he murmurs, kissing me sweetly and then resting his forehead against mine.
I put my hands around his neck. "We just have to take the joy out of every day, alright?"
And try not to think about the future.
The future is a dark, uncertain place, full of things that could rip our relationship apart. I'm scared of it, ok? I'd rather just focus on living in the moment with him.
"Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero," Hank supplies.
"Excuse me, what?"
"It's Latin. It means, 'seize the day, put very little trust in tomorrow, the future.' It seemed to fit,'" he explains, shrugging.
Of course he would know Latin.
"You are such a nerd," I groan. But then I kiss him. "And I wouldn't have you any other way."
He grins bashfully. "So... pancakes?"
"Do you really have to ask?"
"Not really," he admits. We set off down the sidewalk together, with him still holding the umbrella over us both. After a few minutes Hank regretfully observes, "it probably would be wise not to see each other on your birthday, wouldn't it?"
"Probably," I agree sadly. "My brothers usually do something for it, so it'd be a dead giveaway if I wasn't there."
Yet another event meant to spent with loved ones that we have to be separated for.
Hank nods thoughtfully. "But will I see you the day before?"
"If you want to come with me to Hell's Kitchen, yeah."
"Ok."
"Why do you ask?" I wonder curiously.
He kisses my temple and grins mischievously, though I sense a hint of sadness in his eyes. "You'll see."
December 31, 1974
"I have a surprise for you," Hank tells me a few days later as we approach his car, hand-in-hand. He parked in front of my safe house today.
As promised, he accompanied me when I went to visit my friends in Hell's Kitchen for this week. He even brought several bags' worth of food. We've left after spending a few hours with them all and the blush is only just now fading from Hank's cheeks after Marcel's teasing.
I raise my eyebrows and try not to smile. "Does this surprise have anything to do with the fact that tomorrow's my birthday?" I tease.
"It does indeed. I thought I should give this to you now, since we won't see each other tomorrow," Hank replies. Though he tries to hide it I can hear the underlying bitterness in his tone.
I don't blame him in the slightest for his resentment. I wish we could greet the New Year together at midnight, or spend my birthday with each other without causing a pan-mutant incident.
But we can't.
"I know, baby," I sigh, nuzzling his arm. "I know."
I don't say anything else, because there's nothing to say. It's not like I can promise that it'll be different one day or anything. These stolen hours together may be all we ever get. But we both agree that we don't want to lose what we have between us...
And so here we are.
Hank kisses the top of my head and releases my hand to open the trunk of his car. "I had this idea, after you showed me your safe house," he explains, "that since you have a place your brothers don't know about, I could get you one of these-"
The trunk opens, revealing an electric piano inside.
"-Without anyone asking questions about where you got it. W-what do you think?"
Oh my God.
"You got me a piano?" I ask faintly. I'm so shocked I can't even react.
A piano. A beautiful, brand new piano, to replace the one that James and Myles destroyed.
It's an extravagant, expensive gift, but I can't find it in myself to be uncomfortable about that. Not when Hank is giving me something that I love, something I've been missing in my life for so long. It's perfect.
How will I ever deserve him?
"I'm sorry," Hank says uncertainly, his gaze on my face. "I thought you would-"
I cut him off with a fierce embrace, hugging him so tight I worry for a second that I may have broken a rib. I squeeze all of the air out of his lungs as it is.
"Thank you," I whisper fervently, pulling his face down for a kiss. "Oh, Hank- this is honestly the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me in my entire life. Thank you, thank you-"
I keep kissing and nuzzling him as I thank him over and over again until Hank reluctantly steps back, taking deep, calming breaths to avoid turning into Beast out here.
"Sorry," he mutters.
"Don't be," I reply, giggling. I give him my best attempt at bedroom eyes. "How about we get this thing upstairs? And then I can finish thanking you properly?"
Hank gives me that adorably goofy grin. "You won't hear any arguments from me," he assures me. "Happy birthday, Vivien."
January 1, 1975
Another year gone by, I think to myself as I stare up at my bedroom ceiling the next morning.
