Chapter 55 – Wardrobe Malfunction – Best Story
Once the third and final Brittney Spears song concluded, Sharper came back on the stage.
"Well, people, we finally made it! The fourteenth and final segment of the ceremony, plus a two-minute commercial break in-between the Best Story and Best Author awards so that Kim and Ron will present the Best Author award, as per the long tradition."
Bonnie, from behind the curtain, chuckled, You're only half-correct, servant! Once Kimmie gets on stage and gets humiliated, he'll have to choose ME to give out the Best Author award since a) he is my best servant and b) it's directly written in the Fannies Charter.
Servants 69 and 151, the two people who assisted her in the dastardly deed, came to her. "Your Majesty, with the...alternations..,made to Mrs. Stoppable's clothes, should we do anything else in your plan?"
"Yes..." the Queen said with a whisper, "...I want you to get the cops to arrest the wannabe for indecent exposure, public intoxication, and for messed up hair! In the meantime, I'll get Servant 295 to throw open the curtain once she goes...well...commando and she accidentally !"
The servants chuckled to themselves, "We're on the call, Your Majesty."
Servant 151, meanwhile, prepped up samples of gin on a silver platter, obviously intended to spill onto Kim's clothes.
"Good!" the Queen replied with an evil grin, taking out her smartphone. "I wonder what the wannabe's reaction would be when she realizes that I will present the Best Author award!"
Servant 69 asked, "But what about the incident..."
"Servant 69...not another word about it!" Bonnie hissed, "Let's execute the plan and get this overwith!"
_
Under the stage, a white glow emerged. Kim stepped out of it first, as did Ron and Sarah and then Rufus.
"We made it on time!" Kim said, "With just 8 minutes to spare!"
Ron added, "Gemini's gonna answer his crimes at The Hague. I really hope he enjoys a lifetime supply of prison food!"
Sarah told the two, "I'll go up to the stage to present the Best Story award while you two go down and get dressed for the Best Author award!"
"Right on, Sarah!" Kim replied, "Anyways, tell Sharper thanks for all that he has done for the ceremonies! If it weren't for him and...admittedly,...Bon-Bon's money, we would've reeked of hamburgers!"
Rufus nodded his head, "Gladly!" he squeaked.
"I'll do exactly that!" Sarah replied as she went to the stage.
Kim and Ron went down the hallway to try and get dressed in the dressing room. Rufus followed behind them.
Around the corner, though, Bonnie was deliciously smirking, waiting for her trap to come down on the heroes.
_
Sarah came from the curtains, bag of gummi bears in hand, and waved to everyone! It caught Sharper by surprise!
"Oh my God! Look who's come back! It's Sarah!" Sharper exclaimed. "How were you able to escape from Gemini's clutches?"
"It was totally no big!" Sarah said, recalling Kim's famous catchphrase.
"I'm glad that Global Justice has rescued you from evil's snares!" Sharper replied, "We're now up to the award for Best Story. I've prepared a speech just for you!"
He handed Sarah a piece of paper. Sarah took it and went to the podium.
"A story compels the reader to enjoy it, long after the final word has been said, long after the complete command has been clicked. It gives the satisfaction of the author that his or her work has been recognized."
While she was saying the speech, both CajunBear and Sentinel got out with the Golden Rufus and the winner's envelope.
Sarah proclaimed, "The finalists for Best Story are...
The Dream by Ambiguous Fool
I endure another day, another night, another couple weeks. The same tribulations pester me and it's beginning to get noticed. My parents ask, but I lie. 'I'm just studying, it's no big.' Their concern is appreciated, but I wish they'd leave me alone. I can't talk to anyone, they wouldn't understand. How could they? Are they conflicted with the idea that someone they're supposed to hate likes them and furthermore likes them back, as a friend - I reinforce to myself - and only realizing this after the fact they said something offensive? No. They couldn't possibly relate. I would normally talk to Ron, but it's Shego, he hates her more than I'm supposed to. I wouldn't mind a nacco analogy right now though, no matter how stupid. The desire to meet her swells. I reach for my Kimmunicator, hesitating a moment, but I grab it and dial.
