Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own FormerPriestward and JezeBella.
All plotlines, characterizations, and details in Bring On The Wonder belong to the author: Bronzehyperion. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without the author's authorization.
©2012 Bronzehyperion. All rights reserved worldwide
This story is rated M for a reason. Violence, swearing, religion being made fun of and criticized. And lemons at the right time.
This story leans heavily on my friend (and BETA) Parama. She doesn't just make sure the grammar is bearable, she also helps me put my thoughts into order, has great suggestions and is always supportive even when giving constructive criticism.
CHAPTER 49: HOLY SHIT
I always thought I'd be ready when shit would hit that fucking proverbial fan. That my skin was thick enough to serve as a radioactive suit to protect me from the toxic, killing consequences.
But I wasn't ready.
This wasn't like six years before when running had been easy. When running had equaled freedom.
This time it wasn't like that.
It was gut-wrenching. Heartbreaking.
Soul shattering.
Life taking.
EPOV – earlier in the day
Today, we are going to talk about sex.
The words were cursive, elegant and stood out on the black board. As if they belonged there without any type of moderation.
Sex.
There was anticipation, wrapped in a shroud of mystery. The crowd, larger than usual, was restless and understandably curious. There were people sitting on the broad steps next to the long rows of seats and I noticed people standing at the back of the room.
The abundant presence of students made sense. It wasn't often we got a lecture about a topic so controversial and liberal. Most students probably had no idea what to expect. Admittedly, neither did I.
Professor Kebi Zafrina, with a PhD in Psychology and Theology, was standing at the front of the room, leaning against the lectern, tapping her foot on the floor in an equal but impatient rhythm which echoed through the space as the crowd simmered down and waited for her to start speaking.
She looked rather strict and quite scary with her black hair in a tight bun and a popping red suit with bright red high heels. I was by no means a fashion expert and certainly didn't pay too much attention to women's attire in general –except Bella's - but the look was impossible to miss.
She represented the apple, the sin. The temptation. Perhaps it was symbolic, maybe she always dressed like that. Either way, it was clear to me, and everyone else no doubt, that Professor Zafrina meant business and given the topic she was about to breach, the look certainly attributed to the impression she probably wanted to make.
Professor Zafrina wore a condescending smile as she let her gaze wander over her expectant audience. She seemed to revel in it, drinking it up as she left us waiting. I had no idea where the school had found her, nor if they would still be happy with their choice once she was done.
I noticed a few professors from other classes at the back of the room, none of them wanting to make their presence too obvious. But they were curious too, that much was clear. Maybe the school board had assigned them to keep an eye on her and make sure she wouldn't indoctrinate the student body too much.
The room silenced further as everyone waited. The last whispers disappeared and you could hear a pin drop. And then, almost suddenly and yet fully anticipated, the microphone cracked and her voice, sharp and to the point, echoed through the room.
"Sex isn't bad."
I heard a few audible gasps and a few giggles. Seth, who was sitting next to me, had never looked more invested in a lecture.
"The Catholic Church and sex have often been seen as hostile to each other. I want to present a modern view. A real view."
There was no reaction now, the crowd remained quiet and listened with baited breath as Professor Zafrina continued.
"Catholic morality has been tainted with negative views on sex and sexuality. Let me be blunt; the Catholic Church - through its teaching - represses a healthy Christian sexuality. The reasons are manifold but a primary one is this misplaced enthusiasm for radical purity.
"If I were to hold a poll right now and ask you how many of you have ever had sex, meaning actual intercourse, the results might be shocking. In fact, if I asked you to ask the person next to you if they ever had sex or engaged in sexual activity, the answer might surprise you."
She smiled as she saw some people looking at her in shock, and it almost seemed as if she felt triumphant. Like she enjoyed causing controversy, which she probably did.
"Unfortunately, the situation has not much improved today," the professor continued and the room seemed to relax a little at the fact she wasn't actually going to conduct a poll.
Her dark, near black eyes were wide and shining. She was thriving on the attention as the crowd ate up her every word.
"Church leaders still base official Catholic sexual teaching on outdated views. And from an early age, Catholics are essentially imprinted with an unwarranted sense of guilt. For instance, many have an exaggerated fear of masturbation…
"The focus on purity is so incredibly strong and rigid, it's impossible to break through that specific thought process. For centuries we've been taught that sex before marriage is bad and sex during marriage is meant for procreation only. But we're not supposed to enjoy it. The word orgasm is an expletive."
I watched as some students took notes while others just sat there, taking it all in. A few were downright bored, which probably meant they'd had sex before and didn't share certain shock or surprise at this controversial reveal. The professors from other courses that were listening in didn't give a significant reaction, so perhaps they had known in advance what her lecture would contain. Come to think of it, the school board had probably approved her lecture beforehand.
Professor Zafrina took a sip of water and waited but then, just when the whispers were getting loud and distracting, she spoke again.
"If we're supposed to believe that God represents love and his essence is love, then why would we deny ourselves the joy of sex, which is a true gift? It's not called 'making love' for nothing. I want you to think about that for a moment."
She let that hang for a bit as she sat down on a chair that had been placed on the podium. As she sat, she observed her audience and I had to admit her approach was subtle but effective. She wasn't expecting a transformation of an ancient mindset that had been ingrained into Catholicism for so long; she had simply planted the seed hoping it would blossom with some.
I wasn't in her target group though; at least I didn't consider myself to be.
This woman couldn't 'teach' me to take on a more liberal view on sex. I mean, there was still plenty to learn for me and while Bella and I seemed to be stuck in an exploratory phase with a snail's pace, it had proved to be the best, most comfortable way for me to get acquainted with all the physical and emotional sensations.
And when I thought of what the professor said, how sex wasn't sinful, that it didn't make you impure and that making love was beautiful, I was just left with a sense of confirmation. The rigid views had belonged to a different Edward. A man who'd never considered love, sex and relationships until a few months ago.