I can't say that I'm very excited about the New Year, though I know it's supposed to be a time for fresh starts and blank slates. What will 1975 bring? More pain and disillusionment? Or will I finally be able to make my brothers and the twins see reason?
Today's also my twenty-second birthday. God, only twenty-two. I feel so much older than that, with the weight of so many worries and problems on my shoulders. Far from going away any time soon, I'm guessing they're only going to get heavier as I get older.
Jesus- I'm not exactly filled with happy birthday sentiments this morning, am I?
Just then the sound of someone loudly banging on my door makes me startle so much I almost fall out of bed.
"Sissy, wake up!" Myles calls out. "Sissy-!"
Uh oh.
I dart over the door, ready to deal with some sort of crisis-
"Happy birthday, Sissy!" Myles crows, proudly holding up a chocolate cake for my inspection. "We made you breakf-"
Suddenly Wanda comes stumbling into the hallway behind my brother, wheezing like she just ran a marathon. She looks horrified when she sees me standing there already. "Myles!" she moans. "You were supposed to wait until she was awake before you gave that to her!"
"But she is awake," my brother pouts.
"Yeah, now she is, but only because you woke her-"
I burst into laughter then- I just can't help it. It's obvious that Wanda was helping out Myles, with his distinct lack of cooking skills, by making a cake as a surprise for me. But then he jumped the gun in his eagerness to give it to me and left Wanda chasing after him to stop him, to no avail.
God, it warms my heart to see my little brother like this, all excited and earnest. Just like old times, before life got so complicated.
"It's ok, Wanda," I assure her. "I was already awake."
She looks slightly relieved. "Oh, good. Well," she says weakly, "happy birthday!"
"Thank you," I tell them sincerely. "Both of you. This was really sweet. Let me just go put on some clothes and we can dig in, alright?"
"Cake for breakfast?" Wanda asks incredulously.
"Yup," I reply. "Are you really all that surprised?"
She giggles and shakes her head. "On second thought, no. No I'm not."
I meet them in the kitchen a few minutes later, fully dressed and ready to chow down on some cake. It doesn't surprise me in the least that neither James nor Peter have made an appearance yet. Morning people, they are not.
Then again, James is always sorta crabby no matter what time of day it is... but you know what I mean, right?
Eventually, though, the two of them join us.
James comes into the kitchen first. "'Morning. Happy birthday, Sis," my older brother says, giving me a hug. Aw, look who's behaving like a real person instead of a douche bag rage monster today.
Peter drifts in soon after. A big, boyish grin lights up his face when he sees us all eating cake. "Cake for breakfast? You're a genius, Vixie," he laughs, coming over to hug me, too. "Happy birthday."
"Thank you, guys."
The two newcomers serve themselves up some cake as well. As they're finishing up Myles asks Wanda eagerly, "is it present time now?"
"I'd say so," Wanda agrees. "Peter?"
He stands up. "I'm on it."
I begin to say, "you guys didn't have to-"
But of course Peter's already gone and come back before I finish getting the words out.
"Just accept it, Vixie," he warns, setting a little pile of wrapped presents in front of me.
I roll my eyes. "Uh huh."
"Open them, Sissy!" Myles urges.
Shaking my head and chuckling over their insistent attitudes, I start unwrapping gifts.
Myles' present is this eye-watering yellow scarf that I know I'll never wear. Yellow is not my color. Wanda got me a pretty silver compact mirror with roses etched on the outside. And then James and Peter both give me some records. Peter's choices are kinda more indicative of his taste rather than mine- Pink Floyd, the Grateful Dead, Deep Purple. But James got me the new Van Morrison and Joni Mitchell, as well as an old Marvin Gaye record, for nostalgia's sake.
Aw. He does pay attention sometimes.
"Thank you, everyone," I say sincerely, standing to go around and give them all hugs. "Really, this is great."
Just when I start to feel like giving up they all go and do something like this.
Maybe it's naive, but it gives me hope. Hope that there's still kindness in my brothers, that I can still reach them and make them realize that all of this human-hating crap is complete bullshit.
So I guess it is a Happy New Year, after all.
