Life continued on in the months before the wedding. Alicia grew more comfortable in her role as lawyer and partner at a big firm; taking back many of her former clients from Will, Diane, and the few other partners they'd been spread among. Gradually the rumors of her incapability to practice the law had begun to turn to rumors of respect among the legal community.
Grace had another birthday. Will, Alicia, and the kids spent a long weekend in Wisconsin with Kurt and Diane on the shores of Lake Michigan.
With Veronica and Bill traveling a little less, and with Will's mother, as well as Josh and Julia living in town now, they spent a fair amount of Sunday evenings entertaining in the backyard.
Will and Alicia's counseling sessions with Dr. Benson had been cut back to once a month. In the middle of August Dr. Benson decided it was time to begin cutting back the dose on Alicia's depression medication. Something she was more than glad to be doing.
On the face of it everything looked normal after so many months of ups and downs. They were living what most would consider a regular life for two people who ran their own law firm.
The difference between Will and Alicia, and others, was that there would probably always be issues to deal with related to her amnesia and head injury. Yes, she'd re-learned much of the law. She had a decent grasp of her past because of her journals, the photo albums, and everyone's willingness to retell the past. However, none of that would ever be the same as remembering all of it. The reality was that it was just plain difficult not to be able to recall things. Sometimes when searching for answers her mind would simply go blank. She'd become overwhelmed and doubt everything she was doing. Large social gatherings still made her very nervous.
Six weeks before the wedding, she and Will sat in the conference room working on a case with a team of their lawyers, and a team from the opposing side, all trying to negotiate.
Between the fast pace of the meeting, and the unfamiliar terms that were being thrown around the room, she'd eventually been unable to keep up, growing more frustrated with every passing minute. During the last half hour of the meeting she sat back and listened, but didn't register a single word being said.
After the meeting she went back to her office and sat on the sofa doing nothing. Will found her still sitting there awhile later.
"So that went well. We'll start depositions week after next if we need to. Do you want to work on the briefs, or..."
She was looking right at him, but her mind was somewhere else. After his first two sentences nothing else registered.
So focused on the case, it took him a few minutes to realize he'd been having a one way conversation. "Leesh, which do you want? The briefs, or witness prep?" He waited for an answer, but got none. "Leesh,"
Snapping out of what felt like a haze, she stood and went back to her desk. "I don't know." She sat in her chair and stared out the window.
"Okay, I'll get Karen to help you with the briefs if you don't have a preference."
"When do they need to be turned in?"
"By Friday."
"Does Karen have all the case notes?"
"No, you'll need to give her access to all the files. I think she was confused near the end of the meeting. You'll probably have to guide her through some of it."
"I can't." She finally turned her head, meeting his gaze.
"I...why? Do you have an appointment this afternoon?"
She leaned forward, placing her elbows on the desk, growing a little agitated. "No Will. I mean I can't explain the case to her because I don't understand it myself. My minds been going blank all day. I don't know the meaning to half the things said in that meeting. There were ten people in that room talking over each other. I couldn't follow half the conversation."
Frustrated, she stood and began to pace in front of him. "I should be able to keep it all straight. I should be able to focus long enough to get through an hour long meeting, but I couldn't do it today. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking into a brick wall over and over again." She hated this, feeling incapable and vulnerable.
He stood moving in front of her, forcing her to stand still. "Leesh, it's okay. It's just one of those days." This happened periodically, they both knew it. They both knew it would happen again. It was simply the way her mind worked now.
"I know. It just seems like I've found myself in these situations more frequently lately. I'm sorry. I'm sure if I sit down and read through everything again, Karen and I can get the briefs done."
"No, I'll go through it with you now. We can go at a pace that will work for you, and then you can work with Karen."
"But Will, you have other things you need to do."
"Leesh, I promise its fine."
"I don't know if I'll be able to stay focused very long right now."
"Then we'll take a break. Finish tonight after the kids go to bed if we need to."
He reached for her pulling her close to his warm body. "I know you feel frustrated when this happens. But it's fine. This is the way it is, and we work through it. You're having an off day, that's all. It's okay."
