As you seemed to like the part with Snape in the previous chapter, I thought it deserved a chapter, instead of a mere paragraph as it was initially planned.
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Next update on Wednesday.
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Matters Of The Heart
He waited for her near the Gryffindor Tower. It was probably the only moment of the day during which he had a chance to see her alone. And Merlin knew how much he needed to talk to her...
In the pocket of his robes he had the toast he would use that very morning against Potter. The boy would never be able to notice anything before it was too late. It was a perfect plan. But before carrying on with his plan, Snape needed one last word with Lily. And the life of her boyfriend would depend on that conversation.
And Snape couldn't deny that he hoped this conversation would lead him to drop this toast in James's plate...
He first heard her laugh echoing through the portrait hole. That same laugh that was making him feel so much better a few years ago, and today brought only sadness and regrets to his heart. But there was another laughter with Lily's.
Potter's...
"James, you're mad!" she laughed.
"You're the one who's mental!" James cried merrily. "Do you really think I was kidding the other day? I've told you I would go with you to your sister's wedding, and I will."
"It's this week!"
"I know, and I'm coming. No way I'm letting you go there alone."
They finally walked out of the portrait hole, not noticing Snape, who was motionless in the shadows, leaning against the wall.
"It's kind of you," Lily said softly.
"Oh... don't think I'm doing it out of charity or something. I expect to have a reward, Ginger Sweet," James answered, his voice husky all of a sudden, kissing her hair.
Lily giggled, and Snape chose this moment to clear his throat, making the two teenagers know he was there. Merlin, he definitely couldn't take any more of these two...
The second James laid his eyes on him, he frowned hard, threat burning in his hazel eyes, and he advanced before Lily, protecting her.
Snape silently laughed. Potter was acting as if he was a threat for Lily, but he was definitely not the most dangerous person for her in this corridor...
"What are you doing here?" James asked him, his voice deadly cold.
"I wanted to talk with Lily, for just a second," Snape answered, looking at the witch, and ignoring her protective boyfriend.
"No way," James snapped.
"I wasn't talking to you, Potter."
"If you think I'll let you near her, you're for sure the dumbest guy in this school."
"Good news it's not your decision to take then."
Snape turned towards Lily again. The witch stood a bit straighter, speaking to him over James's shoulder.
"We're not friends anymore, Sev," she said warily. "I won't help you to do anything."
"I don't want your help. I just want to talk to you."
"About what?" James asked him.
"It's none of your business, Potter."
"Everything that concerns Lily is my business."
"You should shut up, and let the intelligent one of your relationship take the decisions."
James took a step towards him, but Lily held him back.
"James, please," she said soothingly. "He's just being a prick."
Severus clenched his jaws.
"We need to talk, it's important," he told her.
The ginger girl sighed. She knew he wouldn't leave her alone if she didn't talk to him. And she also knew he wouldn't hurt her. He had had many chances since their fifth year, if he had wanted to curse her, he would have done it a long time ago.
"Just a minute," she nodded.
James looked at her as if she was mad.
"He won't hurt me, James," she reassured him.
James sighed angrily, before turning towards Snape.
"If she's not in the Great Hall in ten minutes, you're a dead man," he warned the Slytherin.
His tone was so cold, shaking with threat, that Snape merely nodded in response. James turned on his heels, and Snape guided Lily in the nearest deserted corridor.
"What is it?" she asked him.
He looked at her in the eyes.
"I know you'll say it's none of my business. But trust me Lils, it is," Snape said slowly. "So just answer the questions."
"What the hell are you talking about?" she asked, becoming scared before his strange behaviour.
"Did you sleep with him?"
Lily narrowed her eyes.
"You're right," she snapped. "Who I sleep with is none of your business."
He caught her upper arm, squeezing so tightly, she knew it would leave bruises.
"Did you sleep with Potter?" he repeated.
"If you don't let go of me immediately, I'll curse your arse into oblivion," she replied.
"Did you sleep with Potter?"
She snorted.
"He's my boyfriend, Sev," she answered. "What do you think?"
"Did you, or did you not?"
"Let go of me."
"Lils, please. Please, I need to know."