Back then the idea of sex would've been unthinkable. To be defiant on the subject and the act of sex would have been impossible. Not to mention the fact the entire concept of sex had been foreign to me until I met Bella.
But I had met Bella. And I actually had some sexual experience. Experience that didn't make me feel dirty or sinful or impure. It was pretty amazing and my own experiences did confirm what the professor was telling us.
Still, I had to admit that lately our physical relationship had stagnated a little. We still engaged in sexual activities like blow- and finger jobs but we'd never gone all the way.
Nor had I ever pleasured her with my mouth.
There was something very intimate about doing that and while I was worried that I wouldn't know what to do and screw it up – in my most ridiculous visions, I would accidentally bite her flesh down there, or sneeze on her or, the worst of all, not bring her pleasure at all - the biggest issue for me was that I had no idea if Bella was ready for it.
See, Bella had used sex as a weapon. As an odd self created protective mechanism to forget about her past. While she may have been physically liberal and cavalier with the act of sex, any level of intimacy had always been absent.
So, it wasn't that ironic or misplaced to worry about whether or not she was ready for it now. It hadn't escaped me that while she was very willing when it came to pleasuring me, she never asked for it in return.
I was lost in thoughts when professor Zafrina suddenly rose and walked back to the lectern.
"I won't make you take polls. I won't ask you personally and embarrass you in front of your peers. I do want to ask you this though; if you claim to be a man or woman of God, why would you deny yourself sex?
"Because it's a sin? How so? It's love in its purest form. A real sinner will commit a sin always, in every aspect of his life, when it benefits him and him alone. Loving someone and showing them with your body is not a sin. It's a celebration of love."
I nodded absentmindedly, letting her words sink in. Not because they were new, but because they gave fruit for thought.
I wanted to celebrate our love with Bella; make love to Bella.
I just had to find the right time and place. Not just because I was inexperienced, but mostly for Bella who deserved it to be special after all the bad experiences with sex she'd had in the past.
We could go somewhere, just the two of us, and I was certain I could initiate the act and that she probably wouldn't stop me if she understood I wanted it. Although, maybe that wasn't the right approach.
Or, maybe I just had to let the moment pick itself. Or have Bella pick the moment. So far she hadn't.
But then, when would that be?
I was well aware that lately we'd both had issues to deal with and it had taken away from any possibility to explore our sexual relationship any further.
I had been on this mission to find a new church and shake off twenty plus years of looking up to and trusting a man who'd rather have someone follow the path he had chosen to abandon than a happy son. The disappointment and the reality of who my father had revealed himself to be and the expectations he had, had weighed heavy on me lately.
Bella at the same time had spent time and energy to grow accustomed to a new buddy in the Redemption Program, she had dealt with sharing more about her past, and last but not the least, a bitter and wallowing boyfriend who had been mourning the loss of an idyllic family life that had never been.
It was time to shake that off. To celebrate our love.
It was time to be proactive. Because you never knew when time would be running out.
BPOV
"Bella, you forgot the timer!"
I turned absentmindedly and found Maggie frowning at me. She wasn't angry; she never got angry, but she did seem impatient and maybe a bit fed up.
"The timer!" she called out again.
The timer?
And then I smelled it. The penetrating smell of smoke and burned cookies.
"Sorry, sorry," I muttered as I turned off the oven and tried to ignore the black smoke that had started to escape and billowed through the kitchen like it was mourning the poor cookies.
"Bella…" Maggie sighed. "What's going on with you today? I have never seen you so distracted before and on edge at the same time."
I felt like apologizing but then I'd already done that more than a few times today so it was beyond making a difference since I kept screwing up anyway.
So instead I let out a deep sigh of frustration. I hated being so incompetent because of something Doctor Deacon had said. The man didn't deserve to have the power to cripple me with his cryptic comments.
Asshole.
You look so much like your father. The eyes, the attitude.
One. What the fuck did that mean?
Two. How would he know that? It was so fucking specific. Like he knew the man and had the time to compare him to me.
That was fucking impossible. Well… I hoped it fucking was.
Like I said, he was an asshole. He could've at least told me what had spurred him to make such a statement and had he been a decent guy he probably would have.
But since he wasn't a decent guy and he had in fact just walked out without any clarification on his words, I'd been left with a butt load of questions and no answers, which had ruined the rest of my morning and ultimately affected my productivity.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I know it's not my best day."
"Maybe you should leave early so you can relax a bit this afternoon," Maggie suggested warmly.
"But then you'd be all alone," I protested, feeling guilty at the idea.
"I'll be fine, I've been alone plenty of times before. Right now, you're too distracted to function properly and I'd be better off manning the bakery by myself since you're at risk of burning the place down," Maggie teased. "Besides, I know your work ethic. I have no complains. I am sending you home so you can sort out what's been troubling you."
If only this were as simple that I could fix it in one afternoon.
Still, I reluctantly agreed and took off my apron. I grabbed my stuff and wished Maggie goodbye after apologizing to her again and promising to do better the next day.
I was actually kind of relieved to have some time to myself and not having to concentrate on work when my brain was so scattered and decided that maybe a lazy afternoon was just what I needed.
But who the fuck was I kidding. That feeling didn't last beyond a decent fifteen once I got home.
I tried, really. I started dinner but cut my finger when peeling potatoes. I tried reading a book but I kept going back to the same page. I twiddled thumbs and willed time to go faster so Edward would be home sooner but it was useless.
Now that I had time to think, I realized how silly it had been to try and convince Doctor Deacon to respect Edward's choices, especially knowing what I knew now. He was out to destroy his son's life. He'd rather Edward became a priest and fulfill the dream he had never seen come true than for his son to be happy.
And that was all well and good. I mean, he could wish and want but Edward made his own choices now.
But what got to me was the fucking level of manipulation this man used - well tried to - to get what he wanted.