She wanted to believe him, but there was a tiny part of her that continued to feel anxious about everything. In the next few weeks her moods seemed to be on a roller coaster. One hour she'd be perfectly content, the next she'd feel anxious and depressed.
One night they were getting ready to attend an Illinois Bar Association gala. She stood in front of him tying his bow tie. "I'm glad you remember how to do this. I hate tying these things. It's not as easy as a regular tie."
She laughed. "I didn't remember. Diane showed me how to do it this afternoon after she told me I'd probably need to do yours." She finished and stood back to admire her work. "Not bad for my first time."
He turned and looked in the mirror. "That does look good. Don't be surprised if we have to stall the wedding after you walk down the aisle so you can straighten me out."
She laughed some more, straightening out his jacket taking in the sight of him in a tux. "You might have to put in some practice between now and the wedding."
"We could get dressed for the wedding together. That would easily solve the problem." His hands moved to her hips.
"Nice try. But the dress is off limits for you until I walk down that aisle." She turned away from him to get some earrings. Feeling his eyes on her she smiled grabbing the pair she wanted. Turning back to face him as she put them on, she couldn't help but blush. "What are you staring at?" She knew full well, but wanted to hear him say it.
"My wife in this dress that's going to make every other male at the party jealous." Reaching for her again his eyes followed the path his hands took down the smooth dark blue silk fabric of her dress over her bare shoulders, down her sides over her perfect curves. Once his hands made their way to her hips he pulled her closer and pressed a firm, passionate kiss to her lips.
A half hour later, thinking nothing of it, they made their way through traffic to the venue, talking, laughing, unable to keep their eyes off each other. But soon after arriving at the gala everything changed. Unbeknownst to them, she'd become a person of interest, a topic of conversation once they'd arrived. Everyone wanted to get a look at, or have a chance to talk to Alicia Gardner. Her story fascinated people.
After being there just over an hour, barely being left alone long enough to eat, she felt dizzy. Will even grew annoyed by the number of people who'd interrupted their conversations with close acquaintances more than once. When he noticed another couple making their way towards them, he grabbed her hand leading her to the dance floor for a reprieve.
Closing her eyes she rested her chin on his shoulder, focusing on him and the music. But it was impossible to calm her nerves at that point. Feeling trapped, she turned to whisper in his ear. "Ozone"
Turning his head slightly, he whispered back. "You know I was about to say the same thing to you. Let's get out of here."
The following week Dr. Benson, after hearing about how things had been going, determined that her mood swings were probably due to her medication change. With only two weeks until the wedding, Alicia not wanting to deal with the emotional roller coaster of a detox in the next few weeks, convinced Dr. Benson to let her go back to the full dose until after the honeymoon.
It helped with the emotions, but not with her amnesia related symptoms. Wondering if something had changed, or gone wrong in her brain, the week before the wedding she insisted the doctors do an MRI at her monthly check-up. Everything looked fine. She tried to accept that, and focus on the wedding.
Now, the day before the wedding, she and Will were walking hand in hand among the grounds where they'd be married. It was beautiful. The large estate on the property was colonial style. The grounds were covered with brick paths that wound through lush gardens. The beginnings of fall touched the trees, causing the landscape before them to burst with a mix of green, dark red, orange and yellow. Just beyond the gardens were acres of grape vines that produced some of the best wine made in New York. It was better than any photos she'd seen. Better than anything she'd imagined it would be.
The warm afternoon sun shone down on them as they walked the path towards the area where the ceremony would take place. It was like a breath of fresh air, finally having a few minutes alone together after the hectic few months they'd had.
Owen had taken the kids to get ice cream, unable to handle another minute with their parents who'd been acting like a sappy engaged couple for months now. Even worse, being forced to spend the past two days following the engaged couple around New York so their father could walk all four of them down memory lane. It had gotten so bad in the past few days that by the time they got back to the hotel the previous night Grace and Zach had vociferously rejected doing anything but staying at the hotel so they could swim, and eat pizza in their pajamas.
