AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Here's the technical Season Three.
Okay so this whole thing here on out is pretty much completely redone because I wrote the angels in, in this chapter and then the angels showed up in the show a year later and I wanna just stick to one kind of angel so…the angel storyline I originally wrote has been changed drastically as have all the relationships anyway.
That being said here is the next chapter and I hope you like it!
WARNINGS: Rated "M" for language, dirty thoughts, sex, innuendo, blood, violence and dark themes.
ENJOY!
xxxx
The look on Dean's face was just kind of miffed at first when I explained everything to him that had happened. I knew he had to know, and I knew we had to work through this, but how did we do that? The dreams…his deal…all this demonic blood that was being transferred to our baby…what the Hell? How much more of this did we honestly have to deal with?
"Wanna maybe…say something?" I asked him softly.
We were both sitting on the foot of the bed, our feet touching the floor, and while my palms were firmly on the bed, Dean's head was in his hands. It had been silent between us for what seemed like forever and I had no idea how we were going to get through this…how we were going to get past this. Especially since Dean was looking like he was beyond helping right about then.
"I don't have the words yet." Dean admitted to me. "This is…this is big, Lanni."
I nodded slowly. "Yeah…yeah, I know it is."
"This is what you were trying to warn me about when you were brought back." Dean said, looking at me, making direct eye contact. "This is what you wanted me to think about and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to give you what you wanted."
"Do you…do you want to get rid of it?" I asked him, my words barely audible because they hurt so much falling out of my mouth.
Dean shook his head quickly and cupped my face. "Baby, there is no way that I would do that to you."
"So you want me to keep it because that's what I want?" I asked him.
I knew I shouldn't be picking a fight, but at the same time I was feeling pretty hurt by what he was saying to me and I didn't know exactly how to react to what was happening between us right then. I mean honestly I couldn't understand why we were even having this conversation but I'd brought it up because what he was saying and his body language was suggesting that he didn't want the baby for him anymore…for us.
"Lanni, you're misunderstanding what I'm saying." Dean told me, taking a breath as I stood up.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Look…I understand your deal and I don't want to keep bringing it up, but after everything I'm dealing with right now because of that deal, I can't handle you not wanting our baby."
"Lanni, I do want our baby, I do…I just need more time to understand what all of this means, all right?" Dean asked me, taking my hands and pulling me in closer. "Lanni, Baby, look…I want our baby, I really do because I still firmly believe that if we raise our kid, our kid can't be evil. Besides…I'd like to be a dad before I die."
"Dear, sweet Jesus." I said softly, flopping back onto the bed.
Dean looked at me and I closed my eyes, putting my hands over my eyes and groaning softly. His reason made sense, and yet they were terrible and I just really didn't have the strength or will to continue here. I just wanted to ignore it all and be held by my husband…we had just dealt with a door to Hell opening and my father finally dying and John's spirit going somewhere and Sam dying and I just…I needed to be held.
"What?" Dean asked me softly.
I shook my head, staying in my position. "I just can't fight anymore, Dean. I love you, and I love that you want to be a dad—even if it's not entirely for all the right reasons—but I just don't have the strength to fight, all right?"
"I understand." Dean told me, lying down next to me and pulling my body close to his.
He just spooned me on the bed, placing kisses behind my ear, and I smiled a little, opening my eyes when he put his hand on my stomach. He ran his thumb along my stomach through my shirt and held me there securely and protectively, and I slowly rested my hand on his. Our baby was in my stomach, and it was already two months old technically and I knew that part of him wanted it…I just needed the reassurance right now…thankfully he knew that.
"So you're going to stay in here, tonight?" Dean asked me slowly. "After everything, I guess I'm still surprised."
I squeezed his hand. "I said I wasn't ever going to leave you, and I don't intend to. Besides, for the first five months of its life, I'd like our kid to innocently believe that its parents are completely and utterly in love."
Dean kissed my head. "They are."
"I can't do this without you, Dean…so I'm staying because I love you and I don't want to leave you, but also because I need you." I explained to him.
