Chapter 56 Sneaking out

Clarke walked into medical and heard Abby talking to Marcus. "I need to take a team; if not me I want to send someone, maybe Clarke."

"What team do you want to send me on?" Clarke asked.

The two turned when they heard her. 'Clarke,' said Abby. "I'm trying to tell Marcus we need to send a team to Nylah's trading post. I need to get more tea for Bellamy, he's blown through almost all of it," Abby said.

"He's been drinking that much?" Clarke asked "There should have enough to last most of the year."

"I'm trying to explain to your mom, that it's too late in the season. The snow already started, we can't risk it," He said.

"We're going to have to," said Clarke "He can't run out. You've seen how much pain he has, he needs it."

"Is there anything else you have that will work?" Marcus asked. "Can you harvest the tea locally?"

"I could ask Niko, maybe he'll know," said Abby.

"Octavia's going back to TonDC, maybe she can talk to him," said Clarke

"Octavia asked me about finding her a room, she's leaving?" Marcus asked

"She's coming back but she wants to explain to Indra about coming back here. Even though Bellamy wants her to go, he thinks she'll resent him if she stays, but she won't give up trying to help her brother. You know all that "My sister, my responsibility' stuff? Well Octavia is now "My brother, my responsibility," said Clarke.

Marcus put his hands on his hips, looked down and smiled. "The Blake's," he said shaking his head.

"We need to decide, about the tea," Abby reminded them. "Jackson's been analyzing it, trying to figure out what makes it work on Bellamy's pain, but until we find out exactly what it is, there's no other option," Abby said "Waiting for Octavia to talk to Niko is pushing a possible trip to Nylah's that much later," She said.

"I'll go myself," said Clarke "to Nylah's."

"No, it's too dangerous," Marcus said

"Marcus is right Clarke," I won't have you out there alone." Abby said

"I won't let Bellamy run out of his tea, if it's all he has to stop his pain," Clarke said.

It was late, when Bellamy heard an unsuspecting knock on his door. He opened it "Bellamy," Clarke said. "I'm glad you were awake."

"Clarke, it's late, is everything alright?" Bellamy asked with a concerned frown.

"I missed you," she whispered, stepping up to him.

"Clarke…" Bellamy whispered "You're making this hard," he said in a regretful tone.

"What's hard if we care about each other," she said softly, wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her head against his chest.

Bellamy squeezed shut his eyes. He needed to be leaving soon, Roan would be waiting. He took her upper arms in his hands and pulled her from him. "Clarke stop, you're not hearing me," he said abruptly "I told you before, this can't happen, don't you get it?" his face had a frown. He needed her to go, but his heart wanted her to stay. He knew in his head, he was doing what was right for her, but it broke his heart knowing he was breaking hers. "I love you" he wanted to scream, but he knew if he said those words now, he would lose the battle.

"My decision hasn't changed Clarke. I'm doing this on my own. I won't use you as a crutch," he said

"But the picnic, I thought it changed everything?" she argued.

"Clarke," he said in a softer tone "That was a great day. We made a good memory, let's not spoil that now," he said "Please it's late and I need to go to sleep, I think you should do the same." He backed away from her, nudging her towards the door.

Clarke left. She was disappointed and her feelings hurt at his rejection. She knew he was being stubborn, and she was almost angry at him. She thought the picnic had changed everything, they had held each other after, and had lunch. Now he was pushing her away again. He frustrated her, and she wondered how she could love such an irritable man, but she did. He was so different from Finn and Lexa. She thought of Finn, she thought she loved him, but she really didn't. He was kind and caring, he was cute, and they bonded on earth, he was her first, but after that, after she learned about Raven, that's what broke her heart. He betrayed her.

She thought of Lexa. The bond they shared. It was the bond brought on by power. They both struggled to maintain peace between their people. They were like one in the same. They understood each other, and that understanding brought them close. Clarke knew Lexa took a great risk in forming the alliance with the sky people, she also knew the only reason she did it was because she loved Clarke. Lexa didn't really care for Clarke's people, she only cared for Clarke. It was a selfish act on both their parts. But Clarke grew to care for her. She wondered if maybe Lexa made the deal with the mountain men because Lexa knew Bellamy was in Mt Weather, and Lexa knew Clarke cared about him. Was that Lexa's way of getting rid of Bellamy? If the Mountain men killed Bellamy, Clarke would have no one left, and Lexa would have no competition. Clarke thought about that, but blew it off as unlikely.

She would go back and talk to Bellamy in the morning. She would tell him that she was giving him his space, but she wasn't giving up on him. She loved him, and that wasn't going to change.

Bellamy held the writing sheet still with his hand. Feeling it, as he made his best effort of writing in the darkness, he used his left hand as a guide. "O-it's better for you if I leave, don't follow me. Tell Clarke I love her- I love you 2-Bell. He wanted to write so much more, but knew he couldn't. Maybe the note would ease their mind, and realize he did this on his own, it was his choice. He left the note on his table. And he filled his canteen with the last of his tea, before walking out.

Bellamy got to the arks exit and went to his left. Finding the stables were easier each time he went, he stumbled only once, but the smell drew him in pretty easy. Roan was waiting inside. He already had his supplies gathered. "I don't know if anyone saw me coming in," Bellamy said. Roan went and looked outside, he didn't see anyone.

Okay let's make this quick, Roan said. He hoisted Bellamy onto the back of the pack horse. Roan had tied his bedroll onto the front of the horses back. Bellamy leaned forward onto it, laying his body onto the animal, his arms almost wrapping around the horses chest. Roan quickly threw animal pelts over him and tied them down. No one would know Bellamy was underneath.

"Are you good?" Roan asked.

"Yea," Bellamy answered "Let's get going though, I'm burning up under here," he said

Roan mounted his horse, and led the pack horse behind him to the gate.

"Is that Roan at the gate?" Harper asked.

"Yea, I think so" said Bryan.

They both went down the tower and met him at the gate. "You're leaving now?" Harper asked him.

"That a problem?" he asked "You need to call someone, or am I your prisoner." He said.

Harper and Bryan looked at each other.

"Bryan, open the gate," Harper said.

Bellamy smiled under the furs. He'll miss Harper he thought.

Roan rode his horse out of the gate, leading Bellamy and the pack horse. Once they were far enough away Roan stopped the horses, dismounted and untied the pelts. Bellamy rose up, hot and flushed. "Are we away?" he asked.

"Yea," said Roan.

The two rode in silence through the night. Until they finally stopped to make camp and get a couple hours of sleep before sun up, and before Bellamy's people would know he was missing.