Book Nine A wedding and a home-coming
iv Frodo and the Lady of Imladris
Eären stirred, and it seemed to her that she returned from a very far place indeed, where there were fragrant woodland scents, and the sounds of small animals and children playing in the distance. She did not want to come back from that delightful place, and yet she did, for she felt sunshine on her face, and knew that it was morning.
With a small struggle, she opened her eyes to greet the day. The first thought that came to her was that she was in her old bedroom, in her apartments in the White City. Then she thought that Lord Elrond had been with her the night before, and stretched luxuriantly at the memory. Then she realised that this could not be true, for they were awaiting their marriage, and must be apart, and sadness filled her heart.
Finally, she looked round, and saw that she was not in Gondor, but in Imladris, and she was alone in Elrond's vast bed. At the foot of the bed sat her own lovely Frea, her beaming smile lighting her face. She looked refreshed and well, in a blue flowered dress, and her eyes were sparkling.
"Good morning, my Lady," she said, cheerfully, evidently full of the happiness of one who has already discovered some of the delights of the elven vale. "I trust you slept well? I thought I would do a bit of mending, while I waited for you to wake, for you have slept a long time, and Lord Elrond forbade me to wake you."
Eären struggled to sit up slowly, and looked out of the window. It was a fine autumn day in the valley, where the leaves continued to fall, but a late summer sun still shone down on all, its golden rays touching everything with a splendour that was almost holy. It had, she remembered, been the finest summer in the south that they could remember, and here in the north, this was obviously the case also. Then she remembered that the Shadow was gone – and her heart swelled with joy.
"It's a perfect day," she said happily. Then it occurred to her to say, "What day is it, Frea?"
Frea laughed and said, "It is the 24th of September, my Lady, and you have slept through a whole night, and a day and another night, without stirring. You must have been very tired indeed to do so. Why, I've never known you sleep so long. I hope you are feeling better?"
"Did I so?" asked Eären, bewildered. "Nay, but the Lord Elrond gave me a soothing drink, and it carried me far away to a place of great healing, I think."
She ran a hand through her hair, and memory returned then of the passion of their lovemaking, which seemed to warm her, even as she thought of it. Her heart filled with love for her elf lord and his care of her, for she felt just as renewed as he had promised her, as though in the first dawn of her youth.
"Is not my Lord kind to me?" she asked now, smiling dreamily, and hugging her knees in thought, and Frea laughed at her expression, but then said excitedly, "He is a strange one, I see, and stern. Do you know, he said to me yesterday, 'Now Frea, I wish the Lady absolutely not to be disturbed until she wakes, do you understand? When she wakes, she is not to rise until she has broken her fast, and then only to walk and read, and rest, and to do no work at all. And if you fail me in this, I shall consider turning you into a toad!'"
However, the peal of her laughter belied her rounded, alarmed eyes.
"He jests with you, Frea!" said Eären, smilingly. "Do not believe him. Elves do not turn people into toads. He is the gentlest elf alive, and would do no harm to any living creature. Nevertheless, I see that you have encountered the stern side of him early on."
Frea smiled, reassured, for she had had little experience of elves and knew not what to expect. Many had been her imaginings on the subject, before they left Gondor.
"So tell me – what do you think of Imladris?" Eären enquired.
Frea said thoughtfully, "Why, mistress, this is an exceeding strange and wonderful place. For do you know, the food I ate at the feast the other night was so sustaining that I did not have to eat again for hours. Then I feel so well, for there is something in the air here, which is – bracing, and cheering for the spirits? I feel younger, somehow. I am so glad I came!"
"Good – I am relieved to hear it, for I worried about you, you know, and how it would be for you, so far from home," said her mistress.
Now Frea put aside her sewing, and busied herself making a breakfast tray for her mistress, and when she had set it astride her knees, and she was eating happily, Frea sat a while with her and chattered of her first experiences in the elf valley, and gave her news of the guests and of the patients.
