During Lady Edith Strallan's wedding night, when she lay for so many hours on her sleeping husband's shoulder, waiting for him to wake up, she had time to think about all the things that had happened between the two of them over the years.
...
Edith had been almost nineteen years old the day in August 1913 when her mother had invited Sir Anthony Strallan to a dinner party. When Edith got out of bed that morning, she was feeling unusually happy. She was looking forward to sitting down at table as an adult with Sir Anthony for the first time in her life. She hoped her mother would place Sir Anthony beside Edith, but even if she didn't Edith was sure of being able to exchange some words with him. Edith had heard it said that the very kind and quite handsome Sir Anthony was at long last ready again to form an attachment with a woman, all these many years after the tragical death of Maud, his first wife, and Thomas, their little newborn son.
Edith had talked to Daisy, the kitchen maid, that morning. O'Brian had been concerned about her, so Edith had agreed to talk to the girl. Daisy had told Edith the strangest tale. Apparently the girl had seen three distant figures carrying the dead body of the Turkish diplomat from Mary's bedroom back to his own. Edith couldn't really believe this, surely Daisy must have had some strange nightmare! Sometimes dreams could be very vivid and feel almost like reality, Edith knew that.
Because it was just too unbelievable. Mary was flirting with everyone and caring for no one. She wasn't the kind of woman to fall recklessly in love with someone she hardly knew, she was surely able to keep her head cool. Of course Mary wouldn't risk her reputation by sleeping with a foreigner!
...
Edith had dressed faster than usual that evening, perhaps because she was so anxious not to be late, since she longed so much to meet Sir Anthony. So Sybil wasn't ready yet when Edith went to Mary's room, where the sisters usually met up on their way down to dinner or other events.
Edith noticed that Mary's door was ajar, and when she came closer she heard voices from within. It was her mother who was talking to Mary. So Edith stopped short, she didn't want to interrupt them. She didn't want to eavesdrop either, but that was the effect. Because the first thing she heard her mother say shook her up.
"I'd like you to look after Sir Anthony Strallan tonight!" were the words her mother said to Mary. So Sir Anthony was yet another of these poor men that her mother insisted in inviting to court Mary. Mary mistreated them all, at best she flirted and played with them for an hour or two and then tossed them away.
Edith didn't want Sir Anthony to be exposed to Mary's cold-heartedness. He was such a kind and loving man. He and his late wife had loved each other so dearly. Maud had been a woman with a heart, not like Mary who didn't care about anyone but herself. And Maud had been so very kind to Edith when Edith was a little girl. Edith felt she must find a way to save Sir Anthony from her wicked and selfish sister. For his sake, for Maud's sake and for Edith's own sake.
"He's a nice, decent man", Edith heard her mother say. That was true enough, Edith thought.
"Mama, not again!" Mary said with indignation. "How many times am I to be ordered to marry the man sitting next to me at dinner?"
"As many times as it takes." Edith could hear that Mama was very serious about this.
"I turned down Matthew Crawley. Is it likely I would marry Strallan when I wouldn't marry him?"
"I'm glad you've come to think more highly of cousin Matthew." Mama sounded happily surprised by that.
Edith didn't really like to listen to all of this, but she didn't know what else she could do either. It was already too late to knock at the door and announce her presence. And she was interested in what more they would say about Sir Anthony.
"That is not the point", Mary said.
"No", their mother agreed. "The point is that when you refused Matthew you were the daughter of an earl, with an unsullied reputation. Now, you are damaged goods."
Edith's jaw dropped. What was this? What was it Mama was saying to Mary? Unsullied reputation? Damaged goods? What was that all about?
"Mama!" Mary sounded really indignant.
"Somehow, I don't know how, there is a rumour in London that you are not virtuous."
"What! Does Papa know about this?"
"He knows it and he dismisses it, because unlike you and me he doesn't know that it is true."
Mama was quiet for a while before she continued.
"Let's hope it is just unkind gossip, because if anyone heard about..."
"Kemal. My lover? Kemal Pamuk."
"Exactly. If it gets around and you are not already married every door in London will be slammed in your face."
So what Daisy had told Edith in the morning was true! Edith was stunned. Pamuk had really died in Mary's bed! Freezing to death, no doubt, Edith thought. How incredible, Mary was a slut, a real slut! Who would have believed that?
"Mama! The world is changing", Mary said.
"Not that much, and not fast enough for you."
"I know you mean to help, I know you love me. But I also know what I am capable of. And forty years of boredom and duty just isn't possible for me. I'm sorry."