Dean nodded and I knew that he understood, welcoming me turning over in his arms and looking him in the eye. I ran my nose along his, our eyes locked, and then I smiled a little when he closed his eyes and kissed me, his lips pressed firmly against mine. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip and I opened my mouth for him, moving my body closer to his and trying to forget all the negative thoughts…right now was just time to be close to the man that I loved.
xxxx
Dean's POV
I stroked Lana's hair as she slept, trying to figure out how in the world I was going to convince her that she should stay here. Hunting without her would be a pain and I would miss her like crazy, but it was for the best and I knew that. I got why she was upset with me, I was glad that she understood what I had done, and I wanted her and our baby to be safe…that couldn't happen if she hunted with us.
At the same time, I knew I could never stop in Kansas on a regular basis and that she would have a fit if I just left. She wanted me to be there with her every step of the way and why couldn't I do that? I had a year to live—just one—and I had to make that count with her. I'd married her…I was going to be a father…I had to stay by her side and that was the end of it.
I kissed her temple softly and then got out of bed, going downstairs in my boxers and t-shirt, getting myself some cereal. When I heard a noise, I looked up, smiling a little at Kate as she came into the kitchen too, me sitting at the island counter. She gave a small smile and then it faded and I understood that—she was in Lana's corner…she was in Sam's corner.
"Can't sleep?" She asked me.
I shook my head. "Not particularly, no. You neither?"
"No, but Sam's out like a light." Kate told me, grabbing herself the same cereal. "As happy as I am that you brought him back…what thoughts were running through your head exactly when you made this deal? I mean did you think about Lanni at all?"
"I always think about Lanni." I explained to her, and then I sighed, setting my spoon in my bowl and taking a deep breath. "All I was thinking about was how broken I was without Sam, and how messed I was without Lanni and I just…I had to have Sam back. I hate that I'm doing this to her and that she's being so understanding even though she's hurt, and I just…I want to find a way to make this better for her. I want to be a dad, Kate…I'm willing to do anything for Lanni."
"Then get out of this deal." Kate said firmly.
I looked at her hard as she looked at me, and then I looked back at my cereal and started to eat it again. How could I explain to her why I wasn't trying to get out of this? How could I tell her that if I backed out of this then Sam would go back to being dead? There was no way out…I'd made my bed and now I had to lie in it.
"That's far easier said than done." I told her lamely.
She nodded and sat across from me at the island counter. "I just…Dean, I get it and you know Lana does too. I mean Sam's your brother—Annie and Kalli were mine and Lana's sisters. There are just things that you do for your family. At the same time…Lana's your family too and you and her are going to have a baby…how can I help?"
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"I mean we have to make this easier on Lanni and I want to help you do that." Kate said with a shrug, shoving some cereal into her mouth. "Her pregnancy is already kind of starting off rough and I want to ease her through it because I want to be an aunt, all right?"
I smiled at her as she cracked a smile at me. "I'll let you know as we go along, Kate."
She nodded at me and took another bite of cereal, and I couldn't help but watch her as I ate. God, she was perfect for Sam, and I was actually feeling proud of myself for what I had done for the two of them. Sam really needed to be happy after everything that he had been through, and Kate was making him the kind of happy that he needed to be—the kind of happy that Lana made me.
"If you hurt him…I'm gonna have to kill you." I told Kate with a playful shrug.
She laughed a little. "Is that so? I think I could take you. I mean I don't want to hurt Sam in the slightest but…I could still take you."
"Yeah, you'd like to think so." I replied with a grin. "How's the sex?"
Kate choked on her cereal and I was suddenly alert just in case she needed me, laughing when she started laughing and flicked cereal at me off of her spoon. She shook her head at me and shot me a look and I didn't know what else to say—it was a simple question. I mean hearing about my brother and how well he was in bed wasn't really something I wanted to chat about forever, but it was relevant to our conversation, I thought.
"Sammy and I, uh…we haven't gotten there yet." Kate told me, blushing and muttering into her cereal bowl.
I raised my eyebrows. "Really? Don't tell me that all of the Meckenzies are virgins, Kate."
"For your information my mother was a Meckenzie and I'm a Newman." Kate said and then she shook her head. "To be honest…Lana was the last one to lose her virginity and you got it…both times. Besides, I'm not a virgin, so it's not that."
