A/N One of the key premises of this chapter owes itself to a wonderful one shot story by Crispy75, "Shopping", found under L&O SVU / R&I crossovers. Thank you so much for the wonderful story and the inspiration

Jane and Brenda talk

Jane's viewpoint

I was wandering out of the elevators with Provenza after chasing down a few leads on the sniper's white van when the Chief, who was walking out, paused and asked if she might have a word later.

When the boss asks, you say yes, but then she paused, looking almost embarrassed, before correcting herself and asking if I would be agreeable to meeting up for a coffee after work, say around five?

I was surprised, but realising what it was likely about I let her know it'd be fine, once I let Maura know.

In return I got her patented dazzling smile, before we went our separate ways.

Chatting to Maura, she was more than agreeable, as she agreed with my hunch about what this meeting was probably about. Maura would take a taxi home, leaving me with the cruiser so I could get home no matter what time we finished.

Come five the Chief swung by my desk, leading me out of the building and on a 15 minute walk before she guided me into a welcoming cafe. We were met by a dark haired girl, who greeted Brenda warmly; it seemed she was a regular here.

The waitress, Sarah, led us to a booth at the back before heading off to get my coffee order, apparently Brenda came here often enough that Sarah knew what she'd be having.

I wasn't sure where to start so I leaned back and let Brenda lead the way.

"First thing Jane, this isn't a formal performance evaluation, more an informal catch up" I nodded at her smile.

"Sure thing Chief"

"Firstly, I'm very happy with the job you've done since you arrived, in the six weeks since you joined you've fitted in really well with the team, they like you and more importantly they trust you" I nodded.

"They're good people, a lot of experience there, I'm learning a lot here, which is one of the reasons I came to LA" She smiled at me.

"Well, I have to say that anyone who can go toe to toe with Flynn and Provenza over baseball is welcome, it stops them pestering the rest of us" I shrugged.

"Can't help it that the Sox kicked the Dodgers asses, again"

"Well, there is that as well" Just then my coffee and her hot chocolate arrived, so we spent a moment, enjoying them. I considered how comfortable I was doing this, compared to sitting down with Cavanagh back in Boston, which was something I did generally under protest.

"Your work helping to break the sniper case was appreciated as well" I looked down at my coffee, feeling embarrassed.

"Well, it was a lucky guess Chief, and lots of other people's work got us to that point"

"Perhaps, but it was still good work. Brenda looked at me and cocked her head to one side. "So are there any areas that you feel you need to get more exposure to?"

"Well, everyone tells me your interrogations are worth seeing, so I'd like to be there for any that I can. I know that I could watch them from the electronics room, but you don't get the same experience because you're not in there"

"What in particular do you want to see?" I shrugged.

"I don't know, the Catorcie one wasn't really typical, that had a lot of theatrics to it, I normally do lead interrogations back in Boston and want to learn about why you do the things you do" Brenda leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand as she regarded me.

"Such as?"

"Well, I'm used to not having a table there; just giving the suspect a chair, so you can see every move, every twitch, give them nothing to hide behind" Brenda smiled at me.

"Ah, well, besides the lawyers here tossing a fit if they don't have a table for their Gucci briefcases and papers and all, I like having a table there for two reasons. One is it gives me a surface to lay out evidence, like those photos with Little Dog, so they sit there where it's hard to avoid looking at them" I nodded, it made sense.

"And the second?"

"I like the fact that it brings a sense of familiarity, I find that by letting them feel comfortable, they psychologically relax, making them more likely to get lazy and make a mistake. Plus, if you want to surprise them, you can shift the tempo a bit. Y'know, start out friendly and them come down hard on them, it makes it hard to do that when they're feeling defensive and intimidated from the start like you'd be doing"

"Ok, I can see where you're coming from, horses for courses I suppose"

"Let me ask you then, why do you prefer interrogations your way?" Brenda sounded curious so I thought about it for a few seconds.

"Well, in addition to the reasons I mentioned, I get restless in an interview, a lot of nervous energy builds up, I bleed it off pacing around the suspect, keeping them off balance, sometimes I walk behind them, so they're not sure what I'm doing" I shrugged.