Snape let go of her arm. She stroked her painful limb, but she wasn't angry anymore. He looked so sad...
"Yes, I did sleep with him," she answered.
"When?"
She rolled her eyes.
"A long time ago, Sev."
"Long?"
"Since the beginning of September."
Severus clenched his jaws. They had already slept together, for months now... and Potter was still by her side.
It wasn't just for sex...
"Do you love him? Do you really love Potter?" Snape asked her coldly.
"Yes, I do love him," Lily answered earnestly.
"How can you?" Snape asked her angrily. "How can you love Potter after all he's done to you? To me? To us...?"
"It's not his fault if we're not friends anymore, Sev. You made your choice, and I made mine. And he's not the same anymore. You can't say he hurts you anymore..."
"He came to see me the other night, in the Slytherin Common Room. You knew that? He threatened me!"
"I know. He told me."
Snape frowned.
"He told you?"
"There's nothing he hides from me. And there's nothing I hide from him. You can be sure that everything you're saying now, he'll know every word of it before the end of Transfiguration this very morning. I trust him. And he trusts me. There are no lies, nor secrets between us."
She stopped for a moment to let her words sink in, before continuing her speech.
"I know he came to see you the other night. I know he threatened you. And don't count on me to pity you, or to feel sorry for you, 'cause it won't happen. He was right to act the way he acted with you. You had helped a bitch to drug his best friend, my friend..."
She shook her head, her fists clenched.
"You deserved to be treated like this."
"Since when do you think people should be hurt?" Snape asked, shouting by now.
"Since the day I understood that you wouldn't hesitate to hurt us!" she snapped back, her voice shaking with fury. "You tried to kill him this year, Sev!"
There were tears glimmering in her eyes by now.
"You almost killed him! Now, for sure he acted like a prat for years, but James never tried to kill you!"
"He made me suffer enough to deserve it."
Lily shook her head again.
"What he did doesn't matter. You tried to kill him, Sev!"
"He doesn't deserve you, Lils! Can't you see that?"
"Why wouldn't he deserve me?"
"He's just a prat, a toerag, a cocky moron. And you're..."
His voice broke.
"You're so much better than he will ever be," he answered, his voice hoarse and shaking.
Lily took a step back, narrowing her eyes.
"Why the hell do you want to know what happens between James and I anyway?" she asked him slowly.
"Because he's going to hurt you in the end. And I'm trying to make you open your eyes so that you can see through his lies..."
"James doesn't lie to me. He loves me, Severus."
There was a deafening silence between them for a moment, before Lily would speak again, her voice shaking despite her best efforts to keep it steady.
"Why do you want to know what happens between James and I, Sev?"
"He'll hurt you, Lils," Severus said, ignoring her question.
"He'll never hurt me. Just like I'll never hurt him."
"He'll leave you in the end. He'll break up with you, and will leave you desperate, on your own..."
"You know nothing about us. James loves me. He has always loved me, and I was too stupid to see it. He will never leave me. Never."
She believed so much in these words, Severus could almost believe in them as well.
But only almost...
"He didn't change, Lils. How can you trust him?"
"I trust him, Sev. I trust him with my life," she answered.
She stared intensely at him.
"Why do you want to know all this anyway?" she asked once more.
But Snape remained silent. And for a moment, Lily could take a glimpse at the truth...
She took another step back.
"You're jealous..."
It sounded more like an affirmation than a question.
"Don't be silly," Snape snapped, though even he was not convinced by his tone.
"That's why you've been threatening him so much since our sixth year. You're jealous because... because I love him."
"I'm not jealous of Potter."
"Sev... you've never been more than a friend to me. And if I've let you see any sign that something else could have happened between us, then I'm sorry..."
"You're wrong, Lils."
"No, no I'm right. You have feelings for me."
She closed her eyes, wincing.
"Merlin, Sev. I'm so sorry."
"You don't see the truth in who Potter is."
She looked up at him again.
"I know who James is, Sev."
She shook her head. She had to be honest with him. The only thing that would help him now was to hear the truth, from her own mouth.
"Nothing would have ever happened between us, Sev."
They stared at each other for a moment, both motionless.