- The two stood in front of their parents, arms folded.
"There's this really great place I want to take your mom for dinner," Will had insisted.
"Then take her. But we're staying here. I don't want to eat any more of that crazy food you guys ate twenty-years ago." Grace held Will's attention as Alicia stood back and watched, doing her best to suppress a laugh.
The two kids were quickly bursting Will's bubble. "What do you mean strange? You told us you liked everything you've eaten since we got here."
As the oldest child, Zach stepped in trying to play it cool, his hands moving to his pockets. "Look, Dad, the foods been great. What Grace is trying to say is that," he quickly glanced at Alicia. "We're really happy you two are so happy and in love and all that. It's just..." Suddenly he wasn't so sure he wanted to be so honest.
Alicia knew what was going on and reached for Will's arm lacing hers through his. "You two have been stuck with us for nearly forty-eight hours, and we're getting married in two days, and have been acting like it. You need a break? Not from us in a literal sense, but you need a break from the reminiscing, and the sightseeing, and your father leaning over to kiss me whenever we're waiting on a subway platform, or for a waiter to bring us our food?"
Zach smiled, nodding his head. "Yeah, that sums it up pretty well."
"Okay, go change into your swim suits. We'll come sit at the pool while you swim and try not to embarrass you. And when we get back to the room we can order that pizza you want." Alicia rustled his hair as the two happily turned to go to the adjoining room.
At that point Will knew it was hopeless to argue, keeping in mind that in a few short days he and Alicia could do whatever, whenever they wanted.
She turned to face Will. "Sorry, I guess the best Chinese food I've ever eaten, will have to wait until another day."
He smiled bringing his hand to her cheek. "It's okay." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips.
"They're already kissing again," Grace yelled, with a tinge of exasperation to Zach. She had come back into the room to grab a bag she needed.
Both Will and Alicia smiled, holding the kiss. -
At the end of the path there was a clearing amongst the large aged trees, and acres of grape vines behind them. Will let go of her hand. Stepping a few feet ahead he turned to face her.
"They'll set up the chairs here." He held his arms out to the side. "And you'll walk down this path, Grace in front of you, Owen at your side."
Looking around she threaded her hand through his again. "Is this the same spot as it was twenty-years ago?" she asked, as they continued to walk.
"Yes." Moments later, beneath the shade of a tree, he stopped. Turning, he pulled her close to his body wrapping his arms around her. "I'll be standing right here unable to keep my eyes off you." He spoke softly as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"And then what?" Her dark lashes fluttered as she looked into his eyes.
He continued in a soft tone. "Then we'll exchange rings and vows, and the priest will give me permission to kiss you."
"Why don't you show me how that kiss will go?"
He reached to brush back the strands of her hair that were flying in the breeze. Resting his hand at the back of her neck, he leaned down and pressed a passionate kiss to her warm lips.
"The kids will roll their eyes if you carry on like that," she breathed, briefly breaking the connection.
He smiled just inches from her face. "I hope so."
He stared into her eyes sending a rush of ease and comfort through her body. Those dark brown eyes had been the first thing to provide her with any sort of ease and trust after waking up not knowing who or where she was eighteen-months prior. It had been the way he looked at her, different from everyone else, as if he could see into her soul.
Now so many months later she could almost tell what he was thinking whenever he looked at her, typically love and trust, but he had his other looks as well. The boyish gleam in his eye when he couldn't keep his gaze from wandering up and down her body, exactly the way he'd been looking at her for a good solid week now.
Or there was the way the brown irises turned slightly darker when he was angry. Such as the argument they'd gotten into about a month prior. A misunderstanding at work that had escalated when they'd gotten home and disagreed about something that Zach had done.
She now even recognized the look he held when he was sad. It had nearly torn her heart to shreds when they'd gone to the cemetery together on the recent anniversary of Kate's passing.
One look she'd become a little too familiar with in the past few weeks was when he worried - about her. That look was different from the one he held when he was worried or nervous about something at work, or even the kids.
She shook her head, brushing the thoughts from her mind. She didn't want to think about it.