"Hey Kim, what's up?"
"Hi Wade, I was wondering if you have any leads on where Shego is."
"I haven't, her last get-away bothering you?"
"Huh?" What are you talking about? Oh, right, doy. "Oh, yes, I may have gotten the stolen device back, but she needs to pay for her crimes." Yes, she does. That's still valid.
"I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything."
"Please and thank you." I smile at him and hang up. My expression quickly fades.
And now I wait and ponder if I'm going to obsess over waiting. I am. Of course I am. My Kimmunicator rings and my eyes widen, shocked at how quickly Wade is calling back. I answer immediately, "Shego?"
"Sorry Kim, this time it's Killigan."
I groan at the sound of his name, "What's the sitch Wade?"
He tells me, provides a ride as usual, and I'm off to another mission.
A Touch of Drama by AlyssC01
"Quiet," she said. "Softly. Please Ron. I have… A headache." She swallowed again and took a deep breath, hearing footsteps coming their way. Ron had given her an apologetic look at the volume remark but now turned quite a nasty glare in the direction of the approaching man. Kim thought that she might have seen him before at the club but she wasn't sure. Her last visit had been a bit of a blur and this one was a bit of a disaster.
"Now let us have a look here," The short, walrus like man said as he joined them. "Kimberley Ann Possible I believe, what a delight!"
Kim grimaced and carefully raised her head, supporting her chin on her arm. The man wore a sailor like jacket and felt a little… out of place. "To whom do I owe the pleasure?" She asked dryly and motioned to her head, then remembered her manners. "Err… It's a pleasure to meet you Mr…"
"Reginald Van Winslow," he proclaimed proudly. "I own this humble establishment. And a few others." He chuckled but Kim could tell that he was studying her intently. "Normally I am at the Inventory, but we're doing some renovations… I must say, you received quite a nasty bump against the head. May I offer you some medical assistance?" He glanced at Ron. "Your… business partner seemed intent on protecting your assets but I can assure you – no harm will come to you here."
Ron shifted beside her, puffing his chest out protectively. "No harm?!" he snapped. "Dude, look at her head. This happened here. And you lied about the cake!" Before he could say anything else, Kim reached out and took his hand.
"Ron," she breathed. "Please." Her other hand travelled to the greatest source of her discomfort. To her silent horror, she felt a damp spot of what could only be coagulating blood on her scalp. Damn it… No wonder I feel as if I split my head into two. Someone actually tried to do just that. She looked up, her eyes finding that of the owner. He was waiting for them to talk and his face was pleasant enough but suddenly, she didn't quite trust him either.
"I'm fine," she said quietly and tightened her grip on Ron's arm. "I'll… have my mom look at it. She's a doctor." The way Reginald Von Winslow smiled made her suspect that he knew. I don't have any privacy anymore. "What happened to Drakken?" The question wasn't really necessary; she only had to look at Ron's clothes to put the pieces together.
They got away, again.
_
Down below, while the clips for Best Story were playing, Kim and Ron were going to get dressed to present the final award for the evening, the one that they had waited for all season: the Best Author award.
"Alright...I'm halfway there." Ron said as he was trying to put on his shirt. He was halfway dressed with his lumberjack pants on and a belt. Rufus was trying to adjust his bow tie.
"Ron..." Kim called from the ladies dressing room. "...something is ferociously wrong here!"
"What is it, KS?"
"My Pandaroo panties! Have you seen them?" Kim asked. "I have the bra top part but the panties have gone missing!"
"Not since you were changing into the GJ uniform. I guess I shouldn't come into the ladies locker room." Ron said.
"Ron, I'm the only person in the locker room. You don't have to be that scared to come in!"
"Okay, KS! Whatever you say!" Ron said as he approached his wife in the ladies dressing room. The door was closed. Kim's head was visible and so were her legs on the bottom for obvious reasons.
"Ron, try and search my bag. See if you can see my panties!" Kim insisted.
