A/N: Hi there. Sorry for not being able to update the story sooner but things have been a bit crazy these past weeks, applying for a new job, preparing everything since I will soon move out and... well I am currently living in Paris, so I am sure you'll understand why this past week has been really weird.

But I am still working on this fic and I have no intention of dropping it. Still, for now, I have no way to tell if I will be able to post new chapters more regularly. I hope you will like this update and I wanted to thank each and everyone of you who reads the story, follows it or takes the time to leave a review, you all help me stay motivated to keep writting this fic! Thank you :)


"I still can't believe why I let you talk me into this." Dorian huffed in annoyance. He had been like that for the whole time it took them to come back from Redcliffe where he, unexpectedly, met with his father.

"Will you stop brooding? It went rather well, and you only keep complaining because you have a probable cause this time!" Trevelyan said as they climbed off their horses.

"And I very much intend to go through with that opportunity!"

"I told you Boss! Should have let me gag him when I offered to do it."

"I'm beginning to regret not taking you up on that offer, Bull."

"You let him do that and I will end up with my mouth sewed shut before anyone had the chance to say 'Blood magic'!" Dorian said, throwing his arms in the air in a theatrical gesture.

"I already told you Dorian, I would buy you dinner first." Bull's voice was openly teasing and he winked at the tevinter mage rather conspicuously. "I'll be at the tavern if you want to take on that offer."

And with those words, he strode towards the Herald's rest, leaving Trevelyan with a very annoyed Dorian who was still brooding and muttering swear words under his breath, cursing about some cocky one eyed qunari.

"Cheeky bastard..."

"Tss… and you said Cullen and I were pathetic when we were flirting."

She nudged Dorian's shoulder, who raised a brow at her.

"You're both still pathetic, sweetheart, I just don't say it anymore because that strapping man of yours, in his shiny armor, making goo goo eyes at you is a precious sight! And I will very much pretend I didn't hear you hinting that Bull and I are… flirting!"

"You wound me my friend! Your experience in flirting with men may fairly well exceed mine, but let me tell you this, you don't spend over fifteen years in a chantry circle and not learn to pick up the hints of a booty call!"

Trevelyan flashed him a smug grin and, even though Dorian wasn't ready to admit it openly just yet, she was right. There was only so much teasing two people could throw at each other before it became a cover up for something else. But what exactly? Dorian sighed, a Qunari and a Tevinter mage? In what kind of mess had he let himself being caught…. Again.

"Speaking of the frustrating men in our lives, yours awaits you." Dorian said when his eyes caught sight of Cullen's familiar silhouette on the battlements above them. "I'm surprised he didn't come down to sweep you off your feet, the moment we arrived."

"We've only been gone for a few days this time. Besides, things are still a bit… difficult for him."

She needn't say more. Dorian had become a very close friend and she had talked to him about the difficulties Cullen and her had encountered because of his lyrium withdrawal.

"He still offered you a very romantic breakfast in bed."

"He did and it was very nice and sweet but after, he was in pain again and he didn't try to hide it this time, which is a progress, but I could sense that, me being around, it made him uneasy. So I left him alone and I had to drag you to Redcliffe before he and I had a chance to talk." She said, fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve.

"You're overthinking this, sweetheart, again. That man is a damn stubborn one, who, quite like you, thinks it's bad if someone sees him in a weak moment. He opened up to you, didn't he? So don't worry too much. Given time, he'll become more at ease around you in these moments." Dorian assured her.

"But what if it gets worse…"

"Aaah, so that's what really is troubling you." He slid his arms around Trevelyan's shoulders to comfort her. "Cassandra is confident he can make it, isn't she?"

"She is, but she also admits she has no idea what could happen next."

"Well, I don't know much about lyrium withdrawal and southerner Templars, other than the fact that a lot of them are a really distracting sight, but I know the commander enough to tell you that if someone can make it through, it's him! Now go!" He ushered her towards the stairs, and as she started to climb, he added, loudly: "And next time you are in bed together, do try to remember it's used for others things than sleeping! It will be good for the both of you!"

"Dorian, another comment about this, and next time we leave Skyhold, I swear I'll put you and Bull in the same tent!"

"That's not playing nice!"

"It's the Game, my dear, it's not meant to be nice!" She said, impersonating a rather believable Vivienne, then, sticking her tongue out, more like Sera, she ran up the stairs, hearing his laughter as she reached the top.

Feeling quite pleased with herself, for once, at being able to win one of these stupid discussions with Dorian, she ambled towards Cullen's spot on the battlements. He was gazing at the frozen landscape and he seemed relaxed, enjoying the feel of the wind on his face. When she was closer to him he turned towards her with a slightly bashful smile on his lips.