"Lord Elrond has been exceeding busy in the Houses of Healing," she said now, "for you would not believe how many sick and wounded there are, all packed together into the rooms, for there is hardly space for them all, and the elves have had to make extra beds in the spaces. New sick arrive every day, so I hear. There have been battles galore, so Miriel tells me, in the Forest of Mirkwood and the mountains, and along the whole northern region. Mr Frodo is not too well, either, and Lord Elrond is concerned about him, they say. Mr Meriadoc is better, but still looking a little pale and weak, after the ride, and they keep their rooms in the Houses of Healing. Yet is it any wonder, for what a ride we had, my lady! I do not know that I should have set off, if I had known how far I should have to travel to get here!"
Eären's brow clouded at this news and she sighed worriedly.
"Oh, dear, "she said. " Here I am asleep, while the valley is in need of all its healing hands. It is like my Lord to leave me so, I fear. He is generous to me to a fault. Well, I must persuade him otherwise, I see. Fetch my clothes, Frea, and as soon as I have finished this, we will go to the Healing Houses and see what we can do!"
Frea's expression now became alarmed indeed.
"But my Lady!" she said, shocked. "The Lord Elrond will be displeased, and maybe he will turn me into a toad."
"Nonsense!" said Eären firmly, throwing aside her bedclothes. "I feel fit as a fiddle after my bathe and sleep and ready for anything. If Lord Elrond is displeased, let him turn me into a toad!"
With that, she set about dressing in her day clothes, and instructed Frea to put her fine jewels and gown carefully away.
"For feasts are one thing," she said, as Frea brushed her hair and pinned it behind her head in a pretty tail, "but workdays are to be lived through also. And they come round more often!"
Indeed, she needed little ornament, for she was, had she known it, looking better than she had ever looked in her entire life. Her natural beauty was now added to by an inner strength and depth, which gave her warmth, dignity and grace, while her time in the valley had given her the translucent beauty that comes with the elven way of life.
When she and Frea met Gandalf on the terraced path, also on his way to the Healing Houses, he remarked on it, saying, "Marriage becomes you, my Lady! How well you look. You have slept well, I trust?"
"Wonderfully well, I thank you, dear Mithrandir," she said gaily, and he nodded, his ancient eyes bright.
"So it is with the Lord Elrond," he said comfortably. "Now I know what it is to be in the company of an elf in love! For we have all had strict instructions not to disturb you, short of death and mayhem in the valley! Indeed, amid all his cares, he thinks constantly of you in a way that is quite charming. I think 'besotted' would be the right word – exactly so!"
She blushed, but laughed merrily at his jest, happy to know that she had made her lord happy too.
"But I have heard that many are sick, while I lie abed," she added worriedly, "and it is time I began work again."
On their way, he told her of what they had learned in the valley yesterday, of the Dark Lord's attack on Mirkwood, and of the driving of the enemy from Dale, and all that country east of the mountains. It seemed that though the battles for the north had been won, there was still much to do of healing and reconstruction. Thranduil and his friends from Dale and the Lonely Mountain had brought with them numbers of their sick who concerned them.
Many, it seemed, had returned from the battle with what appeared slight wounds, which should be healed by now, and which yet grew steadily worse, and none of men's medicine seemed able to stanch their fevers. These added to the numbers already being cared for, and made for a tightly packed dwelling and much work still to do to cleanse the world of Sauron's evil.
"It is the evil of the poisoned darts which lingers still," said Eären, "for we had several such cases before I left with the Eärendili for the front in the south, and many more in Gondor. I will go and do what I can."
Gandalf nodded approvingly, his crinkled eyes on her thoughtfully.
"You will do very well, as Lady of Imladris, Eären," he commented.
"But tell me of Frodo," she added, "for Frea tells me he is not well."
Gandalf sighed.
"His wounds will never entirely heal," he said simply. "We must do all we can for him. Alas, he was deeply wounded, in many ways, not least in the bearing of the cruel burden of the ring for so long. However, let us hope for the best. Elrond cares for him, and he could not be in better hands."
