Calm, she told herself. Deep breaths.
It had been a month, a little over, since Anderson sent her back to the Alliance. Earth. She hadn't seen the planet in years. Not that she remembered, at least, and there wasn't anything nostalgic about seeing it through the eyes of a murderer. It was a beautiful planet filled with all kinds of people, mostly humans, but it was always fascinating to her. Ashley had never been to Earth until she enlisted, and afterwards, she was hardly ever there anyway. Earth was a hub for the Alliance, not a place they stationed many marines. Navy personnel, but not marines. She spent most of her time bouncing colonies.
Now Ashley never saw herself getting off this planet. Within that month, the Alliance had taken so many blood samples and scans of her entire body Ashley had had her fill of hospital rooms. Every implant, cybernetic or Reaper, had been catalogued and studied extensively, and if one was decided to be safe for removal, it was taken away. Needless to say, very few were safe. Most were attached to her spine or brain, and whatever wasn't added so much to her that removing it would knock her off balance for years. But the medical procedures were done. Out of the way. The doctors and scientists had everything they needed to understand what Cerberus had done to her, and now she was being evaluated.
Ashley hated that word. "Evaluated." The therapist she was forced to talk to said it like the Alliance wanted to make sure she was still capable of keeping up with the rest of the marines. It irritated her. Of course she was capable of it; if anything, it was their marines that wouldn't be able to keep up with her.
Her skin crawled and she resisted the urge to rub the sore spot. It was at the base of her skull, the same spot Chakwas and Mordin had removed an implant from. Tracking, tapped her brain functions and nervous system. It had been gone for months, but the Alliance had been adamant about trying to get the control chip out of her brain. The surgery still gave her headaches. They'd repeated the process and somehow managed to succeed. She was free. She didn't have to fear Cerberus getting their hands on her again.
Unfortunately, the headaches had gotten worse. Sometimes she'd see spots over her vision, little black dots that would blot out the rest of the world until she was completely blind. By then, her body typically healed whatever caused the damage, but on more than one occasion, Ashley had been left blinded for over an hour. She couldn't complain, though. Temporary blindness and headaches were a small price to pay for everything she'd gotten out of it.
The doctors were still working on a way to fix it. Ashley didn't think their studies would ever amount to much, but she wasn't going to argue. She hadn't thought removing the control chip was possible. Who was she to say they wouldn't be able to find a way to solve her vision problems too?
Currently, however, she was finishing up with a simulation the Alliance had put together. On Earth, the Alliance could afford projects like this and have the space for them. It was a course much like the one a recruit had to run at the end of basic, but this was little more than a refresher. It didn't have the zero gravity sections, and she didn't have to run it with a fire team. At the end of the day, it was little more than a field to test someone's combat skills.
The time the instructor gave her was ten minutes. Ashley finished it in seven. All that got her was another run, and another, and another. He ran it until she couldn't take it any longer, or he assumed she couldn't. She hopped a barricade and expected him to tell her to go back through, but instead, he was waiting for her at the end. He hadn't given her a name and his patches were covered by a bulletproof vest, and she assumed he didn't know her name either. He'd spent the last five hours calling her any name under the sun, but never once by her name or rank. She doubted he knew what he was really doing to begin with.
"We've seen enough," he said, pushing his goggles back into place with his index finger.
Ashley pulled her goggles off entirely, letting them dangle around her neck. Sweat started rolling into her eyes, but she wiped it off. "I'm sorry?"
"Come with me."
He spun on his heel and marched across the opening, headed through the doors back into the base. Ashley followed, albeit slowly, scratching at the nape of her neck as she went. Rifle fire wasn't allowed indoors, and the course was indoors due to the weather outside, so she shoved her pistol into its holster after clicking on its safety.
Now that she wasn't worried about being hit with stun rounds, Ashley could enjoy the unfiltered air being pumped throughout the premises. It was one of the things she loved about being planetside; breathable atmospheres. The air was scanned for chemicals and viruses before being released throughout the ducts, but was otherwise untouched. The air she breathed came straight from the outside world. Cool, crisp. Not hot and humid. Given the fact that the guy ahead of her just spent the last few hours pushing her to her limits, she was grateful for the air conditioning.
