Hello folks! So here's hiatus? Jeezo - that went fast! I was meant to be done with this story before the premiere, never mind it going on past finale! By the way, quick shout-out to BoneyCastle273 who has heroically somehow managed to read this, Nerd and Black Widow over the space of a few days and that is some effort. If you haven't checked out her story of The Protector then you should! Lots of Stef/Callie.
OK so here is Vigil for you. This is long. It's sad. TheTBone had some choice abusive words regarding some of the feelings it provoked and I'm afraid both me and thesameguest cried a little - and thanks to both of them for their help with these chapters. But hey ho! What's the point if we can't all get disproportionately invested in fictional character? We 3 may just be softies and you may not know what the fuss is about, but just in case I've worked some fluff in too to hopefully dilute the angst.
In line with the show I will be having at least one flashback in every chapter. These are sometimes different time periods so I hope that's not confusing, but its basically 3 main ones. 1) Stef and Lena a little while after moving in together when B&K are 6-7ish, 2) probably about a year (?) later than that when they first adopt the twins and the first couple of months after that and then 3) Callie's Mom dying but that one is stand alone anyway. The flashback in this chapter is sometime in between 2 and 3 but again it's a standalone pretty much.
Oh and if anyone has any scene requests for I Do tell me now as I'm writing it and as it stands it's probably going to be about 3 chapters and mostly fluff.
Right - on with it! Feedback encouraged as always - especially regarding the flashback style. Let me know if it's confusing.
Lena paced the kitchen, furiously checking her phone. She was being paranoid. If there was a problem she would know by now. Though what if she wasn't contacted because of some stupid bureaucracy? What if for some reason she wasn't next of kin? She thought back to the forms. Of course she would be.
This was ridiculous anyway, this was her job. It was what she did. Just because she had a gun it didn't mean she spent every day getting fired at. But then if everything was fine, why hadn't she contacted her to say she was going to be late?
The door clicked open and she jumped around, dropping her phone.
"Woah, easy there." Stef replied with a laugh. "Jumpy are we?"
"Where have you been?" Lena asked "You're over an hour late!"
"I know love, I'm sorry. There was an accident and traffic and I was running a little late anyway but my battery had - are you OK? You seem stressed?" her excuses waned, eclipsed by the look on Lena's face.
She squinted at the audacity. How could Stef not see how serious this was? How did she not know all of the dangers that Lena had been imagining in her mind? Then she remembered. Because Stef wasn't in her mind. Stef was at her job. She blinked down and shook her head softly. "I'm sorry, I just am nervous about the dinner tonight."
Stef have her a broad smile, running her hands down Lena's arms. "I don't think you have anything to be nervous about!" She chuckled. "You're going to be the prettiest one there. Besides, it's just a stupid police dinner thing."
"Right, I know."
"Are you worried because of Mike? Lena, honey, if he has warmed to you, our colleagues will too, I think. He was the one who suggested he take the kids...it'll be good for him to spend some time with them - now things are better."
"It's not that." Lena replied. What it was she didn't want to say, but Stef's eyes were beckoning her to do so.
Lena shook her head with a plastered smile.
"I've just had a long day and small talk isn't top of my list."
Stef leaned in and kissed her deeply, taking advantage of the kids already being with their Dad. The serenity from Stef that washed through her made her momentarily forget not just her fears but also where she was. They moved in deeper, Stef's hands working round her back and Lena finally giving in to put hers around Stef.
"Mmm..." Stef pulled away. "You know, maybe we can blow it off and do things where we don't have to talk at all." She looked lustfully into Lena's eyes, Lena biting her lip. She took a deep breath, considering it before remembering the bigger picture.
"I'd maybe agree if we hadn't spent so much on the tickets." She finally replied, her sense taking over.
"Ugh, right as always." Stef replied with childish eye roll. "And I suppose it is the first time I get to show you off to all of my cop buddies." She gave Lena one more kiss and bounced off, oblivious to the return of Lena's unease.
