Chapter 49: After effects

Arriving at home shortly afterwards, Emmett pulled Rosalie into his arms and Carlisle did the same with Esme. Sero had his hand on my shoulder and was holding it fairly tightly, and Jasper still had Alice in his arms. Peter stood a little further back.

"Is everybody okay?" Jacinta asked us and we sighed, everyone looking in my direction.

"Where's Rowan?" Matthew asked us softly, looking around.

"Unfortunately, he was killed. He was thrown into the fire, and I tried to get him out, but he was so far in that Carlisle had to grab me to prevent me falling in." I said in no more than a whisper, my voice breaking.

"Kristen, if you show me where the fire was, I'll see if I can bring him back for you." Matthew said softly, walking towards me.

"Did you manage to find out who they were following?" Esme asked from Carlisle's arms.

"Yes. They were actually following Rosalie's scent. And their leader had almost convinced Emmett to attack him, so that the three of them could take him down together." Carlisle replied and Rosalie looked at him, her expression shocked.

"They were coming after...me?" she asked and he nodded gravely. I could see Emmett tighten his grip on her and sighed. Frankly, I couldn't blame him. After what happened to me, it's obvious that the same could quite easily have happened to every other woman living in this house.

"Come Kristen; let's go see if he's able to be brought back." Matthew said softly to me. I sighed, nodding. Sero still didn't take his hand from my shoulder.

"I'll come too, just in case it doesn't work." He said and Matthew nodded. Together we sprinted out of the house and I retraced our steps to where Rowan had been killed. The fire had been put out, but there was still a burnt patch of grass where it had been. There were a few ashes around, and I knew that one lot of them was Rowan.

"That was where the fire was. Rowan was killed in there." I whispered, my chest throbbing with pain as I spoke. Sero, who still had his hand on my shoulder, tightened his grip further.

Matthew stood near the burnt patch, closed his eyes and stood completely still. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes. Nothing had happened. He tried again, but still nothing.

"Kristen, how long ago was he killed?" he asked me, turning to me. I looked at my watch. It was now almost an hour since he'd been killed.

"Almost an hour ago." I replied, my voice cracking slightly as I spoke. Matthew sighed.

"I'm sorry, but he's obviously too far gone for my ability to do any good. I have about half an hour after the person or animal dies before I can no longer bring them back." He said softly and I nodded, falling to my knees with my head in my hands. I sobbed dry sobs, my emotional wound reopening. "I'm so sorry Kristen. I did try." He whispered, kneeling next to me and placing his hand on my shoulder. I could feel Sero gently rubbing my back with his hand and I struggled to get my emotions under a bit more control.

"Just let it out Kristen. Don't hold it in; it's not good for you." Sero said softly and I sighed, just as a couple more sobs broke through.

Arriving back home about half an hour later, Carlisle approached me, looking sympathetic.

"Is she okay?" he asked Sero and Matthew.

"I think she'll be okay eventually, but I think it may take a couple of months before I'd say she'll be up to going back to work." Sero replied softly, his hand tight on my shoulder once again.

"I thought that may be the case. Kristen, I've called the hospital and explained to the manager basically what had happened, and he agreed to give you a couple of months mourning leave. During that time, I think it might be an idea if you try to sort yourself out enough to be able to handle work." Carlisle said to me softly and I nodded, keeping my eyes downwards. I refused to talk, because the pain I felt at the moment would be audible in my voice.

"Should I take her up to her room?" Sero asked Carlisle softly, sounding concerned.

"That sounds like a good idea. Kristen, just remember that if ever you need some help or you feel you need to talk about it, we're all here for you." Carlisle said and I nodded again as Sero led me slowly up the stairs and onto the top floor, his hand just below my shoulder blades. He led me into my room, sitting me on the bed and sitting next to me, moving his hand to my shoulder.

"I know you're in pain Kristen. I'll allow you some time to yourself, but if you ever need to talk, all you have to do is give me a yell and I'll be here. I promise." He said softly, standing up again and walking towards the door, before he stopped, turning to face me. "And don't worry, we'll all make sure the children are fed and put to bed by nine." He added and I nodded, one corner of my mouth turning up briefly as a way of thanking him. He smiled slightly in return, before walking out of the room, closing the door after him.

Approximately a month later, I walked out of my room, mainly to make sure the children were okay. I wasn't sure if any of the family had explained to them that their father wouldn't be coming back. I looked at the time. It was almost nine. I walked into their room to see if they were in there, but the room was empty. Just as I went to leave, however, the door opened and Sero walked in with both children behind him.

"Are you alright, Kristen?" he asked me softly.

"I suppose I'm getting there. I just wanted to make sure the kids were okay." I replied, just as Krystal and Devlin ran towards me, both hugging me.

