Sat, Nov 14, 2013

8:56 p.m.

iMessage

Alex: u stayn ovr apes?

Me: yep. she might invite you and jackson over too.

Alex: I kno. Me n jax are 2gther right now. tell ape jax said 2 txt him plz

Me: okay. what are you and jackson doing?

Alex: watching tv n drinking a beer nothing much

Me: okay. well the jury reached a verdict so i want to talk to you about that when you get over here.

Alex: I g2g. talk 2 u later

Me: alex?

Me: okay? bye?

Me: alex i wasn't done talking to you.

Alex: leav me alone j.

Me: ?

Me: why are you mad at me?

Alex: I cant talk rn

Me: wtf?

Me: :(

Me: i love youuu.

I sigh and put my phone down on the coffee table without any other words to him. I don't really know what I did to make him mad, but I trust that he'll tell me about it afterwards… maybe. I pick up the bottle of nail polish I was using on April and tune into what she was just talking about. "You never did explain to me what you meant by Leah wanting to kill you because of the whole 'Shane' thing. Because I'm really confused. I thought you and Shane were only friends and you made that clear to Leah. The whole story honestly just doesn't make sense to me." She looks up from my feet with confusion written clearly across her face. "Why would Leah want to kill you just for being friends with Shane?" She dips the brush back into the bottle of purple nail polish and resumes brushing it on my toenails. I've only been here for about an hour, and I'm already having the best time of my life. It's funny how April can do that to me. Just being around her gives me the ability to be in a better mood, and honestly? That's crazy to me.

I hold her foot straight so I can steadily paint her toenails green. At this point though, I'm just a little bit confused. I've been shown two different sides of having "girl time." On one hand, I've been shown that girl time means pigging out with your friends, talking about gross things and gushing over Pretty Little Liars. On the other hand, it seems like girl time is painting toenails, having meaningful conversations and just having downright fun. While I appreciate both sides, I must admit that I like this side just a little bit more. "Because Shane doesn't want to be…just friends." I twist the brush back inside the bottle of nail polish and throw my head back, getting the chills when my hair falls to the middle of my back. "You don't understand, Ape. Shane's been my best friend for FOREVER. And… I guess we've been...more than friends at some point, and Shane can't let it go. He's in love with me."

"What do you mean by that?" She puts her nail polish away too. "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Did you sleep with Shane?"

"No." I pull my feet away from her and look at the nice job she did on my toenails. "Look Ape, I've done a lot of things with Shane that I wish I didn't, looking back at it. So… I dunno, I'm kind of a bitch to him. I like…" I put my tongue in my cheek just thinking about what I'm about to admit. I wouldn't be caught dead admitting this to Shane, though. "I tell him that I don't remember shit when I really do. I fake like everything he remembers, I don't. And it's kinda rude, but I mean… why would I want to relive the things I'm not proud of?! So if I act like I don't know what he's talking about, he just shuts up about it."

April starts laughing hard and genuinely at that. "You ain't right for that, Jo. That's so mean. The poor guy probably thinks about it all the time and you're basically just like 'Nope, never happened.' You're so messed up for that. And you're acting like you guys have done some big bad things that you don't wanna remember. Whatever you've done can't be that bad if you haven't slept with him. You're so messed up."

I giggle too. "Look…I really don't remember some of the things he talks about, but the things I do remember, I'm just like… shut up." I put my hand over my face so I can laugh a little harder. "And we have done some pretty bad things together. We didn't have sex, but everything except the actual… bang bang thing? I've done that with Shane. And I do mean EVERYTHING…"

"You guys made out?"

I nod my head. "Like…twice. We've kissed like… four times total, but the make out stuff was only like twice. We used to kiss a lot when we were babies, but they were innocent kisses… like brother and sister kisses. But in like… sixth grade or something like that, he kissed me seriously. And I flipped out. But we made out hardcore in seventh grade for the first time, because I was freaked out by the thought of a boy putting his tongue in my mouth so he just broke me of the fear or something. And then we made out again when we were like thirteen." I shrug. "Whatever, it's no big deal to me but it is to him."

"…So when you say you've done everything with Shane… did he like… give you oral and stuff too?" She seems really interested by this, which is fine by me but it's a little humbling at the same time. "What all have you seriously done with Shane?"

"Okay, oral…no." I start counting off on my fingers. "I've never done that with ANYBODY. And he didn't do it to me, either. I think that's a little far. But basically everything else is a yes." I put one finger up every time I name something. "I've made out with him, I've given him a…hand job, once. Just once. Um… he fingered me. He kissed all over my boobs once…. And I think that's about it. Basically, everything I've ever been curious about… I tried it with Shane. And he like… won't let that go. At all."