At the door of the Healing Houses, Lord Erestor, her old companion in healing, greeted her, but said both happily and reprovingly, "My Lady! How good to see you out of bed, and looking so well. But I fear I cannot let you in, for Master Elrond will not forgive me for allowing you to work. You know that his word is law in the valley."
She said patiently but firmly to this, "Erestor, I cannot sit at home when I have a pair of hands that can be helpful. Let me come to Lord Elrond, and I will try what persuasion I may to change his mind."
Erestor and Gandalf smiled happily at each other over her head, enjoying the prospect of that scene. Meanwhile, Elrond himself appeared, bearing healing herbs, from the room of one of the sick ones. He was looking preoccupied, she saw, and wore a loose linen shirt and his hair was plaited, as he wore it when busy at work. His eyes lighted upon her, standing in the entrance hall, and widened in surprise. Then she saw the memory stir deep in his sea grey eyes, of their night of celebration and pleasure, and she knew, with a woman's knowledge of her lord, that he would forgive her most things today! He hastened to meet her, bending to kiss her cheek in greeting.
"My dear Lord," she said humbly, "I have slept well and feasted twice, and I am full of energy. Will you not lift your decree and allow me to resume my work in the Houses of Healing? For I hear that there is much work to do, and I am eager to continue the practice of all that you have taught me."
Elrond looked down at her searchingly for a moment, his eyes missing nothing, as ever.
"Your sleep has worked its cure," he said, a little reluctantly. "Nevertheless, I would not have you overtire yourself today, for there will be many days of work ahead. Are you sure you feel ready to resume your healing?"
She nodded.
"I feel new minted on the earth this day!" she said, and a small but glad smile tugged at his lips at this, knowing what she meant.
"Very well, then," he said, and looking towards Erestor, he said, "Give the lady a room to tend, Erestor – thus we shall get round the whole a little quicker." To Eären, he added, "If you need me, call me. Moreover, when your room is tended, I would have you do no more, but sit with Frodo a while, for he is very weary and I think sad at heart. You were ever a good companion to sadness."
Thankfully, she went with Erestor, saying as she went, "I have brought Frea, my maid, Lord Erestor, for she is a capable girl, and may benefit from learning some herbal lore. It may be that when she understands our work she can help to make remedies to heal the sick. For I well remember how Queen Arwen did that work so well, and now she is no longer with us."
She saw Erestor's face sadden at the mention of the name of Undomiel, and wished she had been more tactful, but, reading her thoughts, Erestor said, "Do not fear to speak of her, Lady, though I cannot do so myself, yet, for the grief of parting is too near."
She nodded her understanding of this, feeling much the same about those who had been torn away from her, especially Aragorn. Without pausing for further talk, she set to work, with a will, upon the roomful of charges he gave her. It was as Frea had said, she saw, and many bodies lay stretched about the room on low mattresses, as well as in the beds. She went from charge to charge and studied their condition carefully, seeing with some alarm that many had high fevers, and wounds of various dispositions, which festered and would not heal, not unlike Faramir's. These were orc and wild men woundings, she saw, for the arrows had had poisoned tips, which entered the blood stream and resisted attempts to restore the patient to health. Many of the patients rambled in their sleep, or called out, periodically, in sudden distress, remembering the heat of the battle.
"It is a great evil," she said to Frea, angrily, "for it is so malicious in intent. The opponent is treated without respect, so that he may not even have the satisfaction, in death, of coming to his reward among the fellows of his race. Let us clean these wounds together, and I will show you how to remove as much poison as possible. Can you fetch some tepid water, do you think, and clean cloths, and the remedies whose names I shall tell you? And bring a sponge to wash down the bodies and relieve the fever."
Frea was soon as engaged as she was herself, and between them, they tended ten or twelve of the hurt, including two with men with savage chest wounds, about which she made a mental note to speak to Elrond, for she feared they would die. Most of them, however, seemed better under her gentle hands, and, pleased with her work, she now said to Frea,
"Go to the Hall, and eat and rest for a while. I will send for you when I need you again. I shall go to sit with Frodo."
