Kyandi: Hello all Kyandiacs.
Rette: We're back.
Kyandi: And we have two chapters for all of you!
Rette: Admittedly, this one is a little on the short side.
Kyandi: Well, it was suppose to be more of a small, wrap-up kind of chapter that also kind of sets some other things up.
Rette: Oh, right. The surprise.
Kyandi: Shush! Not another word out of you.
Rette: Got it.
Kyandi: With that said, everyone, please enjoy and review.
Rette: Kyandi-sama does not own Fairy Tail.
Kyandi: If I did, the ending would have been so much more detailed.
Chapter 56 Dear Diary
How do I start this...? I refuse to use "Dear Diary" so I will simple go with, Whoever happens to be reading,
First thing first, my name is Rette Irini Starrilia. I'm nineteen, a mage, and was originally born as Amoreta Banesbloud. But that last part doesn't really matter. Where was I? Oh. Right. I'm nineteen and a mage of the magical guild, Fairy Tail; home of the world's foremost trouble making mages.
Not trouble making in a I'm-evil-and-am-going-to-destroy-the-world kind of way. Its more of an idiotic kind of way. A lot of things get blown up when my guild mates are in town. But while my guild is known for it's trouble makers, forefront of those being our resident hot head(no pun intended, I swear), Natsu Dragneel, and was constantly filled with yelling and/or fighting, how do I put this...it's home.
You see, I didn't have a good childhood by any standards, and while I would rather not talk about it, this might be my last chance to tell the story from my point of view. Every last detail. After all, this letter will probably never be found by anyone, anyway.
I was born on an uncommonly cold, late spring night to my twisted, cruel, dark mage of a father and my poor, kind hearted mother who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and whose only mistake was loving a mentally ill man. Sadly, she died just a few days after my birth, courtesy of my father. This left me in the hateful clutches of my father in a place that never had an ounce of warmth to it in any way, shape, or form.
Then again, when you're born and raised underground, everything's cold...even the people.
Everyone, but my nursemaid. She had been my mother's best friend and, ironically...her baby sister, my aunt, Seraphina. It's not a detail that's known even to those who know my secrets, but Aunt Seraphina was the only light in my dark world. After seeing what my father did to my mother, she didn't try to defy him. After all, she had only been fourteen at the time and what fourteen year old would openly defy the man who killed her sister? But she had taught me my Light of Creation magic, the magic my mother used and she was the one that helped me to finally escape.
Even now, I wonder whatever happened to my dear, sweet aunt, but I doubt I would ever get the truth from my father.
But I digress.
Upon my birth, my father, who was a right hand man to the dark mage, Zeref, allowed said man to name me. Zeref bestowed the name Amoreta on me. My nickname, from what my aunt told me later on, was picked out by my mother before she died.
My father was highly abusive and almost everything I did caused him anger. It wasn't like I tried. I remember working hard not to anger him, but it never worked. My very existence seemed to anger him. As punishment he would hurt me, starve me, though he would never allow me to die. That was perhaps the cruelest thing he did. I spent most of my long, endless days, alone in the dark and cold, dressed in nothing but, literally, a rag, afraid and angry at everything and everyone.
Looking back on it now, perhaps the lack of clothes back then is why I hate underwear now.
It's certainly food for thought.
By the time I was three, my tears had dried up. By the time I was four, I had received my first life long scar from my father in the form of a shackle scar on my ankle. By the time I was five, I cracked under the constant fear and anger.
It was the first time that, in a fit of rage and fear for my life, the voice started speaking in my head, urging me to hurt and kill.
And I did.
My father had caught one of the few other children in the Compound, trying to slip food to me while I was being punished. When confronted, the boy stood up for me. As a way to punish us both...he ordered me to kill the boy. After beating him nearly to death, first. I refused. In anger, my father killed the boy and turned on me. He was so angry that he ripped into my stomach without a second thought. In that blind urging of anger, I nearly clawed out one of his eyes.
After that, fear had quickly replaced anger and the urge to flee was what finally got me out of that forsaken place. It was a year later, still in my blind run through wilderness I had never before encountered, that I met my dragons; Tundron and Chrysalis. If you want a weird childhood, try being six and running into two large dragons that could squash you under one clawed foot like a bug. And then try having those same dragons decide to adopt you as their daughter.
Yeah, the whole "Mommy, where do babies come from" conversation yielded some strange results.