He had brought my past into this. A past few people knew about.
I couldn't fucking imagine that Doctor Deacon actually knew about my father. Whether he'd meant Aro or Charlie, it was simply impossible. Not unless he had deliberately searched for it.
I shuddered and shook my head at my own naiveté. It was pretty likely Doctor Deacon had hired a PI. Perhaps he had googled me. Heck, maybe it had been the other way around and Aro had been the one to approach him.
If that were the case, if Doctor Deacon knew of Aro's existence, or worse, knew Aro personally, then I was essentially fucking doomed. I'd have to leave Seattle; I'd have to run again.
Worst of all, I'd have to leave Edward. Just thinking of it made breathing hard, like I was suffocating. The idea of being away from Edward was incomprehensible. I could handle living in a dump, selling my body on the street and fuck, even getting fucked from behind wasn't as bad as losing Edward.
He was my life now.
I sighed and looked at the clock again but time hadn't sped up. I contemplated whether or not to just call Edward and ask him to come home. But I decided against it because he'd already missed plenty of classes because of all my drama. Also, I didn't want to give him another reason to add to the "I hate my dad" list. He was wallowing about that enough as it was.
Feeling trapped inside the apartment and inside my own mind, I decided to go for a walk, hoping that would take my mind off things and clear my head.
I grabbed my coat and a satchel that held my wallet, identification and my phone. I locked up and slid my keys inside the bag as well.
I walked aimlessly for a while but without a specific destination, my thoughts had enough room to take over and push my anxiety to the forefront again.
I thought about going to the community center to see Alice. Her exuberance would surely distract me from worrying, but it wasn't quite what I wanted. Angela and Rosalie were at work and casually dropping by the Cullen house to see Esme was a laughable stretch given the source of my inner turmoil.
When I had actually considered the idea of stopping by Cowgirls to say hi to Jasper, I knew my desperation at a proper distraction was too big and the need to be buried in Edward's arms too acute to deny myself. And so, as I walked and braced myself against the chilly breeze, I navigated to the campus of Edward's school.
His very religious school.
I noticed a bench in the middle of a field, right across from a Starbucks and decided to wait for Edward there because it gave me a decent overview of this part of the campus.
Since I knew Edward's last class would end in about thirty minutes, I figured I could call him then to let him know where I was so he could come meet me. At least he was close by now.
I sat on that bench for a while, basically freezing my ass off and lost in my thoughts and worries when I heard someone call my name.
I turned and was surprised to find Edward's blonde haired, blue eyed, pleasantly smiling dissertation counselor standing there.
Kate.
I wanted to frown at the sight of her and cringed a little at her obvious "peppiness" but managed a smile anyway.
Of all the people that could "help" me take my mind off things.
"Hey there, Bella. It's good to see you."
"Kate," I greeted her. "Nice to see you too."
I really couldn't care less but I wasn't about to show her that.
"I am not used to seeing you here."
No kidding. I was never here. I hated her cheap attempt at small talk and kind of wished she would just walk away. She didn't know me, we weren't friends. We'd met once, for fuck sake. If this was the universe's way to provide me a distraction, the universe was cruel and fucked up.
Actually, in that context it made perfect sense.
And, of course, Kate didn't leave.
"Mind if I sit? I have an hour until a staff meeting and it's very nice out."
Was she fucking kidding me? My nipples were falling off and she thought it was nice out? Still, I shrugged because I didn't really have a choice which Kate took as an invite.
"How have you been, Bella?" she asked me, her voice still full of that "professional" pleasantness that irritated me so much.
And how was I supposed to answer that question anyway? I am fucking swell, Kate. Let's be besties so I can share all the gory details about the shit filled day I am having.
"I'm fine." I offered her politely.
We remained silent after that, conversation stagnant because our minds and personalities were so different. She didn't know how to approach me; I didn't care to talk to her which resulted in a butt load of awkward tension hanging between us.
Kate was the first to break the silence. "You're here to see Edward," she guessed in another attempt to get me to talk.
I wanted to roll my eyes at her but forced myself to behave. I was all too aware of how she had acted towards Edward during their last meeting and how she didn't agree with his choice to find a new church. And just like some other people who were very demanding of Edward – cough Doctor Deacon - I was sure she fucking blamed me. Even if she'd never say the words aloud.
"Yes, he should be done soon."
"I think his group had a special guest lecturer today, so he might be a little late," Kate mused.
I couldn't tell if she was being nice or trying to freaking one up me by thinking I wasn't aware of said lecture.
Because I knew all about it, since Edward had talked about it.
FLASHBACK
"It's about sex?" I chuckled, teasing Edward a little as he put a binder into his backpack and looked over a few loose pieces of paper before stuffing them in there as well.
"Don't start," he warned me halfheartedly. "This is really kind of embarrassing."
Talking about sex in a school that taught religion. The irony was amusing to me.
Edward noticed this because it was difficult to hide my smirk.
"Bella stop," he warned me again but there was a smirk playing on his lips as well so I figured he wasn't angry.
"It's not embarrassing, it's funny. Maybe I should join you. I know all about the subject after all," I teased.
Edward put on his jacket, grabbed his bag and leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead.
"As tempting as that is, I don't think it would be a good idea. You're a distraction."
I gasped in mock horror. "I am not."
Edward smirked and pressed his lips to mine but before I could deepen the kiss, he pulled away and tugged on my hand.
"We better go."
"Or we stay in and I give you a very special lecture about sex." I winked.
Edward frowned a little and for a moment I worried my comment had gone too far but then he leaned in once more to kiss me, muttering "Too tempting" before his lips found mine.
END FLASHBACK
"The sex lecture," I replied to Kate, shaking off the memory from this morning, one of the few moments this week where Edward had been playful and not turned into himself and wallowing.
"He told you." Kate sounded surprised which really did make me want to roll my eyes now.