"Are you okay Mum?" Krystal asked me as I hugged both in return.

"I'll be okay Krystal." I assured her, before looking up again at Sero. "Did you explain to them that...he's not coming back?" I asked him and he sighed.

"They did ask where he was, but I wasn't sure if you wanted to tell them yourself. I told them that he still loved them, but couldn't be here. I told them to ask you for the details." He replied softly and I sighed.

"We'll tell them together." I said and he nodded. I sat the twins on Devlin's bed, sitting between them. Sero sat on Krystal's bed on the other side of the room. I sighed, placing my arms around the children and drawing them closer to my sides.

"What's going on Mum?" Devlin asked, looking confused, but concerned.

"Guys, what did Sero explain to you when you asked where your Dad went?" I asked them softly.

"Uncle Sero said that Dad had to go and couldn't be here anymore, but that Dad still loved us." Devlin replied softly.

"There's a reason why your father isn't here guys. Sero was right when he said that your dad still loves you. I'm sorry guys, but your father won't be coming back. He died." I said softly, my voice breaking as I did so. Krystal and Devlin looked shocked and grief stricken. I could see tears in their eyes and I pulled them gently closer, holding them close to me.

"I'm sorry guys. Just remember that even though he's not here in person, he's still watching over you, and he still loves you. He's just in Heaven, that's all." Sero said softly and the twins nodded. "But your mum's still here for you, and so is everyone else. We all want to help you." He added, leaning forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees. I looked at the time.

"It's after nine o'clock guys. I think it's time you two got to bed. We'll see you in the morning." I told the children and they nodded, Sero and I standing up as both kids got into their respective beds. I kissed them each on the forehead, before heading for the door. I had my hand on the light switch to turn off the light as I turned back to face them. "Goodnight guys." I said softly, turning off the light.

"Goodnight Mum. Goodnight Uncle Sero." The twins chorused and I smiled slightly as I closed the door. Sero and I walked towards the stairs together.

"By the way Sero, since when did you become 'Uncle Sero'?" I asked him and he chuckled.

"They'd actually started calling me that when you'd disappeared for a month and their father never returned. I'm not completely sure, but I think I've almost become like a second father figure to them." He replied and I nodded, smiling slightly, despite my grief.

"It's good, though. They're still so young that they need a father figure." I said and he smiled, his hand on my shoulder.

"Are you sure you're okay, Kristen?" he asked me and I took a deep breath, nodding slowly.

"Sort of. It's still very difficult, and will be for a long while, but...I'm getting there." I replied.

"That's good. Kristen, it kills me to see you in pain. I want to help you out." He said nervously, turning his head so he was facing away. I smiled slightly.

"Thank you, Sero. It means a lot to me." I said, placing my hand on his shoulder. He looked back at me, smiling slightly. He took my hand from his shoulder, holding it in his gently, before he dropped it.

Sero had helped me get through my grief associated with Rowan's death over the last month before I was to return to work. I was beginning to believe that there was some chemistry between the two of us. I refused to let it mean anything, however, as it was way too soon after Rowan had been killed. He would very rarely let me out of his sight, and that didn't bother me, because I knew he was worried about me. He was also offering me words of comfort whenever it seemed I was beginning to be overcome with emotion. He was never anything but gentle whenever he spoke to me or placed his hand on my shoulder. And for that, I was pleased. I could tell he was very careful not to say anything that would cause the pain I felt to increase. He almost seemed to fill up the hole in my chest.

Carlisle, too, was very gentle whenever he spoke to me. Every evening when he returned home from the hospital, he'd always check to make sure I was coping. Everyone was being so supportive of my time of difficulty that I felt I wouldn't have coped in any other family, regardless of whether I was in a family of humans or a coven of vampires.

I could, however, see my grief affecting Jasper in a more negative way. Because he was so in tune with everyone's emotions, whenever I was in the same room as him, I could see his face twist with pain. As a result, I tried to keep away from him as much as possible at least until the pain eased in me. That way, it would be easier for him.

Sero and I were also always making sure the twins were coping. I knew that it was more difficult for them, because Rowan was their father. It reminded me of when I'd lost my father. I'd spent almost a year in deep depression, because I'd had no one to help me. I'd had to learn to deal with it myself. Krystal and Devlin, however, had me to help them, along with Sero and the rest of the family as well.

I could tell that Matthew was feeling guilty that he was unable to bring Rowan back, and I'd told him several times not to beat himself up, that it wasn't his fault. My words seemed to have very little effect, however. He was still blaming himself. I didn't though. I blamed Phil for Rowan's death. No one else was in any way responsible. I knew that Matthew had done everything he could to help, but it just wasn't enough. It was just Rowan's time to go. To be completely honest, Rowan's time was probably up when he'd been thrown into the fireplace of his house on the night that he'd been turned – I'd just extended his life by biting him. Now it was definitely his time. Religious people would say that God had better things for him, but I wasn't religious, so I just believed that his time had come.

