The day could not go by fast enough. Gerard had- once again, taken a shower before school. Wow, two days in a row. That was a cleanliness record for Gerard. He'd already moved in a snail like pace through his first four hours and lunch. Now he was in fifth hour English dying slowly of boredum. Frank sat at a diagonal infront of him on his left, and they had been given free time. Any other time the two boys would be imersed in each other's company, but not today. They still hadn't spoken. Gerard felt guilty, and he didn't exactly understand why, so he pushed the feelings down.

Their English assignment was to write a poem. How easy could it get? But it seemed that when Gerard was trying desperately to call on his song writing skills he had nothing to say. He thought about simply using one of his older songs that he'd already written, but that was short cutting. Gerard was up for the challenge, and he needed something new.

He wracked his brain and eventually started doodling. He was staring at Frank- unintentionally, while he drew. The bell rang and startled him from his daydreams, and he looked down at the figure on the paper. It was Lin-z. Gerard sighed and dropped his head on his desk with a clunk. He was so confused.

!

It had been a good day. First good day for a long time. Mikey smiled as he sat down at his desk in last hour Algebra. He actually had his homework done, he knew how to do the work, nothing terrible had happened that day so far, and his teacher was wearing a turtle-neck (great defender against accidental cleavage spottage and annoying teenage boner syndrome).

"Okay, who has the answer to number three?" she asked, scanning the class. Nobody raised their hands, but hell! Mikey knew the answer. He raised his arm up in the air. He would regret that soon.

When Mikey raised his arm up the sleeve of his blazer fell down a bit, and of course he'd worn a short sleeve shirt under it that day. It fell down, revealed his wrist and...

"Oh My God! Way actually IS an emo kid!" Kevin shouted out, grabbing Mikey's wrist. Mikey hissed in pain as Kevin pulled his to stand. Kevin raised their hands in the air and turned so the whole class could see Mikey's cuts. There was a collective gasp and then people started whispering.

"They have facilities for people like him..." Mikey heard someone mutter, and he felt tears spring to his eyes. He tried to pull his arm free, but Kevin simply tightened his grip and it really hurt Mikey's arm. He cried out.

"Kevin, that is enough!" the teacher scolded, finally over her shock. Kevin just stood there laughing like an idiot and waving Mikey's arm around.

"Let him go, Kevin!" Peter was on his feet now. Mikey desperately pulled at his arm, whimpering.

"What you gonna do about-" Peter's fist connected with the side of Kevin's face, and Kevin stumbled backwards and his the teacher's desk. Mikey was thrown backwards as well, but Kevin's grip was loosened and he got free just as Peter jumped on Kevin.

"Boys! Stop it!" the teacher yelled. Mikey stared at the class, all of whom were watching in horror and amusement. Several of them were staring at Mikey. He couldn't take it, he ran from the room.

Mikey ran through the halls, having no idea where to go. He found himself in the office eventually.

"There's a fight in H23!" he yelled before taking off again. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. EVERYONE had seen his scars. EVERYONE had seen him crying. God I am such a fucking pussy! Mikey punched a nearby locker as hard as he could and it really hurt. He sunk to his knees and simply cried more.

He then started muttering out loud with his sobs. "M-mama... Gerard... somebody, please," he cried and pushed his fists into his eyes. God everything hurt so much. Why did it hurt so bad? It was that uncontrollable sadness, anger, eating away at him. He couldn't stop it! Grr, the medicine they'd given him was supposed to fix this!

"Mikey?" a voice came, and Mikey ignored it. "Mikey!" Someone crouched in front of him and put their hands on his shoulders. They smelled like ink, cigarettes, and really cheap shampoo.

"G-Gerard!" Mikey cried out, still curled up.

"Stand up, come on, buddy," Gerard pulled Mikey to his feet and held him in a hug, rocking him back and forth. "Mikey what happened?"

"Everyone saw," he cried. "Everyone saw them,"

"Sh, it's okay," Gerard said, rocking them back and forth. "Come on, let's just go home," Gerard kept a protective arm around Mikey and walked him out of the school. Several people turned and sent strange looks their way but Gerard just flipped them off and kept walking. They finally made it home and walked through the kitchen. Mikey sat down at the table silently, still sniffling slightly, and Gerard noticed the answering machine was blinking with a new message. Gerard pressed the button.

