(A/N)- Iiiiiiit's Robin Angst time again!
Also, shameless fluff, because I'm a sucker for it. Which is not a surprise to any of you by this point I'd guess. Anyway, on to the chapter.
Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I would currently be trying to push the movie out of development hell. Alas, I do not, so that project along with several other DC properties must remain in listless limbo. (Come on DC get your butt in gear, Marvel has TWO superhero movies coming out this year.)
Nighttime Comforts
In his dream, Robin was running.
His lungs burned and his side ached with a painful stitch. His breaths were short and insufficient. But he couldn't stop. If he stopped, the shadow behind would-
A blow slammed into his back, and Robin cried out as he was knocked forward onto the ground. Before he could move a knee was pressing into the small of his back and his right arm had been wrenched behind him. Terrifyingly familiar leather-gloved hands pinned his wrist between his shoulder blades.
"Aaah!" Robin screamed, as sharp lancing pain shot up through his arm.
"Not trying to run away are you, apprentice?" Slade's voice said from somewhere above him.
Robin bit his lip against the pressure on his arm, and struggled without any leverage to get up. "Let go!" he shouted.
"Hmm… I don't think I will," Slade mused thoughtfully. His tone grew harsher. "Not until you've learned your lesson, apprentice."
"Stop calling me that!" Robin snapped, desperately trying to break Slade's hold. "I'm not your apprentice!"
"Aren't you?"
Something pulled him to his feet. Robin lashed out behind him but there was no longer anyone there. Bewildered, he looked around, only for his breath to catch in horror as he glanced down and saw that he was wearing his old apprentice uniform. Frantically he ripped off the metal vambraces. They fell to the floor with a metal crash and Robin's fingers fumbled under his collar for the latch. He managed to unhook it and then tossed the collar away.
He gasped. The vambraces were back on his arms. He put his hands up to his neck and felt that, even though he'd just thrown it away, his collar was back on too.
Panicking, Robin pulled at the metal pieces of his uniform, but now they would not come off. He stumbled, gave up, and just started running again. He sprinted down a hall, turned the corner, found himself in a large room with clanking metal gears and pipes that let off steam. Recognizing the main room of haunt he turned back around, but the hallway had vanished.
"No…" he breathed.
Slade's laughter echoed loudly all around the haunt. Robin clapped his hands over his ears, trying to block it out.
He had to get out of here. He could see Slade standing on the dais in front of his throne but the villain wasn't doing anything. He was just looking at him from across the room. Robin glanced towards a door at the far side. Maybe if Slade didn't move, he could make a break for it.
He broke into a run and started for the door but it was like everything was in slow motion and he was moving through molasses. It seemed incredibly difficult to put his feet down, and when he checked to his right he saw with dismay that Slade was moving towards him, slowly, his hand outstretched. Robin looked forward now, searching. Where was the door?
He tripped suddenly. His momentum sent him sprawling to the ground. It was easier to move now and he scrambled up, willing himself not to look back at Slade.
Dark vine-like tendrils sprouted from the floor at his feet. His ankles were tangled in an instant. Robin flailed about as the tendrils curled around his legs, snapped around his wrists and waist. His heart pounded. Again his eyes sought for the door.
Part of the upper level of the haunt was now a huge stone hand, spread palm-up. Above it he could see the ceiling of the underground chamber beneath the old library. And Raven was there, floating in the center, surrounded by glowing red rings of energy. What was she-?
No, Robin thought. She couldn't be! Not again!
"Raven, stop!" he shouted, struggling to free himself from the tendrils.
Too late. The towering red figure of Trigon appeared in the room, grinning maliciously. Red energy streamed out from him in all directions, burning away the haunt. Hot, dry wind gusted all around Robin, who put his arms up to shield himself. The tendrils had gone, he noted dully.
He blinked. Red sky, red clouds, crumbling gray stones and statues littered everywhere… he was looking at the ruined Jump City under Trigon's reign. He stumbled back. He put his hand on one of the stone statues and yelped as it crumbled into rubble at his touch.
He could feel the eyes of twenty or so other statues on him, pinning him with looks of hatred and accusation. Robin backed up uneasily as the nearest statue watched him. Its mouth opened.
"YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT-" poured out in an unholy scream.
Fear shot straight to Robin's heart, and he turned and fled. A chorus of, "-YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT-" followed behind him. All the statues were screaming it now. He couldn't get away from them.