The Ring bearer, she guessed, would be bestowed in the honoured guest room at the end of the ground floor, with its wide windows overlooking the valley. It was so, and as she knocked gently and slipped inside, she was greeted by Samwise, who rose thankfully, looking relieved to see her. Frodo seemed to be sleeping, and he motioned her to go outside, where they could speak without disturbing him.
"I'm that glad to see you, my Lady," he said, keeping his tone quiet, without losing its anxiety. "I'm worried sick about Mr Frodo! He don't seem himself since we got back from Gondor. What do you think is the trouble? I know we all know what the trouble is," he added apologetically, "but he seemed fine, for parts of the journey, only tired and out of sorts. Now I can't hardly get a word out of him, and I wonder if something is on his mind. Either he sleeps, or he just stares out of the window, and I don't rightly know what to do."
"Don't worry, Sam," she said, with a cheerfulness she did not entirely feel. "Go with Frea and eat your noon meal now, and take a break, and I will sit with him, and see what I can do."
"Thank you, my lady," he said humbly, "for I know you have the healing gift, like Lord Elrond."
She slipped inside the bedchamber, and took Sam's seat beside the bed. Frodo was pale and wan-looking, but evidently sleeping peacefully. For quite a long while he did not stir, but then he moved, muttering something in his sleep, and his eyes fluttered open.
"Why, Lady Eären," he said faintly, his voice thin and not at first easy to catch. "It is good of you to come. May I sit up a while?"
She assisted him to rise in the bed, and settled pillows comfortably behind his back, before sitting again.
"How do you feel, Frodo?" she asked thoughtfully, noting the signs of a slightly moist skin and lack of colour in his lips, as Erestor had taught her.
"Tired," he said, and sighed deeply, but his voice gained a little strength as he continued speaking. "I sleep but I don't seem to be refreshed. I wake up and feel tired, and soon I'm ready to sleep again. Will I ever be well again, do you think, my Lady?"
"It was a great burden you carried for long, I think, Frodo," she said, wryly, her heart deeply touched by his evident distress. "Then, too, the long journey home was exhausting for all of us. I am not surprised you are tired. Rest, and do not worry about anything. You can stay here as long as you need to, you know that, until your strength returns."
"But that's what I can't do!" he said, his brow now creased fretfully. "For we do not know what is happening in the Shire. I am thinking now that I love it more than any place in the wide world - and now I have seen enough of the world to know."
"A tree grows best where it roots," she said, smiling in memory of Aragorn's words to him, at the last, before they parted. "But Frodo – you cannot do anything to help the Shire unless you are well yourself. So worry will not help, and may prolong your stay here. In any case, I do not fear for you and your friends, somehow. They have all come a long way since they left home a year ago. I do not put a high chance of success on anyone who seeks to hinder you! Whatever is needful to do, when you come there, I am sure you will accomplish it. Therefore, be at peace, dear Ring-bearer, for if we learned one thing, among all our adventures, it was surely that the music of Ilúvatar is always in harmony, no matter what the Shadow may do to undermine it."
She referred to the story that Elrond had told them all, when similar fears beset them, in the White City. Frodo nodded, remembering this story now, and his brow uncreased a little.
"You are right, my Lady," he said. "I must keep faith, for I have no other resource to fall back on. I am so glad to have seen Bilbo again, for it was the one thing missing from all our celebrations in Gondor - that he was not there. Queen Arwen said that he would not make another long journey, save one, and now I see what she meant."
Bilbo, she had also noted at the Great Elven Feast, had acquired that ethereal look of one whose time was coming to an end, and she saw that Frodo had seen that too.
"You will miss him, my friend?" she asked quietly.
"More than I can say," he said, and tears gathered in his large blue eyes, and with that he laid his cheek on the pillow and wept freely, while she held his hand, glad that he could release some of the sorrow he had carried.