"It also allows me to be a bit physically intimidating with suspects. I've always had to be a bit tougher, harder and fitter than the cops around me, just to be accepted, so I tend to use that to scare suspects" She smiled.

"I'm surprised that the lawyers back in Boston haven't tried to get that thrown out Jane, some of the judges here in LA wouldn't take kindly to those tactics" I nodded, accepting her gentle warning.

"Mostly I use it on the scumbags who we know are guilty. Most of the homicides back in Boston are pretty straightforward, crimes of passion or violent crimes gone wrong, often it's just shaking their confidence and they trip up" She nodded.

"I could see how that works, but I don't normally try and intimidate suspects physically…what?" Brenda stopped and stared at me as I burst out laughing at the mental image that popped into my head.

"I'm sorry Chief, I'm kinda having trouble seeing you as the intimidating type" She raised both eyebrows at me.

"Really, you don't think I can be intimidating?" I realised I could be stepping into dangerous territory here, but backed into a corner, I had to be honest.

"Well Chief, you don't come across as all that physical, you look far too nice and well dressed and well…polite, to be scary, especially to a murderer"

Brenda looked away and smiled, more to herself than to me. I suddenly realised that wasn't a very pleasant smile, it looked like nothing I'd ever seen her use before, her eyes were a long way away, seeing something that'd happened in her past, something unpleasant; something… ugly.

Truth be told that particularly smile was just a little scary; it suggested things better left unsaid. Finally she spoke in a soft voice.

"I can assure you there are other ways to be intimidating than being physical Jane"

I suddenly remembered Ana mentioning that Brenda had gone out into the field before the Gulf War with the CIA; sure as hell she hadn't gone for the sightseeing. Whatever she'd done, it'd been enough to be decorated for it. Brenda's smile changed as she came back to the present and looked at me.

"Besides, if physical is required, I always have people like Julio, Andy and yourself available" I smiled, while I wondered what exactly she'd done in her past. "By the way, I found your solution to the result of your bet with Julio to be an interesting one" I shrugged.

"If we couldn't find a winner after six rounds, well it's kinda academic"

"288 out of 300 places both of you in the LAPD's top marksman category, I knew Julio was good and I'd heard you were as well, but that's an exceptional result" I shrugged again, feeling embarrassed.

"We were both having a good day"

Truth be told I was kinda pissed, I should have won, I could shoot better than that and I had done. Mind you, Sanchez had shot better results as well, so it looked like we were both having an off day but I wasn't going to say that. The main thing was that I'd be happy to have him at my back anytime when the shit went down. I guess it was mutual.

"Well, I'm impressed with your resolution" We'd told everyone to ante up half their bet and throw it in a pot, with the total paying for our next serious post-case celebration at O'Malley's. We'd ended up with more than $250 in there, which would more than cover our next tab rather nicely.

"It seemed a good result; otherwise people would be after us for a rematch. This way it puts it to rest and the team gets to enjoy the result" Brenda nodded.

"It seems everyone else did, as there were no complaints about it"

"Well, they're good people, you have a good team"

"And you've fitted in well. Would you like to stay when the six months are up?" I leaned back; Maura had mentioned the Chief had asked her that question as well.

"It depends on Maura really, I go where she goes, but I'm enjoying it here" Brenda leaned back.

"And she goes where you go" It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, we'll make that call together" Brenda nodded again.

"Jane, I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of personal questions" I nodded.

"Yeah, Maura told me that you would likely have some questions for me" I shrugged. "I asked Maura how your lunch was and she told me it went well, then I asked what you talked about and well, Maura can't lie" At Brenda's disbelieving look I tried to explain. "No honestly, she gets physically sick if she tries. Anyhow, she explained you were interested in how we got together" Brenda looked embarrassed.

"Well I was; I wanted to know why you entered into a relationship with Maura. I understand it was something you'd had no previous experience of"

"This wouldn't have anything to do with last weekend would it?" Brenda just nodded, before looking down at her half-drunk chocolate.

I smiled to myself, Maura hadn't explained exactly what was behind Brenda's questions, but I could guess. I'd been sitting right next to her as Sharon did a pretty good job of subtly teasing her over lunch.

"Brenda, I'd never had any experience with a woman before I met Maura." I sat back and took a sip of my coffee before continuing, putting my thoughts in order.

