Erik moved up behind me and laid his arm over the safest place to put his arm, and I couldn't help but smile through my sleepiness. 'Thank you for getting her this time. I'll get her next time.'

'It's your birthday, I'll do everything I can so you can sleep in.' He kissed my shoulder before kissing the back of my neck. 'Happy birthday, Chris. I have plans for later, but I think we should sleep while we can.'

'That sounds lovely. I think I'm going to not take my pain meds today. I should be fine, I want to be here today.'

'If that's what you want to do, but if you need to take them don't hesitate to take them.'

'I won't. Okay bedtime it's five we may get some more sleep today.' I felt him smile against my back before sighing.

.

.

.

'Chris time to wake up.' I wouldn't of complained about being woken up had my stomach and breast not been hurting.

'What time is it?'

'Noon. Alli is playing in her crib so I could wake you up. C'mon we're gonna go get lunch. Your choice.' That got me to sit up with his help and climb out of bed.

'PF Changs. I want shrimp and I can now eat it so I'm going to eat the shit out of the spicy shrimp.' I went to the closet and grabbed a loose dress that I could wear without a bra and it not look horrible.

'I assume you were going to pick there.'

'Well I make it easy to pick for me at least.' I pulled my shirt off and put it in the black clothes hamper since it was Erik's shirt and then before I could put my dress on Erik had come over and was looking at my stomach. 'Does it look okay?'

'Yeah just looking. Can I check the other one?' I nodded and he slowly lifted my breast up so he could see up under it. 'It's a little red but nothing bad. It's probably just from being shielded from air.'

'Probably. I need to start like lifting this thing up for a few minutes a couple times a day so it can breathe.' He seemed highly amused at the idea and let my breast go allowing me to put my dress on.

'Want your shorts off?'

'Please.' I pulled my dress up so he could pull my shorts down and put them in the respective hamper once I stepped out of them. 'Thank you.'

'You're welcome. Just let me know when you're ready and we'll go.'

'Okay. I just need to do something with my hair and a couple other things.' He kissed my cheek before leaving me to get ready, and probably get Alli's diaper bag ready.

.

.

.

I couldn't tell if it was from the lack of pain meds or Erik being so... Wow, but my body was nearly annoyingly warm. I also couldn't stop smiling but that was from Erik being so kissy at the restaurant. 'So how are you doing? I've been sleeping a lot lately making me not see you much.' I rested my head on my hand as he wrapped his hand around me to rub my back.

'I'm good. Just enjoying life since we've become rather lucky and I love you two so much.' I smiled as I blushed and he pecked my cheek for the tenth time since sitting down ten minutes before that.

'I love you too.' I kissed him back and sighed since his back rubbing felt quite enjoyable. 'We love you too. She's lucky to have you as a dad.'

'That's debatable but I'm better than your dad at least.' I knew arguing was useless so I just rested my hand on his cheek.

'You're unconvincable so I'm just going to tell you I love you and move on.' He smiled and leaned down so he could kiss me, and it had felt like forever since we had actually kissed so needless to say my stomach had more butterflies than usual. Alli started fussing so we pulled apart and he leaned over to see what was wrong.

'Where did her binkie go?' He lifted her up out of her seat as I rummaged through her bag where I had put it. I finally pulled it out and got it in her mouth as fast as I could so she'd stop crying, but when she didn't I realized just how bad my instincts were. 'Uh she doesn't need to be changed so maybe she wants you?' Before I could voice my discomfort with the idea of holding her he handed her to me. I looked around before finally staring at Erik when she had stopped crying.

'Why do I suck at this?'

'Suck at what?'

'I'm afraid to hold her, I never know what she wants and I just suck at this. Nothing is coming naturally.'

'It'll take a little while. You two need to bond which you really haven't had the chance to do yet. She has different cries for different things and I'll help you learn them. It'll get better once you're able to do things again.'

'I'm scared it won't though. I mean I love her to death but I feel so out of sync with her. I was so good with Korben when he was a baby so why is she different?'