"Mikey, dear," it was their mother's voice. "You forgot to take your medicine this morning. Make sure you do that as soon as you get home, okay? I hope you had a good day. I love you," It beeped and Gerard stared at it a second before going to the cabinet and pulling out the bottle.

"That would explain a few things," Gerard said, setting the pill down in front of Mikey. "Take this,"

Mikey swallowed it as he was told, but he still couldn't swallow the lump in his throat.

"You're gonna be okay, man," Gerard said, rubbing circles on his little brother's back. "Come on, let's go upstairs and play Call Of Duty,"

Mikey sniffled, "Okay."

They played for a good few hours and Mikey was having fun. So was Gerard, but he couldn't help but feel like he'd forgotten something. He pushed the thought away until that night when he was laying in bed. Why is it that you always remember things when you're supposed to be sleeping? Gerard's stomach dropped and his heart started pounding. Oh my God! He's totally blown Lin-z off! Holy crap! She was going to be pissed.

Gerard groaned and rolled over in his bed. He grabbed his phone and noticed there were three new texts.

Where r u?

Gerard?

thanks 4 setting me up. fuck you

Gerard sent out a text of his own. Omg im so sorry i just remembrd. sumthin happend w/ my bro and i had to take him home. omg im srry!

wat hppnd w/ mikey?

ill tell u about it tomoro... its comp. plz, give me a 2nd chance?

this wud be your third chance dummy

ok, third chance. plz?

fine. aftr school, front steps. 3 o clock!

thanks:)

Once again Gerard was the last one to text. He lay, cradling his phone, and read back over the messages. He laughed where she called him dummy. That was cute. It reminded him of... Elena. Shit. Gerard rolled over again and this time fell asleep, only to have bad dreams.

!

Frank sat at his window and stared out it. He found himself staring at Gerard's window. The light was off, even though it was only eleven. Frank sighed, feeling like a creep for staring at Gerard's window so long. But he seriously missed his best friend. Even if he was an asshole sometimes.

!

Lin-z and Gerard walked to the coffee shop together and sat down in a booth. They drank their coffee and talked, and Gerard couldn't help but feeling like he really liked Lin-z. He was nervous. What if she didn't feel the same way? It would be just like what happened with Frank.

"What's on your mind?" Lin-z asked.

"Oh, nothing..." Gerard said.

"Something's bugging you, I can tell," Lin-z said. "You look tired."

"I didn't sleep well," Gerard shrugged.

"Bad dreams?"

"Yeah," Gerard sighed. "I'm trying really hard... to cut back on the drugs... it's hard though, ya know?" Lin-z smiled weakly, like she understood. It was sweet of him to try that hard. "I mean I just start thinking about my grandma, or about Frank, and it's hard. I just... sometimes feel like it's not worth it..."

Gerard bit his lip and his hand formed a fist under the table. He felt so stupid, dumping all of this on her. She didn't care. Gerard was just going to scare her off. You're just a sad song with nothing to say.

"I'm sorry," Gerard muttered. "I'm being stupid."

"No, you're not," Lin-z reassured. She reached a hand across the table and set in on Gerard's. "You're obviously going through a hard time right now," Gerard nodded. "Why don't you tell me about it?"

"I-I just can't," Gerard sighed. He pulled his hand back. "I'm sorry, can we just go?" Lin-z looked disappointed, but she stood. Gerard paid and they left. They went their separate ways and Gerard locked himself in his room. At least it was Friday, so he wouldn't have to go to school in the morning. But he had to go to that stupid gig the next day.

Wait, when did he start thinking of their gigs like that? He loved to perform! Dammnit, what was wrong with him? He sat there and felt the need to drink get stronger. His eyes settled on the bottle of Celexa across the room on his desk. No, Gerard, don't you dare, he told himself. But in the blink of an eye he was across the room with two more pills sliding down his throat. Shit, he did it again. Gerard threw the bottle across the room as hard as he could and was simply grateful that he'd run out of booze. Otherwise he wouldn't have been able to control himself.

He sat down at his desk and a piece of paper caught his eye. He pulled on the corner of it to bring it out, and noticed it was strange handwriting. Before he could stop himself he was reading it.