"I was raised an Italian Catholic. In the Church's eye's homosexuality is a sin, so it wasn't exactly something I raced out to try. I mean, yeah, I'd looked at women, admiring the really attractive ones, wishing I looked more like them and less like an Italian string bean, but that was the extent of it, until our new M.E. arrived" Leaning forwards, I put the cup back down and continued.

"It wasn't like she strutted into the room in five inch heels and I had to have her, it wasn't anything like that. We worked together well, I found her interesting, I'd never met anyone like her before, we became friends" I shrugged.

"In a way that was a bad thing, because I'd never had a friend like her before. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her, even though she's quirky and a bit awkward around people I really liked her" Brenda shook her head.

"You're joking aren't you? Maura Isles has never looked like she's awkward around people to me, she carries herself well" I nodded.

"She wasn't always like that. When I first met her, she was socially insecure, she was very smart, very knowledgeable, but her social skills weren't good. Her parents weren't real affectionate and then she was packed off to a French boarding school at age ten, where they poured all sorts of stuff inside that big brain of hers, shame they forgot to teach her about dealing with people. I mean she could deal with people in a formal setting but wasn't any good at the social skills"

"Maura mentioned that you had changed her" I nodded.

"I had to Brenda; she was this amazing person, best M.E. I'd ever seen, full of knowledge, incredibly smart, generous, giving, but she was so repressed, she was unsure about how to deal with people socially, it nearly broke my heart. I liked her and made it my job to get her out and feel part of our team, she was a part of Homicide; we wouldn't have closed half the cases we did without her. I wasn't going to let her not get the recognition she deserved, so I made sure she got pulled into it" I pursed my lips, remembering those early days.

"The first few times with the guys at Friday drinks at the Robber were really difficult for her, so I arranged to catch up with her on the weekend to talk through what had happened the previous Friday night, tell her what was actually happening, rather than what she had thought had happened" I smiled at the memories.

"We became friends, we were complete opposites but we really clicked. Over time we ended up really close, we spent more and more time together, because we enjoyed each other's company more than anyone else's" Brenda nodded, listening intently but content to let me talk.

"I didn't wake up one day and realise I wanted to sleep with Maura" I paused. "Well we already kinda were, I'd come over to her place, we'd have dinner and watch a movie or a documentary or a game or whatever, then crash on the bed, talking till we fell asleep. More than once I woke up to find her snuggled up against me, which at first kinda freaked me out, but I got used to it"

I shook my head at the memory of that first morning when I'd woken up to find her head on my shoulder and her arm across my stomach. I'd almost run out but held it together because she was comfortable and I wanted to make her happy.

"Over time my feelings moved from friend to best friend to appreciating what an amazing person she was, admiring all the good in her, until I realised I was in love with her"

I looked down at the table for a moment, wondering how open I could be. Maura had told me that she'd tried to be as open as possible; I suppose I could be as well; this was our relationship we were talking about, the thing that made me the happiest person in the world.

"The problem was she was my best friend, the person who meant more to me than anything"

I looked up at Brenda expecting to see her brown eyes watching me, similar to mine but subtly different, but the intensity in them was a surprise. I suddenly realised how important this was to her, this was her future I was influencing. Brenda needed to hear the truth; to hear it all. I made up my mind to give her that.

"Brenda, I was petrified, I was in love with my best friend, I didn't know what to do, I was terrified that if she learned what I was thinking I'd drive her away, she'd leave and I'd lose the person who meant more to me than anything else. I couldn't risk that so I denied it, buried it deep and tried to be the best friend I could" Brenda nodded slowly, her voice soft.

"I've seen you together, that must have been so hard, to deny what you so obviously have"

"You have no idea. It hurt to be with her, to be so close and not be able to have her. At times it was pure torture" Especially seeing her with guys, particularly that bastard Ian.

"Did you have no idea that Maura was attracted to you, no idea at all?"

"There were signs, but I was afraid I was seeing what I wanted to see there. Turns out Maura was feeling the same and had made the same decision, to deny what she felt because she was afraid I'd reject her" Thinking back I remembered the ache, the tears and the longing, all combining into pain that never went away, in the end it felt like breathing, always there but something you never considered unless you thought about it.

Brenda nodded very slowly, sympathy evident in her eyes.

