I hate ties. I mean of course I know what to do with the tie but it was so frustrating to tie it. And come on why did I even have to wear a stupid flipping tie to this damned dinner? It's not like they even really want me there. Not anymore at least.

I sigh as I try to fix my knotted tie in the mirror. I fumble aimlessly but I can't seem to make it right. I try and try until suddenly I feel the anger inside me explode and I tear the tie off my neck and throw it to the ground.

But now something inside feels broken. I stare at myself in the mirror. I can't even recognize myself anymore. But then again that's what the marks on my face said. That bruise under my eye still rang with a loud story of how much of a disappointment I am. Or maybe the cut on my lip that said how sinful I am. And what about that stupid fucking mark on my ear that still yelled about how dead I am to her. I want to throw up.

But I bite my lip. I hold back everything inside me. One day I'll probably snap but not today. At least not yet. I look down at my tie. Sure it may be aggravating but…I love that tie. I mean at least I thought I did. I thought…but then it had to go and ruin everything. It had to go and destroy everything. Now all I am is just…a shell on the inside. And that was just there and…I can't hold it in anymore okay. I just can't, I feel like everything is falling apart and there's nothing I can do now.

That feeling of hopelessness is just too much alright. Michael had to blow everything up alright. First he had to give me that damned message. When I heard him and Nellie talking I didn't understand what was going on but then when they said that…that they had they…fuck. Why did they never tell me? Why did they have to…I couldn't shake the betrayed feeling that was sucking onto my soul. I mean I know, I know that they did it when we weren't together but why didn't they tell me?

Stupid inner turmoil

There were so many questions. And why did he have to tell everyone? EVERYONE. He told everyone. And now everyone knows. They know. And if any of their reactions were worse than my mother's…how did Michael even have her number? I mean fuck was he fucking retarded? I suppress the sudden urge to throw my tie through the paper shredder. Instead I decide to pull out a clip on and get ready to head downstairs.

It'll be fine…

Suddenly a ringing erupts throughout the room. I dive for my phone and smother it. It still vibrates but at least the ringing dimmed. My mom thought she had my phone, little did she know, I stole it back. I'd probably get some hell for it later but I could barely leave the house any other way. I peek down to see Shanna's face on the caller Id. My heart drops for a second. I can't say a little part of me wasn't hoping that maybe he would have called by now. Not that I would have forgiven his stupid face but…forget it.

I hit the answer and hiss, "Not now Shanna."

"Blake wait!" she shrieks keeping me on.

"What do you want?" I sigh. I never really got a chance to hash anything out with Shanna and honestly if she did say anything bad I'll probably die inside. I stopped caring what other people think…but if someone like Shanna could hate me then that would just suck.

"Please Blake, I just needed to talk to you. Come to your window." I look up and see Shanna waving at me next to her bug. I face palm, if my mom saw her…aw crap.

"Shanna get off my lawn. My mom will get to you if she sees you." I warn.

"Pfft, I ain't scared of your mother Blake." Shanna says bravely. I'm still sure she'd probably run chicken if she saw her.

"Your funeral. Now why are you here?"

"The end of the year party? I'm dragging your sorry butt out of this depressing place. I'm rescuing you!" Shanna explains with a little happy dance. I groan as it starts to come back. Abraham's damn party we've had every year since 9th grade.

"I'm kind of on lock down if you haven't noticed." I inform her but she just tsks me.

"I have that covered. Meet me at the back door in sixty seconds." Shanna says before hanging up. I peek down to see if she does anything. Why should I even go to the stupid party anyway? I'll just be sulking for most of it.

I see Shanna leave the car and disappear under my porch. What the hell is she doing? I take off my jacket and shirt and slip on a plain red t shirt. I fumble for pants until I just throw some over my shoulder and grab some shoes.

I slip silently out of my room and tread stealthily downstairs. But I guess I'm a crappy ninja because the second I hit the last step my mom appears behind me. When she taps my shoulder I nearly hit the ceiling.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asks calmly.

"Uh…" I start not sure where to take it. Thankfully though the doorbell chimes. My mom looks warily at me before reluctantly going to the door. I take my chance though and start stepping backwards toward the back door.

In a few seconds I would just sprint for the back door. Four, three, two…Oof

I stumble and nearly trip as I run into my dad standing between me and freedom. He gives me an odd look before looking off the front door, then back at me. I give him a hopeful look. He bites his looks and seems to contemplate…finally he nods towards the back door and then walks off to the front. Thank god for my dad. He was the only one in this house I could still stand anymore.

As I leave I hear Shanna and my mom talking a little from the front.

"I think it's a tiny bit unreasonable to not let Blake see anyone."

"Thank you for your input Shanna but I think I know how to raise my son." I hear her try to slam the door but Shanna must stop it with her foot because she squeals a little at the slam.

"Maybe but really Blake is a good guy. He's caring and kind and generous to his friends. He's a good kid Mrs. Jenner, I wish you would just see that and not let this blind you." Shanna argues.

"Thank you Shanna but I don't need your help." I recognize the commanding tone in my mother's voice. She's not asking anymore for Shanna to leave. She's ordering her to leave. I take my chance and open the back door but it betrays me by squeaking throughout the house. I freeze.

"What was that? Blake?" My mom calls.

"I didn't hear anything." Shanna tries but I hear my mother's footsteps come clanging in my direction. "Run Blake!" Shanna finally cries and I hear the front door slam. Shit. I sprint slamming the door behind me. I leap off the porch steps and start in the direction of Shanna's bug around the corner. I hear the door open and my mother call after me but I don't stop running. Adrenaline pumping through my veins I move faster closing the distance. I plan to open the door but I guess the universe doesn't like me today. It's locked so I ending up going face first against the window. I fall to the ground and I'm blinded as I rub my head. I moan awkwardly from my position.

"What the hell are you doing on the ground! Get up you idiot!" Shanna cries as I hear the doors unlock.

"Dammit," I moan as I try to reach up for a door handle. I manage to look back and see my mother's dragon figure only ten feet away. Aw fuck. My body reacts and I'm instantly in the car and click the lock. She bangs against the car, pulling hard against the locked door.

"Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!" I cry desperately to Shanna. I look out the window and mouth, I'm sorry, up to my mom. I flinch as she gives one last hit against the window. The car finally roars to life and Shanna floors it. As we sail down the road I look back and see my mom and dad standing together giving me two looks. One of praise and one of pure unadulterated conviction. Guess who's which.

I sigh as I hit my head against the rest. I would be crucified tomorrow, but tonight I intend to live one last time.