"Kristen, are you alright? Were you thinking about him again?" I heard Sero's voice and I turned to look at him, sighing. It was now Sunday, a day before I was due to start at the hospital again.

"Yeah. I can't help it, to be honest." I replied and he sighed.

"I know. I'm sorry that we couldn't save him. I really am." He said softly, placing his hand on my shoulder. I could see pain in his eyes. I remembered when he'd said a month ago that it killed him to see me in pain. I sighed. I was now almost convinced that he had feelings for me. Why, though?

"Your father was right when he'd told you not to listen to your mother, Kristen. You are beautiful. And I don't see why a boy would care if you hiked. I know it'll be difficult to forget what your mother said, but I think that you should try to. She doesn't sound like she was the nicest woman."

Carlisle's words from a couple of months ago rang in my ears as though he was right next to me saying them to me. I realised that Sero must share Carlisle's opinion that I was beautiful and attractive. I still didn't know why they saw me that way, but I wasn't about to argue. I mean, Sero was an attractive man, and if the circumstances were different, I would probably be in his arms at the moment. It was just too soon since Rowan had gone for me to find love again. Then I remembered that I still loved Carlisle. That was a problem. Okay, it was too soon to find love that wouldn't be considered to be an affair. Maybe there could be something between Sero and I a bit further into the future, but just not now. I mean, we had all of eternity, right?

When I didn't answer him, Sero moved his hand from my shoulder, placing his arm around both of my shoulders. Yup, he had feelings for me.

"Are you alright Kristen?" he asked me softly. I sighed, leaning against him and resting my head on his shoulder. Oops, I forgot that it was too soon. I supposed I couldn't change the fact that I was falling for him. I just needed to remember to avoid doing anything that would cause me to feel as though I was replacing Rowan. That would kill me, I could guarantee it.

"I'll be okay Sero. I was just thinking. I do need to ask you, though: are you in love with me? I mean, your body language tells me that you are, and I think you telling me a month ago that it kills you to see me in pain just sealed the deal." I said softly and I heard his breathing falter for a second and he swallowed hard.

"I know it's too soon for you, but I will admit that I have. I try to hide it as much as possible to avoid hurting you, but I guess I can't hide it forever." He admitted softly and I sighed deeply. Oh dear, this would be a problem.

"I suppose that I should admit that I'm falling for you." I whispered as I shuffled slightly closer to him on the sofa. I avoided looking at him, and I felt him press his lips to my hair gently, tightening his grip on my shoulders slightly.

Too fast, you moron! A small voice in my head shrieked and I sighed, putting it to the back of my mind. This moment was a bit too precious for me to waste. There wasn't anything I needed to worry about; it was after midnight – the kids had already been fed and sent to bed. Everyone else was off doing their own thing. We were completely alone, and I wanted to keep it that way for a while. Besides, I was due at the hospital in about eight hours. I wanted to make the most of this without doing anything before it was necessary. Kissing him was out of the question at the moment. We would just have to make do with this.

"Kristen, time to get ready for work." I could hear Carlisle's voice from the top of the stairs after a while and I looked at my watch. It was now almost seven. I sighed, standing up and shaking Sero's arm from my shoulders.

"Okay, thank you Carlisle." I replied, walking towards the stairs.

"I suppose I'd better get ready to head to the clinic." Sero said softly, sighing as he followed me up to the top floor. I'd forgotten that Peter had taught him what he needed to know, and gotten him a job at the clinic. He headed into his room, and I headed into my room, taking my uniform from my wardrobe, and taking them into the bathroom. I placed them down, getting undressed and into the shower. The warm water soothed me, even though it probably would've done a better job if I were human.

I was out of the shower within ten minutes, dressing quickly and heading out of the room, my towel wrapped around my hair.

With that I walked into the kids' room to check they were still asleep. They were sleeping soundly and I smiled, closing their door slowly and heading downstairs. I grabbed the towel from around my hair and used it to rub my hair dry, heading upstairs to put the towel in the laundry basket in my room and brush my hair. My hair was a huge mess now, as it always was after a shower, even though I was a vampire. I brushed it and put it into its usual ponytail style. I knew that most female vampires left their hair down, but I'd always put mine into a ponytail. It was just a habit I'd retained from my previous human life. And besides, I worked at the hospital, so I was required to have it tied back.

Carlisle and I drove to the hospital in my car at about seven thirty, arriving by about eight. We signed in and headed up to our office. We would be told if we were needed for anything.