"What happened, how'd you find your way to what you both wanted" I smiled.

"It happened completely by accident. We went to New York to go shopping, well Maura wanted to go shopping and I went with her when she asked, I'd do anything to make her happy, even go shopping" I smiled. "Ana tells me I'm whipped, guess she's right" Brenda laughed.

"As if she's anyone to talk, Natalie has that girl at her beck and call"

"Yeah, I tell her that too. Anyway, we bumped into some people in a dress shop who were in the same situation, almost literally. An Assistant Deputy Attorney and a detective, they worked together and were close friends, but nothing more. Turned out they were in exactly the same boat we were. Exactly"

"While Maura and Alex were trying dresses on, Olivia and I got to chatting, turns out I look a lot like a former work colleague of theirs. We hit it off, realising we were more alike than we knew and we all went out for dinner together that night" I smiled fondly, remembering that night. "After dinner Maura led us to a nearby club, which turned out to be a lesbian club. When I got cold feet she told me it was appropriate and time to smell the roses. To cut a long story short, some truths came out"

"We eventually ended up back at our hotel, a little drunk, which helped us get over our awkwardness. The first time wasn't everything you expect when two people who've been attracted to each other for so long finally take off the restraints, I mean it was hot and messy and awkward and making certain everything fit right" I laughed gently.

"Good thing Maura had some experience; otherwise I would have come off like a fumbling fifteen year old boy. I mean you know your way around your own body naturally, but another woman's well it's a bit unnerving the first time, especially when you don't want to do anything wrong, to disappoint the other person"

"But it worked out for you both?" I shrugged.

"Kinda, I don't mean the sex part. Once I got over the whole 'oh my god it's a woman' thing, I eventually relaxed, Maura led me into what she wanted, got me comfortable and kept reassuring me that I was doing the right thing" I paused for another sip of coffee.

"Brenda, making the person you love happy, well that overcomes any awkwardness. That came the following morning, when the buzz had worn off and we had to contemplate what we'd done. I woke up first and realised I'd crossed a fucking big line, what if Maura didn't want me, what if I'd pushed her into something she didn't want? I was terrified, I was almost physically sick" I stopped and looked Brenda in the eyes.

"I almost ran, almost bolted out of there, scared out of my wits that I'd lost her" She raised an eyebrow.

"Why didn't you?" I smiled.

"I had the one person I'd dreamed of, fantasised of, desperately hoped for, lying in bed naked snuggled across me with her head on my shoulder. Even if I could have moved without waking her, I couldn't leave her there. All I could think of was that if I left I'd be a fucking coward and I'd lose any chance of repairing a friendship if it had all been a terrible mistake" Brenda nodded.

"But it wasn't was it?" I shook my head.

"No it wasn't. When she woke up, she said hi, kissed me, called me 'my love', then snuggled back into my shoulder and went back to sleep" I laughed. "That sort of told me Maura was good with it. After a while we were both awake and talked about what'd happened and well, neither of us wanted to go back to how we were before"

"Was it really that easy?" I snorted.

"Sure, if you considered two and a half years of pain and anguish easy, I guess it was" Brenda looked shocked, before rushing to apologise.

"I'm sorry Jane, I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry" I nodded.

"I know what you meant Brenda; it just took us forever to get across the barriers that we'd built up to how we really felt"

"To finish off that story, once we eventually got up, it was early afternoon and Maura rang Alex to say hi and thank them for a great evening; turns out they'd had almost exactly the same evening we had. They were not long out of bed either, so we met up and had a late lunch together"

"It turns out their issues between them had been going on even longer, with a lot more shit happening in their lives. To see them together, well they were so happy they didn't know if they should laugh or cry" I smiled at the memory. "I completely understood where they were coming from; we'd walked to the restaurant hand in hand, just doing that meant so much"

"What happened afterwards?" I frowned.

"Well, we decided to wait a bit before we came out and then only to those people who had to know. Most of the people we were working with thought we were in a relationship and keeping it quiet, while those closest to us knew we weren't, so we decided to tell our families, my partners, our boss and HR" Brenda nodded.

"How did they take that, especially your families? I sighed.

