CHAPTER 54 – Friends
Everything was there. The feelings, the attraction, the spark, the intellectual conversations, everything. The only thing holding her back was…well, her. She pondered these thoughts, leaning against the entryway of the owlry late at night. Amelia was doing her best to tie a letter to the leg of her jet black owl. She tried not to think about how she had no one to write and assure she was ok after the day's debacle. Curfew was nearing and the students were nestled in their beds. Many of them would probably be leaving the next morning after everything that had happened. When Amelia finally gave up she turned to Lily and waved her bandaged hand.
"Right! Sorry," Lily jumped from her thoughts, remembering that Amelia had been splinched during the attack and was currently missing her left pinky.
"It just hurts," she mumbled.
Lily made her way toward Amelia's owl, feeling pains of her own in her arm and her muscles. What a sorry lot the Hogwarts students were. Many were injured; the lucky few were busy helping Madam Pomfrey. She had turned the Great Hall into one large infirmary, separated like the tables, by house. Amelia and Lily had slipped away for a few moments so that the Paddocks didn't worry themselves to death. An article was sure to be in the paper bright and early the next day.
"I heard there were reporters for the Daily Prophet outside the gates, wanting interviews from the students. I bet they were especially curious about the Head Boy and Head Girl," Amelia said, watching her owl fly into the distance.
Lily shrugged, "we better get back before Madam Pomfrey notices we're missing."
Amelia eyed Lily, a look on her face clearly questioning but stayed quiet. She changed the subject, "I heard McGonagall talking. She said Dumbledore left once everyone was settled and will be gone until tomorrow. Where do you suppose –"
"He is assuring the parents that Hogwarts is safe and new precautions are being taken. He can't very well teach an empty school," Lily cut in, obviously distracted.
"How safe can you make Hogwarts? It seems like every year they say they are taking more and more precautions but there is only so much you can do."
"Right but the protection around the school was never really very advanced right? Not until Vold-" Amelia stopped Lily.
"Lily, You-Know-Who. You can't slip up like that, not even here. It's a bad habit to start, next thing you know you'll use it outside the castle and someone will catch you," Amelia warned.
"I'd almost forgotten."
"Being muggleborn can come with its advantages," Amelia forced a smile.
Lily grasped her wounded arm to try to comfort herself from the pain. It was about time for her to take her potion and Madam Pomfrey would have a fit if she found them out of bed. Amelia kept her hand close to her chest as well, almost as if her finger would grow back faster if it was closer to her heart. The trudged down the stairs quietly but another group was not so quiet and heading their way. Lily wasn't sure how she felt when she recognized James' voice but she did wish she had an invisibility clock. They approached and Lily recognized Sirius' voice mingled with more footsteps. He brought the whole gang.
"Lily! Amelia," Sirius acknowledged with a wry smile.
"What're you doing here?" she blurted out.
"My mum's probably going mental as we speak," James held up his letter, staring at Lily.
Remus and Peter seemed to have similar parchments in envelopes, ready to go. Lily nodded, allowing her face to soften. Sirius, Remus and Peter brushed by the two girls but James remained. He kept his gaze on Lily until Amelia tugged her around James. He lightly placed a hand in front of her body to stop her. His face was serious and genuine.
"We need to talk Lily," he said very slowly.
"Another time," she replied shortly.
"Another time," he agreed, "it isn't what you think. Just know that."
The two girls were quiet most of the way back down to the Great Hall. Both were considering the words of James Potter. Amelia especially, had been disappointed in what she saw New Years Eve but she knew what kind of person James had become. Quidditch practice nearly every day for hours told her most of what she needed to know. Still she couldn't understand why James would kiss that Finch girl when he had a shot with Lily. A shot he'd been waiting for, for years. She also wasn't sure what could be different enough about the situation to change Lily's mind. She looked over at the brilliant redhead walking next to her. Lily's lips were drawn tightly together and her emerald eyes were fixed straight ahead. Amelia was about to dub this her "James look."
"Maybe you're over thinking all of this," was the only bit of advice Amelia could think to give.
"Maybe," Lily agreed, though Amelia could see the stubbornness in her eyes. Lily Evans did not like to be wrong.
