Blah blah blah, yeah yeah, I know.

Long overdue and I'm only back so I can TRY and get something out.

It blows but hey, you're stuck with me :)

Also, I missed you and all of you asking me where I am and how I'm doing, if I'm ok and saying you miss me?

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST

Now, to thank you here's more crap :D Cause I'm amazing like that :D


If you ask Blaine he will tell you he has no idea how they got drunk in the first place.

Ok, that was a lie.
First, the auction was over and they raised like quarter of a million for the orphanage and well, that in itself was jaw dropping. Tomorrow night they are to put their best suits forward and take lucky boys and girl out to diner.
Oh and later share their underwear with the world, you know, just another normal day at Casa de Locos.

So yeah, they were happy.
But reason they were currently sprawled in the living room, drunk off of their asses wasn't.

Kurt came home from the set of his new movie, pissed out of his mind.
Apparently the director, in Kurt's not so kindly chosen words, was an arrogant prick who called him, and I quote "beautiful walking prop".
Not just was Kurt a prop but he was also "talentless schmuck" whenever the director was in a bad mood, which happened quite often. Was it Kurt's fault pretensions asshole was changing the script on a daily basis? No.

Anyway, where was I?
Yeah, drunken boys.
Kurt currently had his head mashed in Blaine' lap, swearing. Well, he was more slurring than swearing but hey, it's the intention that counts. Oliver was laying sprawled on the floor, starfish style. His twin was resting his head on his brother's thigh, mumbling to himself.

The rest of the boys,Sean, Kelan and Luke were a mess of limbs at the sofa. You could hardly determine where one begins and the other ends.
Come to think about it, that was pretty usual for them.
Huh.

"You know what the worst thing in the world?" Luke's voice came from the sofa, startling the rest of the boys, lost in their own worlds.
"Do tell" Kurt slurred back, lifting his head up to take a sip of his bear.
"Condoms. Those things are evil" Luke informed them wisely., trying to see the tip of his nose and going cross eyed.
"How are condoms evil, man?" Blaine was contemplating it, deeply, thank you very much. "They're like…Little knights" he beamed at his discovery, looking down at Kurt, who beamed back, appraising his boyfriend. "Like, they protect us from bad guy who want to make us sick and make our pee-pee's itchy" he ranted with a smile.

"Oh yeah" Luke had an epiphany, totally forgetting why he even said condoms were evil in the first place. "And they come in all these colors, man" he said wisely, looking at Sean, who truth be told, seemed very interested in what Luke had to say. "Like, they also have such cool clothes. Like, they're dotted or ribbed."

"Once, I was so drunk I put a condom on my toe" James laughed from the floor.
"You are making this stuff up!" Blaine accused him.
'No, he's not" Kelan said calmly. "I was the guy he was trying to do with his toe. Worst sex ever" the boy sank from the sofa onto the floor, next to James to give him a kiss.
"Oh, no. You don't get to win in The Worst Sex category, mister", Kurt cried out, determined to prove that he in fact, had the worst life of all of them and they should put him out of his misery. "In and out in o.2 seconds" he snorted. " We just portended it never happened"

"Shut up!" Sean's interest peaked. "How come we've been living together for 12 years and none of us knows about it?"
"I knew" drunken voice that belonged to Oliver came somewhere beyond. Or under. Or above. "He came to me crying" he looked fondly at his best friend. "Kurt honey, happens to the best of us"
"You knew and you kept it from us? HEATHEN!" Luke actually got up to jab a finger in Oliver's side, making him giggle like a girl.
"Hey" Oliver stood up for himself. "He never told anyone when I stuck my tongue down his throat that one time I though I;m in love with him"
"EXCUSE ME?" Blaine spat out his beer. "When did this happen?"
"Oh Blainers" Sean patted Blaine's curls. "we've all been there. Totally inappropriate and unfortunate crush on one and only Kurt Hummel" he said it like it was a rare honor.
"I had crush on him, too" Kelan felt that he should point it out.
"Whore" his boyfriend swatted him, smiling.
"All the hoes want to get up on this" Kurt's voice roared as he got up on his shaky legs. "Don't deflect, we shared our worst sex stories, now my mister Teenage dream guy, whip it out and tell us"

"Erm…" Blaine made an adorable face, thinking about it. "Does falling asleep while screwing someone counts?"
Collective laugher echoed trough the house.
"I knew you're making him snooze, Hummel" Oliver pointed an accusing finger at Kurt.
Taking his time, mostly in order not to upset his stomach and hurl all over his friends, he got up slowly and not so gently kicked Oliver in the shins, eliciting a groan from other boy. "I will have you know that he does not snooze with me." Kurt stuck out his chin. "I am a sweet, atentative lover and I", he hiccuped and lost a train of thoughts. He made a scowly face. "What was I saying again?"
"How you're atentative lover" Sean almost yelled. "And you interrupted Blaine. Who fell asleep on you buddy?" Sean was sympathetic.
"Oh I fell asleep" he said. "It was late and we were drunk and I have no idea what we were doing. He actually told me I snored" he remembered.
"That's a lie, you don't snore" Kurt said fondly and Blaine beamed like a Christmas tree on a Christmas morning while it's Christmas in Christmas land.
"I'm gonna puke" James made a gaging noise.
"Not on the carpet!' Luke grabbed a mini freezer they kept the beer in and threw it's content on the poor guy. Thank God there were no bottles in, just ice.

"Oh my fucking God, are you trying to kill us?" Oliver protested when some of the ice intended for his twin hit his face.
"He said he's gonna puke" Luke pouted adorably, which was quite a sight considering he was a 6ft and 200 pounds of muscles.
"Cause they're shockingly cute not cause I'm nauseated" James defended himself.
"Aww, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to" Luke wobbled forward and placed a huge sloppy kiss right in the center of James' mouth.
"You co can't be straight" Kelan said as he pried his boyfriend away from Luke.
"I have a girlfriend" Luke said like he was revealing the biggest secret in the universe.
"Yes we know, she's lovely. Also stupid" Kurt chippered and everyone turned to look at him. "For dating this loser, she could do so much better" he smiled and it was Luke who got a smack on his mouth after that. From Kurt. You know, same old, same old.
"Is this gonna turn into gay orgy?" James sounded as if he just woke up. "cause if it is I'm gonna need to take my socks off and put on a shinny ribbed night" he said, dead serious and everyone hollered with laughter.

They were silent for a few moments until Blaine's voice broke it.
"If they don't ever tell us what's Doctor's real name I might get homicidal" he said as if it was the most normal thing to say.
"We should ask someone, maybe someone on the internet knows?" Oliver perked up., delighted.
"I'll get my laptop" Luke was quick on his feet.
"As a Doctor myself I must say this is not a very good ide-"poor Kelan tried to reason with 6 people hell bent on going online when they could barely stand on their feet but hey, majority rules, right?

Oh and that night also became the night when Tumblr broke again.
Boys will be boys.


That TRY didn't quite work, did it? *sigh*

I'll try better, I swear.