There was what she was scared of. An evening surrounded by the stories and the reality of these brazen defenders.
"OK, I will be ready in a half hour. Don't worry, we'll still be on time!" Stef chirped running up the stairs. Lena collapsed down onto the sofa with a deep breath. She would just have to keep diverting conversation away. She didn't have to listen to all of the stories. "Oh hey - can you just call Mike and tell him to remind him that Brandon has to take his allergy tablets? If he doesn't he'll not be able to see in the morning." She shouted down the stairs as Lena picked up her phone. She got it out and dialled Mike's number.
"Mike? Thank God. Stef needs your help, now."
Lena's mind refocussed from her past feelings and fears to the events at hand.
"Listen - it's a long story but Stef has gone to get Jesus from his birth Mom's house. It's a pretty questionable neighbourhood and she insisted on going alone - yes. It's 663 Cornado Street. Please hurry, Mike. I've no idea what kind of - OK, thank you. Don't worry, I'll find Kasey, just please. Look after her, don't let her do anything stupid. OK, thanks."
She hung up and took a deep breath. Oh how she wished Stef could control her impulses. She looked at Mariana, sheepishly cowering in the corner.
"Put some water on to boil." She ordered. "We need to talk." She got her phone out and looked for Kasey's number. An escapee was the last thing on her mind right now and she had faith that Kasey would be home in time, but it didn't stop the motherly instinct from wanting them all under one roof, especially now. Stef hadn't given the full details of the fight but she knew Kasey was upset and especially would be if she had been at Mike's. It rang through a few times and she cursed her stubbornness, just like she cursed her mother's.
Tired of being ignored, she sent through a text. Mariana's lingering figure indicated the tea was ready.
"I'm assuming still no luck with your brother?" she commented as Mariana shook her head
"I'll try. Maybe he'll answer me."
The phone clicked through to machine and she shook her head with a scowl. "Jesus, can you call me immediately. It's important." She rang off, the frustration of having to talk to an electronic copy of her son was cause for her phone to be sharply dropped down on the table. Mariana took the seat across from her and looked sheepishly over at the clatter. If that was how she was treating her harmless phone she feared what that would mean for how she was about to be handled, albeit verbally.
Lena took a moment to collect herself, not even knowing how to begin to tackle this while Stef wasn't there. She not only was distracted and concerned, but suddenly felt inadequate without Stef by her side. Her heightened fears affecting her usual confidence in being able to work alone.
"Why?" She began, deciding she had to start somewhere. "I was arranging for you to meet with your birth Mom. Why would you go behind our backs?" She looked across to an averting Mariana. She could see that her guilt was beginning to manifest as stubbornness but feared where that would lead. She was too scared and too angry to know for sure if she could cope with resilience. As Mariana's head turned slightly away, Lena's heart pounced to hear the sound of her phone.
She couldn't answer it fast enough as she saw Jesus' name on the screen.
"Where are you?" She asked, her frustrations still on the surface in the harsh breath she let out as she answered.
The lie that he immediately greeted her with riled her further, cutting out any chance of dithering. She cut straight to the chase and asked if he was with Ana. The stutter on the other end at least came with an immediate confession of his whereabouts. Lack of denial was a start - the last thing she had time for now was any more games. As he offered up his whereabouts she sharply instructed he wait and jumped up to go. Mariana scurrying behind.
Lena's heart thumped as she ran through to the door. Her ease about Jesus being safe was soon ousted by an even sharper pull that Stef was not only in danger, but potentially in danger in vain. She dialled as she strode, thinking once more to her wife...
"Man you should see this girl run." a chubby police office laughed swinging a drink around and pointing at Stef.
"Well maybe it's because I lay off the doughnuts." she replied.
"Seriously though, I once saw her chase down a high schooler. Black kid." the officer emphasised as if the detail was important. "Jumped him and sent him crashing to the ground. Slapped his knife right out of his hand."