Ron began to dig through Kim's bag for her panties...but they weren't there. Rufus also dug in the side pockets and they weren't present either.
"Uh...Kim, I don't know how to tell you this, but your panties aren't there." Ron admitted.
"Oh you've got to be kidding me..." Kim uttered. "I'll try and at least put on my overalls."
Kim hooked up the left strap and followed up with the right one. But something felt odd. Her overalls felt slightly big to her.
"That's funny. I don't remember my overalls being that baggy..." Kim said. She moved around and realized that her buckles were moving up and down.
She gasped. This was feeling all familiar to her.
"What?! Oh no..."
"KS?"
"My overalls, Ron! The buckles have been manipulated!"
"That and the missing panties equals..." Ron said, trying to put it together.
Kim yelled "Complete disaster, Ron! If my overalls fall off, I'm going to go commando in front of everyone, especially my bosses! Quick! Get Monique!"
Rufus shrieked at the possibility of Ron's wife suffering a wardrobe malfunction the same way his owner does.
Ron sent Monqiue a text saying, "SOS, clothing sitch on Kim!"
Forgotten Seeds by ChrisTheCynic
"We're here," Kim pointed to one of two structures on the map. "There's not much here. Cryo beds, a few storage closets, and a tapped out power plant. We need to get here," she pointed at another point on the map.
"That's a long way through a vacuum," Hawk said.
"It's the only way," Kim said. "This facility is just a prison, that one is an actual base. A base for people who would travel back to earth."
"So... transportation?" Surge asked.
"Hopefully, but we have to get there first," Kim said. The map zoomed in to show just the prison, "This is a warehouse of all the possessions they took from prisoners," she pointed at one room back the way they had come, "we'll stop there first."
"Kimmie, that door doesn't open," Shego said. "I don't think it's locked; it just doesn't open."
"It will now that it has power," Kim responded. Shego shrugged. Kim continued, "Once we've got our stuff back, we'll head out," she pointed to an exit in the section none had been in yet. "There are space suits here," she pointed at a storage locker. "If we're lucky there will be a vehicle."
"And if we're not?" Surge asked, unable to keep the fear from her voice.
"If not then we'll have to walk."
"It's over two miles to the other facility," Hawk said.
"There's no other choice," Kim said. "Unless you want to wait here and die of hypoxia we need to reach the other facility."
"You always were a ray of sunshine," Shego said flatly.
The group headed back the way they had come. Someone gasped as they passed Ryan's body, but no one, not even the one who had done it, was sure who.
The door to the "Personal Effects Vault" was made of thick and heavy metal. Drakken shuddered to think what it must have cost to move it to the moon. Shego looked ruefully at melted sections where she'd tried to force her way through earlier, before she decided to conserve her plasma.
Kim just smiled.
It was Horatio who tapped in the code to open the door.
xxxxx
What's the Alma Mater – MrDrP
Barkin looked at his shoes. "I'm sorry."
Kim knelt down by the man's side and gently placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Mr. Barkin, I can't tell you what to do, but let me make a suggestion: don't say sorry to me. Say it to Ron. And even if it's too late to make a difference, please send in his transcript and recommendation. It would mean a lot to him."
"You think so?"
Kim nodded. "I know the two of you don't get along well, but he's always respected you."
"You could sure fool me. Why, that nonconformist space suit at graduation—"
"So not the point," Kim said curtly. "Though Ron always went on about how you had it in for him ever since the Ninth Grade because he supposedly looked at you he funny, he so appreciated the opportunities you gave him."
"Opportunities? Like having a named seat in detention?"
Kim responded with a disappointed shake of the head. "Mr. Barkin, Ron knew what a big deal it was when you put him in charge of the home ec class. And the way you let him prove himself on the football field even after the whole quarterback sitch? That was so the drama."
"He did good in the classroom. And on the field," Barkin agreed.
"And he knows he had those chances because of you."
He sat quietly for a few moments, then came to a decision. "Okay, enough of this sob sister stuff. It's time to man up like a Pixie Scout and make things right."
Kim rose to her feet, then helped Steve Barkin to his. "I'm proud of you, Mr. Barkin."