I never did find out. Not until recently.
But, just between me and you...they aren't the only dragons I met when I was little.
Though I never told them about the other one...she wasn't so nice.
Needless to say, by the time I met them, my heart was about as open as a concrete dam. I butted heads with my dragon parents a lot and we argued a lot. Most of those arguments ended with me hanging from one of my dragon father's icy back spikes by the back of my dress. Chrysalis found it hilarious.
Yeah...dragons have a weird sense of humor.
I didn't want to admit it out loud until recently, especially after they vanished, but I really did care for the both of them. They had given me all they could; time, love...two beings to call family despite the difference in species. I was just too closed off to see it at the moment. Too angry to believe them vanishing was anything other than them abandoning me.
Not that I've been much better later on in life.
Even with how much I've changed, I have still closed up the most vulnerable part of me from everyone around me. I thought it better to live locked in my personal hell than to risk anymore of my heart.
But I digress. Like I said, though, Tundron and Chrysalis vanished. One day, when I was eleven, they just up and vanished without a word to me. Or...at least that was how it seemed. I know differently now, but back then, I had no idea where they went and I had no where to go. Without them there, I had no reason to stay, so I started travelling. Always alone, always keeping the world at a distance. It was around this time that I started to pick up books from here and there and started learning other types of magic.
I didn't want to use the magic my dragon parents had taught me, so I sought out new magic and started applying the mixing technique I had picked up on when I was learning Dragon Slayer magic, thus giving birth to a new type of magic: Nexus Magic.
A year later, I found a large egg in a field of wild thyme. From that hatched my constant companion, Thyme. She was so tiny then. I use to carry her in a makeshift sling across my chest, as if she was a baby. At least until she could fly steadily. Now a days, she constantly sits on my shoulder. She's the first creature I've ever let my guard down around.
Kind of hard not to when she can sometimes read my thoughts and emotions.
We traveled around, on our own, for a good six years. It was a simple life usually consumed with raking up money for food and running from dark guilds. Simple, but better than what I had originally come from.
And then I met them.
Fairy Tail.
I can't help but look at my guild mates as I write this. Upon first being introduced to the chaos of the guild, I had been...overwhelmed. And understandably so, mind you. Any normal, sane person(and I'm not entirely sure that applies to me) would have balked in the face of the members of this guild.
The master, Makarov, managed to talk me into joining the guild, Thyme following me in the choice, but I had tried to keep my distance. Despite their rowdiness and quirks, the people of Fairy Tail are good people. I didn't, and still don't, want to do anything to cause them harm of any kind.
This guild is mine after all and I protect what's mine.
Over time, the people of the guild just kind of...weaseled their way in.
When they want something, they make it impossible to tell them no.
I didn't realize it when it was happening. At first it was just a feeling of, "This isn't so bad" and then it was stronger feelings of growing affection. Then, before I even knew what hit me, the guild captured my heart. Or, at least, what's left of it.
They became my God given solace in this world. The one thing that calmed my heart amidst the storm it almost always seemed to be caught in. Even when the world around me was going up in smoke, they kept the very core of my heart calm and tranquil.
I won't admit any of this out loud, of course, though I have a feeling I don't really need to. Some of them, at least, have figured it out by now. I've felt myself relaxing my guard around them, more and more during the time I've been with them. How could I not?
There was Makarov who, like a true father, wanted only what was best for me. He only wanted me to be happy. He treats me like I'm actually his child. It's a bit surprising, to be honest. Even with so many others in the guild and so many problem children(we all know I'm talking about Natsu and Gray, though Gajeel and Laxus rank pretty high up there too), he still finds the time and concentration to focus solely on me. It makes me feel...well, loved.
Something I never got with my birth father.
And then there's the Strauss siblings. Though the three are actual siblings and had no real reason to do so, they basically adopted me as one of their own. For all tends and purposes, it's as if I was born one of them. I never knew how nice it was to have siblings until I could walk into the guild hall on a bad day and walk right into the open arms of Mira and Lisanna, with Elfman there to lift all three of us off the ground in a near bone crushing embrace.
Who knew I would actually enjoy nearly being snapped in two, as long as it was done with love?
My teammates are right there on the list, just below them. The first of which is Erza.