'Because you're so worried about being a natural at knowing what's wrong with her. With Korben you didn't have your motherly worries.' He was making sense, but I was still nagging myself in the back of my head. 'Just give yourself some time. You're an amazing mother.' He kissed my cheek making me blush before going back to rubbing my back.

'Thank you, Erik. You're an amazing father.' He smiled since it meant a lot to him to know what he went through wasn't effecting his abilities to be a dad. 'Happy topic now.'

'So we should work on a guest list while we eat lunch because I was thinking about us going over to the bakery and working on the cake and all that.' He grabbed something from my purse and it ended up being a small pocket notepad and mini pen. 'Or either way we should work on one.'

'True. Okay uh Anne, Ken, Meg, Eilish, Valerie, Mary, my grandparents maybe, Anna and Patrick, Maline, your grandma, Jeff, Josilyn, Norman, Sam- speaking of Jeff and Josilyn, where are they? I haven't seen them since dinner the night Jeff came here.'

'Josilyn is dealing with the flu and they guessed we'd appreciate them staying away while she's sick. They're still in Phoenix though. They sent you flowers and a bear. Remember?'

'Vaguely. I was really drugged up when I went through everything.'

'Oh yeah well the purple roses are from them and the pink build a bear in Alli's crib is too.'

'Well that was nice of them. Hopefully she feels better soon. Anyway, Hugh, Koren and Lillie obviously, John, Travis... I don't know anyone else.'

'Uh... Raoul?' I nodded since I knew he really wanted to invite him. 'Only if you're comfortable with it. I know he tried to y'know so if you don't want him there then we don't have to.'

'No he can come. I'm over it. He's obviously proven that he's not a complete piece of shit if you've forgiven him.'

'He was really a good friend when you were missing. I never expected him to do what he did, but he was always trying to get me out of the house and keeping me occupied which helped. I don't know if I would've been as calm while you were gone if it weren't for him.'

'Did he give you a handjob or something?' He laughed and shook his head while looking at me.

'No. Surprisingly I don't like guys hands touching my dick. I was too stressed to even think about that stuff. All I could think of was finding you alive and safe. He reminded me that constantly worrying wasn't going to bring you back any quicker, and all it was doing was hurting making me not healthy for when you came back. Plus his parents have really good booze so that was another helpful thing. I was a borderline alcoholic those four months... Only because of the good stuff though. If it weren't four hundred dollar vodka I wouldn't have drank so much.'

'I'm glad you had someone to help you. It couldn't of been fun. I'd be a depressed mess if I were in your situation.'

'Yeah but it was nothing compared to what you were going through. My problems were a walk in the park compared to yours.'

'So besides Raoul can you think of anyone else?' I didn't want to talk about that subject anymore so I pushed it to the side. Thankfully Erik realized that and didn't push it.

'Uh no not really. So Sam and Norman, Anna, Patrick and Raoul, your grandparents and my dad and Anne will get one invitation. So that's... One... Eleven invitations but twenty two people. Forty four if everyone brought a plus one.'

'That's not terrible. But eight people have plus ones that will be coming so it'd be in the thirties.'

'Yeah don't ask me the exact number right now. My brain isn't working.' I giggled and kissed his cheek as Alli started gnawing on my shoulder.

.

.

.

'Hi, my name is Robert, what can we do for you today?' The baker I assumed, sat down in front of us and I collected my thoughts before starting.

'We're getting married in December so we need a cake and some finger sweets.'

'Alright that's possible. What are you two wanting the cake to look like?'

'Well we like the idea of a clean cake but with little hints to our colors incorporated somehow.' I set two paint samples on the table for him so he could see our colors.

'Black and purple? Well what about a smooth white fondant, then at the base of each layer have the two colors twisted together? Almost like licorice except round edges and not sharp.'

'I like that idea.' I looked at Erik and was surprised he was taking part in the cake. 'It's simple but not boring. There's going to be forty five people there so however that works, three tiers preferably.'

'Alright I can do that. You said something about finger foods?'