Having foregone the offered protection, Ashley had been able to move a lot more fluidly than expected, and wasn't as hot and sweaty as she could've been. However, with each step, she felt her hair pulling itself free of its bun. After sliding through the open door, she pulled it free entirely and pulled it back into a lazy, loose tie. She could fix it later.
"This way," the instructor said, leading her up a set of stairs.
I hate steps, she grumbled, jogging up behind him.
The staircase led to a small landing with an armed guard. He had a helmet on, visor closed, and the N7 designation on his chest. Ashley resisted the urge to stare and followed the instructor into the observation deck. Save the man in formal dress blues, the other armed guard, and the hardass she spent her day with, the room was empty. Its numbers depleted even further when the man in blues, an admiral, ordered both the guard and the instructor out of the room.
"Lock the door," he ordered. Ashley locked the door without question and stood at attention, but a wave from him told her to relax. She slipped into an easier pose, keeping her hands behind her back. "You know who I am?"
The voice clicked after a brief second of scouring her brain. "Admiral Hackett."
"Techs said your memory might be off, Lieutenant."
"I've been able to make do, sir," she said.
He nodded. "Anderson forwarded Commander Shepard's reports." Hackett fixed her with an intense stare, but Ashley didn't flinch. She matched that stare, and for a half a second, she thought he smirked. It was gone just as fast. "You've gotten yourself into quite the predicament, haven't you?"
"In my defense, sir, I wasn't exactly capable of resisting Cerberus."
"No, like I said, I understand the situation," Hackett said. "Most soldiers would be lucky to get off with a simple discharge. Dishonorable, mind you." Ashley's brows betrayed her curiosity. "And yet, you somehow have managed to convince the councilor you're deserving of a reinstatement."
"Is that a problem, Admiral?" she asked, careful to keep her voice flat.
Hackett shook his head and Ashley resisted the urge to breathe a sigh of relief. "Not at all. Loyalty is never a problem, not until it goes too far. How far would you say your loyalty to the Alliance goes?"
Ashley shrugged a shoulder. "I know when to draw the line if that's what you're asking, sir. Cruelty and due process are on two totally different wavelengths."
"So if I put you on a mission with Cerberus operatives, you wouldn't kill them if they surrendered?"
That caught her. Ashley wasn't sure what to say, but she kept her expression straight until she could think of how to word her response. "It depends on what they were responsible for."
"You wouldn't let past grievances keep you from doing what was right?"
"Like I said, it depends. Some men deserve to die. Others only do what they think is right, or do what they have to to survive. If that pushes them to Cerberus...I might not like them, but I won't fault them for it. Life doesn't always make your options clear."
Hackett studied her for a while. Even while she yearned to look elsewhere, to get a feel for her surroundings, Ashley held that gaze. She didn't let herself look away, and after a long time, Hackett visibly cracked a smirk before wiping it off his face.
"You're as stubborn as Anderson, Lieutenant."
"I wouldn't be alive if I wasn't stubborn, sir."
"No, I imagine you wouldn't be," Hackett agreed. "It's impressive, how far your handlers say you've come in only five weeks."
Ashley ignored the word 'handlers' and said, "Getting off the Normandy was what I needed."
"So it seems," he said. "Why do you want to reenlist?"
"The Alliance is my life. Or...it was, before Virmire. I can't see myself doing anything else, and there's nowhere else in the galaxy where I'd be as useful." Unless you count Cerberus, but that's not an option. She nearly shuddered. Her body had cooled once she stopped moving; sweat still caked her skin and goosebumps broke out over her arms and neck. It was cold.
"You realize being reinstated would take away any benefits your family would be receiving, yes?"
Ashley nodded. "I'm aware, sir. I've spoken with them about it."
"Your file suggests disassociation with your past, but you've talked to your family?"
