Thank you ivebeenpocessedbysatan for the review. It really means a lot to me that you are ready not once but many time over. Because you are loyal i have a something in store that you will like. Stay tune to find out.
Okay so thank you to the other who have read. I would thank you one by one but you never left a review so all i can do is thank you as a whole.
SO here is the next chapter review and i shall be back within a week. If not i will be back after next Thursday. Hey it's up to you.
Chapter 44 Dean
For the first time ever I realize I need Cas more than ever. I may have said I needed in other ways but this is the first time I have just needed him to just be here. I miss him. He leaving has made everything so blah. He leaving has put everything into perceptive. I have done everything wrong. I have done everything wrong when it comes to him. I need him in my life. I need more than I ever needed anybody.
I have spent the entire summer in one state of mind. What that is I don't know but I do know this I can't do anything. Whatever it is, whether it is eating, drinking, or even hanging out with people, nothing feels the same as when he was here. When he was here everything was better. Now everything sucks. I want him back, I need him back.
I wish I could reach out to him, but I can't. I tried calling him but he changed his number. I tried reaching out to him on Facebook, but he blocked me. At least I think he has. Whenever I search for him he doesn't come up. I tried emailing him but my emails got bounced back. Whatever I have tried to get in contact with him has just been bounced back. It sucks and I hate it. What am I supposed to do?
What am I supposed to do when the one person I need to talk to won't talk me? I tried my hardest to reach out to him but he just up and left me. I never left him. I always came back, no matter what. He never even gave me the chance this time. Why didn't he get I just needed time? Bella had a miscarriage, what was I supposed to do. Was I supposed to be a jerk and leave her grieving by herself? I couldn't do that. It was my child too. I was hurt too. Why I did want to run to him, I couldn't. No matter what he would never understand how I felt. I only turned to Bella because she was upset too. I went to her because she was the only one who knew how I felt.
I admit the way things were left was messed upped. He told me he loved me and seconds later I take a phone call. I wanted to tell him how I feel but when I tuned around he was gone. He didn't give me a chance to explain myself. If he truly loved me then he would have given me that chance. Instead what does he do, he moves way with no plans of ever coming back.
Nobody told me he wasn't coming back but I know him. I know the way he thinks. He left with no plans to come back. Hell if I was in his shoes I wouldn't come back either, but then again. If I was him he knew like he says he does then he should know I had a good reason. My girlfriend was pregnant, what would he do? He is supposed to be the smart one. Why could figure this out.
If you wonder what I have been doing my whole summer well this is it. I have been going over him leaving in my mind. Sure I have done other things, but this was my main focus. I Skype with Bella, I hung out with Jo and Gabriel. Together and individually, hell I even hung out with some guys from baseball team, but nothing feels the same. Nothing feels the same as when I am with him. I am use to doing these things then being with him. It has become like a routine. To make it worse it's the summer. It's the only time I have him to myself.
Having him to myself and being with him and nobody else. That doesn't sound like a bad idea. I could get use to something like that but it's something I will never know. Being with him is a recent idea. I sit in my room pondering over the idea as Jo storms into my room like she is on a room.
"Hey Dean, how's it going." She says after she walks into my room. She stands there like she didn't just come charging in.
How have I been? I have been miserable. I hate how I feel right now. That is why I am lying in my bed staring at the ceiling. I miss him more than I ever expected. My heart hurts. If I start to think about him too much than I start to feel like I am about to cry. I can't drink or smoke weed because that only makes the feelings worse. My hearts wants to pulled from my chest but if I let that happen than I will die.
"Hey Jo" Is all I can say in such a dry tone. I don't care if I give away my hurt. I watched her from the corner of my eyes as she walks over to my bed and looked at me. I know I do not look the same. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and it looks like life has beaten me down. I am actually starting to look how Cas has looked for the past couple of months. Seeing him like this tells me I have done some pretty bad things to him. The circles under my eyes are darker than ever been. I admit I am a person who loves food but I haven't had much of an appetite all summer.
"How you doing" She says as she lays beside me. She doesn't touch me or look at me. She just lies on her back as she folds her arms behind her head and look at the ceiling like me.
"I'm fine" I say still looking at the ceiling fan as he spins.
"Are you really?" She asks like she knows I am lying. I am lying and she knows but I don't feel like I talking about it.
"Yes." I say hoping she picks up on the hint. Ten again she was never one to take the hint. She has always been one to ignore it.
"Then why are you listening to sad Emo music. Since when do you like anything like this? I mean come on you are listening to The Script. They are hardly your type. Yes Danny is hot but come on you are listening to Breakeven. It's a good song but it's something you would listen to on a normal day."
"I like all kinds of music Jo." I admit The Script isn't a band I would normally listen too, but Bella actually got me listening to them. They are popular in the U. K. She raves about them all the time. One day out of boredom and I heard Breakeven by them. I could relate so I decide to listen to all their songs and it I have to admit they are singing how I am feeling.
"Sureā¦. So Bella should be home soon." She says after a long pause. I wish she never bought her up. I admit I like the idea of her not being around. I still care about her but I am starting to think maybe I should break up with her. Yes I think about it, but what would I be leaving her for. If I left her then who should I be with. Cas wants nothing to do with me. He has made that clear. Leaving her doesn't make sense right now. Maybe if I get him back then I might.