"Even if you hadn't insulted me at the end of our fifth year, even if we would have remained friends, even if you hadn't chosen to listen to Voldemort... Nothing would have ever happened between us."
Snape didn't say anything.
"I'm sorry," Lily went on, and Snape could see on her face that she meant every word that she spoke. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. But I don't love you, Sev. I never have. And I never will."
She shook her head once more.
"There was a time when we were friends... but you went too far. You tried to hurt my friends. You hurt James... And I can't see even a friend in you anymore. You're not this person I trusted once..."
Snape didn't answer again, and so Lily went on.
"I don't mean to hurt you here. But you need to hear the truth. I don't have feelings for you, Sev. There's no competition between you and James... because I will always choose him."
A new silence filled up the space between them.
"I don't mean to hurt you," Lily said again. "But..."
"It was pretty clear, Lils," Snape interrupted her.
"I love him, Sev. I love him with all my heart."
Snape nodded slowly.
"I understand."
"I won't tell James about... what you feel, don't worry."
Snape snorted.
"I thought there were no secrets between the perfect couple."
"He would kill you if he knew."
Snape laughed wryly.
"I'm not afraid of him."
"You should be," Lily advised him.
"Potter is a coward, he would never have the strength to hurt someone."
"You're wrong, Sev. There are some things for which James would be able to do anything. And I'm one of them..."
"Of course he won't do anything. You think that he will come like your knight in shining armour to save you? He's selfish. He'll run away to save his neck."
"You really don't know him at all."
"Oh... I know him alright..."
"No you don't. You don't know what happened this summer. You don't know all the risks he took for me. You don't know all the things he did for me. You're the selfish one, Sev."
"He would never have the strength to do whatever is necessary for him to reach his goal. That's why he won't hurt me. Not seriously anyway. Go on, tell him why I wanted to talk to you, we'll see what he does. But you know just like me that he wouldn't have the strength to endanger my life. He would never have the strength to plan a way to see his revenge fulfilled, to plan every single detail meticulously, to plan everything for weeks..."
He stopped as he was noticing the burning fire in her green eyes. Severus was going too far in his argumentation now, and once more, Lily could glimpse the truth. She walked closer to him, staring at him in the eyes, rage burning through her body.
"If you try to hurt him, in any way, you will have me to deal with, Severus."
"You're too kind to be a threat. You wouldn't hurt anyone. If Potter is too much of a coward, you're too soft."
"I love him with all my heart. I can't live without him," she answered slowly, making sure that he understood perfectly the meaning of every one of her words. "And I won't let anyone hurt him. I'd do anything for him, Severus. I would die for him. I would kill for him. And beware, if you touch him, you can be sure that what I will do to you will be a thousand times worse."
She waved her finger at him angrily.
"Don't you ever speak to me again."
"Lils..."
"Never Snape! If you speak to one of us again, I'll take care of you myself! Can you realize what you're doing? You're threatening the man I love. He's my life!"
She stared at him intensely a few more seconds, before shaking her head, her voice sounding sad now, and not angry.
"If anything happens to me, I'll die, Sev. I swear I will."
"You're exaggerating."
"No, I'm not."
"You've been together for what? Two months? A bit more? That's not what I call a life-changing relationship."
"It is though. James changed my life. I had never loved anyone before him. I didn't even think I could love someone so much."
She stared at him again, her voice soft, trying to explain him things she was sure he couldn't understand.
"What is happening between James and I, it's not just a stupid relationship teenagers have because their merely full of hormones. It's real, Sev. It's serious. It's the real thing, can't you see? James is the one."
Snape remained motionless.
"He's the one, the only one," Lily went on. "And no matter what you think of him... I know the truth. The truth is that he loves me just as deeply as I love him, and that nothing will ever change our feelings. So no, believe me, I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that if something happens to him, I will never be able to live. I need him. You can be as cynical as you want, you won't change the truth."
She let her words sink in for a minute, before resuming her speech, as Snape was still silent.
"If you really have feelings for me, if you want me to be happy, then you'll leave us alone. Leave us alone, Severus. He's wonderful with me, he's making me feel happier than I've ever been in my life. And if you really care about me, then you'll leave me be happy. Leave him alone."
And she stormed out of the corridor.