"Then what is it?" I asked her slowly.
Kate looked up at me. "Sam and I are close, and we talk, and we get one another, but to be completely honest, I'm waiting until we're in love—if Sam and I fall completely head over heels for each other…it's a choice. I just…I don't want to screw this up."
"There's nothing wrong with some harmless fun." I told her, but I nodded as I spoke and she looked at me again after taking another bite of cereal. "I think I get it…there's a difference between meaningless sex, some good 'ol fun and…love."
"And he gets it." Kate said with a smile. "I think the world just ended."
xxxx
Lana's POV
When I woke up, I could feel the warmth on Dean's side of the bed so I knew he was there, and I felt the sudden need to talk to him. I didn't really want to wake him up, but it was the middle of the night and I'd been dreaming about things and I wanted to talk. He and I had a lot of moving on to do right now, but at the same time it was really on me…I was the one who needed to be a little more accepting.
"Are you awake?" I whispered, turning over.
Dean rolled over and nodded. "Yeah."
I opened my mouth to tell him what was going on, but I closed it—I couldn't do it. I had to deal with accepting this deal all on my own and I didn't need to drag him into it just to do it. Besides, he had bed hair and he was looking at me so fondly and I could tell just by looking him in the eye that he was truly sorry for what he had done to me…but he—like the rest of us—was glad that Sam was back and we couldn't ask him to be sorry for that.
"I love you." I told him.
Dean smiled and kissed me softly. "I love you too."
I returned the kiss gently, wishing that there wasn't that creeping in feeling that every minute that ticked by was one last minute with Dean. It almost felt like I couldn't go to sleep because that was wasting my hours with him away and using time. At the same time it was ridiculous to think I could go a full year without sleeping…
"Was that all you wanted to tell me?" Dean asked and I nodded, kissing him one more time, and then I smiled a little smile and got out of bed.
"I need coffee." I told him softly.
Dean laughed and rolled his eyes. "Is that healthy? You have a baby growing inside of you and it's the middle of the night."
"I don't think it's really wise to argue with a pregnant woman." I said with a smile. "I'll be fine, I promise."
Dean just nodded at me and though I knew he was sad that I was up from the bed and headed downstairs, I was glad we were civil. I was even gladder to see Sam in the kitchen with coffee brewed, and I smiled at him, him looking up when I turned on the light. We nodded at each other, and he chuckled a little as I got myself coffee, and we both leaned on the island counter for a good while before Sam opened his mouth to speak first.
"You're keeping some stuff to yourself." Sam told me.
"Yeah." I admitted and took a sip of my coffee before placing my head on the table hard.
Sam reached over and stroked my hair. "You wanna talk about it?"
"No." I mumbled into the counter. "How are you and Kate?"
Sam chuckled and I smiled a little, looking up and cocking my head to one side as Sam sipped his coffee. He was definitely going to talk to me about it: he was just making sure that he had the right words to say first. It was cute that he was thinking about Kate and he was smiling—God, I was so happy that Kate and Sammy were happy…like genuinely happy…it was perfect.
"Kate and I are doing great, actually." Sam told me, looking me in the eye. "We're taking it slow and steady."
I smiled at him. "I feel like I'm gonna get shot for this mushy statement but…I think its hella romantic that you two are so close and that you can sleep in the same bed and cuddle and protect each other without having sex right off the bat."
"I have no idea why you fell for my brother." Sam said laughing. "I mean seriously."
"Would it help if I promised that boy or girl, our kid will take after me?" I asked Sam, smiling when he reached out to touch my stomach.
Honestly I had thought it would be weird and annoying to have people always touch my stomach, but it wasn't. I actually liked it. I mean there was life growing inside of me and it was already loved—already perfect to me no matter what dream. Dean was right: if he and I raised this child…there was no way that it could be evil.
"I think that makes up for it perfectly." Sam told me, smiling when I hugged him. "I love you, Lan…you know that, right?"
I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "I love you too, Sammy."
xxxx
I read a little bit late that afternoon, and then I looked up as Dean came in the room, looking a little down. I honestly couldn't imagine what would have him upset because I hadn't mentioned anything about the deal recently and it wasn't like anyone else had brought it up. So why was it that he was looking so upset?