"Of course he did. I'm his girlfriend, he tells me everything," I said pointedly, fingering the silver necklace with the infinity symbol that Edward had given me for Christmas.
Kate noticed this. "That's a pretty necklace."
It wasn't "pretty"; it was beautiful.
"Thanks."
"From Edward?"
I nodded.
"You two must be serious," she murmured. The professional smile was gone, Kate's expression morphed into a mask of neutrality and politeness, like she found it difficult not to say something that would overstep my boundaries.
"We are," I said coolly.
"Has Edward been successful in finding a new church yet?"
I really didn't feel like it was my place to tell her. It was up to Edward to decide what he'd share with her. So I gave a vague non confirming answer.
"He's looking into it."
She nodded and looked away, which gave me time to pull out my phone to check the time, so I could determine whether or not I could call Edward already and free myself from this social hell.
But then, when I noticed it was near 3:30 PM and he had to be finished soon, I decided against calling him, figuring that would be rude and kind of awkward with Kate sitting right there. I mean, I could have called him to overdo the sweet, gooey girlfriend routine and make her cringe, but I opted against it.
Instead, I sent Edward a text message.
I'm sitting on a bench across from the Starbucks on your campus, freezing my ass off while Kate is trying to make conversation. Please come and save me as soon as your last class of the day is over. XX Bella
I put my phone away, hoping Kate wouldn't ask me about it or feel offended by my lack of attention. But Kate hadn't even noticed what I'd done because her attention was now focused elsewhere.
Her gaze now rested on something in the distance and as my eyes landed on what she was looking at, I noticed her attention had been captured by a man. His face was obscured but he was tall and had broad shoulders. He was wearing black dress pants and a grey sports jacket with an off white scarf wrapped around his neck to protect him from the biting wind.
"Oh wow." Kate gasped. "He's here again. I haven't seen him in a while."
I frowned, having no idea what she was talking about and shrugged. Her eyes were wide but looked sort of happy, or giddy. Her body language betrayed that she was interested in this guy.
I was about to ask her who the man was - her reaction had made me curious - when he turned and it was my turn to gasp.
Cool blue eyes and sandy hair that was still longer. Lips that curled into a smirk when he spotted me.
Or maybe the gesture was meant for Kate, I wasn't sure.
I tried to keep my breathing under control so I wouldn't alarm Kate but it was fucking tough because the panic was building like a rising tide.
Demetri was here in Seattle. Again. Or still. And he was just a few feet away.
The smirk disappeared suddenly and he frowned before reaching into the pocket of his jacket and pulling out his phone.
He looked away as he answered it and I became mesmerized by the way his lips moved so rapidly until I snapped out of it and watched Demetri putting his phone away. He looked up again, his eyes meeting mine and narrowing. The smirk was gone and replaced with a deep frown.
And then he started moving our way.
He walked swiftly and looked suave, his eyes never leaving mine as the panic inside built and threatened to erupt.
Why was he back? What did he want? Had that been Aro calling him. Did he know I was here? My thoughts were scattered and all over the place as my mind raced a mile a minute while my body protested to stay calm. My heart was thundering and I could feel little drops of sweat forming on the back of my neck. I fought against the urge to let the panic take over and force me into a curled up ball of Bella on the floor.
I took a deep breath and tried – "tried" being the operative but ineffective term here - to gather my thoughts.
Amidst the chaos, I concluded that Demetri's return meant Aro was here too, or at least knew where I was. It tied in with Doctor Deacon's comments on how much I looked like my father. He had meant Aro. For some reason he must have been in contact with him and now Demetri was here to come and get me.
And my wishful thinking from earlier, where I'd tried to convince myself that maybe Doctor Deacon's comments had been nothing more than a calculated form of manipulation were a joke now.
I should've fucking taken it as a warning.
"Do you know that man?" I croaked, my voice squeaky and high, which captured Kate's attention long enough so that she averted her eyes from Demetri's approaching form and looked at me questioningly.
She ignored my question and asked one of her own.
"Bella, are you alright?"
I wanted to tell her no but decided against it. "How do you know that man?" I asked her again and this time she answered.
"Oh, uh… we talked a few times at the coffee place over there." She pointed at the Starbucks across the street. "I don't know his name though. We usually talk about the weather and books, since I am always carrying one. But it's not like we sit at the same table. It's kind of weird actually when you think of it."
I wasn't thinking of it, I wasn't even paying attention to the details she was sharing with me. All I could think about was how Demetri had been in town following me, and given this specific location, there was a good chance he'd been following Edward too.
Demetri was close enough now and I knew I was out of time. I either remained in place and confronted him or I ran.
It was like déjà vu. Demetri watching me while I fled.
My survival instinct kicked in and I ran, leaving Kate to call after me while I hoped Demetri wouldn't follow me. Maybe Kate could distract him long enough for me to make an escape.
I didn't dare look back to see what would happen. Just like six years before.
EPOV
"That was freaking bizarre," Seth muttered as we walked down the stairs and into the large hallway that led to the exit of the building. I had to walk all the way to the other side of campus to get to the parking lot where I'd parked the Volvo.
When I'd bought the car, I had hoped Bella would drive it, but she was still waiting for her new license to be approved. While I'd never tell her, I personally believed she used that as an excuse not to drive it. A valid excuse for the moment but eventually she'd have a new license again and I had my doubts if she would want to drive the car even then.
Anyway, her reluctance was my gain because I was actually getting quite used to the luxury of having transportation that didn't consist of a shaky iron frame and two tires that needed to be pumped up every few days.
I did use the Volvo to drive to school, although there was no parking lot for students, which forced me to park a few streets away.
"Edward, are you listening, man?"
I looked at Seth and nodded, trying to get into the one-sided conversation about the lecture on Sex and Catholicism we'd just had.
"Is it weird she was kind of hot in a strange bondage type, S and M kind of way?"