You have no idea what it's like to have an overly protective and over whelming, big sister figure until you end up as the pseudo sister of Erza Scarlet. I don't know whether to describe Erza as surprisingly girly or creditably insane. Perhaps both? Whichever way you want to put it, I know she's always there for me. Even when I don't want her to be.
And believe me...there are times like that.
After her, is Natsu. How to describe Natsu...incredibly irritating? Eternally grating? Idiotically cheerful? Yes, that's about right. If girls mature faster than boys, than little five year old Asuka is far more mature than him. Despite that...I don't think I could have a more loyal friend. Does he get on my nerves and make me what to smash his face into a wall? Without a doubt. But I know he'll always have my back. A brother I never wanted, but wouldn't trade for the world.
Gray is the same. He's tormented by his past, at times, and he constantly ends up in his underwear, but he's devoted to his friends. If only he could see how much Juvia truly cares for him. The boy can be so blind at times that even I want to smack him upside the head and say, "Open your eyes, you idiot!".
Of course I can't forget Lucy. At first glance, she doesn't seem strong, or smart, and not all that reliable, but first impressions aren't always right. Lucy's as sharp as the crack of a whip, she's always there for her friends, and she's stronger than even she believes herself to be. She's the glue of our little group, holding us together when we all want to run in several different directions.
Then there's little Wendy. She's shy sometimes and easy to fluster, but, as far as children go, she's awfully mature and so sweet. She makes me feel like I need to take responsibility for her sometimes, as if I'm her older sister. Not that I'm complaining. As far as little sisters go...Wendy's got to be one of the best.
With her, comes Carla. Carla's got a sharp tongue and there are times when she acts as if she so above everything, but I know better. She's really just always looking out for Wendy. And for her friends. That's something I relate with her on. No pun intended, but despite all her hissing and flashing claws, she's really not a bad sort.
Now Happy on the other hand...I worry that he doesn't have a fully functioning brain in his head. Maybe that's a product of having been raised by someone like Natsu. Despite not being the sharpest tool in the shed, he's got a good heart. Him and Natsu are definitely cut from the same cloth, that's for sure.
And then there's Thyme. My sweet, constant friend. There was so much I've kept from her over the years, but even when she found out, she never batted an eye. She continued to love me as she's always done. I want so much for her in this life and she deserves all of it and more. If only she could tell Lily how she feels. She deserves love.
They all do.
I wish I could say that I've given them all I got to give, but the truth is...I've held my full feelings back for so long, that it's going to take me a while to learn how to open up again. And I want to. I want to so badly.
Because of him.
Sting Eucliffe.
Just writing his name has my stomach feeling like there's something fluttering around in there. It's strange. I'm not sure when I went from seeing him an overly cheerful friend to something more. Maybe it was during that time with Weiss. More than likely. Chrysalis once told me that children have a way of making males, no matter the species, look at females differently. I'm not entirely sure that's true, but I'm so grateful for Sting that I don't even have words to describe it. He's been so good to me that it's ridiculous.
Most of the time, he acts like an over sized child, but his cheerfulness is actually very refreshing. I feel like everything will be alright when he smiles at me and an encounter with him usually leaves me feeling relaxed. He calms my usually chaotic thoughts and makes me want to smile.
I think I...I think I might be in love.
I'm not really sure. I've never been in love before and I've only recently come to understand the love of my friends and family. And how would I even know if he has feelings for me as well? This whole thing confuses me and frustrates me. How do I even began to tell one way or the other?
I just don't know.
Not that I have time to really over think it. As of late, my father's shadow has begun to loom over me once more. I knew he was getting close because the fits suddenly got worse and I could feel it in my very bones. My whole body begins to fight against me when the man is near...she begins to fight me.
The real Amoreta Banesbloud, the Demon of Tribulation.
Oh, yeah, I guess I should explain that a bit.
I'm half demon. My father, the cruel creature he is, is a demon, while my mother was human. Apparently, my father thought that mixing human and demon would produce something with the resilience and the access to curses of that of a demon, as well as the access to magic that humans possess. Something that could pass in either world. The thing was...there's no middle ground. You either end up more one or the other.
In my case, I ended up more human than my father wanted. I was weak at birth with no real connection to curses. Back then, even my connection to magic was weak. I got sick easily, bruised easily, was quick to cry and quick to back down. I didn't have even an ounce of the stubbornness I have now. The me back then, is so completely different from the me now, but, at the same time, it isn't. We are one and the same, after all. The only difference now is that I'm better at bottling up all of that and hiding it deep down.
