A/N: Sorry about the couple of days. First, my roommate apparently doesn't understand I'm not psychic so expected the lease in at noon on Friday (I found out at 1:20 pm). Then my financial aid from my graduate school changed a lot (as in, I lost almost $3,000 a semester because they alloted some for the summer, which would change it enough that I can't afford it, so I have to change it back but panicked). And THEN, today, my roommate texts me and tells me I need to re-scan the 40 page lease and email it to her so her father, who effed up, can sign everything he didn't sign since he's the cosigner. Luckily her mom called me while I was playing Portal so I could laugh a little.
Just sayin' that it's been pretty damn rough in my house this weekend.

But have a chapter.

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Chapter 51: Who Are You to Tell Me That I'm Less Than What I Should Be

Shepard retreated to her quarters almost immediately upon returning to the Normandy, not quite in a mood to deal with anyone asking about the random asari they'd suddenly found in the briefing room, and definitely not in a mood to deal with Liara.

"The Archaeologist known as Doctor Liara T'Soni" had been extremely useful as a source of Prothean information during the mission to take down Saren, if inexperienced and very apt to scream whenever something unexpected or the least bit terrifying (to her, which was about everything) occurred. "The Information Broker known as Doctor Liara T'Soni" seemed to have had a personality transplant that turned her into what Shepard's brain was only capable of describing as a "cold, heartless bitch," which was, incidentally, a phrase that had often been used to describe Shepard herself. Whether or not it was an accurate phrase was indifferent – it was one she was incredibly used to hearing shouted at her, usually from people whose plans she had just solidly destroyed.

Kaidan had not come up to the Loft yet, which surprised her. Vasir's death speech still resonated in her mind – not only because the asari had been able to survive a widow shot to the leg and a shotgun blast to her pelvis for longer than most, but that she had still been able to inform Shepard just why she was a horrible person.

But it isn't important! Shepard's brain had screamed. I quit! I'm not with Cerberus anymore! But was that seriously how people were seeing her? She wasn't widely known as being alive anyway, but those who knew she was alive had only heard she was working for Cerberus – she doubted news of her quitting had even managed to get away from the few people she'd told.

How many people hated her because they thought she'd willingly joined a terrorist organization?

Anyone who knew her would realize that it was impossible. She would never have willfully joined Cerberus. But . . . they never really thought that Saren Arterius would turn into the worst traitor the galaxy had seen, indoctrination or not. And two years . . . where had she been for those two years? Anything could have been happening to her. Maybe everything was an act. Maybe she was always working for Cerberus.

All she wanted (apart from having the Reaper threat legitimized and prepared for) was for people to realize that she wasn't a traitor, and Vasir's words were echoing in her ears like a curse. Vasir had only been doing what she thought was right – the same thing Shepard always claimed to be doing. But her version of right . . . What if one day she was staring down another Spectre who thought her actions were "wrong" and theirs were "right?"

Maybe she was too focused on this. Maybe she was reading too much into Vasir's words.

But it could also have been because Vasir had been like a mirror, and watching her die had been like watching herself die again.

No. She was thinking too much. That was it.

Shepard stared at the Prothean orb in the center of the table as if in a trance. "Fuck," she mumbled, pulling one of her gloves off so she could rub her forehead without chafing.

EDI, still glowing blue, appeared on her platform. "Shepard, Miranda is asking for your intervention in the briefing room."

"Who's gotten into it now?" Shepard asked tonelessly. She had half a mind to tell Miranda to deal with it herself.

EDI flickered a lighter blue – Shepard wasn't sure what that meant. "It appears that Doctor T'Soni and Commander Alenko are having a –"

"Shit."

By the time she made it to the briefing room door, nearly a quarter of the crew had packed into the hallway or tech lab (which resulted in her getting stopped and yelled at by an extremely irritated Mordin). Shepard pushed her way through the crowd, which steadily began to disperse. Miranda stood waiting by the door. Garrus started to speak, but Shepard waved him off.

"—needed her, Commander!" Liara was in the process of yelling inside the briefing room. "You of all people –"

"Thanks, Shepard," Miranda said. "I don't want to –"

"Don't you think I know that? But did you even think of what she'd want? You recklessly barged ahead and –"

"—just go in there when both of them are like this."

"It's never about what we want – Shepard would be the first to tell you that!"

"Since both of them respect you more than me I—"

"And don't you think that should change? Shepard's sacrificed more than any of us – you know that!"

"—thought you would get them to stop before they started ripping off pieces of the hull—"

"I kept her from the Collectors! Goddess knows what they would have done to her!"

"—and kill us all. My other thought—"

"And then you handed her to Cerberus! You saw as well as we did what they were capable of, and you handed her over anyway!"

"—was to send Jack in, but she'd probably try and get it out biotically, and that would end badly. We could have also sent in—"

"They said they could rebuild her! They said they could bring her back! I thought you, of all people, would want that!"

"—Tali, but she refused to get involved. I believe her words were 'she deserves it'—"

"What would have been better was if you'dasked us, or someone! It wasn't your decision to make!"

"How long has this been going on?"

"And Shepard would still be dead, the Collectors would still be out there, and we'd end up like the Protheans!"

"How long have they been in the briefing room, or in the shouting match?"

"But did you even think about the consequences? They could have brought her back as a slave, or something worse! If they hadn't been so focused on being exact then—"

"Either."

"Five or ten."

"But she's fine!"

"Wonderful."

"No, she isn't! Do you even realize what this meant to her? Having to lose two years, then catch back up with the entire galaxy? Everyone moving on around her? Getting reminded every few minutes that she'd been dead? Do you have any idea?"

"She's handled it! She's –"

"All right. I'm going in." Shepard pushed open the door. Inside, Liara and Kaidan were on either side of the table, Liara clutching the edge of the table and Kaidan standing rail-straight with his hands clenched by his sides. Liara jumped as she entered with a look vaguely reminiscent of a deer in oncoming traffic; Kaidan, meanwhile, hardly flinched. Shepard sighed heavily, leaning back against the door. "Really?" She asked simply, crossing her arms and affixing both of them with an intense stare.

"Commander Alenko wanted to know my reasons for giving you to Cerberus. He did not like the answer I gave him."

Shepard raised an eyebrow in Kaidan's direction. He nodded. "I did ask why. T'Soni got defensive."

"I expected better. From both of you. You're both members of the team that took down Sovereign, and that earns you some measure of respect from most of the people on this ship. Kaidan, Liara's right – if I hadn't come back we can guarantee that the Collectors would still be out there. Liara . . ." Shepard shook her head. "Kaidan is very, very right. As it is, what's done is done. I suggest you both relax. We'll be hitting the Shadow Broker in three hours. Let's act like it."

Shepard turned on her heel and left, returning to the now-empty hallway outside. Kaidan stepped out after her, closing the door. She was about to walk back through the lab when Kaidan grabbed her arm. "Shepard."

She jerked away from him. "What?"

"I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

Kaidan took a deep breath. "About Vasir."

"I'm not talking about her."

"Marrakech . . ."

"No, Kaidan."

"She said some heavy things. I don't want –"

"I said I don't want to talk about her."

"I need you to tell me that you won't dwell on this."

"Look, Kaidan, I—"

His hand was suddenly rested on the side of her face, freezing her in place. She swallowed, finally meeting his eyes. "Everything she said was not true. The things about you, at least. Promise me that you'll try to see that."

Shepard nodded. "I'll do my best."

Kaidan didn't sound convinced. "That's all I can ask."

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Okay, so it's short, but a good intermediary. I'll hopefully see you guys tomorrow night; if not, I'll update around midday EST on Tuesday.