After a moment, when the sound of her footsteps upon the stones had been shushed by the distance between them, Snape took the toast out of his pocket.
He had been right the previous night. He had understood perfectly the situation.
He took out his wand, applied the tip against the toasted bread drenched in poison, and slowly, he prepared himself to speak the right words for the spell to strike. Only one charm would send this deadly piece of food in James's plate, and the boy would be dead in a matter of seconds.
But another word formed by its own will on his tongue.
"Incendio."
And he let go of the food, striding down the corridor, whilst the bread was burning on the cold floor.
James had his eyes fixed on his watch, counting the seconds to reach the moment he would run through the corridor to kick Snape's arse the proper way. But he didn't need to, as Lily finally appeared by his side, next to the door of the Great Hall.
"You're not eating yet?" she asked kindly.
"With you alone with this greasy git? Do you really think I could be able to eat something?"
He heaved a deep sigh, half-frustrated, half-relieved. But after a struggle of a few seconds, he couldn't fight anymore, and he wrapped his strong arms around Lily. The girl laughed softly, running her hands in his messy hair.
"Don't you dare do something that stupid ever again," he ordered. "Do you hear?"
She nodded, her face buried in his shirt.
"I should never have let you alone with him," James sighed, angry against himself.
"He didn't hurt me, James," Lily reassured him.
"What did he want?" he asked her.
She looked up at him, worried. She didn't look at Snape as a friend anymore, true, but she didn't want him to suffer either. Somehow, she was still hoping he could become a good person again someday. And she knew perfectly how James would react if she told him the truth.
James narrowed his eyes.
"What. Did. He. Say?" he asked her, and she could hear in his voice that he was getting angry already.
She sighed. She couldn't keep anything from him anyway. And Snape had told her to tell him... though he probably merely said that because he was angry, but that was a detail.
"Not here. Let's go back to the dorms," she answered.
James frowned, but nodded anyway, and followed her back to Heads' dormitory.
"What happened?" James asked once more as he was closing the door of her bedroom.
She sat down on her bed, heaving a deep sigh, and James sat next to her.
"James, he didn't hurt me," she told him. "I swear he didn't. You have to promise me that you won't go after him. Okay?"
"Depends on what he told you," he answered through gritted teeth.
"James..."
"Lils!" he roared.
She looked up at him, and he closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down.
"I shouldn't have raised my voice, I'm sorry," he apologized, breathing heavily despite his calm voice. "But the more you're delaying this, the more I'm pissed off. So let's get rid of this."
She nodded, searching for the right words.
"He..." she said slowly. "He wanted to know if... if I loved you."
James froze.
"What else?" he asked, his voice colder than ice.
"He asked if we had... slept together."
James's cheeks turned crimson.
"He thought you weren't sincere with me. He thought you would leave me..."
James laughed wryly.
"Bullshit! And he knows it."
"James I..."
She took his hands in hers.
"I think he... I think he has feelings for me."
James didn't answer, and Lily looked warily at him.
"James?"
"I heard you," he answered.
"Can you say something?"
He shrugged.
"What would you have me say?"
"I thought you would be angry," she admitted.
"I am. All I want to do right now is to cut off his balls..."
"James, it's not his fault."
"You know what makes me even angrier? It's that you're still defending him!"
"I'm not defending him..."
"Yes, you are!" James roared, shouting again. "You're saying it's not his fault! That's what I call defend someone!"
"He can't chose who he likes..." she tried to calm him down, tears shining in her eyes at the sound of his angry shouts.
"He doesn't like you, Lils. He loves you."
They remained silent for a moment, staring at each other.
"James," Lily said slowly, taking firmly his face in her hands, though he tried to back away, "I love you."
He stopped fighting against her grasp, and stared at her green eyes.
"You know perfectly there is no competition for you coming from Severus."
"He loves you, Lils," James replied.
"And I love you," she repeated. "I don't want you to think that I wanted this to happen. Because I've never wanted this. I've never felt anything for him, even when we were friends. And you know it."
Suddenly, there were tears in his eyes, and when he spoke again, James's voice was shaking, but it was not out of anger anymore.
"I don't like the fact that someone else can feel for you what I feel..."
"It doesn't matter..."