Beneath the calm indifference, hides the crying child.
A lot has changed since my days locked away in the Compound under my father's tyrannical rule, but, at the center of it all, I haven't really changed. Deep down, I know I'm still the same scared, little girl I had been back then. And it is because of that little girl deep down, that I am now afraid.
But not for myself.
I'm scared for my friends, for my guild and everything I've built during my time in Fairy Tail. Part of me wants to shout that I should have known better from the beginning, but the majority of me can't come to regret joining Fairy Tail. I know I've put them all in an extraordinarily large amount of needless danger, but...I love my guild. The time I've spent with them, has easily been the best in my whole life.
So, yes, this particular guild comes with a lot of trails and stupid fights, and yes, the members are, for the most part, less than sane, but they fight for what they believe in, for each other. This guild of rag-tag members, is more like a family than some real, blood related families are. They fight, they laugh, they cry, and they do it all together. When one person suffers, the whole guild suffers. It's because of this guild that I finally understand what it means to let others in to see a side of me that I've never shown to anyone else.
It's because of them that I can finally trust others.
Life, I know, isn't fair. It has a way of really rubbing salt into open wounds. I've been painfully aware of this truth for as long as I can remember, but that's not always the truth. Life is also full of beauty and love. Sure, there's darkness, but it only makes the light shine brighter. While life might have dealt me a pretty poor hand at birth, maybe it did that so that I could appreciate what good came my way. A lot of people don't appreciate the small things in their lives. A smile from another, a simple kind gesture, or even a quiet day with those around you. Hell, I've even come to appreciate the fights my friends constantly start.
I might have had a hard beginning, but life really has made up for it in spades. After all, its given me the greatest gift I've ever received. So, while I feel my father's presence casting a shadow over my life once more, the light of my friends has lit a path I know I need to take. Sitting here, writing this, I can look up at my guild, at the people who have fought with me, who have accepted me despite the truth they've come to learn. I never thought I would find a place in this world for me to belong, but I have.
I've lost so much, in the last twenty-four hours. My birth mother, the dragons who raised me...I've only just come to realize how much the three of them loved me, only to lose them, but I won't be sad. They've given me a lot. The magic to get me through life, to protect my loved ones, the ability to continue hoping for the best, and a second chance at life.
And I won't waste it.
I have a lot ahead of me, that's for sure, but my guild, my family, needs me. I don't relish the punishment I'm going to get from Master Makarov for deceiving him, but in the end, if I accomplish what I'm setting out to do, then I will gladly accept it.
It's with that mind set that I'm setting out on a solo adventure of sorts. I'll take Wendy and Carla to Lamia Scale, will pass on the message that Master has given me, and then I will face the future with my shoulders squared and my chin held high.
I'm coming for you, Lachlan.
And, this time, I won't back down until the job is done.
I will come home, though. I won't be throwing my life away again. I have to much waiting for me here in Magnolia. I'll go, and I'll come back.
After all, I have a house to rebuild.
Forever a fairy,
Rette Starrilia
Rette had spent the better half of the night writing the letter. She didn't really intend for anyone to find and read the letter, but it helped her to put her feels and thoughts to words. Once written, she had sealed the letter in an envelope and now stood before the broken remains of her house, the envelope in her hands. At the moment, her eyes were locked on the envelope. She hoped, if anyone did find the letter, that it wouldn't be until long after she had left.
She didn't know what she would do if someone found it and came after her.
"Rette!"
Rette turned when she heard her name being called. Standing at the top of the stairs leading down to where the guild hall had use to stand, was Wendy and Carla. The two smiled as they looked at her, waiting for her so that they could depart for Lamia Scale. Rette smiled as she looked at the two. She had a job to do.
Turning, Rette leaned over to tuck the letter under a loose stone in what use to be her front porch. With it safely secured and shielded from the elements, she gave the remains of her home one last look before turning to join her friends.
It was a new day...time to get moving.
END
Kyandi: Yeah, I don't like writing, "Dear Diary" either.
Rette: What does your's say?
Kyandi: "To My Dearest Crazies".
Rette: God, you're so weird.
Kyandi: Tell me something I don't know.
Rette: You really want me to?
Kyandi: No, I don't. I have another chapter to get to, so everyone, enjoy and review.
Rette: We'll be right back.
Kyandi: Bye-bye!