"Oh my god… you and Shane? I don't know, I guess I can kind of see that. You're Shane's type and all. I thought you guys were a cute couple before I even knew that you guys were just best friends. I could totally see you guys together."

"Shane doesn't have a type, honestly. If you're a girl, Shane will like you."

"So he's not like… partial to…" Her voice lowers into a whisper. "White girls?"

I start laughing at that. "I mean… I don't know. I guess you could say that." I look up at the ceiling and think about Shane and what his type might possibly be. "Yeah, he kinda is, isn't he? He's not partial towards one kind of girl, though. He lost his virginity to a mixed girl. His first real girlfriend was Hispanic. Her name was Elena and she was a bitch. Um…He thought Steph was cute for a really long time. And he likes Leah… and he likes me. Plus, he crushed on Cristina. I don't think he's partial to one kind of girl, but I do think… that he prefers girls with long legs."

"You know, it's really cool how you and Shane have each other. He's a good friend to you, Jo. I mean, despite all the crap you just admitted to having to deal with when it comes to him, you guys are really good together. You need to keep friends like that. Trust me. You don't wanna lose somebody like that."

"…I think I already lost him, honestly." I sigh and look down at the couch cushions. "I don't know if we're gonna move past this. It's just always gonna be hard. Look, I know now that he…likes me as more than a friend. And it's gonna be hard to get past that, you know? And I then, I don't feel the same way about him that he feels about me, so that's causing a rift. ….He didn't even come to my hearing. He's pissed at me. So you know, what can I do? I hope that we can get past this, but I don't know if we can. I miss him as my best friend but I'm starting to think that the only way that I could get him to stop being mad at me is if I dated him. I don't want to do that though. Because how fair is that? That's a bitch move too. I'd be dating him to keep him from being mad at me…not because I love him or because I'm really interested in him. And I'm starting to get really worried April. Because it's like… when I'm lying in bed at night…thinking before I go to sleep, I keep thinking about ways that I could make it up to him… possibly keep him from being mad at me anymore…" I sigh. April puts her hand on my shoulder. "I wanna make him happy. Because I'm tired of Shane being so upset all the time. And I keep going back to… maybe I should? You know… just to make him happy. I won't have to break up with Alex, I won't have to deal with feeling guilty, Shane will be happy and it'll only be for like… an hour."

"Doing what, Jo? Dating Shane? …I don't think Alex is cool with sharing…Even if it is just Shane he's sharing with."

"I meant… should I…." I move my hair out of my face and roll my eyes. "Should I have sex with Shane? Just once? So he can get all his feelings out for me, I won't have to deal with him hating my guts… maybe that'd help. Because that's really the only solution I can come up with." I stare up at the ceiling. "I mean, seriously. I've been trying to avoid him, but that just makes me upset. I've been trying to act like he never even told me that he likes me, but that's not doing anything but piss him off more. I can't pretend like I like him back when I don't. So the only thing I can think of is having sex with him. I don't want to, but… at this point, I just wanna make Shane happy. He's my best friend and I just want him to be happy."

"Okay, but you're thinking about him." She combs her long, slender fingers through my hair just like a comb and starts to comfort me. "Jo, that won't make you happy. It might make Shane happy, but think about how you'll feel. You'll feel like crap for even doing it. And who's to say that Shane will even be happy? What if you're just assuming that sleeping with you would make Shane's life worth living? What if that just makes it worse?"

"…Okay, then what do you suggest, Ape? I gotta get Shane back. He's my best friend. He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I don't want to lose him anymore. I… I don't want to have to choose between Shane and Alex." I put my knees up and rest my chin on them. "I don't want to choose between them, because I love them both… but I have to really think… I think Alex would lose. Because Shane's been my best friend for YEARS… But at the same time, I love Alex more than I've ever even loved anybody…"

"I think if Shane really did love you as much as he says he does, he would see that he's killing you." She stops playing with my hair and leans forward to look me in my eyes. "You know Jo… you should stop living to please everyone and start living to please yourself. Screw Alex, screw Shane. Do what makes YOU happy."

"But April, that's just it." I look back at her. "Shane makes me happy and Alex makes me happy… I can't choose between my best friend and my boyfriend. And I REALLY don't want Alex and Shane to fight over me, because lord knows I'm NOT worth that. And not even to mention, I JUST got Leah to stop hating my guts over Shane." I sigh. "Whatever, I don't even know. I don't even want to talk about it anymore. It clearly doesn't make a difference, because Alex is mad at me…"

"Why?"