I shrugged. Seth stereo-typing her that way wasn't that original.
"I think what she said was interesting," I offered. "But I didn't see anything... uh kinky about it."
Seth rambled on about how he wouldn't mind a one on one lecture from her and his sexual innuendo, while a little distasteful, underlined his reaction to the professor's words. Apparently it was entirely normal for a group of twenty something to allow their mind into the gutter after the type of lecture we had.
As I tried to pay attention to my friend - he sort of was, at least around here on campus - I pulled out my phone. It was strictly a habit because Bella often texted me during the day.
There was one new text and I tried to hide the smile that threatened to break out when I noticed it was in fact from Bella.
But the content was rather confusing.
I'm sitting on a bench across from the Starbucks on your campus, freezing my ass off while Kate is trying to make conversation. Please come and save me as soon as your last class of the day is over. XX Bella
I frowned as I read the text again. Bella was here? On campus? She had never been here; it surprised me a little she had even been able to find it. And while the tone in her text was more teasing and sarcastic than distressed, I couldn't help but wonder why she was here. For one, she was normally at work around this time of day, and two, there had to be an urgent reason for us to meet up if she was waiting somewhere around here for me instead of at home.
"Everything okay?" Seth asked and I nodded.
"Yes, I just have to go. My girlfriend is waiting for me at Starbucks, so..."
Seth nodded. "Cool. Is she the brunette I spotted you with at the supermarket that one time? Bella?"
I nodded.
"Well, you better get going then. I'll see you later, man."
"Later" in his words basically meant "whenever".
I nodded, bade him a quick goodbye and started walking towards the Starbucks that was located on the south side of campus, continuing to wonder and worry about why Bella was here.
Maybe there was a good reason; maybe there was no need for me to be distressed. Things had slowed down at the bakery after the holidays, so maybe Bella had left early and decided to surprise me. I didn't understand how Kate factored in, but I was soon to find out.
Except that when I arrived at the Starbucks and crossed the field to the bench Bella had referred to in her text, I noticed she wasn't there.
My first reaction was to check my phone to see if maybe she had texted me to let me know she had gone inside of the Starbucks to wait for me, or had gone to a different meeting spot, but when I found Kate standing by said bench with a man I recognized to be Demetri, I realized that while I didn't have the details yet, I was pretty certain I wouldn't find Bella with them.
As I picked up the pace and rushed over to Kate and Demetri, I got the impression they were chatting casually but when I got closer, I noticed there was tension between them. Kate looked nervous and fidgety while Demetri seemed tense. His jaw was clenched and he had his lips pressed into a polite but small smile. One foot was tapping on the grass impatiently as he was fingering his scarf. He definitely didn't want to be there.
When I was close enough, I called out to Kate, who turned and smiled at me... looking relieved.
"Edward, hi. You just missed Bella."
I nodded but kept my eyes planted on Demetri. He tried to remain indifferent; an attitude that screamed pretense as if to say "we've never met before".
While I had no desire to play along, I also didn't want Kate to know about the connection between Bella and this man and so I ignored him and focused on Kate.
"Did she say where she was going?"
Kate shook her head. "No, she seemed to be in a hurry though. It was rather strange because she told me she was waiting here for you. She looked kind of… panicked."
On the inside, my anxiety was building up at Kate's definition of Bella's behavior but on the outside I forced myself to keep it together.
So, I shrugged at Kate's concern, acting as though Bella's behavior wasn't unusual. "I think she said she had an appointment somewhere else this afternoon, maybe she ran out of time and couldn't wait for me any longer. And she hates running late, so perhaps that's why it seemed like she was panicked."
It was a flimsy, transparent lie and Kate didn't buy it. I could see it in her eyes. But just when she was about to verbalize her doubt, her phone rang, which effectively absolved me from further lame explanations.
When Kate noticed who it was, she excused herself and walked away, bidding both Demetri and me goodbye before she answered her phone.
"You lied to her," he commented dryly when she was out of earshot.
"So did you, I'm sure," I shot back.
We stood there, sizing each other up like two boxers in a ring. Eyes narrowed, until his lips relaxed into a grin. "Touché. How have you been, Edward?"
"Bella saw you," I stated, not in the mood to exchange pleasantries with this man. I had to know the details of his presence now, so I could leave to find Bella. There was no doubt that seeing Demetri in Seattle, after he promised he would keep his distance, would be extremely upsetting. And an upset, highly emotional Bella could be an impulsive Bella.
"Yes. I am afraid she did. I think I scared her off," he confirmed my worries and I detected a hint of honest regret in his voice.
The sentiment was wasted on me though. I rolled my eyes and flashed him a glare. "I seem to remember you promised Bella you would leave Seattle. Based on how I just saw you interact with Kate as if you know her, I take it that was a lie. You never left, did you? You've been keeping an eye on Bella all along, haven't you?"
He didn't even deny it.
"Yes, I have."
"So the house and the money you gave her were a trap. He knows she's here and that's why you stayed. Because he is ordering you to. You lied to Bella when you told her you were protecting her from him by lying about her whereabouts. He knows where she is doesn't he?" I demanded angrily. "You played her."
Demetri shook his head and his eyes narrowed. His mouth formed into a straight angry line.
"If by him you mean Aro, then you are mistaken. If he knows about Isabella being in Seattle, it didn't come from me. Believe it or not, Edward, I am on Isabella's side."
My blood started boiling at his statement.
"If that's true then you'd prove it and leave her alone. Leave us alone." I seethed. "She's finally getting her life in order. She doesn't need to be stalked by you. If you aren't lying then go. We-" I emphasized the word "-Don't need you here to be on Bella's side. She is better off without you creeping about."
"I am sorry but I can't leave. Not right now."
"Why not?" I practically shouted.
"I can't tell you," Demetri said, his voice raising a few octaves as well. A few students looked our way and Demetri shot them a threatening glare, which caused them to move along.