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
Dean crawled onto the bed, and then lowered himself against me gingerly. "We need to talk."
"Okay…what's on your mind?" I asked him, putting the book down, and then I ran my fingers through his hair, while my left hand rested on his right hand, and our fingers entwined automatically.
"I'm your husband, right? And I should have run this deal across with you first, right? Well…I want you to know that I'm one hundred percent on board with having this baby." He explained to me. "I need you to know that because you and this baby mean more to me than absolutely anything else in the world. You're my family and I need you to know that I will always think of you like that."
I nodded slowly, getting really teary-eyed—why did he have to be so perfect? I didn't know exactly where this revelation of his had come from, but I was thankful for it, and I was thankful that he wanted to have this baby with me. In fact as he kissed my stomach, his eyes closed and his fingers running along it as he kept his mouth there, I realized that he was just that: perfect for me.
"We haven't had sex in a little while." I whispered to him.
He smirked a little. "I'm being all serious and sappy, and that's what you have to say?"
"I love you." I told him blushing. "I love you, and our unborn son."
"I love you and our unborn son too." Dean said pleasantly. "And screw your father—our son's going to be perfect."
I wanted to cry, but his lips were pressed to mine now. I returned the kiss, pouring myself into him, his hand sliding up my shirt and his fingers running along my stomach. Honestly I couldn't wait to be showing, but it was still early and so for now it just looked like a normal stomach but we were all excited because we knew that there was life in there. Life that was wanted…and that was all that mattered to me.
"What?" Dean asked me as I pulled away a little.
I smiled at him. "Nothing, nothing. I just…wanna dress up for you is all."
"Very nice." Dean smirked, kissing me quickly. "You may do as you please."
I got off of the bed and grabbed some lingerie out of the drawer and then went into the bathroom. Little did Dean know that I'd taken the spell book too and I used one of the more timid spells to call Mom to me, and she smiled. Honestly I felt like I couldn't do this without her and as happy as I was to be with my husband, I needed to talk to Mom about the baby while I was thinking about it.
"How are you, baby girl?" Mom asked me.
I just smiled and hugged her, happy to have her running her fingers through my hair like this. I had needed her so many times since the Greplin had taken her away from me, and just to have her here even though she really wasn't was just…it was exactly what I needed.
"What's wrong, honey?" Mom asked as I stayed silent.
I pulled back and looked at her. "Did you know that I could have a demonic child?"
"Honey, didn't you?" She asked me with a smile on her face. "Lanni, honey, you're demonic…of course your child will be—your child is getting your blood."
"I understand that but…Dad said my child will be used as an instrument of evil." I explained to her. "I mean how do I live with that? How do I expect Dean to accept that?"
Mom stroked my cheek. "Don't take it to heart, Lanni—anyone can be used as an instrument of evil, he just wanted you off of your game. You need to focus on being in control of yourself and your powers so you can teach your child to do the same, all right? Now you go in there, and you show him that he's still your number one."
I nodded as she smiled, and then she kissed my forehead and she disappeared, leaving me to stash the book for now. I would have to come back for it later, but for now I needed to get the lingerie on and then go back out to Dean, whom I was sure was getting antsy. Talking to Mom had certainly helped, and I was feeling much better about everything…about all of it. I could do this…together Dean and I could do this.
"You're beautiful! How long should it take to dress up for me? All you have to do is take off your clothes!" Dean called playfully.
I smiled and rolled my eyes. "I'll be there in a minute, Love!"
I loved the sound that came next: Dean's absolutely delightfully sinful chuckle. It made me smile and when I was 'dressed' I fixed my hair and little and then went to lean on the doorframe, frowning a bit. After all of that, I had come out to Dean grabbing his jacket and I was beyond confused and he knew it by the face I was making.
"What?" I asked him.
Dean smiled and looked me up and down. "Wow! That looks fabulous on you, but I had an idea."
"Wait, what?" I asked again, laughing a little as he cocked his head to one side and laughed at my confusion.
"I wanna try something new. I wanna romance you. Take you out for a night on the town, and then come back and have my way with you. So…get dressed." He told me, and then left the bedroom.