When he had recovered somewhat, he said seriously, "Lady Eären, I cannot speak of this to Sam, for he would be dreadfully upset, but I fear that my own time in the Shire may be limited also. When Queen Arwen was saying farewell to me, she gave me her elf stone, which is the sign of her immortality, and said that I could use it in her stead, and go into the West with Elrond, if my wounds troubled me, and the pain became too great to bear. It seems to me now that she already foresaw that I would not be able to return to a normal life – not the life I always knew, so happy and free from care - though I did not value it half enough then."
There had been rumours in Gondor of a great gift given to Frodo, but Eären had not known what it was, and hesitated to pry into what seemed private business between the two of them. Now, in a flash of insight, she understood what ailed him.
Holding Frodo's hand tightly, she thought a moment very carefully. Then she said, "My dear Frodo, Arwen's gift to you was richly deserved, and I am glad to hear of it. Yet it is not an unmixed blessing, as I think you now see."
He looked at her gratefully, glad to be understood, and clung to her hand now, eagerly engaged with the thought.
"Then you understand what a thing it is to possess such a gift," he said gratefully. "It is gift with two edges, is it not? Before I had it, I knew nothing of my life, except that I would go home to the Shire, live there in blessedness with my people, and die there one day. Yet now I have the elf stone, and it seems that it came to me as the noise of the gulls at Pelargir came to Legolas! For now, I know that it is there, and I cannot forget it entirely!"
He sighed long and hard. Then he said,
"Maybe going to the Grey Havens is a release, and a blessing. Yet then - it means more partings, does it not? Somehow, I must wrench myself away from the Shire, as soon as I have found it again. And how do I leave Sam behind, who was my faithful friend to the end, in the darkest days of Mordor? I do not know if I can bear more change, or more partings. Do you?"
Tears entered her own eyes now, and she cried in relief at being able to nod her head, in full understanding.
"Frodo, dear, I feel much the same. Our journey home was hard," she said now, wiping her cheeks absently. "Yes, I too thought my heart would break, at the last, especially when we said farewell to Aragorn at the Gap of Rohan. After such joy, that parting was like a death to me!"
"I hated it also," said Frodo darkly. "Yet it must have been worse for you. You were ever close friends," he added, nodding slowly. "I think he confided in you, more than anyone. You were there, also, in the days after the Last Battle, when Arwen was not, through no fault of her own."
Eären fell into reflection again. Then she went on, "What I think now is that there is no such thing as unmixed joy, and I did not see this before. The elves have always known it, I fear, and this is the cause of their sadness, even in great bliss. My marriage was the most joyous event in my life, but it came nonetheless mixed with grief. I had to leave the White City, and all that I had grown to know and love there. There was the grief I caused my brother and my dearest friend, Elessar the King, by leaving them behind, and there was the fear of hurting my dear Lord Elrond, wisest of immortal beings, by becoming his mortal wife. At times, I knew not whether the journey home was a funeral or a wedding journey! "
Her fair face echoed the flash of this happiness, followed by a darker frame, as its consequences passed through her mind. She held Frodo's hand warmly.
"No gift is without its shadow, Frodo," she said gently. "This I begin to understand. For Elrond tells me so, and I find him wiser than anyone I have ever known. As I understand it today, grief and joy are as interwoven as the shadow of the sun's rays upon the earth. But I am beginning, also, to see that light is not wiped out by shade. It is rather highlighted. And in this is our best hope."
She tried to think of an example of what she meant, and the conversation she had had with Elrond about Arwen and Aragorn came to her. Frodo, she felt, could be trusted with it, for he had grown enormously in wisdom in the time she had known him, and he could keep a confidence.
"When Elrond was grieving over the choice his beloved daughter had made to marry a mortal," she said, "his mind became sometimes overcast by worry over the sadness she might suffer, when her husband at last went to his long rest. Nevertheless, one day when we were talking of it, it came to me that we were talking as though her life would be all grief! However, of course it will not. It will be a life of great happiness and productivity in the White City, with Aragorn by her side, and perhaps with children of their own to love, and who will love and honour their parents in turn, and outlast them both, one day, carrying on their names. Yet, to gain all this happiness, Arwen has had to face the possibility of grief in the end. Nevertheless, even though her grief at the end may be great, the whole truth of her life will not be grief. And this is the point. Her life will be a complex story of both joy and grief, and I daresay the grief will by no means outweigh the joy, over the long run. Do you understand me?"