They tiptoed back into the Great Hall ducking around beds, feeling their way through the dark between rows of beds. McGonagall and Slughorn were stalking down the aisles, keeping order and checking beds. They paused dangerously, checking the resident of the boys' side of the hospital bed. Braxton laid still, his mouth wide open and his arm hanging off the small cot. Both girls held back laughs at their friend. After making sure he was well, they continued on. Their beds were just beyond the looming curtain that separated the boys from the girls' beds. Lily made her way through the curtain first and came face to face with Professor Slughorn.
"Lily! What on earth are you doing out of bed?" He questioned, looking tired.
"I was just checking on a friend," she answered as Amelia nearly rammed into the back of her, "We were worried about him. We're just getting back to our beds now."
"The Head Girl should be setting an example to the rest of the students. I understand your concern. Off you go," he said, smiling.
Lily nodded her thanks and rushed by with Amelia. They jumped into their beds and giggled. It didn't need to be said that Slughorn was fond of Lily and that alone, plus being Head Girl, probably just saved them a detention. She made sure to swallow the potion at the foot of her bed, hoping for a long rest. As soon as her head hit the pillow she felt the exhaustion of the day wash over her body. The aches and pains felt more tangible than ever. Regardless of everything she was feeling physically she let her mind linger on James' last words. He said things weren't what she thought. What did he mean by that? How could they be any different? Just that day, though it seemed to be ages ago, Charlotte Finch attempted to curse her, calling James her boyfriend.
Her feelings for James were confusing and admittedly, frightening. The added drama from Finch was not helping the situation. What Lily couldn't seem to understand was her sudden fear. She was never afraid of Terrance or any of the other boys she'd been even a little bit interested in. She understood there was a part of her that didn't want to feel foolish, changing her mind after all those years of denying James. It wasn't just her pride that was holding her back, it was fear. Was it fear of the unknown or of being rejected as she had so many times before? Maybe it was even more than that. It was her feelings she was having a hard time sorting out and she wasn't sure how to go about sorting.
Lily's eyes slowly opened and blinked away the blurry vision. She lay still, allowing the events of the previous day to flood back. The emotions filled her senses and she tried her best to push them away. So many things had happened it was difficult to process it all. She sat up and looked around at the other sleeping Gryffindor girls. It must have been early because the ceiling above them was still pink from sunrise. She silently removed her covers and let her bare feet touch the stone floor. If she was lucky, she'd be able to get a relaxing shower before any of the students woke up and Head Girl had to step in. She clasped her wand adoringly and snuck off to the Heads' common room.
The absolute quiet of the castle was a bit unnerving as she climbed two sets of staircases. Every footstep she took sounded so loud, she knew there had to be other students up but the echoing steps in the distance was also unsettling. She knew someone was on their way to catching up with her when they grew closer and rushed. Strangely, she didn't feel the dread she thought she might. Instead she kept her fingers tightly around her wand and whirled on the spot, pointing her wand at her victim. He raised his own hands like white flags.
"What do you want Sev?" She was getting tired of these meetings.
"Lily. I just needed to be sure…that you were ok," he sighed.
"Severus, did you know anything about what happened yesterday? Did you know it was coming?"
"I – I didn't. I didn't know but I'd heard things, talk. I didn't think much of it," he mumbled.
"We're done here," she turned and walked away and this time, he let her.
He willingly watched her leave, knowing that he could no longer keep a hold of her. She had moved forward without him and there was nothing he could do. He drifted back into the shadows, returning to his "friends" with only a dream of the woman he wanted so badly. He'd do anything to protect her from things like yesterday. He was no fool, he knew the risk she was in and yesterday showed no different. Lily, on the other hand, walked away feeling disappointment. She knew Severus Snape was so much more than what he was becoming and she could no longer be there to help him. His life and his choices were only his own.
She did her best not to dwell on Snape; the thoughts only put her into a petulant mood. She cleared her mind as the warm water drenched her tired body and soothed her aching muscles. Some of the stress seemed to slide off the soap and twirl down the drain. She exited feeling refreshed and put together. Now she was prepared to handle what would be undoubtedly be coming that day. She spent a little more time on her appearance, oddly more perfectionist than usual. She exited the bathroom feeling clean, rejuvenated and donning a fresh Hogwarts uniform. First day back of school but most likely not the first day of classes. Still, she was prepared.