"Thanks for the conversation," he said.
"No big," she replied before adding sotto voce, "And, don't worry, I won't say anything to anyone about the, um, display of emotion."
A couple minutes later, Monique arrived.
"What's the 411 clothing sitch, girlfriend?" Monique asked, panicked that something was wrong.
"Yeah, Monique. Kim has a big issue going on. Her panties are missing and her overalls feel like that they'll fall off of her any minute."
"Oh no, baby girl! The overalls need some help, stat!" Monique exclaimed.
"Lemme see them!"
Kim rushed back to the dressing room and closed the door. She took them off and handed them to Monique.
"Yeah, girl. They've been manipulated all right. And my overall-repairin' stuff is in my car!" Monique said while playing with the buckles.
"What can we do! The Best Author award is going to be presented in less than 10 minutes!" Kim panicked. "And I cannot go out there on the verge of losing my pants the same way that I suffered at my freshman year at Oregon!"
"You mean the time where you burnt your bridges with everyone?" Monique asked, worried for the dignity of her best friend.
"The wall-to-wall coverage of Kimgate '08?" Ron recalled.
"Yes..." Kim said, "...wait a minute! I'm getting a call on my cell!"
She saw Bonnie's ID.
"Oh no...her!" Kim muttered. "It's a video call!"
The screen came on and Bonnie was indeed on, and in a very happy mood.
"Oh, hi, K! You finally stumbled onto my little plan, didn't you?" the brunette grinned while adjusting her crown. She grabbed Kim's Pandaroo panties and then cut them up with a pair of scissors.
"Bonnie...when I get my hands on you...you are really going to experience the definition of pain!" Kim growled and seethed.
"The pain of what...?" Bonnie laughed. "Oh, I totes forgot! It's going to be your pain of humiliation in front of the entire audience! But I'll get to that...if you can find me!"
Bonnie ended the call right then and there.
Kim had to think and think fast.
"Monique!"
"Yeah, Kim?"
"Do you have any safety pins that I can use to connect my buckles to the bib so that they will not fall -off?" Kim asked. She knew that safety pins would come in handy for any clothing sitch, be it mission or civilian.
"I've got two. Will that do?" Monique asked.
"You're so the BFF, Monique!" Kim smiled. "Toss me back my overalls! We're going to confront Miss Bossy Brunette!" Monique did so and gave Kim the safety pins.
Turning to Ron, she also added, "Ron, you still have your Fearless Ferret boxers?"
"Uh, yeah, KP?" Ron replied.
Kim said, "I'll have to use them too!"
Ron got into the men's dressing room, took off his pants and his boxers, tossed said boxers to Kim and put his pants back on sans his boxers.
The Kimmunicator watch then beeped in Kim's bag. Rufus, meanwhile, smelled something good and, without his owner's awareness, scurried out the dressing room and headed backstage.
"Hey Wade, what's the sitch?"
Wade's hologram came on.
"Kim...we have a very urgent problem!"
"Please don't tell me it's one of those things where bad goes to worse!"
"Afraid it is, Kim! You know the Bueno Nacho Naco royalties that Ron gets from every single order of the Naco?" Wade said, confirming more bad news.
"From all 35,000 Bueno Nacho locations?" Ron questioned.
"Yes! The royalties are being re-diverted to another bank account!" Wade exclaimed.
"May I ask whose bank account?" Kim asked, suspicion arising.
"She's been trying to get to Ron's royalty naco money for years and, unfortunately, has found the jackpot!" Wade said "The source of the hack came from one of the computers from the Rockwaller mansion just an hour ago! All of the money is going into one of Bonnie's accounts!"
"Bonnie is the thief?! Oooooooh! She's REALLY gone off the deep-end this time!" Kim growled.
"The nerve of her to do that...wait..." Ron muttered before listening upstairs. "I think they're about to announce the Best Story winner! And where's Rufus?"
_
(At the same time)
And lastly, KP: Shadow Plays by CelendiAU
"We need to get moving, quickly." Will - his voice thick and choked with emotion - recovered first. "We have to get out of here before they send the army in to capture - or kill - us."