Robin blundered into walls as he ran, scraped the metal plates of his uniform on the stone, not caring where he went, just trying to get far, far away from the horrible screaming. It only seemed to grow louder the more he ran. He skidded around a corner and halted for a moment, leaned a hand against the wall, exhausted, catching his breath. The shrieking chant rang continuously in his ears, louder than ever. Robin sank to his knees. A moan of despair escaped his lips.
"-YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT-"
Robin squeezed himself into a niche in the wall, pressing his hands over his ears.
"Shut up… Shut up!" he hissed.
Slade's voice rose lazily above the din. "Everything is always your fault, Robin," he said. "Including this."
Robin's head snapped up. Slade stood there down the street, his thumb poised above the button of a familiar control strapped to his wrist, and behind him were the four other Titans, seemingly unaware. As Robin watched with fresh horror rising up his throat, Slade's thumb descended and the screams of the other Titans filled his ears, and their figures twisted in pain and fell to the ground.
"NO!" He sprang up, shot across the distance, scrambling over the debris in his way. He had to get to them.
Their bodies twitched and writhed, electricity sparking through them. They seemed to flicker in and out of existence. Starfire was closest to him-when she looked up, relief flashed over her face, and she seemed to be trying to fly to him.
"Starfire!" he called.
His hand clasped hers just as she was suddenly yanked back. She yelped. Robin was nearly jerked off his feet. He braced his body, planted his soles firmly, reached up with his other hand as well pulling her back from the iron grip of the dark tendrils, which had returned and were now around her.
Her eyes were glowing. Her face twinged with pain from the tendrils squeezing the life out of her, the electricity arcing through her body. "Robin!" she gasped helplessly. "It hurts!"
Robin panted with the effort of holding onto her. He paid a quick glance to the side towards the other Titans and felt the pit of his stomach drop out as they dissolved into dust before his eyes.
His hands gripped tighter to Starfire's. His eyes met hers desperately.
"Stay with me! It's going to be okay!" he said frantically, hysteria edging into his voice. The world around them was a dark warehouse now, and the tendrils were dragging her from him even more forcefully.
"Do not let go!" she begged him.
"I won't, just hang on!" he told her. But her hand was slipping, his grip was weakening and he couldn't hold her forever. "Hang on-" Her hand was pulled from his grasp. "STARFIRE!"
The tendrils bore her back into the darkness. He didn't even have time to reach for her-the floor gave way beneath him and he was falling into the black.
The wind rushed through his ears. Below him he could see a round patch of floor illuminated by a single white spotlight. The bodies of a man and a woman lay sprawled there, and a child knelt between them, crying, and he fell through the air to join them…
-TT-
Robin gave a sharp gasp as his eyes snapped open. For a moment, he didn't know where he was. The events of the nightmare hung fresh in his mind, replaying in terrifying detail.
Then he felt the soft sheets and the pillow beneath him, the warm blanket covering his back, and his heart rate slowly, slowly started coming back down to normal. Robin exhaled deeply, relief washing over him.
It was a dream… it didn't happen… it wasn't real…
Just a dream.
Robin rolled over from his side onto his back, and slowly sat up. He was covered in a thin sheen of cold sweat; it made his nightclothes stick to him uncomfortably, and it chilled him despite the humidity of Tower. He pinched the front of his shirt, peeling the cotton fabric from his skin. Normally he would've just worn his uniform to bed, but it had felt too stuffy and stifling tonight. A massive heat wave had recently hit Jump City-even the Tower's top-of-the-line A/C wasn't completely effective at holding the heat at bay. Amid the roiling temperatures and scorching sun, crime had plummeted to a record low, the usual low-life crooks choosing to spend the days inside staying cool, with the rest of the populace. After three stagnant, sweaty nights of patrolling empty streets Robin had decided the gesture was useless while the heat wave lasted, and only made them all miserable. So he'd given the Titans the night off. (Canceled all their training sessions even, which had made Cyborg and Beast Boy goggle at him, wondering if the heat had gotten to him and addled his brains.)
He sighed.
Too bad his nightmares wouldn't take the night off.
Robin rubbed a hand down the side of his face, pushing damp strands of hair out of his eyes. His stomach still felt queasy from the way the Titans' bodies had just… dissipated like that in his dream. It had all been preceded by a horrible shuddering, and then their eyes rolled back and their mouths gaped open and then… ugh…
Sometimes he hated his subconscious for being so morbid. But then again he guessed it just came naturally from being raised in Gotham. You got used to hellish imagery.
Didn't make it any more fun though.
He put his face in his palms wearily, running his fingers up through his hair. And then of course Slade just had to make an appearance. That wasn't a surprise either; Slade had been a reoccurring character in his dreams a long time now, near-constant in his nightmares ever since the apprenticeship.