"You smell lovely," a voice said beside her.
She jumped, "Will you people stop today."
"Wake up on the wrong side of the puffskein patch, Lily?" James smiled brightly.
He too was showered and dressed for the day. He also, smelled lovely. She tried hard not to glare at him.
"Big day. Personally, I'm hoping for more chances to improve our dueling. Think it's in the cards?" He asked.
"Possibly. I have no doubt that is something that we could all work on."
"So, I heard you punched a Death Eater," he grinned at her.
"Tried to punch," Lily flexed her fingers.
"Well you still hit him. Not to mention you didn't entirely damage yourself."
"Right," she rolled her eyes, "her, actually."
"Her?"
"The Death Eater was a woman," Lily corrected, waiting for a laugh for a snarky reply.
"Still, punching a Death Eater, no punching evil. That sounds pretty wicked," James chuckled.
"I should get going," Lily made to leave their pointless conversation.
"Give me a chance to at least explain."
"I suppose," she tried to act bored.
"Charlotte was never my girlfriend. I asked her on one date, to the New Years Eve Ball at the Ministry. It was before Christmas, I'd given up thinking you'd fancy me. When midnight came she just…"
"Snogged you like you'd never been snogged before?" Lily interjected.
At this he looked irritated; "It was nothing like Christmas. Lily, I don't want Charlotte. I enjoyed the attention for awhile and the Quidditch conversations but she's only a mate."
"You don't have to explain to me. You got what you wanted, a snog from Lily Evans."
"Do you really think after all this time that's all I wanted from you," he said angrily, "that kiss meant more to me than Charlotte's. You know I've always fancied you, I haven't hid it."
Her eyes softened and she spoke quietly, "Then why did you do it?"
"She kissed me! I had no intention to kiss her that night. It was the first date I'd ever been on with her anyway."
"She tried to hex me you know. She said I was stealing you or something along those lines."
"I didn't know. Lily, I'm honestly sorry for this whole mess I've created," his anger was melting away fast.
"Maybe it's a sign. We weren't meant to be," the words felt wrong on her lips.
James covered his disappointment with a forced smile, "I thought you didn't believe in fate."
"I don't. So…friends?" she stuck out her hand on an impulse.
James looked like he had be slapped and spun around numerous times. He couldn't understand how they were going from mending a relationship to having nothing. In his eyes friendship was losing, like Slytherin catching the snitch during a tied Quidditch match. James Potter was raised to never give up and though many times he wanted to, something about her pulled him back in. He knew she was right for him he only had to make her see it too. The Christmas kiss gave him extra determination. Lily wasn't someone he could just rush into things with; he needed to work slowly on her. She'd come around, he could tell by the doubtful look in her eyes.
Sirius or Remus might have a good idea to help things along. He wasn't sure if he wanted to ask for their help on this one. Sirius had plenty of experience but he'd take the mickey out of James as often as he could. Remus might not badger him but he knew there would be an entertained look in his eyes. Peter always saw James as a God, he couldn't do wrong, but he wouldn't have good advice. If James wanted counsel on Lily he'd have to get some from a female. The perfect one came to mind and he smiled. James didn't take her hand to shake it, he simply ignored the gesture.
"Friends…for now."
** SORRY TO REPOST but I made a few minor changes, I thought James' line was too cheesy. Anyway, I'm just editing the next chapter so I should have that up within a day or two!**
I know this is pretty short but I thought it was important to keep separate from other chapters. Anyway, I'll be going on vacation for a week and a half tomorrow and i wont have a computer so I thought you'd like the chapter before I left :) I'm not sure how I feel about the chapter, I felt sort of bland about it.
Thanks to my wonderful reviewers: Haley Renee, aleera, sarahrules336, fireheart209, iloveredshoes, lunarox67, whenshesmiles14, XritaskeeterhatersX, seangel16, Fearful-Writer (thanks for sharing with others!)
