Deliver Me

"Not again." Manny grumbled after hearing the fire alarm bell. "It always happens when I'm right in the middle of wiping my butt." She joked, quickly washing off her hands and rushing out of the door.

"Yeah." I added my one-liner hoping that she didn't notice, that no one noticed. Sure Manny and I were around each other a lot again, like the old days, but it was just like them and not them.

"It better not be JT playing around and being a loser again." She continued babbling as we came across the accused.

"Do you see Liberty? She's like tripping over her own feet to get out of here!" Danny laughed loudly.

"Or to get to you." JT shot back

"I know you guys did this and as future Senior president, I demand that this stop." Liberty exclaimed as Danny kept laughing and JT shrugged.

"You have no proof." Danny pushed.

"The school has cameras."

"So what? Degrassi's been having a lot of drills. What does that have to do with me?"

"Mr. York." Ms. H began as JT cowered away. "I'd like to speak to you outside."

"And that's why I'm glad that I've moved on from such juvenile boyfriends. JT? What was I thinking?" Manny began talking again. "Was I even thinking or was I just plain desperate? He's like the Tom Green of--"

"Would you shut it?" I can't even hear myself think anymore with all your drama!" I shouted as Manny looked at me in surprise.

"What is up with you lately Em? I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall sometimes."

"Enough with the cliques. I'm just sick of you complaining all the time. What were you thinking with JT? What were you thinking with Spinner or Craig or Jimmy."

"You know I'm not with Jimmy." Manny responded softly, ignoring the part about Craig.

"Oh, but you wanted to. Until Craig came crawling back, you were thinking about Jimmy that way and I know it. When things fall apart, don't run to me to fix your problems."

"You were never there for me to run to. You're so caught up in your own sexcapades that I can't … forget it. See you outside." She brushed past me with tears in her eyes as I sighed. Great. More drama that is Manny.

For a second, I thought about what I was thinking. The real reason that I was on Manny's case in the first place was because it obscured the real problem—me. Who expects to go from the top of the world to having everyone talk about you to losing the guy who ruined your rep in the first place?

'Deliver me out of my sadness.'

And to think … Jay was HIV positive. Positive. He never once said a word to me. He just kept getting sick, but he wouldn't give me any answers.

Now, I'm left with so many questions … like if he really cared about me at all. Alex's outburst at the funeral showed just how complex those two were … and I was beginning to think how much better things would've been for everyone if that bullet had hit me instead, right in the middle of the forehead.

"Emma."

"What do you want Toby?"

"I'm saving you. I came back into the burning building to--"

"Save it. Everyone knows it's just another false alarm like we've been having all week. I'll be out in a second." I forced myself to continue moving, unaware that I had stopped in the first place. When would this day end and would I ever stop feeling like this?

'Deliver me from all of the madness.'

School was a drag. I was now Emma Nelson, the complete opposite of what I used to be and it was downright depressing. With so many thoughts running through my mind, I was drained. The only thing I wanted to do was sleep, but that was highly unlikely.

Sleep didn't exist to me, in this world. There was only one other thing that mattered to me and ... he wasn't there. And I didn't mean Jay. What I was doing was almost a betrayal to him. I was just repeating my past mistakes, right?

I groaned. Who cared? I'd just pop down one of mom's pills and be done with it already. Only I had already taken two by seven and still felt no signs of relaxedness. What junk. There was only one thing it was good for--

"Emma. Emma!" Spike called as I rolled my eyes. "Dinner!"

I slipped the pills into my purse. I would deal with them later, at school ... when it hurt the most.


'Deliver me courage to guide me.'

Mom's sleeping pills … Spike's pills … oh, the things I could do with these, the havoc I could cause, the hearts I could break. Best of all, I wouldn't have anyone to answer to. Tossing the bottle between my hands, I started to think about how everyone would react.

I'd really be the talk of Degrassi, but I wouldn't have to hear their whispers and stares … the ones that had begun to intensify again since Jay's burial.

"Emma …" I jumped hearing a voice, but seeing nothing. I was really starting to lose it.

"Emma…"

"Sean?"

"Emma." Sean whispered the next morning as we met behind the school in the woods, too early for anyone in their right mind to be there yet.

"I was just thinking about you." I smiled as he met me with a kiss. "You taste good." I joked overwhelmed with a sense of meaning and purpose. I mattered to someone other than my mom again.

"Yeah. Having problems sleeping?"

"A little since … you know." I sighed.

"Ever wish you could go back?"

"To what?" I wondered.

"To just start everything over?" Sean stood up throwing a rock into the distance for no apparent reason.

"Sometimes, but I'm starting to like now a lot more than before."

"Things are easier with you." Sean added while I grinned. Sean as sensitive? That was the side only I got to see.

'Deliver me strength from inside me.'

"Class is about to start." I said with a sigh. "If I'm late again, Spike will start walking me to class." I joked, but Sean barely noticed. "I'll meet you again today. Promise."

"Same time and place?" He wondered as I nodded, giving him a slow, sweet kiss and then running off to class.


"So are you over your mood yet? I thought about it and decided that us hating each other is stupid. But, I'm not sure if we'll ever be like we used to be." Manny came up to me later that day as we walked to Chem class.