So that was what Mary thought a marriage to Sir Anthony would be like! Well, Edith wasn't at all surprised. Mary had a very shallow way of looking at a man's advantages.
"I'm a lost cause, Mama. Leave me to manage my own affairs! Why not concentrate on Edith?" Mary said then.
For once Edith agreed with Mary. Why couldn't their mother set Edith up with Sir Anthony instead? She would at least be interested in talking to him, he was a nice man and capable of tenderness and love. Who knew what that might lead to in the long run?
"She needs all the help she can get!" Mary added. Well, perhaps, Edith had to admit. She wouldn't mind if she got half of all the help Mary got from their mother when it came to finding a husband. But right now she only wanted one thing. To be the one that her mother thought should 'look after Sir Anthony Strallan'.
Perhaps Edith should do just that during the dinner tonight, even if she was sure now that she wouldn't be placed at his side.
"You mustn't be unkind to Edith, she has fewer advantages than you", Edith heard her mother say then.
"Fewer! She has none at all!" Mary said. Their mother didn't even try to deny that, Edith felt terribly let down. That had been the last words Edith heard before she turned and went away, tears filling her eyes. She was only eighteen years old and even her own mother regarded her as a failure, and seemed to expect her to end up as an old maid.
Edith saw a flash of herself as the maiden aunt, after her parents' death. Depending on her married sisters, trying to make herself useful. Sybil was kind but the thought of ever being dependent on Mary sent cold chills through her body.
...
After the dinner that night, when Edith returned to her own room early because she didn't want anyone to see the tears that had started rising in her eyes again, Edith decided to use the knowledge she had gained by overhearing that conversation. She just couldn't leave poor Sir Anthony in Mary's treacherous claws.
Edith was only eighteen years at the time, and she had wanted to protect the kind and friendly Sir Anthony from Mary's manipulations. But Edith had been cruel to Mary, sending that letter. She realised that now, thinking back on it on her wedding night when she was so much older.
Edith had only told the truth. But Mary had revenged by lying to Sir Anthony, who was totally innocent in the matter and probably had been more hurt by Mary's lies than Edith herself. But still, by now Edith understood that it had been very bad of her to send that letter.
...
That dinner had been both very dreadful and very nice. Mary had behaved horribly towards Sir Anthony. First she had ignored everything the poor man said, making it quite obvious both to him and everyone else that she wasn't a bit interested in him. Later Mary had been laughing at the poor man when he got that bit of salty dessert.
But Edith had managed to talk to Sir Anthony, she had made an attempt to make him feel more comfortable. It had been very nice, it seemed that there was a lot of things that the two of them were both interested in. And Edith's mother had even praised Edith afterwards, at the coffee, for looking after Sir Anthony. Edith had said that she had enjoyed it, which was true. There was something in having his kind blue eyes fixed upon her while he was talking and smiling that touched something deep inside her. Perhaps it was then that she slowly started to fall in love with him.
Edith had felt elated, but she hadn't wanted to irritate Mary, so she had got up from her seat and gone to the other end of the room. But Mary was not the one to let somebody else have a man she herself didn't want. She had followed Edith complaining about Edith's boasting.
It was then Edith had made her big mistake, telling Mary she couldn't have every prize. So Mary had made that challenge. And Edith had been foolish enough to accept it.
Sir Anthony was only a man, and as such he was of course incapable of resisting Mary's beautiful but insincere smile. Edith had been defeated, as could have been expected.
Late the evening after that Edith had written that letter to the embassy. She felt that she had to save the kind Sir Anthony.
...
Her husband was asleep again. Lady Edith Strallan looked at his sleeping face on the pillow, herself still not able to close her eyes. It was the morning of the day after their wedding, and she wasn't a virgin any longer. There was no end to the tenderness and love she felt for that dear, sleeping man.
She felt her whole body glowing. There was not an inch he hadn't touched with his hand or his lips. Or both. She felt so alive, so loved, so wanted. So relaxed and so satisfied. So very much his.
...
When she had told him with a smile that their wedding-night wasn't over yet, he had smiled back at her. But it was a quick, embarrassed smile. Then he looked away.
"Well...Edith...first I need to...I have been sleeping for so long... and I had so much to drink... all that toasting...so I must..." He wasn't able to say it straight out, but of course she knew what he was talking about, she was feeling the need herself. She found it very cute that he should talk about this simple and quite normal thing in such a shy and delicate way, like if he was afraid of shocking her.
"Yes, of course. I need to go to the loo also. Especially since we are going to ... well... use... need...those parts... to make love..." She was giving him a new mischievous smile.