"Not too well actually. My mother was ok with it eventually. Not so good at first, but she loved Maura like a daughter, so she came round" I laughed. "Typical immigrant mom, she'd always wanted her kids to marry a doctor" Brenda smiled, appreciating the joke.

"One of my brothers was cool, the other not so much, he wanted Maura too and is still pretty pissed at me" I shrugged. "That I can handle" Tommy's attitude pissed me off, but he was always going to come a long way second after Maura.

"Maura's parents didn't approve, at all. Her mother was coolly concerned, worried that we were doing the right thing. I can't fault her, that's a mother's reaction. Her father wasn't happy at all and tried to get her to walk away. Didn't happen, but it hurt her to not get their blessing" I ground my teeth gently, remembering Maura's anguish that they didn't approve of something that made her happier than she had ever been, it still rankled.

I could see Brenda giving that thought a lot of attention. I didn't know anything about her parents, or even if they were still alive. If they were and Brenda ended up where I hoped, she'd have to deal with that too.

"My partners in Homicide, Frost and Korsak were cool; they'd had a bet on for years about when we'd finally get a clue. Our boss, Cavanagh, well, as long as we behaved ourselves at work, what happened at home stayed at home as far as he was concerned. Mind you, a few nasty rumors started up, nothing I hadn't heard before, but I wasn't too pleased hearing them again, or having Maura hear them"

I remembered slamming that bastard Crowe against a brick wall after one too many rug-munching 'jokes', this time about Maura. It'd taken both Frost and Korsak to pull me off him before I'd happily broken something painful.

"Maura knew I was getting stressed about the grief we were getting, seriously half of it was sheer jealousy, most of the guys wanted Maura and here she was with me and their egos couldn't handle it" I spread my hands. "It was getting to me, but I thought I could deal with it" I looked up as a couple of kids wandered in and sat a few tables away.

"For a while we seemed to be making headway, it sort of died out, then word got out I was up for consideration for promotion to Sergeant" I leaned back in the chair.

"A few people couldn't handle 'Dyke-tective' Jane Rizzoli getting promoted over them, so they started rumours, I was getting preferential treatment because I was gay and they were doing it to make nice with the gay community. Another was that they were doing it because Maura was using her families influence to put pressure on the Chief and Mayor's office to get me promoted" I sighed heavily.

"Honestly Brenda, it was pissing me off, which was bleeding into my work, our work really; it was a strain that neither of us needed. That's why when Maura told me about the opportunity to come out here, I jumped at it. I would have taken leave without pay to be with her and get away from Boston" Brenda smiled.

"I'm glad you could come out to LA and very pleased that you could be part of Major Crimes" I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, it's been good" Brenda and I sat there for a bit, in quiet silence, me thinking about how things out here had turned out, Brenda obviously thinking over what I'd told her. I decided that I'd answered her questions, maybe she could answer mine.

"What now Chief?" She looked off into the distance for a moment, before my question penetrated.

"I don't know"

"Looks like you've got a few options. You can tell Sharon that you're incredibly flattered and if you're gay you'd jump at the chance, but unfortunately you're not" She just sighed and shook her head. "I know Brenda, that mightn't end too well" Brenda looked up at me and laughed a slightly bitter laugh, her voice mocking.

"Gee, you think?" I held up my hand and nodded.

"I know, but it's one option. Another is to let it play out while you make up your mind" Brenda shook her head.

"I can't do that, that'd be leading Sharon on and I can't do that to her, I just couldn't" I pursed my lips, knowing that what I was about to say was going to hurt but it was necessary.

"Why not Brenda, you obviously didn't go looking for any of this, why are you caring about Sharon's feelings when she's dumped you in this mess" She looked at me with a shocked expression on her face.

"I couldn't possibly hurt her like that, she's my friend; I care for her too much to hurt her, how could you possibly suggest such a thing?" I smiled, having got the response I wanted.

"Easy, if it makes you think about how you feel about her. If you care enough to not want to hurt her, then you care enough to talk to her about it" She scowled at me for a moment, obviously working out I'd goaded her into a corner. Not being one to leave well enough alone I kept going.

"Who knows, you might find out that there are worse options than Sharon, from what I hear you've been there at least three times" Her frown darkened, the patented Rizzoli charm at work yet again.