"Were you nervous when we got married?" She released her hold around his neck, taking his hand so they could walk again. "I remember reading in my journal abut how your father had told me you were nervous, but was it true?"
He chuckled. "I was terrified."
"Really?" The comment came as a bit of a surprise.
"Terrified isn't the right word. That was one of the best days of my life. I couldn't wait to be married to you. But while we stood there at the alter kissing, it occurred to me the responsibility I'd just taken on, and it scared me half to death."
He glanced down at her. "I wanted nothing more in the world that day then to be your husband. And I've never considered us anything but equals. But in a matter of seconds you were no longer just my best friend, my girlfriend, or my lover. As your husband I felt, feel, like it's my responsibility to always protect you and the kids. To make certain you're always taken care of. I wanted to do all of that. But that day, and on many days since then, I didn't know if I could. If I can't, that means I've failed. It was the idea of failing you that really scared me."
Her grasp on his hand tightened. "You're track record looks pretty good from where I'm standing."
They continued to walk for awhile, and eventually headed back to the estate to go over a few last minute details with the wedding coordinator.
In the late afternoon Alicia could feel a headache coming on. In an attempt to keep it under control they kept things low key for the remainder of the day, sitting outside on the large patio under the shade of the large trees visiting with family, and the few friends who were staying with them at the estate. Just beyond the patio was a large pool, which the kids took advantage of.
That night the adults sat together talking after the kids had gone to bed. Will and Alicia sat next to each other, his arm draped over her shoulder. They were listening to the conversation going on around them, but not participating much, being caught up in their own little world. He leaned close to whisper something seductive in her ear. She nodded turning to him whispering back. Then looked at her watch as he whispered in her ear again, causing her to giggle quietly.
"You know, I think they're worse then they were twenty years ago." Julia said, gaining everyone's attention. "I remember them both being a little more discreet in their shows of affection back then."
This caught Alicia's attention, but not before Owen cut in.
"I think it's about the same. But you should have heard the stories Zach and Grace told me about them today."
Alicia rolled her eyes, causing Will to laugh under his breath. "Owen, stop it." She reached for her glass of wine. "We haven't been that bad."
Everyone laughed. "Yes, you have." Diane said, taking Kurt's hand into hers. "I'm very happy for both of you. But I, probably more than anyone in this room, am glad you're going on a long honeymoon. It will give you time to get all of it out of your systems so that when you come back to work, I can walk into your offices without feeling like I've stepped into the last scene of a romance film."
Alicia went to protest, but Will reached for her arm stopping her. "It's no use, Leesh. As usual Diane is right. We'd lose this case in court."
"Is this honeymoon still a big secret?" Sara asked. "Or are you just unwilling to tell your older sister?" She definitely had Will's attention.
"You're not the only one being left in the dark." Julia looked at Alicia. "Come on, twenty-four hours from now you two will be headed for that honeymoon. It's time to let that cat out of the bag."
Will and Alicia shared a knowing look. They both enjoyed the fact that they'd been able to keep this a secret.
"Not going to happen Jules," Will responded. "We'll have our phones if there's an emergency. I promised Alicia a trip without work and interruptions, and that's what she's going to get. If someone absolutely needs us, and our phones don't have coverage, there's a list of hotels we'll be staying at locked up in my office safe. Someone I trust has the combination to the lock."
All eyes turned to Diane. She was the obvious choice in everyone's mind. "Don't look at me. I don't have it. Will said if I had to call either of them about work it better be for nothing less than the Feds raiding our offices for something they claim he or Alicia had done."
Everyone laughed. "And I meant it," he added. Then he looked at Aubrey and Owen. "Just so we're clear, any incoming calls from either of you will be ignored."
Aubrey feigned hurt. Owen just laughed. "So you two don't want any unexpected room service or early morning wake-up-calls this time around?"
Alicia glared at him. Will laughed under his breath. "Not if you want to continue to live when we get back."
Owen couldn't keep from laughing. "I would have loved to have seen Alicia's reaction at two in the morning."
"I still can't believe you two did that." Will's mother said.