Dear Gerard,

If you're reading this that means I'm finally dead and that you found where I hid it in your notebook. Congratulations, you do have a brain in there. No, I know you have a brain, it's just getting you to use it sometimes is the trouble. It doesn't matter significantly if you sang the song at the funeral- if not that's okay. But I want you to do one thing for me. When you make it big- when you're a rock star and your band is famous- sing the song. At just one concert, I don't care where. It isn't for me darlin- it's for you. I know how you are, and you're going to hold onto my death for a long time. You're probably angry with me- you little ass hole. The song explains it. I didn't WANT to leave you. I didn't want to hurt you. But I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't want you to be afraid to keep on living. You'll never walk the world alone, because I'm in your heart, forever.

Keep an eye on Mikey. Give him a big hug and a kiss and smack him upside the head for me. I love both of you so much! And if you do anything stupid- I'm up in heaven watching you, so be good or I'll haunt you. I was supposed to go to hell ya know, but the devil couldn't stand me.

So long, my Vampire 3

Gerard read the letter several times and couldn't help but let a few tears fall down his cheeks. He wanted to go to heaven to see her. It would be so easy- just to end it. Who would miss him? Nobody. No, Mikey. Mikey would get over it. Nobody would miss him. Gerard eyed the bottle of pills across the room and considered it. No, that's not how he wanted to go. It might not work. He needed a sure answer. He noticed a Swiss Army knife sitting on his nightstand. It was from when he, Frank, and Ray were in boyscouts. Frank got kicked out of boyscouts, so they all quit- because without Frank it wasn't any fun. God, Gerard missed Frank so much. Not even in a sexual way- just as his friend. Gerard considered slitting his wrists. That would do it, right? No, not good enough. But the throat...

Gerard walked across the room and picked up the knife. He pulled it open and ran the blade down his finger. He cringed when it broke the skin. No, he deserved the pain. He wasn't worth anything.

Gerard walked to his mirror and held the knife up to his throat. It would work. It could work...

Gerard panicked, throwing the knife across the room. It stuck itself in the wall. He sunk to a crouch right there in the corner and breathed as deep as he could. He couldn't do it. He had to do it. Fucking pussy, just do it! I can't… I have to… Gerard stood up quickly, went to his phone, and dialed Ray's number. He didn't care if it was almost midnight. Ray had said anytime.

"Hello?" it was Ray's voice. Gerard couldn't form words, but a sob escaped his lips. He hadn't realized he'd been crying.

"Hey, Gerard? You okay? Gee?" it was Ray's voice.

"R-ray," Gerard said. "I-I can't do this. I can't keep going. I need to end it,"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down," Ray sounded scared, and it scared Gerard. Another sob escaped. Dammnit. "Come on, Gee Man, keep talking to me," Ray said, and Gerard could hear him moving around.

"I want to die, Ray. I wanna see her again," Gerard cried. "So bad,"

"I know, I know buddy," Ray's voice was gentle. Gerard heard a car engine start. "Just wait, okay? You can wait, can't you?"

"Y-yeah, I don't know, Ray," Gerard's voice broke. "It's never felt this bad before,"

"It'll get better," Ray said. "I promise it will get better."

"Are you coming over?" Gerard asked.

"Yeah, I'll be there in ten minutes," Ray said. I could kill myself by then. Then he couldn't stop me.

"I'm so sorry," Gerard sobbed.

"Don't be sorry. You don't need to be sorry. It's okay,"

"It can't be okay. She's gone Ray! She's fucking gone,"

"I know, I know,"

"I want to drink, but it never helped me forget enough. I was never enough... I just want to forget... I just want it to end,"

Ray weighed his options. Gerard probably had his door locked, and if Ray contacted Mikey then Mikey would freak out. If Mikey freaked out, it would freak Gerard out and he'd want to escape as fast as he could. No, that would not be good. Ray wished that Frank and Gerard weren't fighting. Then he'd call Frank. Frank would handle it, but Gerard and Frank weren't even speaking. They were both too hurt. Damnnit!

"You can forget, Gee. It's okay, just keep talking to me. We'll get you through it,"

Ray was almost there. Two minutes later he pulled up in front of Gerard's house. He silently crept through the house to Gerard's room and knocked on the door as lightly as he could. It was unlocked, so he went in. That's when he found Gerard.