"Look Brenda, is the thought of a woman loving you that repulsive? Honestly? Sharon cares enough for you that she's willing to risk your friendship to build something more. Is that such a bad thing?" Her frown disappeared at my words.

"No, yes…I don't know" I smiled.

"Well that's honest" I looked down into the dregs of my coffee for a moment, putting the words together.

"Look, I was alone for much of my adult life, I'd find guys, they'd want me, they'd chase me and I'd get into a relationship with them, they'd try and change me and I'd dump them" I shrugged. "I spent my life meeting people who tried to change me into something I wasn't, because they wouldn't accept who I was and what I was" I saw a strange expression come over the Chief's face, something in what I'd said had touched a nerve.

"Maura knew what I was, understood who I was, accepted me as I was and loved me for who I am. That's more than any guy I ever met ever did" She nodded slowly as I pressed on.

"Brenda, I ran from what I felt for a long time, afraid I'd lose my best friend, that I'd be tarred as a lezzie, a dyke, a rug-muncher, you name it. I was scared, scared of what I might lose and what I might be called" I looked off into the distance, remembering everything that happened, how I wouldn't trade what I had for anything.

"You know what though? I realised that being afraid didn't mean shit, compared to what we have, and as for the names, well the way I felt about Maura convinced me that all the rest was just labels. Maura meant too much to me to be limited by what other people might think or say" Brenda was silent as the thoughts piled out.

"Y'know, I sort of didn't really feel like a lesbian, I thought it was just a Maura thing, that I was straight and Maura was just an exception. Now I'm not so sure" Brenda's voice was quiet.

"Why, what happened?"

"Something Natalie did and Anastasia said. Natalie was playing a joke on me at our place one night, they came over for dinner and Natalie was teasing me. She snuggled up against me and cuddled me, basically plastered up against me as she teased me in front of Maura and Ana, I got embarrassed, started stammering, which was the intention. I was realising that I was attracted to her, not like Maura, but I was kinda responding to her as a sexy woman and she was getting me hot and bothered, so I suppose I must be a lesbian" Brenda laughed happily.

"Well, you've just successfully achieved the fantasy of most of the senior echelons of the LAPD, plus the majority of the male members of Major Crimes, so I'd count yourself lucky" I nodded slowly.

"True, Ana told me later that it didn't matter what label I put on it, you are what you are, which I suppose means that I am a lesbian" I realised I was rambling.

"Sorry Brenda, this is supposed to be about you" She shrugged, a smile on her face.

"It's fine Jane, you've helped me a lot. I'm still not sure exactly what I'm going to do with Sharon, but that's my problem"

"Look Brenda, no matter what happens; you're still our friend, so's Sharon. Nothing's going to change there, whether you're separate or together" She smiled at me.

"Thank you, I appreciate that, no matter how this ends" I looked at her, feeling she needed a push.

"It's your call, but I'd really like to see you and Sharon by the pool at our place, making out without a care in the world, while we watch" She laughed, a happy, bubbly sound.

"Why on earth would you be interested in seeing a pair of middle-aged women doing that, you have Maura, she's stunning, why settle for anything less" I smiled, teasing her.

"Because the two of you are beautiful and watching the two of you together would be hot" I shrugged. "I must be a lesbian, 'cause I'd pay to see that" Brenda's laugh was if anything even happier.

"You Jane Rizzoli; are a bad influence. Don't you know it's an offence to try and corrupt a senior officer? Let's get out of here before you get into any more trouble" I grinned back at her.

"I think Sharon's the one corrupting you. I'm just here to cheer you both on" Smiling, we made our way to the front of the café and paid, before walking back to the work car park.

Finally arriving at her car, we stood there for a moment, before I asked the question I'd wanted to ask for a while.

"So Brenda, do you know what comes next?" She stood there, a shadow in the darkened car park.

"I honestly don't know. On the one hand it's nothing I'd ever thought of and I'm a bit scared of where it's going and it's all happening so fast. On the other I could imagine that being together could be nice, to have someone to be with, to care for and have them care for you" I nodded.

"Brenda, no one else in the squad knows about this, but they all want you to be happy. I've heard comments about how they wish you were happy, that you were the person you were, before everything bad happened. They miss that person"

I could see her head bob as she nodded.