"Yeah I know." I say not really caring about her coming back. All I can think about are those blue eyes. I am use to her leaving for the summer but this is the first time I really don't miss her. Some days I would find myself wondering about her but it wasn't the longing I use to feel.
"Could you be any happier?" Jo asks in a sarcastic manner. I really don't feel like this today. Can she just get this over with.
"Maybe" I say. I should have told her how I felt but I don't have the energy for that either.
"Okay I have had enough." Jo says standing up. "I came into your room to get on tour case about Castiel. My original plan was to storm in guns a blaze but when once I saw you lying there looking sad I decided to take a different approach, but now I realize I won't get anywhere trying to play it cool. It just isn't my style and you never respond to that type of approach. I need to just get straight to it.
"Straight to what?" I ask looking at her like I didn't know. She gone all summer without bring him up. I should have known better she'd leave it alone better forever.
"You miss Castiel." she says staring down at me. Well thank you Captain Obvious. O\f course I don't need her to tell me that. I started to say something but I kept my mouth shut as I sat uo and move my body where I was sitting across from her.
"Sure I do. He was my best friend and I miss him." I should have told the truth but what pint would me stating the how I really miss him what have been. If I say I miss him then pity takes over and I do not want to be pity.
My cousin said nothing. Jo just slapped me upside the head before she spoke. "No you miss him in the way Romeo would miss Juliet." What does that have to do with anything. I know the play kind of. I barely paid attention in English. I know they were young. They fell in love in a matter of days and they killed their selves because they couldn't live without each other. Yes we are young but everything else isn't relatable.
"We have been over this already." I say rubbing my head. We have, only it was before the summer and many time over the years. I say the same thing and she says the same thing. When will it change?
"And it looks like we have to go over it again. Look I did not come in here to have a debate. I came in here to tell you to man up and admit your feelings. You love him and he loves you. No more of this he loves me, he loves me not bullshit. I am tired of it." She says moving that finger again. Does she ever get tired of that?
She swears I love him. I am tired of her and Gabriel saying I do. I know he says he loves me but I really don't know. I thought I loved Bella but I am starting to see I never did. I have told her so many times but if she ever told truth she would be hurt. What if I told Cas and then I realize I never did. I couldn't do that to him. I need to be sure before I tell him.
How do I know I love him? I have thought about it all summer. How do you know when you are in love? Is it a one feeling or is it many wrapped up into one.
"Jo I_" is all I could say why I think about whether or not I love Cas.
"The next words out of your mouth better are Jo I love him or some version of it." she says pointing of course. She is more like her more than she cares to admit. I looked at her and kept my mouth shut.
"I see you choose to keep quiet good. Now look I do not like what has become of you two. You two belong together. Him being away has obvious taken a toll on you. I mean mom bought pie the other week and it lasted the whole week. When does pie ever last around here. For god sakes Dean you turned down pie. If that doesn't tell you something then what will." She says in an overly dramatic voice. I do love pie. I could eat a whole one in like ten minutes but lately I have lost the taste for it. Maybe, me not wanting pie should tell me something.
"Jo I get what you are saying, but he did kind of move to North Carolina. Even if I could fix things, what good will that do?" I say. She can't argue that, she knows I have tried. I have tried in front of her. I would love to be able to talk to him, even if it was just us catching up, but he wants nothing to do with me.
Jo said nothing as she gave me a stupid grin. She is smiling as my heart feels like is being smashed into a million pieces slowly. I started to say something, but she spoke first. "He's coming back"
"What?" I say a little too excited. I wanted to play it cool but now isn't the time. She just said Cas is coming back. I thought he never come back. Whatever the reason I am grateful.
"Yes he texted me like an hour ago and said he decided to come back." I am so happy she didn't point out how happy I am. If she did I probably would have made up some excuse and buried my feelings afterwards but she didn't. Thank god for that and for him coming back. I will never let him leave again. No matter how hard it will be getting him back I will try and once I do. I will never let him go again. I can't go without him in my life. Maybe I do love him, but I am not sure. Loving him means so much. I am not ready to face that yet.
"When?" I finally ask.
"He said he will be back when school starts in a couple weeks." That gives me time ro figure out how I will win him back.
I felt dean over the summer but suddenly I felt a burst of energy. I felt so much I could sit still. I have to do something.
"So Dean, what are you going to do, now that he is coming back?" she asks sitting down next to me placing her hand around me. Cas coming back only means one thing to me.
"I'm going to win him back" I declared.
"Promise" she says holding out her figure for a pinky swears. We haven't done that in a while. Whenever we pinky swear we never broke it. It had to be done no matter what. Pinky swears aren't to be taken lightly. They are lifelong commitment.
"Cross my heart" I say motioning across my heart, Doing that means a double pinkie swear. By doing this she means business and I do. No matter what I will get him back.
So what do you think? DO you think Dean is on his way to a break though? What will happen when Dean tries to win Cas back.
Spoiler's next chapter will have the boys coming face to face for the first time since the grave yard. What do you think will happen?
Review and i will tell asap. I have t o work for the rest of the week but i can come home form work and update. I can never sleep when i get home. I can spend my time updating but if not i can do either things. Okay i am done good night. Just remember review and i shal update asap if not i will take like seven or more days.
byw what did you think of tonight's supernatural. I liked it but i missed Cas. I love Misha Collins. I want Cas back. Me and sister love making commetray about Dean And Cas
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