'Oh yeah- for the like cocktail thing I guess I'll call it. Maybe cookies, rougila, peanut brittle, things like that.'

'Well I'll let you try what we have and what you like you can order in bulk.' He got up and went over to the cookie counter. He came back with a plate full of different little sweets. Erik grabbed a sprinkle cookie and broke it in half so he could give me a bite.

'Those are always yummy.' He took his bite and nodded a few seconds later.

'These are good. Some of them definitely.' He ate the rest making me giggle since he was really bipolar when it came to sweets. One minute he'd nibble on it then the next he had five cookies in his mouth. Next he grabbed a chocolate roll thing. I wasn't sure what it was called.

'That's the chocolate rougila. It's new.' I took a bite and I may of accidentally moaned.

'Oh my God I'm taking some of those home. Like four dozen please.' James smiled and we waited for Erik to try it. His face scrunched up which meant I was the only one who liked it.

'Holy crap that's really chocolatey. They're good but not my thing.'

'That is the apple rougila.' He pointed at the other doughy thing Erik grabbed and of course let me have the first bite. I immediately nodded.

'Those too.' My stomach was full from PF Changs but I started to force it to find room for sweets.

.

.

.

'Alli is of no help.' I smiled as he set my giant cupcake down on the table in front of me. 'Won't sing happy birthday with me, won't light the candle... All we do is give and give and whenever I ask for a favor in return all she does is pretend to be asleep or drool.'

'So selfish of her. We should really sit her down and talk about the weight she needs to be pulling around here.' He chuckled while sitting down next to me.

'I agree. Okay, make a wish before your cupcake gets covered in wax.' I tried thinking of something to wish for, but when all I could think of was my stomach muscles working again and for that stupid cancer not to come back I shut my eyes, wished exactly that and blew the candle out. 'Happy birthday!' I giggled when he kissed my cheek and pulled the candle out. 'Would you like the icing off the candle?'

'Well of course.' I put the end of the candle in my mouth and pulled all the icing off. He took the candle and set it on the counter, then went and got me a glass of milk. 'Do you want some? I don't want all of this.'

'I'll probably steal a bite once you've had what you want.' He sat down and set my milk next to the cupcake.

'I wanna share.' I stabbed the center of the cupcake with my thumbs and pulled it apart in the center. I grabbed a napkin from the napkin holder and set his half on the napkin. 'There. You can even have some of my milk if you want.'

'Thank you.' He pecked my cheek and I smiled while splitting my half in half.

'You're welcome. Thank you for the cupcake. It looks delicious.' I took a bite of my half and nodded since my guess had been confirmed. 'It is really delicious.' Erik just continued to look at me, so finally I took his mask off since he was taking it off less and less at that point. 'Eat your cupcake and stop leaving your mask on when we're home alone.'

'Why?'

'Because you have no reason to keep it on so don't. I like knowing you're comfortable enough to take your mask off, and apparently lately you haven't been.'

'I've been taking care of Alli so I just leave it on.' I sighed and licked the icing off my thumb.

'Erik leave your mask off when around Alli. I don't want her to see that thing unless we're out of the house or we have company and that's that.'

'Why? She won't remember either way.'

'Because she'll grow up knowing that this is you. Not this gross thing.' I picked his mask up and tossed it onto the couch so he got the point. He rubbed his fingers for a few seconds before nodding.

'Alright.'

'No not alright. I want you to promise.'

'I promise I won't wear the mask around her unless I have to.'

'Thank you. Now eat your cupcake.' I looked down at my cupcake and I caught him smirk before picking his cupcake half up.

.

.

.

'I think I'm tired.' I yawned as I sat down on the couch and hugged a pillow against my body.

'Why not go to bed? Two hours is better than no hours.' I shrugged my shoulders and looked at the coffee table, but lifted my head off the pillow and looked back at Erik when he started rubbing my shoulders.

'I just want to relax. I'm bored of sleeping and want to just sit and stare at nothing.'