"I want to be the person I once was, but I'm not sure I can be, maybe I'd be better off alone, I mean I've had enough goes and it never worked out" She sighed "Perhaps Sharon would be better off not getting involved with me, I'm not good at relationships" I felt a tinge of annoyance run through me, she was smarter than this.

"Bullshit! You just didn't have the right person to be with. I don't know if Sharon's the right person, but if you don't get over your fear and take a chance, you'll never know" She was silent as we stood there, before I spoke again.

"How hard can it be Brenda? If I can do it, so can you"

"You were in love with Maura; I'm not in love with Sharon"

"You could be, if you let yourself overcome your fear" She was silent for a while before speaking.

"You're right; it's the fear of the unknown. I've never even contemplated a woman before, let alone thought about touching or kissing them, it scares me" I shrugged, even if she couldn't see it in the dark.

"Like I said Brenda, it's not that hard"

"I don't know what to do Jane, I don't…" Her voice trailed off.

It hurt me to hear this strong, proud, successful woman so unsure, so afraid. I wanted to fix it, make her believe. God knows Maura and I lost so much time because we were afraid, afraid of 'what if's' rather than seeing 'what could be'.

"Brenda, it's all instinct, just go with it, just don't let your brain get in the way" I suddenly had an evil thought. I grinned to myself, thankful she couldn't see my face in the dark.

I reached out and placed a hand on each arm, holding her.

"Brenda, you can have something good, something you deserve, if you're prepared to let go, to stop thinking and feel. You're not sure if you can do this right?" Her voice was low.

"No"

"You're wrong, let me show you" I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, feeling her pull away a fraction in surprise, before she stopped. I smiled to myself.

"You seemed to do that ok, let's try this" With that I leaned in and kissed her, a chaste one on her lips, just for a second or so but Brenda didn't pull away this time. She tasted of chocolate and cinnamon and I caught the hint of orchids. She tasted and smelled feminine and nice.

I stepped back slightly, letting go of her arms, the smile in my voice evident to both of us.

"Hmm, Natalie and now you, yep, I'm definitely a lesbian" Brenda was still silent, probably still in shock. I laughed; I'd silenced Brenda Leigh Johnson.

"I think you can definitely get me charged with corrupting a senior officer now, along with assault and sexual harassment" Brenda was silent for a moment longer, before softly speaking.

"Jane, I'm, er, well, yes"

"The world hasn't ended Brenda, you're still the person you've always been, you needed to understand that you haven't changed, only your experiences. Being with Sharon isn't the end of the world, but it might be the start of a new one"

Her voice was so soft I almost didn't hear it.

"I... I understand… and thank you Jane" This was getting a bit heavy so I fell back on my usual response, sarcasm and deflection.

"My pleasure Chief, I gotta say this has been the most enjoyable performance evaluation I've ever had. If I kiss you again do I get a better score?" Brenda's laugh was quick and rich.

"If you did, I'd have to do it for the rest of the squad and well, just…no" I grinned at that thought.

"So sleeping with you is out of the question too, that ought to get me a perfect score"

"Jane!" My voice was as innocent as I could make it, under the circumstances.

"Yes?"

"You're as bad as Natalie" I laughed.

"No one's as bad as Natalie" Brenda's voice was full of happiness.

"You have a point and besides, Maura would kill me"

"Good point Chief, never piss off someone who knows her way around human anatomy, who isn't afraid of the sight of blood and has access to scalpels. Besides, if I did sleep with you, Sharon would kill me, and then she'd have a conflict of interest, she can't investigate herself y'know"

I could hear the laugh in Brenda's voice.

"Get out of here Jane, before we get into more trouble" I grinned to myself, I'd achieved what I wanted to do, which was make her happy.

"I dunno Chief; you could be all sorts of good trouble"

"Off with you, go home to Maura and tell her that she's very lucky to have you"

"I'm the lucky one Brenda and so are you"

"We'll see, now get out of here"

I leaned in, carefully, but she didn't move away as I kissed her again, gently on the lips, before pulling away.

"Good night Chief Johnson" Her voice was soft.

"Good night Detective Rizzoli" I watched as she quietly got into her car and drove off, before pulling out my cell phone and ringing Maura to tell her I was on my way home.

We'd done all that we could, it was now up to Brenda.