Disclaimer: Standard still applies.
A/N: Okay, just so you all know, I may not post another chapter in a little while (which I could be completely wrong on this and I'll end up posting like a mad woman, can't be sure). Housemate gave this an okay so it's getting posted. Hope you all give it an okay as well. And yes, I've participated in some of this dialog, GluttonousAnorexiaNervosa and I have said some of this stuff.

58. Kick in the Head

It had started easy enough, Owen had been shot in the leg and only Ianto was around. The Welshman bent down next to the wounded doctor. "It seems, unfortunately, you've been shot." Ianto said, trying to stay calm.

Owen rolled his eyes and grunted in pain, "Yeah, well, fortunately I was only shot in the leg so I can tell you what to do." He paused, "Take off your jacket and tie it to the wound. Then help me to the SUV, I can get the bullet out myself at the Hub."

Ianto did as he was told, "Unfortunately you won't be able to get help with removing the bullet from Cat Nuns."

Owen grunted again as the jacket was pulled tight, "What the fuck are you talking about, Teaboy?"

"Cat Nuns." Ianto said, helping Owen up, "Yesterday we got some documents from the future where there are these human cat hybrids and there's an order of nuns who practice medicine."

"Oh yeah." Owen nodded, "Well, fortunately for me they aren't here as I'm allergic to cats."

Ianto grinned as they made their way to the SUV, upon getting closer he frowned at the wound, "Unfortunately you seem to be getting dizzy from blood loss and no one else is able to help you much so I'll be taking you to the hospital."

Owen nodded, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get the bullet out himself, "Fortunately for you, I think you won this round."

That had been while Jack was away. They would play a game that would last days, and as it could be hours before a reply, the end of the game would always end with either 'Fortunately for you, you won' or 'Unfortunately for me, you won'. The current tally was Ianto in the lead with 43 while Owen had 28.

Jack was taken aback when Owen walked up to Ianto in the middle of a conversation with him and said, "Fortunately I have a liver." Smirking, he walked away.

Ianto acted as if he hadn't heard Owen and continued his conversation with Jack as if nothing happened. "-you see? Use form 97-B, not 69-C."

"But I like the number 69." Jack leered.

"I couldn't have guessed that, sir." Ianto replied in his usual dry tone. "Still, 69-C is used for when a person comes back from a kidnapping by the Raxons while 97-B is for when a person comes back from a very sudden trip with the Doctor." He raised an eyebrow.

"Wait," Jack asked, brow furrowing, "We have a form for when someone from Torchwood leaves with the Doctor?"

"No." Ianto replied as if Jack asked if the Earth orbited Mars. "We have a form for when a someone leaves suddenly and then reappears. Excuse me sir," He pressed the talk button on his comm, "Owen?"

"Yes?" Owen paused what he was doing.

"Unfortunately for you, you are an alcoholic." He then looked back at Jack, "After the form is filled out, their supervisor would decide the best action to take. If punishment is needed and so forth, depending on why they were on a sudden leave."

"What," Jack started, "was that?"

"What sir?" Ianto asked as their comms beeped.

"Fortunately my liver is made of steel." Owen's voice informed them, a smirk could be heard.

"That." Jack said with a nod of his head, "What is all that about?"

"Nothing much, sir." Ianto replied, handing Jack the correct forms, "I expect these at the end of the day."

Jack watched as Ianto went down to Owen and he heard through the wonders of echoes Ianto's reply, "Unfortunately, as steel is not something that should be in the body, it poisons your blood." With that he walked down to the archives.

Later that day Jack tracked down Gwen, as she would probably tell him what was happening. "What is this thing between Ianto and Owen?"

Gwen looked up, appearing confused for a second, "Oh, you mean Fortunately/Unfortunately?"

"Uh, yeah." Jack nodded, remembering that their sentences did start with those words.

"I don't know why they started, but they'll play a game of it for days." Gwen said, "It's nice that they've bonded some." Smiling, her nose crinkled a bit.

Crossing his arms in front of him, Jack asked, "What are the rules?"

"You've never played Fortunately/Unfortunately before?" Gwen replied surprised. He shook his head and gave a slight shrug. Sighing, she continued "Okay, it starts out with someone saying 'Fortunately…' and then something like 'I'm having a picnic.' Then the other player says 'Unfortunately a bear followed you.' Then they've just got to continue to top each other's sentences."

"Oh." Jack nodded, understanding how to play the game. Later in the day Jack heard Owen walk up to Ianto and say, "Unfortunately, he had a gun."

Jack turned to Ianto, "I thought that you were saying the 'Unfortunately's."

"New round." Ianto replied with a smile. "44 to 28." He then said in a louder tone, so that Owen could hear him, "Fortunately he was out of bullets."

"Anyway," Making sure Ianto's eyes were on his, Jack said, "I was wondering if you wanted to do that movie with me tonight?"

Giving a small smile, Ianto said, "Of course Jack. And dinner I believe had also been mentioned?"

"Of course Ianto." Jack replied in kind, copying his words. "I was thinking-"

"Unfortunately he kicked you in the head!"

"-that this game can be kinda annoying."

"Surely, you as a boss, you don't find it too annoying. After all, it boosts morale." Raising an eyebrow Ianto went off to make coffee.

It was after Owen died that he realized he could depend on the Welshman. Having just got back to work after The Ordeal (as Toshiko had started calling it and Gwen had taken up the name as well, Owen just called it That Fucking Time I Died) he was angry that everyone seemed to be treating him as if he were breakable. Jack watched over him like a hawk and Gwen was being extra nice to him, which just made him cringe. Tosh couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. Owen had been sitting on the couch for a length, letting himself sulk in his angst over the event when Ianto suddenly sat down beside him.

"Unfortunately, you died."

"Fuck off Ianto." Owen growled out.

Ianto waited for about four seconds before responding, "Unfortunately you're a zombie."

Owen glared at him, "I said, fuck off Ianto."

This time, Ianto had waited six seconds, "Unfortunately I don't know where I can get a constant supply of brains for you."

"Yeah, well, fortunately I've got all the dead Torchwood operatives right here for my hunger pain." Owen bit out.

Ianto nodded, "Unfortunately I don't think Jack will want you to do that." He paused for a split second, then said, as if it were the greatest idea ever, "Jack!"

"What?"

"Fortunately you've got Jack. You could always eat his brains. He comes back to life."

Owen eyed Ianto, "You are a twisted mother fucker."

"Never said I wasn't." Ianto replied as if they were talking about the weather. He sighed and got up. Pausing after three steps Ianto turned around and said, "Hey, if you ever do start to hunger for brains I could probably find some for you."

Even though Ianto was probably joking, Owen felt that Ianto was at least, partially telling the truth. Finding himself giving a small laugh, he threw a throw pillow at Ianto, "Fuck off." Ianto gave a salute and yelled back, "Unfortunately you didn't hit me with the pillow!"