I just nodded and got dressed, and then I grabbed my jacket and went downstairs to Sam and Kate cuddling on the couch. They were watching a movie on TV—I hadn't quite caught which one—and they were absolutely adorable all close and happy. Kate looked up at me and gave me a thumbs up, Sam telling her to stop giving Dean and I ideas when it may lead to them having to hear things later.
"I picked the funny one." Kate said with a grin, Sam rolling his eyes and kissing her.
"We'll be back." Dean told them as he came up to me. "But don't wait up."
Kate smiled at us. "Just be safe!"
"Kate!" Sam scolded her playfully.
I smiled at them and was about to tell them the same thing because Kate and I would find it hilarious, but Dean took my hand and tugged a little. We walked out of my house, and then we stopped at the end of the driveway and I looked at Dean. I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear as he pondered his next move and I just wanted to take him upstairs and have my way with him right then…but this was his time, so he got to choose.
"I don't know if I remember all of my old haunts." Dean said thoughtfully. "We may have to wing all of this."
I laughed softly. "Isn't that what we're doing anyways?"
Dean smiled and pulled me closer, dropping my hand and wrapping his arm around my waist. "Come on, Miss Mouth."
"I warned you about this whole romantic thing." I reminded Dean.
He rolled his eyes and laughed, kissing my head as he started to walk down the street with me. I kept him close to me and looked up at him, totally in love with him and wondering why now of all times romance was suddenly at the top of his list. It was refreshing, and it kept me guessing which was always good I supposed, but he had had me right where he wanted me, and given it up for the sake of romance?
"What's with the whole romantic streak, Baby?" I asked as we made it to the park.
Dean shrugged softly. "I feel like I need to try harder—try things I haven't really tried before. I mean we have one year together, Lanni—and I just want you to be happy. I want us to be happy."
"Well I am happy." I told him, and though not 100% true, I made him think I was.
He grinned and kissed me gently. "Me too…in more ways than one because I have you in that outfit forever imprinted on my mind, but I'm suppressing the urges right now."
He winked at me and then took my hand again, dragging me to the part of the park with less paths and benches, and more trees and bushes. He sat down under the big tree, and I smirked at him because it wasn't entirely dark yet—just mostly by this point. That meant that people could walk by any second and he was what? Going to go at it with me right her in the park? To be fair he'd suggested kinkier things before…
"You bring me here to ravage me in the park or something?" I asked him.
Dean rolled his eyes. "Just come down here, will you?"
I nodded, and sat down next to him, laying down when he kissed me. It was nice and the stars were out, and he was kissing me so beautifully. I would have cried, had it not been for the one voice in my head telling me that I need to stop being hormonal and getting teary-eyed about everything. Dean's hand slipped up my shirt, and I ran my fingers through his hair as his thumb rang along the left cup of my bra.
"I knew that was the plan from the beginning." I smirked, taking a breath. "What a rather ingenious plan, Mr. Winchester."
Dean rolled his eyes again. "You know for once, you're the one wanting to get some, and I'm the one slowing things down."
"I guess I have this overwhelming need to prove to you that you're my number one." I admitted shrugging.
Dean smiled at me and I kissed him, glad that he returned it because we definitely needed this. We needed the closeness, and we needed to be able to forget all of the negative things for a while and just be us…even if it wouldn't always be like that. Eventually we'd have to face up to all of the things that were making us hurt still, but mostly we were patched up—we were patched up enough right now, so why was he pulling away?
"I know I'm your number one." He whispered softly. "And you're mine."
I smiled sadly and kissed him again, but he pulled away. "Stop pulling away."
"What's with the sadness?" He asked me.
"I'm not sad." I told him with a shrug.
"Yes you are." Dean replied, stroking my cheek. "Come on, talk to me."
I rested my forehead to his. "I'm just hormonal right now, Baby."
He nodded and kissed me again and I smiled a little, focusing on how happy being this close to Dean made me feel. I slipped my fingers into his hair and I shifted a little so that he could more easily get completely on top of me, and then I kept my eyes closed and focused on Dean as his lips traveled downward. Was there nothing that he didn't know how to do? Honestly?