"I don't either, but we're friends. That's all that matters." I agreed with a nod, still elated from my earlier contact with Sean. Oh, the things he did to me... and without even trying.

"It's a start," Manny gave me a quick hug as we synchronized our step, laughing hysterically about how dorky we were being. Our fun came to a stop when Manny came face to face with Jimmy.

'Deliver me loving and caring.'

"Hey." Manny smiled, suddenly looking unconfident.

"How are you?"

"I'm just awful. You're here to make me feel better?" She joked giving me a look as if asking for my permission to leave. I winked back at her as the two of them walked down the hallway. That girl always had some guy ... or in this case two guys on her brain, but she wouldn't be Manny if she didn't.

As a wandered through the hall solo, I started to feel really alone. It was always there, waiting, dormant when I was with other people, but eventually I would have to be alone. The emptiness would come.

In that moment, I missed Sean. By the time my first class was over, I still felt that way. Empty. It had completely taken over me. We were planning to meet after next period, but time seemed like it didn't want to move. The seconds felt like days.

As class was dismissed early, I wondered what was going on, immediately searching for Manny. She would know. Now that she was back and together again, Manny was practically running the school.

But, I couldn't find her anywhere.

Now, I was trying to figure out how I was going to escape from Ms. Kwan's hawk eyes. She was so in tune to what I was thinking that she would probably stop me from going to towards Sean before I even took a step in the wrong direction.

"Ms. Nelson, care to join us?" Kwan asked with a smile. I knew it. I hadn't even left the crowd yet … but I had stopped walking, without even noticing.

"Yeah. Sorry." I muttered, increasing my pace until I was back in my old spot. Great. "Hey, what's going on?" I yelled to no one in particular. Jay had shown me all the secret passageways in the building and if I knew where we were going, I could plan how to get out without anymore delays.

"Pep rally!" Someone yelled, and instantly I knew how I was going to get out of this. I sat on the bleachers, watching the spirit squad, minus Paige, do their thing, only staying to support Manny. I still wasn't sure if we were on the same page again.

As I began to make my exit, under the bleachers, the fire alarm went off.

Wonk! Wonk! Wonk!

I couldn't have planned it better if I had pulled the alarm myself. Now, I would get to see Sean and even better, we would be alone.

In a panic, girls started to scream and guys started to cheer. I slipped out the back of the gym, running against the crowd. It was a nearly impossible feat, much like being caught fighting against a heavy water current. But nothing could keep me from this. I was looking forward to this all day.

'Deliver me giving and sharing.'


"They told me if I skip one more class I'll have to repeat," Sean explained after meeting me late at out hide-out place.

"So it's school or me?" I sighed, reaching for his hand. "We better make this count then." Without a second of second-guessing myself, I kissed Sean as strongly as I could. I wanted him to feel how much I needed him. I knew he needed me just as much.

Wonk! Wonk! Wonk!

The fire alarm continued in my ears. I didn't know if it had just started going off again or just went off, but it was always a false alarm … that JT. "Do you think we should--"

"No. That gives us even more time." Sean laid me down abruptly as I burst out laughing. I couldn't believe how happy I was with him. As the alarm continued for an extended time, Sean and I lay beside each other half-naked.

We were already exhausted and nothing happened. We were just … free. "Why is that alarm still going?"

"Maybe a kitchen fire? It might be broken … I don't know and don't care."

'Deliver me.'

"Yeah me--" The words could barely come out of my mouth before I reached for the door and jumped back. "It's hot."

"What? Stop playing."

"I'm not. It's hot."

Sean looked at me, not panicked, he never panicked, but concerned. "Let me try." Kicking at the door, it burst open as the room was engulfed with flames.

"Oh my God." I whispered. Fire was everywhere. Taking my hand, Sean pulled me towards the other exit. There was still hope.

'All of my life. I've been in hiding... '

"We'll get out of this." Sean promised as we made our way out of the closet and into the library book isles. "We have to hurry though--"

As things began to fall everywhere, I looked back for a second, just to see what we'd narrowly escaped. In that instant, Sean crumpled to the ground, knocked down by one of the book shelves that was now starting to burn.

"Sean, honey get up. Please." I pulled at his hand, but there was no response. "Please." I pleaded, sitting down beside him and rocking back in forth, repeating an old prayer from the times when my mom used to take me to church.

'wishing there was someone just like you.'

Sean was going to get up and save me … any time. I was sure of it. He was my hero, my everything, my … "Sean!" I yelled again at the top of my lungs. Still no answer.

'Now that you're here. Now that I've found you.'

After waiting for what seemed like hours, I realized that Sean wasn't going to get up and save me. He wouldn't be my superman. I was going to have to get up and protect us both, but I didn't know if I could do it. If we just waited here, people would realize that we were gone and they'd help us.

The flames kept rising and I could feel the heat approaching my back. Forcing myself to display courage I left ignored, I reached for Sean's arms and started pulling. He wouldn't budge. Nothing was working.

'I know that you're the one to pull me through.'

"Come on Emma!" I yelled to myself, using everything I had to move him … and he did. I was saving us, as the rest of Degrassi burned to the ground.

'Deliver me.'

(A/N: I wrote this way before I wrote most of the third half of this story, so if it seems out of place it's because another story was supposed to come before it, but I lost inspiration and think this one is long enough already. Just review ... 2 more ... --NL)