She looked seriously into his bright blue hobbit eyes, thinking how fond she had become of him.
"A wasted life would have been not to venture that love, that mattered so much to the two of them," she said now, and though she spoke of Arwen and Aragorn, she thought of Eären and Elrond in her mind's eye, also. "By refusing the risk, she would not have avoided grief, it seems to me – for she then would have had to bear the loss of the one she loved the most in all Middle-earth! And what pain is worse than the loss of what might have been? Moreover, there is no guarantee that she would have found another who would have fulfilled her heart's desire."
Frodo was listening intently. Now he nodded, saying huskily, "Yes, my lady, I understand," for he was much moved by the way she told this tale.
"I fear," she said then, "that the happiness and the grief are indissoluble. They are one. So may it be with your dear friend Samwise, and all your kin, and your hobbit friends, too. They cannot avoid the grief of losing you, if that is what it comes to, nor you the grief of losing them. Yet they would have lost so much more in not knowing you, even though they must part with you at the end! So it is for you. No one can take the love of those friends, and your uncle Bilbo, away from you, Frodo! You have it, indelibly, now and always - forever."
Tears now poured freely down Frodo's cheeks, for her words moved him deeply, and she held his hand warmly. While he cried, she sighed, and looked out of the window, lost in thought a long while.
"And after all," she said eventually, with a more cheerful smile, when his sobs had abated, "you are the luckier one, for Elrond tells me that all wounds are healed in the West, and all grief is wiped away. Until then, my counsel is to remember all the joy you have had, the friendship and love you have shared together. Trust that these good things will not be wiped away from your friends' hearts by your passing. And they have much left of life to enjoy, and they will find a way to do so, if I know them."
A meditative silence now fell.
"I own," said Frodo eventually, his tears having ceased at length, "that oftentimes I feel like one small hobbit in a very large world."
He held her hand, tightly, for a long while, and neither said more. Finally, he sighed, and said, in a more resonant, stronger voice,
"Thank you so much for talking to me, my Lady. I thought I was alone with my fears of facing so much that is great and difficult, and outside of my control, and still may bring great pain - especially to those I care for the most. Now I see that it is only the common lot of the world that I experience. For all are subject to change, to loss and parting – even Aragorn and Arwen, who seemed very great people to me right away, as soon as I knew them. You are right in saying that it is not the elves alone that experience this. Yet, somehow, it does not seem so bad, when I think of it in that way. Sam too, I guess, will come to difficult partings, in his turn, and to whatever the bearing of the Ring has changed in him. So will Merry and Pippin. Does grief ever come to an end, I wonder?"
She sighed, but reluctantly shook her head.
"I am not wise enough to know the answer, Frodo. Somehow, I think it does – not for the world as a whole, I see that – for life is an endless cycle, in which grief ever recurs. However, for us as individuals, who have tried to do our part, to the best of our ability, it will end. Elrond says so, anyway, and I believe him. He tells me that all wounds are healed, beyond the Grey Havens, and all losses restored. And though the elves do not know what becomes of men, or hobbits, at the end, I find it hard to believe that the Holy One has not decreed some end that is healing for them also. At any rate, Aragorn and Arwen have chosen to go to that rest, and they are wise, and would not have made such a choice lightly, I feel."
Frodo smiled at the thought, his eyes far away.
"Then I shall think of them, and meanwhile I shall put one foot in front of the other, just as I did in Mordor, when the going seemed unbearable."
"You are a brave hobbit," she said, earnestly. "Your courage will always see you through, Frodo."
After a while, Frodo sank down into a sleep again, though she thought his sleep somewhat more natural now. When Sam returned, refreshed, she left him with Frodo a while, saying that she was hopeful of improvement.