"So how are you and the baby?" Dean asked, kissing my stomach.
I smiled at him softly, opening my eyes. "You're really excited to be a Daddy, aren't you?"
"Yeah, actually, I am." Dean told me honestly. "I've been thinking about it a lot, and I am really looking forward to it. You know what else? You're the only one I'd want to experience it with."
I nodded at that and then I got up, Dean frowning at me but I just couldn't do this right now. This was wrong—I felt like everything between us was crumbling and I couldn't just lay there and think of positive thoughts. All that was running through my mind now was that yeah, Dean wanted to be a dad and I wanted to be a mom and it was great that we wanted to experience that together but it wouldn't last…Dean was going to die.
"I can't do this, Dean." I told him. "I can't sit here and think about the fact that we have one year! I don't want to have a baby if you're leaving me! I don't!"
Dean sighed and stood up too. "I'm not leaving you, Lanni—I'm dying, there's a difference."
"It doesn't change the fact that you're going to be gone! I'm going to have to raise him by myself!" I exclaimed loudly. "I just don't want that, Dean."
"Please tell me you're not thinking of getting rid of it." Dean said, and I realized right then exactly how much this baby meant to him, and it hurt me…and yet it warmed my heart too.
I took a deep breath. "I'm not going to have an abortion, Dean. I wouldn't do that to you—I wouldn't do that to myself, I just…our son is going to feel how Sam feels only he won't know his father…he'll just know me…it isn't fair."
Dean nodded, and when I set my hand on my stomach and smiled sadly, Dean was reassure that I wanted my baby. There was absolutely no way that I was going to let anything happen to me, or to my son, and Dean needed to know that. So I looked up at him and held out my hand, taking his and placing it on my stomach, holding it there and looking him in the eye.
"I'm still coping, Dean." I told him softly. "I mean I know that you want this, and I know that you love me, and I know I'm your family but I'm…I'm just scared of doing this alone…can we just go home, please?"
"Yeah…sure." He said, and I knew sooner or later he and I needed to get over this…and it was going to have to start with me.
xxxx
When I woke up in my bed in my room the next morning I sighed, getting up slowly as to not disturb Dean, and I went down to the kitchen. I wanted so badly to call Jen and force her to come over and hang out with me, but Jen and Paige were still getting used to each with Kevin off traveling. Sam looked up when I walked through the doorway and slowly handed me a cup of coffee.
"Technically, Dean told you that you had to stop drinking this stuff this week. It's supposed to be your cut-off. We've been weaning you off of it." Sam said, sipping his homemade coffee.
I nodded slowly. "Yeah…I don't know if I'm gonna be able to live without coffee, Sammy."
"What's wrong, Lan?" Sam asked me.
"You mean other than getting Dean really horny and then not being able to perform for him? Or you know, me saying the wrong thing and breaking his mood? Everything." I said and then I sighed and sipped the coffee.
Sam chuckled and nodded. "I didn't need to know all of that."
"Sorry." I said, laughing softly.
Sam and I smiled at each other and then Kate walked through the door, smiling at me and kissing my cheek. Then she went up to Sam and they kissed softly, making eye contact and smiling at each other and it made me smile more. I sipped some more coffee and ran my fingers through my hair, all of us in our pajamas and then Sam focused attention back on me as Kate got a cup of coffee for herself.
"So spill—because we both know that you're thinking of the deal and you won't tell Dean." Sam told me, and then held out a plate of pancakes for me.
I sat down at the table and I took a bite of pancake before telling him. "I talked to my Mom again last night."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa—excuse me?" Kate asked me, sitting down next to me.
"Yeah…I summoned her so I could talk to her and she made me feel a lot better about this whole 'demonic baby' thing." I explained to them. "Just because my baby will have demon blood in it, doesn't mean I can't raise it to do the right thing."
Kate smiled at me. "Well, Lanni, that's a good thing…so why are you so sad?"
"I want my baby to know its father." I told her with a shrug.
Kate nodded and stroked my hair, kissing my cheek and then smiling at Sam when he handed her a plate of pancakes too. He was like the perfect man, Sam—he cooked, he anticipated everyone else's needs…and poor guy felt responsible for Jake killing him and making Dean make that deal. Sam wasn't responsible though…my father was and I was just going to have to accept that.