Lena winced, trying to hide her discomfort in a sip of her wine. Stef sneaked a look, knowing armed teens would certainly not be on Lena's small talk list of topics. Two of the officers continued in their obliviousness, the sounds of cutlery and clinking not being enough to hide the focus.
"Hey is Jones back yet after his run in? Always told that kid he shouldn't take that vest for granted."
"Nuhuh, no vest protects that area."
"Guys, come on. Enough shop talk." Stef tried to change conversation in response to Lena's sudden agitation. She looked to the men, both smirking like schoolboys scolded for talking in class, before turning to one of the other ladies.
"So Angela, what is it you do?" Stef asked the wife of the most keen storyteller.
"I'm a nurse actually." she smiled.
"A nurse, wow!" Stef smiled. "How long have you been doing that?"
"Oh, on and off for twenty years. Dependent on the kids, you know."
"Lena's an assistant vice principal." Stef replied proudly.
"Ha! Bet you see some nut jobs in that career." the same officer replied, joining back in. "You ever have to call Stef in to sort them out?"
"Only for our own." Stef laughed in response as Lena smiled politely, still failing to get the earlier images from her mind.
"How old are those two now?" The second officer enquired, having known Stef a few years.
"Almost seven. We're actually looking into expanding too - thinking of maybe fostering."
"Eesh." the chubby officer replied. "Get some basket cases with those too. Had one the other day, held up a seven eleven. Almost had to send in the big guns."
"Any fatalities?"
"Nah. Shot out the window, though. One of our guys had to dive to avoid a face full of glass. Hey do you remember when you got kicked into that window, Foster?"
Lena dropped her fork with a startle a the image, causing silence around the table.
"I'm sorry." she stuttered. "Will you excuse me for a minute." she wiped her mouth and jumped up to the ladies, Stef watching her go.
"Something wrong with the Mrs?" the officer asked, rubbing his own mouth with his napkin and all of the grace of a rhino.
"I'm sure it's fine, but I best go check."
"Scared she'll pick someone up in the ladies?" the men laughed as Stef rolled her eyes and flicked her colleague on the ear to a further mess of laughter. She knew it was all just the rhythm of the force but she also knew it was something Lena wasn't used to.
She scurried in behind to find Lena posed over the sink.
"Sweetheart, are you OK?"
She quickly splashed some water on her face and forced another smile.
"I'm fine, just needed some refreshment. Was getting kind of stuffy in there."
"Yeah, apparently we made the assholes anonymous table. They're not bad guys they've just never grown out of the academy."
"It's not them Stef." Lena replied, turning away.
"Then what is it, love? Come on, you've been off with me all night. Is something upsetting you?" She began to get frustrated.
"No, it's...it's so stupid." she looked back to her partner as Stef put her arm on her shoulder.
"Lena, please. Just tell me." She pleaded, her frustration turning into concern.
Lena paused for a moment, drinking in the genuine care in Stef's eyes. This wasn't fair on either of them.
"It's this. It's your job." She shrugged her shoulders up. "I know it's too over-protective but I hear about a cop who gets killed or an operation gone wrong and I can't help but jump every time I hear the phone."
Stef sighed heavily, scolding herself for stumbling through a comment the week before about an officer who had been hurt in another precinct. She had meant it purely anecdotal as it had been the main topic of the station, but she often felt so easy with Lena she hadn't yet flagged all of the conversations best avoided.
"Honey, I know that it is realtively new for you - and probably scary, but you know that the reason we have a gun is because we're trained to use one."
"Yeah...and that means you're more likely to be doing so." The comment was more blunt than Lena had intended but the concerns were now flowing freely.
Stef gave a disheartened smiled as she assessed Lena's face.
"I just...now that you're in my life Stef...the thought of you not being in it is more terrifying than anything I've had to consider. I know it's over the top and probably a little paranoid but I can't help it. I just get on one thing and then another and before I know it I have twenty different outcomes of your day - all ending badly."
Stef couldn't help but smile, quickly trying to hide it by driving her face down.
"Are you laughing at me?" Lena asked offended at the response her outpouring had provoked. Stef was quick to correct her, grabbing Lena's wrists an holding them tightly to her side.