Even after all this time it still scared him. Slade still scared him.
He dropped his hands to his lap. His throat was dry and parched and he was thirsty, whether from the heat or from sweating in his sleep he didn't know. Robin shuffled, lifted the covers off, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His knees shook slightly as he stood to his feet. He rubbed a tight muscle in his shoulder as he made his way out into the hall.
Must've been lying on it wrong, he thought. It was the only part of him that ached. His legs and back felt perfectly fine; all the running he'd done in his dream had had no effect upon his waking body.
The carpet crunched softly under his bare feet as he walked, and faint puffs of cool air from the A/C brushed his face on occasion. The bathroom was closer, but it didn't stock any ice, so Robin continued on to OPS and punched the button to let himself in.
To his surprise he found someone already there, seated at the kitchen table. It was Starfire, dressed in loose, comfortable pajamas like him, her hands cupped around a steaming mug. She looked up upon his arrival.
"Oh! Hello Robin," she greeted brightly.
Robin rubbed a bit of grit from his eye. "Star?" he said, blinking sleepily at her. "What are you doing up?"
Starfire turned slightly in her seat, in order to better face him. "I could not get to sleep," she told him, shaking her head. "Silkie still has that terrible cold and his snoring is most… disruptive." She put her mug up to her lips. "And you?" she asked over the rim.
He pointed towards the cabinets. "Came for a glass of water."
She perked up. "Shall I fetch it for you?" she offered helpfully.
"Nah, that's okay. I got it," he told her, sending her a faint smile as he crossed to the kitchen. "But thanks anyway."
She smiled in return and turned back to the table.
Robin opened one of the cabinet doors, his eyes scanning the shelves for the glasses. Finding them, he reached in for one.
He hesitated, catching sight of a bottle of sleeping pills on the other side of the shelf. Raven had given it to him, ages ago, to help him sleep… but truth be told he hated using them, and avoided it whenever possible, partly because he was too stubborn, but also because he didn't want to have to depend on pills for a decent night's sleep. The bottle was still mostly full. He couldn't remember the last time he took any of the pills. He stared at the bottle a long moment, contemplating.
Would it help to dull his nightmares?
"Robin? Is everything all right?" Starfire's voice piped up from behind him.
He stirred from his thoughts, and straightened.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. I just zoned out for a moment there," he said.
He left the bottle where it was and closed the cabinet door. He just needed a drink, that was all.
Fetching ice from the freezer, Robin filled his glass with water from the tap. Shutting the faucet off, Robin tilted the glass to his lips and took a long gulp. The cold trickling water felt wonderful loosening up his dry throat. Robin swallowed and then wiped his mouth, before shuffling over to join Starfire at the table.
She set down her own drink and watched him pull out a chair and sit down. Her eyes squinted and her head tilted curiously at him.
"You are not wearing your mask," she exclaimed in light surprise.
Robin's hand immediately lifted up to touch his eyes. Feeling the exposed bare skin there he gave a short, jittery laugh. "Guess not," he said, playing it off with a smile.
Starfire frowned, gazing at him worriedly. She'd seen his eyes before but… it wasn't usually like Robin to forget his mask so blithely. "Are you certain you are okay, Robin?" she asked him. "You seem a little-oh what is the phrase?-'out of it'?"
Robin's lips pressed together grimly as he cupped the cold glass in his palms.
He leveled with her.
"Bad dream," he explained. "Woke me up."
"Oh," she voiced in understanding. "I see." Her hand crept across the table to take one of his, and hold it comfortingly. "Was it… very terrible?" she asked.
"I've had worse," he said in glum humor. "But it definitely wasn't one of my favorites."
"What was it about?" she pressed.
He shrugged. "The usual assortment of things," he divulged, casually nudging his glass to the side. "Being trapped as Slade's apprentice again… watching the Titans die…" His voice dropped lower and his gaze drifted off. "…losing you…" he whispered.
Her hand gave his a gentle, reassuring squeeze.
"Is there anything I could do to help ease your mind?" she asked. Her eyes lit with an idea and she hopped up from her seat. "Perhaps I could make the warm milk and the cookies!"
"No, just…" His eyes dropped closed and he leaned towards her, resting his ear against her stomach. "…just hold me for a while," he implored her quietly.
Starfire stepped closer to his chair and wrapped her arms around his head and shoulders. She held him to her chest like this for a long quiet moment, cradling him gently and stroking her fingers through his hair and down his back. Robin exhaled deeply, feeling his anxiety leaving, as Starfire's warm embrace surrounded him with a sense of comfort and security. She let him lean against her, and pet his hair, and rocked him softly in her arms.