"I, uh…I'm thinking about trying to get Dean out of his deal…I just need leverage." I said, sipping more coffee and looking at my plate.
Sam sighed loudly. "Really? Deal for a deal?"
"That's not entirely what she said, Sammy—even though that's what she's thinking." Kate said aloud. "All right…why don't we focus on your beautiful baby?"
"Even though he was trying to get to me…I think it's a boy." I told them.
Kate laughed and nodded. "Well, I'm really glad about that to be honest because the Meckenzies have way too many girls."
"I just wish I was far enough along to feel the baby moving around and kicking." I told her as she set her hand on my stomach. "It feels so weird, you know? Knowing that there's a baby growing inside of me…I really like it."
"Do you…do you think that you and Dean will try for another one before he dies?" Sam asked me softly.
I shrugged lightly. "I guess it depends on Dean."
"What depends on me?" Dean asked, coming into the kitchen and plopping down at the island counter next to me, grabbing a pancake from the stack.
"After breakfast sex." I told him before I'd had time to think. "I, uh…promise I'll deliver this time—just no talking."
Why hadn't I just told him what Sam had just said? For some reason I almost felt like it was a secret because what if he did want to try for another baby before he died? I wasn't sure that I did, actually because he was already leaving me with one baby—two would be far too much. So actually, no…no, I knew exactly why I hadn't told Dean exactly what Sam had said.
"Deal." Dean smiled at me. "Every time we start talking, one of us says something stupid and the other one gives up on the idea, and let me tell you—I've never given up on the sex idea until you—demi-god girls not included in the equation."
I nodded at him. "Well…you won't have to deal with it after breakfast. Promise. Just—I'm sorry I've been a handful."
"Don't worry about it, Baby—I understand." Dean told me, resting his hand on my stomach and then nuzzling my neck with his nose.
"I think it's weird and yet oddly endearing that Dean is being so…sweet and romantic." Kate said, holding her hands up in surrender when Dean shot her a look.
I laughed a little and then we all talked a bit and had a nice breakfast together, me laughing some more when Dean watched me finish eating. He'd eaten pretty fast because I had promised some after-breakfast sex, and just to make him wait, I started to eat a little slower, which had Kate in stitches. Then when I was finished Dean picked me up and carried me up the stairs, dropping me on the bed.
"I didn't have any idea that I married a caveman." I told him with a laugh, getting my pajama pants off as he rolled his eyes pulled his shirt off.
He kissed me softly. "I thought there wasn't going to be any talking."
"I love you." I told him, pulling off my shirt and then kissing him again. "All right…now no more talking.
For some reason, not talking was making the sex kind of…bland. It wasn't bad—it wasn't bad at all—it was just that we both knew that we were just using this sex to mask having to talk about things and even though his body moving against mine against the bed was pleasing, there was little feeling behind it. Neither of us was all there, even when we climaxed together and kissed each other, our bodies shuddering together.
He ran his fingers along my damp stomach, and I kissed him harder than I had been kissing him before. I rested my hand on his and he ran his nose along mine, both of us catching our breaths and looking each other in the eye. There was something in his eyes that was bothering me, and he looked kind of sad right then…and I felt like a terrible person for being so distant and then he got up and started to get dressed abruptly.
"You must really have somewhere else to be." I told him.
Dean sighed as he zipped up his pants. "I just need to check on something."
"I'm sorry." I said as he headed to the door.
He turned to me and shook his head. "No, it's fine—someday we'll get our relationship back to normal."
He headed out the door and I just laid there under the covers thinking over everything and I finally realized what it was that I needed to do. I just needed to make sure that Dean understood that I wanted this from him…that I wanted to have his baby even if he couldn't always be with me and the baby. I mean yeah, I was going to hurt about him leaving us forever, but he didn't need that—not when his time was counting down like this…I had to simply love him.
"Oh God—sorry." Sam said, shielding his eyes as he walked into the room.
"I'm covered." I replied with a laugh.
Sam took his hand down from his face and sat on the side of the bed. "He left pretty abruptly—did you guys talk about something?"