"What?" Betty asked, staring uncomprehendingly at her senior agent and the expression of shock still written plainly on his face.
"They're going to come after us," Will said slowly, rising to his feet and gathering his notepad and other effects. "They're going to think we just.. assassinated Kim Possible."
"That's.. that's.."
"Absurd? Yes. I know. But you saw the same thing I did. The whole world just saw Kim Possible accuse us of being terrorists planning to bomb cities around the world, and then seconds later be assassinated live on TV. I don't know why or how she was convinced to say what she said but it also doesn't matter - if we don't go, right now, they'll be locking us up and throwing away the key - or worse - before nightfall. The US knows where this HQ is, and there's an Army base less than fifty miles from here. We have to get out, we can't go down like that."
Betty's mind finally started making an effort to catch up to the situation facing them as the news banner changed to "Kim Possible assassinated on Congress steps - Global Justice to blame?"
"Running is going to make us look guilty," she protested weakly, her brain still spinning it's tyres, futilely trying to process the scenarios being laid out before her.
"We already look guilty!" Will nearly shouted at his boss. "Whoever set this up did it brilliantly. We've already been instantly convicted by the court of public opinion. We need to initiate Ghost protocols and get out of the US before it's too late."
Betty stared long and hard at the desk through the fingers she'd clasped loosely over her face. The fact that Will Du, of all people, was advocating going rogue just wouldn't compute in her brain.
Then she realised that was the exact opposite of what he was advocating. The Ghost protocols were actually written for this kind of drastic situation. In an invasion of GJ by a hostile force or a subversion by means of mind control or blackmail, if the situation was unrecoverable, senior agents and anyone that they trusted completely were tasked with escaping the situation and then operating underground - metaphorically speaking, since the Global Justice North America HQ was already underground - and using any means necessary to identify and expunge the source of the threat, until normal operations could be restored.
This definitely counted as a drastic situation, Betty realised. She looked around the office, at the few personal items that marked it as her office. A photo of her and an ex-President, a couple of pictures of her and her family - minus one particular member, of course - and the small model of the F4 Phantom that her father had flown in Vietnam.
She didn't feel right leaving it, but Will was right. If they didn't leave, there was no way they wouldn't be in jail - or worse - by the end of the night.
"You're right, of course," she sighed reluctantly, standing from her desk and sweeping the reports on the top into a pile. "Ghost is a go. Make whatever preparations you need - and make them fast. I want you to take the time to scrub the Ops records - including this stuff - and try and get a communication to all our agents to let them… let them know that they're on their own and to do their best. If there's anyone you completely trust, give them a heads up, then exfiltrate and meet me at… meet at the Delta site as soon as possible."
Will nodded and saluted. "Good luck, ma'am."
"You too," Betty Director whispered as he left.
"The winner for Best Story..." Sarah announced as a drumroll echoed, "is by a landslide...MrDrP for What's the Alma Mater!"
Rising to his feet, MrDrP got on stage and accepted the Golden Rufus. He unfolded another acceptance speech. Applause followed him along the way.
Wow! I'm flabbergasted that you, the readers, have voted this Best Story. There was a lot of great completion. I'd like to invite Rufus to offer a reflection on this award.
"Cheese!"
Well, I can't argue with that. Cheese is great. Cheese is tasty. There should always be more good cheese!
With that in mind, there should always be more good Kim Possible fan fiction. Though it's been more than ten years since KP and Ron flew off into the stars, I'm grateful that there are still so many people who want to see what happens to our favorite heroes. Thanks for letting me be part of your reading journey.
Rufus climbed down MrDrP's shoulder to go backstage to search for the elusive cheese.
"Congrats to MrDrP for winning the Best Story award." Sharper said, clapping. Turning to the audience, he said, "We are going to take a five-minute break, but when we return, we'll have the traditional presenting of the Best Author award by Kim and Ron Stoppable!"
Jerry Lee Lewis' "Great Balls of Fire" played on the speakers.