'I love you, but that is a journey I'll leave for you to enjoy. I'm going to bed because Alli is going to be up and I don't want to be tired.'

'I don't blame you.' He leaned down and kissed my cheek. 'I'll see you in a few hours. Enjoy your nap.'

'Oh you know I will.' I smiled and watched him go into our room, and I listened to him yawn as the light turned off. I rested my chin on the pillow I was hugging and starting picking at my big toe nail.

.

.

.

I flinched when I heard crying, and I realized I must of fallen asleep on the couch despite wanting to stay up. I sighed while sitting up, and as I stood up Erik came out of our room, looking rather zombie-ish. 'I'll get her if you want to make the bottle.' He nodded and rerouted his course to the kitchen and I went into her room. I picked her up out of her crib and kissed her forehead while bringing her over to the changing table. 'You think you have it rough? Try being in our shoes. That'll make you cry.'

'Are you whining to our whining daughter?' I nodded as Erik walked into the room and flipped the light on so I wasn't relying on the kitchen light.

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome.' I finally opened her bottoms so I could take her diaper off and set a clean one under her butt and I started my admittedly anal cleaning. 'Is that how you do it?'

'Preferably. You don't want to like miss anything and her get a rash. I missed some once when I was pregnant and it burnt after a few hours. Like hardcore. It wasn't enjoyable.'

'I try not to I just don't want to get up in her space.' I laughed as I continued the cleaning and tossed the wipe in the trash so I could grab a new one.

'Erik you have to clean her. I know it's a little awkward I guess you could call it but she's relying on us to keep it clean so we gotta do it.'

'I know it just feels weird to me.' I realized he probably felt like he was like crossing some line a father should never cross.

'It's not like that. I know how you think it feels but it's not. Just clean her up and move on. You have to and I know having gone through what you went through makes you feel a bit odd but you're not doing that. Trust me when I say she'll thank you for making sure she doesn't get rashes. Besides you're cleaning her not doing what he did to you.' I threw the other wipe away and put some rash cream on her butt before closing the diaper up. I stopped mid diaper close and looked up at him as he watched her look around the room. 'He wasn't the only one to do that kind of stuff to you, was he?' He shook his head and I pursed my lips before finishing doing up her diaper. 'What did she do?'

'Nothing compared to what he did, but it was enough to make me feel like I shouldn't be touching her. It makes me feel like I'm doing to her what she did to me despite me just trying to change her diaper.' I picked her up and laid her against my shoulder.

'Lets talk while she eats.' I left the room and Erik followed behind me, and I continued to the couch while he grabbed her bottle.

'I don't remember from when I was young. Like three and four, besides a few things and one of them were of her doing what she did.'

'Before you continue, why didn't you ever tell me she did this kind of stuff to you?' He sat down and gave me the bottle so I could get Alli to start sucking on the nipple of the bottle.

'Because until you got pregnant I figured it wasn't necessary, and by the time I figured it'd be a good time to talk you had gotten kidnapped, then after you came back I was focused on helping you through what happened to you. I worried about it for a while but didn't want you to look at me the way you are now.' I looked away but looked him in the eyes a few seconds later.

'What did she do?'

'There's not much a woman can do to a four year old, but I vaguely remember, whenever I'd get hard and at that point it was something I had no control over- she'd laugh or make fun of it and I'd be so embarrassed and confused. There she was doing all these things- that sometimes involved more than just embarrassing me to a part of my body I couldn't even begin to understand at that point. I know why she did it but I don't know what she was getting from it.'

'Jesus Christ. I'm actually a little nauseous. I don't understand how people can do those types of thing to children. I just don't.'

'They have no soul. That's something no one knows about. Not even my dad… just you and I'd like to keep it that way.' I nodded so he knew I was on board with the secret keeping thing. 'Anyway, I just feel like I'm invading her space. She can't help but go to the bathroom but it doesn't mean she wants to be touched down there.'

'She's three weeks old I don't think she cares if she even registers it. Why didn't you tell anyone?'