"It does matter. It does matter because... because I understand how he must be feeling right now."
She looked questioningly at him.
"How do you think I was feeling last year, Lils?" he asked her.
Lily froze.
"When you were laughing with your boyfriend, kissing him..."
He shook his head, tears shining more and more at the corners of his hazel eyes.
"I know what it feels like to love someone more than it should be possible to love, and to have to watch this person be with someone else, happy... when you feel like shit all day long."
She wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I didn't know you loved me back then," she whispered against his ear.
"I know. And it wouldn't have changed anything anyway."
"Maybe it would have."
"You didn't love me."
She closed her eyes.
"Do you know when I realized I loved you?" she asked, whispering.
He shook his head.
"When I broke up with Liam," she said slowly, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "I wasn't sad, I wasn't... I wasn't feeling anything. And suddenly, it all became clear... Why I had never been able to tell him that I loved him, why I didn't want to meet his family, why I had preferred your gifts over his, why I wasn't sad now that I was losing him. It was because I loved you. Because it had always been you, James."
She looked at him once more, but he turned his face away, fleeing her green gaze, drying quickly his cheeks with his sleeve. But she forced him to look at her again.
"I love you. I'll always love, James. You're..."
Her voice broke, but he silently encouraged her to continue, caressing tenderly her cheek, his eyes tender by now.
"You're the one."
His jaw dropped.
"I know it sounds stupid to say this when we're just seventeen but..." she went on, almost crying by now, a lump in her throat. "But it's the truth."
Before she could react, he had crushed their lips together. Her hands flew up in his hair in less than a second, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing her against him. Somehow, she found herself sitting on his laps, as he was still sitting on the edge of her bed, their tongues still intertwined.
After an eternity, they pulled away, gasping for air.
"Will you go after him?" she asked shyly.
James heaved a deep sigh, before shaking his head.
"He already suffers enough because the girl he loves is happily in couple with his worst enemy, I reckon," he answered slowly, running his hand through her red hair.
She smiled.
"This, James Potter, is one of the many reasons why I'm madly in love with you."
James smiled, rubbing his nose against hers.
"Why? Because I'm able to control myself for once?"
She smiled tenderly at him.
"Because you're kind."
He kissed her lips once more, before moving his mouth to her collarbone.
"I could think of another reason why you love me..." he breathed in a husky voice.
The next second, he had pinned her against the mattress, and was lying on top of her. He torn the buttons of her shirt apart.
"We're supposed to go in Transfiguration," she breathed as he was taking off his own shirt.
"Screw the goddamn classes," he mumbled, devouring her neck. "Plus, I've shouted at you. I need to make you forgive me for that."
She moaned loudly, his hands stroking her ribs.
"You're forgiven," she whispered.
"Good."
He suddenly stopped, looking at her eyes again.
"Lils... there's something I need to tell you."
"What is it?" she asked, craving for the feeling of his lips on her skin to come back again.
"You said I was the one..."
She opened her mouth to stop him, but he didn't let her interrupt him.
"I need to tell you... You're the one for me too, Lils."
They stared at each other for a moment, lost in each other's eyes.
"You're the only one," James went on. "I've always known you were, since our very first night at Hogwarts."
He caressed tenderly her cheekbone with his thumb.
"And I promise you that I'll never leave you. I intend to stay with you until my very last breath. No matter what the rest of the world tries to do to tear us apart, I promise you, I won't let them. All I want to do with my life is to grow old with you by my side. I love you so much Lils."
Before he could add another word, she crushed their lips together again, kissing him feverishly. The next second, she was struggling with his belt.
"I thought you didn't want to miss McGonagall's class..." James teased her, his lips moving across her shoulder stained with freckles.
"Screw the goddamn classes," she answered, out of breath already.
James chuckled against collarbone.
"I'm having a bad influence on you, I reckon," he said.
"I had noticed that..."
She felt him smirking against her skin, whilst his trousers were flying across the room.
She knew she should be panicking right now, after what James had just admitted. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her... saying this at seventeen, it was completely crazy. But coming from James, it didn't sound crazy, it seemed right. And somehow, she didn't feel scared at all at the idea of spending her entire life with him by her side.