"Of course not. Not about your worry, anyway. You just...you have the cutest dimple on your forehead when you process like that." She couldn't hide the love that filled her eyes as she admired the tiniest details of her lover's face. The comment didn't ease Lena's fears and Stef knew she had to come back to topic.
"Listen to me." She moved her gentle grip from Lena's wrists to around her waist and pulled her in close.
"I know it's scary, but you have to remember that the main driving force for getting me through the day is you and our family. I'm never going to put myself into a situation which would jeopardise that. Not unless of course it's to protect our family."
"I'm not too hot on you doing that either..." Lena intervened.
"Well..." Stef cut her off with a smile. "I'm afraid that you really can't control." She gave her a soft kiss.
"But I can't have you driving yourself mad with worry every day, love. This is my job. I need you to be able to trust that I will never put it before you or the kids, but that it is part of my life."
Lena nodded softly, knowing that Stef was right.
"Well the worry is something you can't control in me either." She replied after a moment or two further contemplation, the tiniest of smiles in the corner of her mouth led Stef to give her an even bigger one.
"Oh I wouldn't dream of trying to control you." She replied, her tongue edging out of her mouth. "You think cops have it hard - I hear teachers have to deal with some real nut jobs. She alluded back to her colleagues harsh tone. "I wouldn't wanna mess with someone with that kind of training." She teased as Lena rolled her eyes.
"Seriously, you on a bad day is a lot scarier than any kid with a knife."
Lena shook her head pulling away, trying desperately not to reward Stef with her emerging smile. This was serious...but she was powerless to Stef's charms and Stef was enjoying knowing that too much to stop.
"I bet the kids have a nickname for you - what with that sharp tongue and sexy disciplining glare..."
"Enough." Lena shot back with a clap on Stef's thigh. She was forcing the seriousness in her eyes better than the slack smile on her lips, as hard as she was trying to maintain her severity.
"That look right there - how can you think the force is scarier than that." She teased further Lena sat back against the sink, shaking her head at the playfullness this had collapsed into. "Mind you..." Stef's voice slowed, "I guess that's the kids who have that to fear." She ended, her words dropping off softly to round up her teasing. She admired Lena deeply with a sigh and squinted, taking in the sight. In the couple of years they'd been together she still couldn't believe how lucky she was. She let Lena maintain her forced disapproval for a moment longer before stepping forward and pulling her into another deep, loving kiss. Lena melted under it and just like every time Stef touched her, her fears evaporated. She knew however, in bittersweet certainty that it was moments like that that made the moments of separation even harder to get through.
Jesus hopped into the car and Lena looked back through the rearview to his guilty look. Her phone rang and was relieved to see Mike's name. News. Finally!
She answered it and her heart plummeted as she came face to face with the kind of separation she had always feared above the rest.
Kasey edged forward as the officer indicated towards the door of the bar. Her immediate thought flashed to her Dad. They had fought - what if he had been drunk and got in his car to go after her? No. There wasn't time for that and he hadn't seemed drunk at the time. Ruling that out, it flashed to Lena's messages. In the seconds she took to walk closer she instinctively pulled out her phone and checked the number of missed calls again. She now also had some from Mike. She gulped down and looked up at the officers. There was sadness in their eyes. After what seemed like a lapse into slow motion, one of them finally talked.
"Kasey, your parents have been trying to contact you. We ended up having to track your phone."
"Officer - what is it?" She shook her head, angry at the stalling while her heart did somersaults.
The two cops exchanged a pained look before staring back at her terrified face.
"Your Mom has been involved in a shooting. We need to take you to the hospital."
Next Chapter Preview: Kasey is overwhelmed as she is forced to face the truth with her family, getting closer to some and further from others
Kasey blinked and shook her head, still unsure of what was happening or where this was leading.
"Captain Roberts..." Kasey heard Jesus' voice. "Please, let me explain."
She eyed him nervously as Kasey's face thundered in confusion.
