52. Grounded
Sam watched as the door opened and John and Dean entered the small room. Dean turned and closed the door with a snap as John crossed the room and grabbed the phone.
"Jim? No, it's a damn mess. I've never seen something like this before. I'm gonna need help with this," John continued to explain the situation to Pastor Jim, his back turned to his sons.
Sam tried to catch his brother's eye but Dean refused to look. Sam wanted to scream at his brother and wanted to scream even more at his father. He sat on the bed, furious at the situation he and Dean had managed to land themselves in. They should have known better than to think that they could be happy even for a few moments in time. Maybe Dean had been right to avoid Sam for so long. Maybe Sam should have just accepted his loneliness.
Was aching sadness from missing his brother better than the shame and anger and hopelessness he felt now? He stared at his big brother and sighed quietly. Dean looked so broken, fragile even. It was something Sam had never seen in his brother before. He wanted desperately to make it all better but he knew there was no way to do that.
Moving as one under the warm stream of water… it was so beautiful and felt so wonderful and yet the consequence of their father discovering the extent of their relationship ruined the memory. The memory of that perfect moment when Sam and Dean had finally connected had turned sour. Sam could practically hear the thoughts racing through John and Dean's head. Perversion. Molestation. Incest. Abuse. Despicable. Sick. Wrong. Disgusting. Unconscionable…
And as much as Sam wished he could reject his family's feelings, in all honesty, he felt them too. What they had done was wrong, it was sick. Still, Sam wished more than anything that all that didn't matter.
Neither brother really noticed their father making phone calls; they were too lost in their own emotions. John himself was barely able to focus on the job, unable to make the calls he needed to make in order to get another hunter to help with the case.
* * *
Dean watched his father and Bobby walk away from the car and into the police station posing as FBI agents. He crossed his arms and closed his eyes. The car was freezing cold and he tapped his foot impatiently in the back seat. He wished he could be with Sam. He hated to admit it even to himself but he needed to see his brother, alone. Or at the very least he wished he could distract himself by being involved in researching the case. Then again, that would require more quality time with John. Neither Dean nor his father were too keen to spend any real time around the other.
* * *
Sam glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand and noticed a tiny calendar next to it. December 27th; they had missed Christmas. Though with tension running dangerously high it was probably best that they had paid no attention to the holiday. Still, Sam felt envious of the children who could spend a happy Christmas with their families with nothing to worry about except if Santa was going to bring them the toy they wanted most. Sam turned away from the nightstand and grabbed the remote control, flicking the television on lazily.
He flipped through the channels restlessly before turning it off again and stepping outside. He leaned against the balcony and looked down moodily and ran his hands through his hair absentmindedly. He was so utterly frustrated by how everything had gone down. He paced back and forth on the small balcony. Suddenly, his stomach growled and he realized just how hungry he was. He searched his pockets for spare change and made his way downstairs to a vending machine.
* * *
John started up the car without a word while Bobby looked over the police reports they had gotten. Dean decided to speak up. "Can I see one of those reports?" he asked. Bobby was about to hand him one when John intervened.
"Leave the research up to us, we can handle that. You're just some extra muscle."
"Yes sir," Dean muttered. He noticed the startled, uncomfortable look on Bobby's face in the rearview mirror and felt a little better knowing that he wasn't the only that felt like John was being an ass. A few minutes later they were pulling into the motel parking lot.
"Alright, let's look these over in your room, Bobby," John said as he opened the car door and got out. Dean and Bobby followed suit, though Bobby seemed a bit hesitant. It was all too clear that there was a serious rift between the Winchesters.
"What about Sam? We gonna leave him cooped up in your room without any company for the whole day?" Bobby asked. John took a deep calming breath before speaking.
"Sam and Dean are both grounded. Dean's only here with us because I don't want them togeth-- I don't want them together just so they can whine to each other about it."
"Um, alright. Well, let's get started, we don't have much time before tonight to get ready." Bobby said with a shrug. John nodded curtly and the three of them made their way across the parking lot to Bobby's room.
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Sorry it's taken me so long to crank out another chapter. And sadly, the upcoming chapters will take a while too but please stay tuned! Thanks for all of your reviews/comments -- keep 'em coming!
~aep