"I don't even freaking know. He texted me and said him and Jackson are together and Jackson said that he needs you to text him or whatever. Then he was like… I gotta go. And that's it. I don't even know why he's mad at me. I just wanted to tell him about the hearing…" I sigh again. "I can't stay in anyone's good graces for long."

"...I know exactly what you need." April stands up on her feet and pulls me up right along with her. "Come on… I know what you need." She holds my hand and starts dragging me. "Let's go, come on…"


"Just one… and you have to SIP it." I watch with curious eyes as she forcefully pulls the cork out of the top of the bottle. "I don't want Alex getting mad at me and I don't want to bear the burden of getting you all messed up." She pulls down two tall glasses from the cupboard and puts them on the counter. She slowly tilts the bottle into the glasses and clear, bubbly liquid spills out into them. "Plus, my parents can't notice that we got into the liquor cabinet." She slides the smaller of the two glasses over to me. "You have to SIP it, Jo… okay? Don't go guzzling it all down in one gulp. I don't want you sloppy drunk and falling all over the place."

"Okay." I whisper to her, nodding my head and cupping my glass in the palm of my hand. Honestly? I've never drank before. I've had a sip of beer here and there before at family functions where my grandma didn't really care, but I've never drunken hardcore liquor before. I guess there's nobody else I'd rather drink with than April for my first time. I tilt the glass up to my lips and take a small sip. I softly smack my lips together to see if I like the taste. It's not bad… it tastes pretty good. "What is this stuff?"

"Arbor Mist… if you're not careful, this stuff will screw you all up." She takes a dainty sip of her own glass and turns around to the refrigerator. I run my finger along the rim of my glass, and quickly, while April's back is turned, I down the entire glass of wine. Sneakily, I turn up the bottle of wine and refill my glass so it doesn't appear that I've drunken any. She hands me a can of Coca-Cola from the fridge and grabs the bottle of wine. "Come on… we're gonna do drink downstairs so my parents don't smell it." I nod once and follow her down the stairs that lead to her basement.

"Did you tell Jackson and Alex to come over later?" I take the first seat I see on the couch beside the fireplace and cross my legs. April sits next to me on the couch and flicks on the TV. I take a steady, gradual sip of my glass of wine and put the glass down on the coffee table in front of us. "Because I'd be totally cool if it was just us…"

"Yeah, but I told them not to come until after midnight. I gotta give everyone in my house time to go to sleep first." She twists the cork off the bottle of wine again and offers me a refill once she sees that my glass is empty. "So um….how about the court hearing and stuff? You never did say how all that stuff went…"

"Oh…" Swallowing another mouthful of wine, I put my glass down and hiccup. I'm starting to feel a little funny… "Um… well I'm guessing it went okay." Nothing's funny, but an inadvertent smile swipes across my lips. "J…" I hiccup again. "Excuse me." I clear my throat. "The… the jury…." I blink my eyes hard. "They found him guilty of… of… rape? Yeah. They found him guilty of first… first degree rape. First degree sexual assault, aggravated assault…something else…" Again, nothing's funny but I giggle.

"….How many glasses did you drink, Jo?" April crosses her arms and looks at me like she's my mother or something.

"…Three?"

"Alex is going to kill me…"

"Ooh… Alex." Which reminds me… he's mad at me. I grab my phone off the couch cushion next to me and unlock it. I need to find out why he's mad at me.

"NO JO!" April tries to grab my phone off me, but I gently resist her. "No drunk texting! That'll get you broken up with! No… No drunk texts. Gimme your phone…"

"Move, Ape." I mumble. I'm not even drunk. I still know what I'm doing.

Sat, Nov 14, 2013

10:04 p.m.

iMessage

Me: why are you pissed at me?

When I put my phone down to wait for a text back, I look over at April. She's busily texting somebody. I secretly slide over and take her phone out of her hands. "Who are you texting, Ape?" I look through her texts. She's texting Alex too….

Sat, Nov 14, 2013

10:06 p.m.

iMessage

April: Alex look whatever texts you get from Jo, just… forget about them ok? She's a little tipsy right now….

"April, why the freak would you tell him that I'm drunk? I'm not…"

"Yes, you are Jo…. and your boyfriend's gonna kill me for getting you drunk."


A/N: yes, i know the chapter was short. sorry for that. but i will be more in depth with Jo and April's sleepover next chapter, and i will explain why Alex is "mad" at Jo. & in case you're wondering, i think this story will be over in about ten more chapters...maybe less.