"You better tell me."
"There are things you don't know. Things about Bella..." he started.
His words were like a red rag to a bull.
I wasn't naturally violent, nor did I understand the thrill or urge to hurt someone, but I wanted to beat this man. Attack and fight him like two wrestlers in a ring, right in this public place, even if I risked causing a scene and exposure that way.
His deflections were so typical and reminded me of my father and that only angered me more. All the mystery, the lies, the evasions. For what?
Of course, that's when it hit me.
"You know my father."
A curt nod.
Demetri was one of the mystery men.
"Come with me, Edward. There are some things you have to know."
BPOV
FLASHBACK
The commotion downstairs was distracting me. I had to finish translating five freaking pages from Latin into Italian. Out of all the school assignments one could do, this had to be the most pretentious, but the noise that crept up here from down below kept breaking through my concentration.
I was tempted to go and check it out but just as I put my homework aside and got up from my desk, the door to my room flew open and Demetri stood there, his eyes more frantic than I had ever seen them. He was always so calm and collected but now his eyes were filled with an unfamiliar emotion. Panic. It was a bizarre sight.
"Little one, there is some trouble downstairs, so you need to stay in your room. Okay? Promise me?"
He sounded so desperate.
My instinct told me something was very wrong and the urge to find out what it was, was strong. But I knew Demetri probably wouldn't tell me so I didn´t bother. I nodded and flashed him a meek smile.
The shouting got louder and the commotion intensified. Demetri looked over his shoulder and then back to me before he entered my room completely and closed the door behind him. When he spoke, his voice was harsh but his eyes were soft.
"Look, Aro screwed up with something and there's a good chance the police are on their way to try and arrest him. It could get dangerous. You can't leave your room, okay? Wait here until I come back to tell you it's safe."
I frowned in confusion. Why was the police here for Aro? How had he screwed up? Did they know... about... what he did to me...? And if so, would they take me away? And where would I end up if that happened?
The list of questions was growing with every second that passed but I knew Demetri wouldn't allow me to fire all of them at him. He hated it when I asked questions.
"Demetri, what if the police... finds me?"
"Little one, please… no questions."
"Tell me," I demanded stubbornly.
Demetri frowned. "Then they'll take you away."
I nodded weakly. That's what I had figured.
Demetri turned back to the door and opened it. It seemed calmer now. The shouting had stopped which made him relax a little. But then we heard it; the sound of sirens that were getting closer.
Demetri drew the gun he kept in a holster attached to his torso.
"Stay in your room, little one. Hide in your closet if you have to."
The door slammed behind him. But he didn't lock it.
END FLASHBACK
I hadn't followed his advice. The moment Demetri had walked out and I was alone, I'd raced to the closet he'd told me to hide in if necessary, and had gotten out the old duffel bag that I'd brought with me when Renée and I had moved in with Aro. I had thrown in the most practical clothes I had, clothes I didn't wear often – Aro was a fan of skirts and dresses for obvious reasons - like jeans and shirts and had put on the one hoodie I owned.
Looking back, I had no idea how I'd actually managed to pull it off. I had packed up the clothes and my phone – which I had tossed out later when I had realized it was a way for Aro to track me - raided my secret jar of cash that I had saved up over the years and had grabbed my passport from the bedside table. I had put it there after we'd gotten back from a ski trip a week prior. Normally Aro kept important documents in his safe and I had expected him to get it back from me, but he never had.
It had been pure luck. My one chance to escape.
If I had stayed and the police had found me, I would've traded in one prison for another because I was a minor. They would've placed me in foster care or some type of home with other boys and girls my age and that would've been almost as bad as being trapped inside hell with an unpredictable monster like Aro. I would've been stuck with kids my age who had their own share of problems. And kids could be just as cruel as adults and loved a scapegoat. I had no doubt I would've been their scapegoat; their object of harrassment because that had been my part to play most of my life. All in all I had been better off on the run.
So I had done just that. Cool as a cucumber I had snuck down the stairs, breaking my promise to Demetri with every step I inched closer to the back door. There was usually a guard there but that day he had gone to the front of the house because that's where all the fuss had been.
I had reached the door to freedom when Demetri had popped up out of nowhere just when I'd opened the door with my bag loosely slung over my shoulder. I had expected him to stop me and put me back in my golden cage, but he didn't.
With one curt nod and a small wave he'd given me my freedom.
FLASHBACK
I kept running even though my feet were tired and I was out of breath. My lungs were burning and my heart was hammering in my chest. I repressed the urge to look over my shoulder, knowing that would break my stride. But so far it didn't look like someone was coming after me. It was quiet and I was relieved that it was close to twilight. The looming darkness would make it harder to notice a running girl. I passed houses I had never seen before and streets I'd never walked. I was in a part of Chicago I didn't recognize but then, I'd always been so protected, it made sense this was all new to me.
After a while I slowed down and my running became a brisk walking. I was hungry and getting tired and the darkness was falling around me like a thick, pitch black blanket. I wasn't scared of the dark – the monster I had faced for years was far worse than that - but it did make navigating much more difficult.
I had no idea of where to go. I just wanted to be as far away from Aro as possible.
I wanted to be at the other end of the world.
END FLASHBACK
Ultimately I had only made it to the other side of the country. Seattle. And now, after six years, I was forced to leave again.
I took a deep breath and willed the bus to go faster. I tried to calm down and estimate how long it would be before Demetri managed to track and catch me.
There were only two more stops before we'd leave the inner city limits.
Edward would want to find me too, but he was less savvy so I didn't expect him to beat Demetri to it.
Edward. The temptation to call him was extreme and ignoring his calls and texts was unbearable.
But this was the right thing to do. This would protect him from Aro and Demetri.
I silently let tears stain my cheeks as I switched off my phone and stuffed it deep into my bag.