'Because. I had enough pity I didn't want more.' He started staring at the floor so I grabbed his neck so I could bring him down and kiss him, my respect for him only growing at that point.

'I don't know how you lived through all of that, Erik, but if you need to talk about it just tell me and I'll listen.'

'There's not really a lot to talk about over it. I'm over it and all of that. None of it was my fault and I had nothing to be embarrassed about. She made me feel like crap over something natural because of my face, and that makes her a cu-' He looked at Alli and slowly finished the word. '... nt.'

'Okay well even then don't hesitate to talk to me. Also I think you can say cunt around her. She won't remember it.' He nodded and kissed me for a few seconds.

'Thank you.' I nodded and adjusted Alli's bottle so she was able to continue eating.

.

.

.

'Christine, sweetheart wake up.' I opened my eyes and I felt my heart rushing and I gasped for air since I seemed to be lacking it. 'Are you alright?'

'I don't know why did you wake me up?'

'You were kicking and screaming so I assumed you were having a nightmare.' My body felt like I had been but I couldn't remember what it was about. 'That's the third one this week. Are you alright?'

'Yeah I'm fine. It's probably just my pain meds or something.' He put his arm around me and pulled me up against him so I could put my head on his shoulder.

'It's not because of what I told you is it?' I shook my head and he kissed the top of my head.

'It's okay. I just want to go back to bed. Actually I want to check on Alli.' I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed so I could get down, and I made my way over to her room. I quietly opened the door then shuffled over to her crib and when she was asleep and present I felt a bit of relief. I leaned down and kissed her forehead before leaving the room.

'Are you sure you're okay?' The lamp in our room was on and Erik was sitting up at that point.

'Yeah I just- y'know. It's a mom thing I guess.' I crawled onto the bed and sat down next to him. He stared at me and I sighed. 'I'm scared.'

'Of what?'

'Of one of the guys coming here and hurting Alli.'

'What guys?'

'The ones who he brought in and-'

'They aren't going to come here. They don't even know you live here, they know I'll kill them if they do and if they try anything I'm going do everything to protect you and Alli.'

'Can she sleep in here for the next few days?' He nodded and wrapped his arms around me which helped comfort me.

'Of course. When she wakes up we'll move her into here.'

'Maybe I'll tell the cops about them...' They were obviously harmful to other people and I didn't want them to get hurt because I didn't feel the need to tell the cops about them.

'That wouldn't be a bad idea. They need to be arrested for what they did.'

'I'll call Anna and have her tell them so they actually do something.' He started running his fingers through my hair which helped momentarily calm my anxiety and relax me even more. 'Can we watch a movie or something until she wakes up? I don't want to sleep.'

'Of course. What do you want to watch?'

'Something happy.' He nodded while turning the TV and Xbox on so we could find something on Netflix.

.

.

.

'One had sandy blond hair, this big gap between his front teeth, and was a little heavy. Not like obese but he wasn't skinny either. I think his name was Tim or Timothy. Average height, and he had a birthmark on his hip that looks like a cloud.' The cop that was getting descriptions from me nodded.

'Anything specific besides the birth mark? Sharp chin, round chin-'

'Square chin. The rest I can't remember. He may of had blue eyes, but I'm thinking green for some reason.'

'Okay. So the second?'

'Older, brown hair, pointy chin, short, skinny and I think his name is Randy. Third was younger, hot pink mohawk, brown eyes, sole patch, tall, muscle-y and his W's sound like S'. His name may of been Mark. The rest I don't remember.'

'Alright well if that's all you remember I guess we're done here.' He didn't seem to happy I used Anna to get this started because it meant he had Anna breathing down their necks.

'Thank you.' I stood up and put my purse over my shoulder so I could leave the station.

.

.

.