"Mom, we were young and in college, and we didn't have anyone else to hang out with at their wedding. All their friends were sophisticated professionals." Aubrey turned to Julia. "No offense Julia. But your crowd bored us to death back then."
"No offense taken."
"Owen and I came up with our plan while you two were out on the dance floor unable to keep your hands or eyes off each other." Aubrey added, looking at her brother.
After the wedding twenty years prior Will and Alicia had gone to stay at a nearby hotel for their wedding night before flying out the next day for their honeymoon. Owen and Aubrey had called the hotel and had room service deliver something to them three times during the night. They'd also set up an early morning wake-up call for five in the morning. When Will and Alicia, after talking to the hotel staff the next day, figured out what had happened they'd both called their siblings and had a four letter word with each of them.
Will put his arm across Alicia's back leaning closer to their two siblings. "And this is why no one knows where we're going, or staying. If somehow you two end up getting that information and use it try to pull something similar, just remember that our children will be under your supervision for a few days while we're gone, and that while they love being with you two, I guarantee I can get them to make your lives miserable if I need to."
"Is that a threat big brother?" Aubrey said, laughing along with everyone else.
"Yes, and trust me you don't want to cross him when he threatens to use the kids." Alicia added, in Will's defense.
"And with that, I think it's time to get some sleep." Will stood taking Alicia's hand to follow. "We'll see all of you tomorrow."
Once he'd closed the door to their room, she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Thank you for backing me up down there." He kissed her softly, his hands roaming over her body.
"Anything for you," she breathed against his neck. Her headache still lingered, but she was filled with excitement and comfort in his arms. Finally able to let the anticipation and fun of the wedding flow through her, they spent the next while making love to each other. Afterwards they lay tangled together drifting off to sleep.
During the night Alicia grew wrestles in her sleep. The movement waking Will, he turned to face her. Clearly not awake he wrapped his arm securely around her in an effort to calm the dream was having.
- She stood in a white gown, not one she recognized, in a field with Will surrounded by everyone she knew. They were happy, celebrating their new marriage. Slowly everyone around them started to fade into the background and disappear. As she looked around at the faces that just moments before had been familiar, one by one they became unfamiliar. All except for Will. She began to feel confused, unable to remember where she was or what was going on.
She grabbed onto Will's hand, the confusion turning to fear. "Will, what's happening?"
She looked at him for reassurance, and an answer, but he didn't say anything. Little by little she was losing her memory, her identity, everything slipping away just as the people around her.
Soon, Will was the only one left standing next to her, but he to soon started drifting away from her. Her body tensed, becoming more frightened, she held onto his hand as best she could, but he kept drifting further and further away she couldn't hold on, she couldn't move. "Will, no! Come back. Will!" she cried, just before he disappeared.
Moments later, tears streaming down her face, the sun beating down on her, she took in her surroundings. Nothing was familiar. She couldn't recall where who or where she was.
Feeling truly terrified she glanced down towards the grass beneath her feet taking in the white dress she wore. Panic set in. Turning quickly, unable to see anyone else, her feet finally able to move, she began to run.
"Help!" she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please, someone help!"
In the distance she heard a voice.
"Alicia,"
She stopped running in an attempt to find the unfamiliar voice.
"Alicia," she heard again. Feeling a hand on her arm she jumped waking from the dream. -
In the first few seconds after bolting upright in the bed, her heart racing, she frantically looked around the room. Unable to place it, she grasped onto the pillow next to her, before she realized someone was right next to her with his hand on her arm.
"Leesh," Will said, concern written all over his face.
She stared at him for a few seconds as her surroundings finally registered in her mind.
"Will." Filling with relief, but unable to control the sobs, her body collapsed against his, burying her head into his chest. He wrapped her into his embrace as her grasp on him tightened.
"Shhhhh, its okay," he said. "It was just a dream."
After the tears subsided, she told him about the dream. "I know the doctors said that everything looked great last week. That if anything my brain scans look better then they did three months ago. I know that some of this is from the medication changes in the past few weeks. But Will," Her gaze moved to the large window across the room. "Lately, I've been scared to death that I'll wake up one day and won't remember anything. And after a dream like that, it's difficult to not worry, or be a bit nervous at the thought."