The bus stopped and people got off. Others got on. Then we started driving again. One more stop and we'd reach the outer limits and the interstate 5 to Portland.
I always thought I'd be ready when shit would hit that fucking proverbial fan. That my skin was thick enough to serve as a radioactive suit to protect me from the toxic, killing consequences.
But I wasn't ready.
This wasn't like six years before when running had been easy. When running had equaled freedom.
This time it wasn't like that at all.
This time it was gut wrenching. Heart breaking.
Soul shattering.
Life taking.
My fingers trembled as I pressed the STOP button.
EPOV
"Nice car."
I said nothing and kept my eyes on the road. Demetri in the passenger seat made me nervous. One tug at the wheel and the car would spiral out of control. I had to trust him enough to have him in my car but I didn't have to trust him enough to let him drive.
At least I was in some form of control.
"Your father is expecting us," Demetri broke the silence again.
He had called my father as we'd walked to the Volvo and we were on our way to the hospital now to meet with him.
I hoped to get some answers because the questions had only built up since I had figured out the association between Demetri and my father.
I sighed and ignored Demetri's questioning gaze.
"This must be difficult for you as well," he muttered.
I continued to ignore him but he did have a point. This was difficult. Not on the same level as Bella, mind you, but I wasn't used to this type of intrigue, and truth be told, it was all kinds of exhausting. I just wanted to go home and be with Bella, but the desire to get answers - answers I could share with her - and curiosity at how all these puzzle pieces fit together was a good motivator.
I had called Bella a few times, while Demetri had called my father but she hadn't answered. I'd sent two texts with no response from her. That was bad and made me worry that in her panic and driven solely by emotions, she would do something dramatic
Like run.
I tried to convince myself she wasn't that person anymore. I was certain she was freaking out and that she was worried about Demetri's presence but she hadn't run from him before when we'd seen him during the charity ball so she might not feel the need to do it now. And surely she wouldn't leave without contacting me first.
Really, Bella wasn't that person anymore, I told myself. She wouldn't just leave.
Still, there was no time to waste though. I wanted some answers from my father and Demetri, but only so I could try and reassure Bella if it turned out Demetri was on her side, or… if he was lying we could run away together, if that's what she wanted.
I stepped on the gas and concentrated on getting to the hospital. Demetri didn't try to strike up a conversation again.
When we arrived I searched for a parking space, which wasn't an easy find in the middle of the day. But luck seemed to be on my side because a spot opened up right next to the front entrance and I parked swiftly, got out and practically ran into the building, not even checking if Demetri was following me or not.
The door to my father's office was closed and I opened it without knocking and found him - the man I had looked up to and trusted for so long - pacing back and forth, his brow creased in worry.
He looked older somehow. Different. Like someone I truly didn't know anymore.
He halted when he spotted me and started to open his mouth and speak, but Demetri stopped him.
"Carlisle, hold on."
It was strange to hear this man utter my father's name and not exactly know what the connection was.
Demetri closed the door to the office and pushed his body against it, as if that would prevent anyone from entering.
He gave my father a nod and told him to proceed.
"Edward, I know you must have a lot of questions," my father spoke gently. He sounded sincere but just like Demetri's sincerity when it came to Bella, the feeling was lost on me. Too much had happened.
He was right though, I did have a lot of questions and it was hard to decide which one to ask first.
"And I assure you, we'll answer them all. But you have to know I only did this behind your back to protect you," he offered.
And the sincerity was gone. He was making excuses again.
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, because nothing says protect your son like selling the woman he loves out to a molester and his bodyguard. Gee, Dad, thanks a lot," I said sarcastically.
My father seemed confused by my comment but then it hit him. "You didn't tell him?" he asked Demetri.
"Tell me what?" I asked impatiently.
Before my father could answer, Demetri spoke. "A few years ago I was approached by the FBI. They've wanted to catch and put Aro away for a long time. He has been the axis in a seedy underbelly of drug transports, human trafficking and corruption all over the world."
My mouth must have dropped a bit.
"Because I was part of his inner circle, they asked me. I wanted to refuse at first, because I trust the FBI about as much as I do Aro, but then I thought of Bella and how the only way she'd ever see justice was if I cooperated with the people who wanted to lock Aro up…
"So, I continued to play the part of the loyal body guard while I fed the FBI information, kept an eye on Bella and made sure Aro wouldn't find out where she was."
"Well, you sure managed to protect Bella," I grumbled. "All you've done is bring her stress and reminders of a time she really wants to forget." I spat.
Demetri frowned but didn't say a word.
"And how is it that you've been helping the FBI for years and they still haven't managed to put him away? How many victims will it take before they lock up that monster and throw away the key?" I spoke bitterly.
"Edward, please. While I know you're upset, we have little time for these types of discussions," my father said.
"Don't you start!" I warned, raising my voice as I turned to face my father. "You've hated Bella all along."
"I know you believe that and I admit there was a time when I did have issues with your closeness…"
"Please, save me the sob story. You hate Bella," I interrupted him. "So tell me, what is your part in all this? Are you working with the freaking FBI too? Is that what you've been keeping from Mom?"
My father sighed but didn't deny it. "I had no choice. It's crucial that we don't get too many people involved. I couldn't tell her."
I snorted. "How very secret agent of you. But that doesn't really answer my question."
Demetri spoke before my father could.
"Your father is involved because one of Aro's associates has been in Seattle."
"What do you have to do with that?" I asked my father, ignoring Demetri.
"It's Monsignor Laurent," he declared simply.
"He's been in Seattle? I thought they dealt with him in New Orleans? Father Masen said he was out of control and that they'd handle it there."
"They failed to do so effectively," Demetri declared. "Monsignor Claude Laurent was hanging around strip clubs in Seattle. The FBI tracked him through his credit card. Out of control is putting it mildly. He engaged in serious criminal activity."
"Such as?"