When I got home Erik wasn't there which I found odd, but he probably took Alli and went to the store or something along those lines so I pulled my jacket off and hung it up after setting my purse on the table. I looked over at Erik and I's room when Leila was meowing like she was being murdered, but the door was open. I checked our bathroom and the door was open as well so I checked Alli's room and when I opened the door she shot out of there like she had seen a ghost. Curious, I pushed the door open and looked around the room, and when it was empty I went to the laundry room so I could feed her. 'Sorry dad locked you in there. He forgets to check for you sometimes.' I assumed she was in her litter box but I could've been wrong. A few seconds later her head popped out of the litter box and I stuck my tongue out at her when she started meowing. 'Yeah you have food. Go crazy.' I moved over to the dryer and grabbed all of the clothes that were in there so I could work on putting them away.

.

.

.

'Chris we're back!' I continued staring at my find in the laundry and couldn't bring myself to respond. 'Chris?' He turned the light on since the blinds were closed and I clenched my fist that was holding the underwear. 'What's wrong?'

'Whose are these?' I tossed them at him and he caught them.

'Uh yours?' I shook my head and pushed my hair out of my face.

'Nope. Not mine. Plus if they were mine I haven't worn them this past week... I'm going to ask one more time and I'd like you to be honest. Whose are they?'

'Yours.' Fresh tears fell down my cheeks and I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him.

'Why can't you just tell me the truth?!'

'I am! First of all I've not had the fucking time to go out and cheat on you, second of all I've been here every day of the week except right now! And every time I've been with you and or Alli! What is with your idea of me cheating on you?' He came over with the underwear and showed me the tag. 'Your size. You have a blue pair of these as well, and I very clearly remember you wearing these one night in Toronto and your ability to make them look four thousand times sexier than they look off of you. I must of accidentally grabbed them with my boxers and just tossed them in the dirty clothes when I found them on the ground. I'm getting a little tired of being accused of this, Christine.' He went into the closet while folding them and I tried remembering the blue pair he was talking about as I slowly started to rock myself while wringing my hands. 'I know you'd never cheat on me but you keep thinking I'm cheating on you. God forbid you find your underwear in your laundry.' He came back out and tossed the two pairs in front of me. 'See? Small, small, same brand and make. Just different colors.' I checked the size and brand and when he was right I realized just how strong my paranoia was.

'Sorry.' I picked my panties up and set them in my lap. 'I don't know why I keep thinking you're cheating on me.'

'Did he cheat on you?' I couldn't figure out who he was so I didn't answer. 'Raoul.'

'Oh- uh yeah. I don't know if he ever had sex with the girls but I'd find him kissing other girls, but you're not him. I trust you, but I'm post pregnancy paranoid. It doesn't excuse my accusation but that's why I keep assuming the worse. Please be mad at me. I don't deserve your understandingness.' I set my face against a pillow but he pulled me back up and held my head so I was looking at him.

'I know it's your hormones so try and stop assuming that I'm capable of cheating on you. I would never do that.'

'But-' He put his hand over my mouth and I sighed.

'I love you my beautiful, breathtakingly sexy fiancée and being mad at you would be useless. Being mad will not accomplish anything and it'll only make things more difficult. So let's work on not thinking I'm cheating if I go somewhere or you find your panties in the laundry. Okay? Blink once if you agree blink twice if I need to put mushrooms in tonight's dinner.' I blinked once so he removed his hand. 'So Alli is asleep and I'll start on dinner. How did the police thing go today?'

'Good. I was only able to describe three of them, but I'm not worried about any of them except the one.'

'Well three is better than none, right?' I nodded and followed him out of our room and into the kitchen. He stopped when he noticed I was following him. 'What?' Instead of explaining I decided to hug him instead. We didn't hug enough.

'I'm so lucky to have you.'

'I love you.' He returned the hug and I took deep breaths so I could smell him.

'I love you too.' I shut my eyes when he rested his chin on my head and started rubbing my arms with his thumbs.

.

.

.

I opened my eyes when I heard crying, and I went to let go of Erik but he held on. 'Erik she's crying.'

'I know but this is nice.'

'I'll hug you again later, but for right now Alli is crying.' He sighed and kissed my head before letting me go, and I made my way over to Alli to see what was wrong.