"I know. And I'm sure I can't even imagine how scary that must be." Running his hands soothingly over her back, he held her gaze. "But I've got to believe what the doctors say. Everything is fine. The chances of you losing your memory again are almost non-existent. We're going to get the medication thing under control. You've seemed better in the past week already."
She knew he was trying to be encouraging, and she appreciated it. Just having him there next to her to help calm her down made the situation easier.
"I have felt better the past week or so. And I know you're right. It's just…" She turned to rest more comfortably against him.
He kissed the top of her head. "Leesh, I think it's just the stress of wedding, and everything else. Your mind is playing tricks on you. It's going to be okay, I promise. Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Just hold me." She pulled his arm more securely around her. As the minutes passed her heart rate went back down. She felt less scared, and anxious. He talked to her, trying to distract her from the dream. He'd become an expert at this. Although, she thought, he'd probably always been good at comforting her.
Awhile later she looked at the clock on the bedside table. "We have to be up in a few hours."
His lips curved upwards. "We should probably go back to sleep. I don't want you to be tired on your wedding day."
She leaned close and gave him a quick kiss. "I have something for you first." She pulled the covers from off her legs, and climbed out of bed. "I was going to wait until morning, but I want you to have it now."
She returned to the bed, after retrieving a box from her bag. Snuggling in close again, she handed it to him. He seemed genuinely touched by the gesture. A warm smile crossed his features in the dim glow of the lamp light. Opening the box, his eyes briefly met hers after seeing what was inside.
"My father's watch." He sat back against the soft pillows lifting the watch from the box.
"I found it tucked away in your sock drawer last month. When I saw the engravings on the back, I asked your mother about it."
He turned the watch over in his hand and read the dates inscribed on back, the earliest dating back to 1939, the wedding date of his grandparents. Will's grandfather had given it to his only son on his wedding day, Will's father. Will's father had done the same, passing it on to Will the day he and Alicia had been married. The dates of each wedding were inscribed on the back. Getting a little choked up, he read the last date on the watch. The one Alicia had added a few weeks prior. Will pulled her closer, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head while looking at the clock. "Today's date," he said, quietly. "The day I get to marry the love of my life all over again."
Settling her body against his, she placed her hand on his chest. "Your mom told me about your grandparents, how in love they were, and how difficult it was for your grandmother to send him off to war."
He shook his head at the memory that flooded through him in that instance. "Did she tell you the part of the story about my grandfather being injured in the war?"
Her arm stretched around his middle as she held him tight. "The part about how his unit took on heavy artillery fire, and how he was injured and knocked unconscious? About how he woke up ten days later with dissociative amnesia caused by the trauma, and couldn't remember your grandmother for awhile? Yes, she told me."
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "When the doctors told me you had amnesia, I figured it was the same as my grandfather's had been. That because of the trauma from the accident you'd never remember that day, but that the other things they said you couldn't remember would come back in a few days or weeks, just like his had. I didn't know there were different types of amnesia. My grandmother said the two months after his accident were the longest of her life. He was overseas recovering, so she couldn't see him. All she could do was write to him and hope that when he came home he'd recognize her, get his memories of her back. The amnesia was temporary. And he did remember her. It all came back when he saw her." He ran his hand up and down her arm.
"And nine-months later your father was born." Alicia looked up at him. He nodded turning the watch over in his hand a few more times.
"Thank you for this. It means a lot to me."
She reached her free hand to his cheek. "You're welcome." She leaned in and kissed him softly.
Pulling apart, he leaned over and turned the lamp back out. Shifting more comfortably beneath the sheets, his body pressed against hers again. "I can't wait to marry you in a few hours." He said softly, as she rested her head on his chest.
"I can't wait to marry you either. And Will,"
"Hmm, he said, sleepily.
"Thank you for making me feel better." Finally able to relax, her mind at peace, she fell into a deep blissful sleep.