"He drugged a few girls and tried to have sex with them. He was successful once and raped one at a place called Cowgirls," Demetri said, his expression bitter.
Cowgirls.
"No way…" I whispered.
"Yes, Bella's former workplace," Demetri grumbled. "I believe you know the owner of that place. Jasper Hale."
"He's an acquaintance," I murmured. "The girl who got raped…"
"I think you know," Demetri said solemnly.
"Bella…" I whispered. I tried to force down the bitter taste of bile that was threatening to push itself up at the thought of that man… doing those things…
"Laurent is Aro's cousin," Demetri continued. "And Aro made sure Rome would block St. Patrick's recommendation for a censure of suspension."
"Father Masen and I were brought in just in case Monsignor Laurent would show up in Seattle again, like he did before. The FBI figured we could help catch him, which could've also led to Aro's arrest. You see, these issues with the church are part of a larger investigation," my father added.
"Yes. This is part of a broader, separate case about sexual abuse in the Catholic Church that a few agents have been working on," I heard Demetri say. "Aro is involved in that too. But we have no time to go into detail now."
It was information overload and there was only so much I could take.
"He lectured at my school…" I murmured distractedly, as I thought of how a man of God, a cleric, someone who'd vowed to serve Him… had raped the woman I loved.
He'd been physically close in ways to her I hadn't and while I didn't envy him the brutality and wanted to harm him in violent, ugly ways, there was also the realization that this person, who represented something I had wanted to represent once too had so brutally hurt the love of my life.
Was I supposed to forgive that? Would He? Was there a limit to His kindness and fairness about His judgment when He had handed Bella such a… shitty deal, while monsters like Aro and Laurent walked around freely?
I thought of how Laurent had forced her… from behind… the way Angela had described it… I remembered a battered and broken Bella in a hospital bed, looking so fragile and in pain…
It was too much.
I started gagging and would've thrown up on the floor had Demetri not pushed a trashcan under my nose.
For a few moments the room was only filled with the sounds of my physical distress and my shallow breathing as I tried to come to grips with this. But it was impossible. My mind couldn't stop replaying images of a suffering Bella who got raped. Screaming, thrashing, hurting and slowly being destroyed by these monsters.
Aro. Laurent.
How was she still able to function?
Up until now the concept of Aro molesting her and the knowledge of her rape had left me with common emotions like sadness and anger but my brain and my emotions had never truly comprehended what had happened.
But now that it turned out that it was all part of something very close to the highest seat of Catholicism, of the Divine, and at the same time led back to something small and fragile like my Bella, who's family had never protected her, who had always been alone, it was like it finally hit me.
The irony of believing in an institution that allowed such brutality. How could I support that? How could my father support that?
Silent tears dripped down my chin and I wanted nothing more but to give into this newfound sorrow. The anger. All of it.
"He's losing it," Demetri sighed when the gagging wouldn't stop. "And we can't afford that right now. Carlisle, we need him to make sure she doesn't run."
I felt my father pull me away from the floor and guide me to the sofa that was situated in the middle of his office. He left my side for a moment but then returned and handed me a paper cup with water and forced me to drink.
"Edward," he said gently but firmly. "I need you to go home to Bella. You have to make sure she's alright."
I laughed and it sounded manic. "She probably thinks Aro is in town, so I doubt she's alright. Maybe she's gone by now."
"You have to stop her!" Demetri said angrily. "This is all going haywire. We are this close to putting him behind bars. But we need Isabella for that."
"What does that mean?"
"Edward, go home, go to Bella. We'll talk about the rest later," my father urged me.
"She has to know. What you did," I pointed at Demetri. "About Laurent," I added in a disgusted whisper.
"Later," my father urged. "Right now, you need to go home to make sure she's alright."
Another laugh bubbled from my lips. "That's the first time you're encouraging me to be with her."
A grim smile formed on my father's lips. "Perhaps you need to drive him," he suggested to Demetri. I would but I am on call."
Demetri nodded. "Right. Let's go."
I rose on autopilot and followed him as he opened the door. Then, when he suddenly halted I had to catch myself before bumping into him from behind.
"Sorry," I muttered, but Demetri seemed to be focused solely on whatever was behind the door.
I looked over his shoulder and noticed a man in his late forties. His hair was dark brown and he looked a little rugged because he hadn't shaved in a while.
He wasn't as tall as Demetri or me, but there was still something intimidating about him.
I focused on his attire. Black jeans, unpolished shoes and a trench coat.
I had seen that coat before.
And while I had never seen those eyes, they looked scarily familiar. Brown, golden specks. Molten chocolate.
But harsher, less friendly and warm than the ones I was used to.
The ones I longed for.
"I've seen you," I murmured in shock.
Demetri let out a deep sigh and ushered the man in. "We might as well tell him that too," he grumbled.
"Tell me what?" I asked. "Who are you and why have you been following Bella and me?"
Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew the answer because those eyes were unmistakably Bella's.
"Edward, meet Charlie Swan. Bella's father."
Okay...I'm going to sit here in silence and hope that shit won't come back to hit my fan. Just an FYI: Charlie was always going to be alive, I didn't make that up as BIG SHOCK! alone and there is obviously more to it. We're scratching a new surface here.
Anyway, I am letting this chapter speak for itself and get back to writing the next one. That one will be BIG for Bella and Edward. (Hint: when life gives you lemons, you can't wait more than 50 chapters to use them)
On a more serious note. I am writing a brand new story/ one shot for this: fandomcause(dot)info(slash)our-cause/ It's a great cause. Please donate and/or join!
As always I want to thank people who have stuck with BOTW (and me), all the people who are just discovering it and all the lovely reviews I get every time. It truly means the world :)
I am on Twitter, follow at your own risk: (at)bronzehyperion
Have a happy week!
PS: Re the title of this chapter: Credit goes to ShroomRavioli :)