They stayed that way for several minutes. Robin's nerves settled, his lingering agitations and fears brought on by the nightmare melted away… and he was calm.
He gave a low, contented hum.
Starfire giggled and let go, promptly sinking back down into her chair.
"Thank you," Robin murmured.
She just beamed at him and picked up her mug again.
Robin took another mouthful of his water and leaned back against his seat. He swirled the contents of the glass idly, making the ice clink against the sides.
"Starfire?" he piped up hesitantly. "You don't think… the reason Trigon was able to get into our world… was my fault, do you?"
"Robin!" she cried, appalled. "That is a horrible thing to say! Why would you ever blame yourself for that?"
His mouth twisted dismally. "Because I blame myself for everything." His parents' deaths, getting trapped in the apprenticeship, inhaling the dust, Terra… he had faulted himself at least once for all of it. Probably why guilt was such a prominent part of his nightmares.
Starfire sighed heavily. "I wish you would not." She reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "Robin, you are not at fault for everything bad that happens to us. Trigon's invasion was because of Trigon's actions alone, not yours," she told him sternly.
His head ducked shamefully. "I know." He did, really, his rational side always said so whenever he was beating himself up for something, but he was never fully reassured until one of his friends said it aloud.
"This was brought on by your nightmare?" Starfire guessed, withdrawing her hand.
He nodded, lifting his glass. "Yeah."
"That does make the sense," Starfire mused, tapping her mug with her fingers. "My worst dreams play upon my deepest fears as well."
Robin swallowed some more water and asked, "What sort of things do you see? Or… would you rather not say?"
"It is fine," she assured him, waving a hand. "Usually I see Tamaran being razed, or the Citadel laying waste to Earth, or my sister selling me to the Gordanians." She traced a circle on the table with her index finger. "Sometimes I dream I have been captured by Psions-they are a race that works for the Citadel-and they are performing experiments upon me. Mostly I just dream of them cutting me open."
Robin had a slightly more difficult time swallowing his water that round. He pressed a fist to his throat as he managed to get it down. "And I thought I had a morbid subconscious," he droned, gaping at her.
Starfire gave a nonchalant shrug. "It is a legitimate concern for many of my people." She looked down at the table, and squeezed her mug tightly. "Though, truthfully… my least favorite dreams are when I am lost, and cannot find any of you."
"I know that feeling…" Robin sighed. He polished off his glass and then scooted the chair back and stood to his feet. "Thanks again for listening, Starfire. It really helps."
"I am glad," she said, jumping up quickly and hugging him. "I hoped there was something I could do to raise your spirits."
He patted her back and smiled. "Well, you certainly did that." He pulled back, picking up the empty glass and sending Starfire a grin. "You're better than my therapist."
She laughed bashfully at that, and averted her face, touching a hand to her cheek shyly.
Robin deposited his glass by the sink, and called back over his shoulder. "Are you going to bed after you finish?"
"I will try," she promised, clasping her hands behind her.
"Okay," he acknowledged. "Don't stay up too late." He turned and headed across the carpet to the door, waving at her as he passed. "See you in the morning, Starfire."
"Sleep well, Robin," came her goodbye as he walked through the parting electronic doors.
His bed was welcomingly warm as he fell into it. Robin moved the blanket around as he settled himself. He looked over and checked the top of his dresser to remind himself where his mask was, for when he needed it in the morning. Satisfied, he sunk his head back into the pillow, staring up at the ceiling.
His mind played back bits and pieces of his nightmare, but they no longer had any terror in them. The voice of Slade faded into the calm exhortations of Starfire, gently reassuring. Her words repeated in his ears. His eyes closed and he rolled over, breathing softly.
Then he was asleep, and his dreams were all her.
(A/N)- Couple shout-outs to Robin and Starfire's comic origins in here, as you astute readers will have noticed. And yes, that was in fact a coy continuity reference back to Psychiatrist Janet from a couple chapters ago.
I tried to make Robin's nightmare very disorienting. One of the things that bug me sometimes about dreams in fiction is how structured and logical they're presented as. Don't get me wrong, I like a good structured full-of-symbolism-and-plot-significance dream sequence on occasion but, you know, in real life most dreams are usually a lot more chaotic. Things disappear, locations shift randomly, bits and pieces of different places connect and reconnect in odd ways, technology doesn't work, things happen that upon waking you realize made absolutely no sense... So I tried to incorporate that feeling into Robin's dream. I have to say I'm pretty pleased with the result.
Reviews are appreciated!