He laughed at her outspokenness. He was surprised but also glad that she wasn't more shy. It was good, it would make it so much easier. He didn't have to guess what she wanted. That she probably was a virgin was one of the many things that had worried him. Maud hadn't been, she was a widow when she married Anthony, so he had no experience of that.
"This time I think I can promise you to come back", he said before he left. "And if I don't, you know where to find me." His smile was happier now, and it warmed her heart.
Of course he came back. She came back too. But she lingered some extra moments, composing herself. Because now it was to happen, the thing she had both longed for and dreaded all her youth. By now her longing was so much stronger than her fear. Because it would be with him, and she loved him so much and he was such a kind and considerate man. But she could well understand that he had felt the need to lay down and compose himself for a few moments earlier that night.
She was a little afraid of disappointing him.
She wasn't afraid of being disappointed herself. She knew for sure that this would be good. He was a wonderful man, so sweet and so thoughtful and so caring.
She had butterflies in her belly when she returned to him. But they were happy butterflies. And after thinking it all over there was just one thing she was still afraid of now, and it was not disappointing him. Because he was a kind man, and he would know how inexperienced she was and make amends for that.
No, the only thing she was still afraid of was that he would think that he had disappointed her.
...
He had gone about it all in a very gentle and careful way, full of apologies. In a very Anthony kind of way. Telling her she could stop him any time at all. If he hurt her or if he scared her. He really hated the thought of hurting her.
She had told him that there was no way he could scare her. She knew he was the kindest man she had ever met. And a short pain - it was probably what was to be expected - she wouldn't mind that or love him any less for that.
After that Anthony started to kiss her and fondle her. And she had answered him - of course she had - she had kissed him back, she had caressed him, she had pressed her body closer to him. Then they had slowly started taking off each other's clothes, all the time whispering sweet words to each other.
Edith's body had also answered Anthony in ways she couldn't control.
She had been letting out low moans when he traced kisses from her mouth to her neckline. She had shivered of pleasure when he caressed her breasts and other places he hadn't touched before. She had gasped when she felt his naked body against her own for the first time. And after that, when his hand reached her female parts and started exploring them, she had let out the other moans, the not so low ones.
He was touching and caressing things that would have made her blush to have him examining if she hadn't been so aroused. Making her ready to receive him. Making sure she was ready to receive him.
So when he finally entered into her, it didn't hurt at all. It was such a strange feeling to have him inside her. She felt so complete. So filled up. So fulfilled.
She really belonged to him now, and he really belonged to her. At last.
He stopped like that for some moments, looking down on her to see that she was OK. She smiled up at him then, she felt so very shy. So naked, so aroused, so connected to him and so shy. He smiled back, the most tender of all the tender smiles he had ever given her.
"I love you so much, my little darling", he said then, very softly.
Then he kissed her, the softest kiss, while leaning down on his arm. She opened her mouth to receive him and his tongue entered, mirroring what was happening further down.
And then he started moving...
And somewhere in that fog of desire she knew why she had fought for this man for so long and against everybody else's wish, including his. And she was so happy she had, for his sake as well as her own. He was such a wonderful man, he made her so happy. She so wanted to make him happy too!
...
He had fallen asleep almost immediately afterwards, holding his good arm around her and whispering sweet nothings that were slowly replaced by a calm, even breathing. She was feeling so grownup, lying here in bed with her husband after making love to him for the first time.
And in a few hours she would go to Rome with him. As a married woman with her new husband. What an adventure!
And soon she would get plenty more of what she had just got.
Life was truly wonderful, at last!
She was so terribly, terribly happy!
...
AN: I apologize for having you wait until chapter 52 for the Edith/Anthony wedding night pleasure. Hope you are not too disappointed with it after waiting for so long!
...
Thank you for reading, thank you for reviewing! I don't get many reviews to this story any longer, so I appreciate every one I get all that much more.
...
The Cora-Mary conversation is taken almost exactly from the show. (Thank you Julian Fellowes!) I assume in my story that Edith heard most of it.
...
I have already written about that salty pudding dinner from Sir Anthony's point of view in my story 'Raspberries with Salt'. I reread that story now and think it could very well be an interlude to this one. But it won't, I hate repeating things, but maybe I use a few things from it later on.
...
According to some quick google-research, the word loo was probably first used by James Joyce in 1922, and this is 1920. But I don't care, it is near enough for me. Besides, it is easier to come up with a word a little too early than to build a whole telegraph line between two continents, as I did in an earlier chapter.