Her eye twitched. "All due respect, Admiral, but my file can't tell you about the promises I made on the SR-2. I told them I'd call to let them know what was going on. I haven't broken a promise before, and I don't intend to start just because Cerberus stuck needles in me."
"So you want in?" Hackett pressed.
Ashley nodded once. "Yes, sir."
"You'd still have to report to whatever medical screenings that you were issued. This isn't a way to avoid your treatment."
"I don't want to avoid it. I haven't felt as good since...well, it was a while ago, sir. Cerberus isn't something I want to be associated with."
"And the Reapers?"
Her voice caught in her throat and she looked at her feet. "The Alliance is acting on Shepard's warnings?"
"Anderson is pushing both here and on the Citadel," Hackett explained.
"Then I'll do whatever I can," she decided aloud.
"I should make it clear this is the only reason Anderson was able to persuade the Defense Committee that you deserved a second chance. If the Reapers are real, the Alliance will need every edge it can get, and your knowledge might be the difference between extinction and survival."
"I understand," Ashley said. "But I'm not the one you want to follow when they get here. All I can do is tell you that the Reapers won't make it easy on us. I'll give whatever information I'm asked for, but I'm not good at leading the masses. You'll just have to trust Shepard with that, Admiral."
"If the Reapers come, I highly doubt I'll be able to dissuade the Commander from requesting your transfer."
"The Normandy is as much my home as it is his," she replied. "And besides, you'd stick him at the front of it anyway. Hero of Elysium, first human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel, and the man who defeated the Collectors. There's no better poster boy, Admiral, and no one more qualified than Shepard. I belong on the front lines with him, sir. It's where I can do the most damage."
He eyed her suspiciously. She'd gotten awfully perceptive since Cerberus' revival, and sometimes, like now, she'd taken it a step too far. Whatever that look was, Hackett was definitely on to her. Ashley would have to be careful, or both her and Shepard would get bit in the ass.
After a moment, Hackett stuck out a hand. "Welcome to the Alliance, Lieutenant-Commander."
The rank caught her off-guard. Once again, she forced her composure to tough it out, and she shook his hand. "Thank you, sir, but...a promotion? Two?"
"The Alliance doesn't forget the breaks it caught," he said flatly.
Her brows shot up. "That data I sent? You got it?"
"It led to the arrest of several Cerberus agents positioned in key places along the chain of command."
She almost laughed. She'd leaked that data years ago, her final "fuck you" to Cerberus before everything got nasty. To be perfectly honest, Ashley wasn't even sure what she had leaked, but it had apparently been important. The Illusive Man had nearly killed her for it and the Alliance had caught Cerberus spies. All in all, she'd mark that a success. Pissed Cerberus off, helped the Alliance. A win-win in her book.
"I'm glad to hear it, Admiral," Ashley said.
"Good," Hackett replied. "Your gear has been returned to your apartment and personnel have already been notified of your rank. Unless Anderson or myself give you a direct order, you are to stay in Vancouver until further notice. However, if there are any incidents with your breakdowns, Anderson won't be able to protect you from the Committee. You'll be discharged without hesitation."
"Understood, sir."
He nodded again. "You're dismissed."
There was something oddly self-satisfying about walking out of that room without an escort falling in to make sure she got where she was going. As she jogged down the stairs, she glanced back at the N7 and tried not to smile to herself. The Alliance was cautious, but they acknowledged she was dangerous only if she wanted to be. Cerberus automatically assumed she was only dangerous to their enemies. No guards for the Illusive Man. They were arrogant enough to believe no one would ever find him.
Ashley turned down a hall and made her way for the elevator. The Alliance had returned her confiscated equipment. There were going to be modifications indefinitely, but it wasn't like Ashley was incapable of changing anything if she deemed it necessary. All that mattered to her was the fact that she was trusted with it again.
For once, she was glad Scuttlebutt had been right. Even if she wasn't allowed to do anything but leave the base, it still felt good to be home. The Alliance was where she belonged.