"Worse—he chose to treat me like a one-night stand without knowing my dark secret." I said, and sat up with the covers around me.
"Bad sex?" Sam asked, even though he really didn't want to know the answer.
I shook my head. "No. No—sex with Dean is never bad. It's actually always pretty sensational—this was just more…emotionless. Fantastic—but with way less emotion."
"I meant did you perform badly?" Sam asked with a smile.
I smacked him playfully, and shook my head. "I'm pretty sensational myself."
Sam nodded, and as we both thought more about it, our smiles faded because other than sleeping with him when I was dating Dean, Sam and I weren't ashamed of our past. Honestly I had dated Sam first, and I had really enjoyed being his girlfriend—I could just never love him the way that he would have needed and we both knew that. Sam and I were strictly like brother and sister, and we would never be romantically involved ever again because he had Kate and I had Dean. Still…we were both feeling like joking about sex when we both knew what it was like to have sex with each other, was a bad idea.
"I'm sorry—for you, and for asking." Sam told me.
I nodded, and then he turned around so I could get up and change, and then we hung out the rest of the day with Kate, until I realized there was something else I needed to do. I went over to Jen's, and walked into Paige's room, Paige of whom had been really sad that I'd thought I couldn't stay. She and I had started becoming such good friends, and now I was pushing everyone away and she looked happy to see me.
"I have things to confide in you." I told her.
She smiled at me. "Yeah?"
"Yeah…I'm pregnant—which you know—but I'm having some doubts about my ability to raise a baby on my own, so I've been talking to Ellen and she's willing to help me after Dean dies because he made this deal to bring Sam back to life after Sam died and I just…I feel kind of lost." I explained to her.
"Well along with Ellen, I will help you if you need it." Paige told me, hugging me when I sat on the bed with her. "Kate and Sam will help you too, you know."
I shrugged and nodded. "Yeah…I think…I think mostly I'm just scared, Paige. I don't…I don't want to be without him."
"I understand that." Paige said softly. "I kind of like you and Dean together."
"I do too." I admitted, and then the two of us laid there in silence.
We laid there almost all night, until I decided I should be home and when I got there, I had a voicemail from Jen, about Kevin being back for a couple days. I crawled into bed with Dean and we naturally snuggled up against each other, and he automatically protected my stomach with his arm. I just held his hand on my stomach and smiled, so happy to have him in my life—I was blessed, honestly. He was my perfect match, and without him, I knew I wasn't going to get through this.
I woke up the next morning to an empty bed, running my fingers through my hair and getting up to go downstairs. When I listened harder, I heard Kevin and Dean laughing about something, and I had absolutely no idea what. It got me all excited though, because I wanted so badly to see Jen and have her there.
"There's the mother to be!" Kevin exclaimed when I walked into the kitchen. "How are you, Lan?"
I grinned at him. "Fine, Kev. How are you? Shouldn't you be at home spending time with your wife?"
"Why? She's here too." Jen shrugged and I squealed, hugging her tightly. "Oh, Lan, I've missed you too!"
Kevin smiled at us as Jen touched my stomach and smiled brightly. "Hey, I'm gonna steal your husband away for a bit, all right?"
"You're not going to like, convert him to Gayism are you?" I asked, laughing a bit.
Kevin punched my arm playfully. "No."
"You really think I have a gay bone in my body?" Dean asked, coming up to me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Not where it counts."
Dean smirked and kissed me. "If I hadn't promised Kevin I'd let him kidnap me today, I'd prove your point right."
"Well darn-it, Kev." I said, and kissed Dean again. "Go have fun—but not too much, okay?"
"Promise." Kevin told me with a nod.
Dean stroked my cheek with his fingertips, and then kissed me one last time, heading out the door as Lance was knocking. Dean shot him a look but continued out with Kevin, Lance coming in and sitting on the couch with me and Jen. He had things to talk to Jen about and he wanted to congratulate me about the baby and I just smiled—it was nice to know that even though I was afraid of it…I was never actually going to be alone.
Note: Well I hope that satisfied you guys because the next chapter is dramatic and a little more angsty. I have a lot more planned so…hope you stick around! Feedback is always appreciated!