"I wanted to thank you… When you came to see me the other day… if there's anything…this sounded much better in my head." He said with a deep sigh as his hand came to rub the back of his neck, something he couldn't help but do whenever he was feeling either uneasy or embarrassed.

"I trust you're feeling better?"

Cullen seemed more open than before to have a discussion about himself and his troubles while dealing with his lyrium withdrawal. She remained careful with her question, mindful not to push too far too quickly.

"I…yes."

"Is it always that bad?"

"The pain comes and goes. Sometimes I feel as if I'm back there… I should not have pushed myself so far that day."

"I'm just glad you're all right." She said, briefly laying her hand on his arm. Being there for him, listening to anything he might want to say was the only and probably the best thing she could do right now.

"I am." He gazed back at the landscape. He looked far better than a few days ago, less dark circles under his eyes and he was less tensed overall. Yet, if the pain of his body had receded, the one of his mind still painted the hints of sorrow and regrets on his face. "I've never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden's circle. I was… not myself after that. I was angry. For years, that anger blinded me. I'm not proud of the man that made me."

His anger and the self-loathing he felt was readable on his face. She came to his side, her eyes focused on the mountains when she spoke again.

"I am glad you told me. And, Cullen, I'll never pry, you know that, not about something so painful and personal but I want you to know that, if you need to talk, to share whatever happened, whatever thoughts are haunting you, I am here for you."

"Of course you are, and I know that, but Alexis…" He cupped her face in his hand, inviting her to look at him. There was sadness in his eyes. "The way I saw mages… I'm not sure I would have cared about you, and the thought of that sickens me."

She leaned into his touch, covering his hand with her own before laying a soft kiss against his palm.

"What you endured, no one would have made it out unscathed. And what matters, it's not the mistakes you may have done in the past, it's how you chose to not repeat them and how you decide to cope with everything that happened in your life. People change Cullen, you changed. At first because it was your only way to survive, and now again, because you realized you couldn't go down that path anymore, because deep down you knew it wasn't who you truly are inside."

"And what is that?"

"A good man. A man that cares about the people close to him, protects them in every way he can! And someone that admits he made mistakes and tries very hard to right them."

"I…I still don't know how you can see all that in me." He said with a sigh, letting his hand fall down from her face. "After everything… But you're right, and working for the inquisition is my chance to atone. We are making a difference and I begin to feel that, now, I can put some distance between myself and everything that happened. It's a start."

"For what it's worth, I like who you are now." Alexis said with a warm smile.

"Even after…?"

It was foolish to ask and Cullen knew it. She said to him, several times already, that what happened in his past wouldn't change how she felt for him. Yet, there was this unshakable fear settled deep in his heart that she would come to despise him, leave him either because of some of the things he did and said in his past, or because of how broken he believed the better parts of him were.

"Cullen, I care about you. You've done nothing to change that."

She stepped closer to him, emphasizing the meaning of her words by showing him that she was there and that she wanted to be with him. He smiled at her and brushed her arm with his hand, as if to reassure himself that she was really there before him.

"What about you? You have troubles of your own. How are you holding up?"

It was all he was ready to share for now and Trevelyan accepted that. Cullen was used with placing the needs of others above his own, it would take him time to become more at ease with sharing his troubles and it would take even more time for him to understand that taking care of his needs truly mattered. To Cullen it felt like he already took too much time talking about himself and his problems, especially since the woman before him was carrying such a tremendous weight on her shoulders.

Alexis leaned against the battlement, considering her answer for a while.

"Honestly, I'm terrified." She finally admitted to Cullen. "So many people depend on us. On me. Corypheus is still out there"

"We've made great strides. Do not doubt yourself, or the inquisition, just yet. If there's anything I can do, you have only to ask."

"I know." She said with a small smile. "You already do so much to help me. I couldn't ask for a better military advisor. And I couldn't ask for a better person with whom I can simply be myself and to whom I can actually say that I am afraid." She extended her hand to Cullen and he took it. "It's just so overwhelming at times. I try not to think too much about it because if I do, I feel like I will crumble underneath all this weight and all the expectations people placed on me."

Cullen pulled her to him and slipped his free arm around her waist, while he brought the hand he was still holding to his lips and kissed it.

"I know it must be hard, but you're doing great! And, true, we placed a heavy weight on your shoulders when Cassandra Leliana Josephine and I decided to make you the inquisitor. But you impressed all of us with your ability to lead and to make tough decisions long before that. And you continue to do so. You can do this. And whenever you feel like it's too much, remember that I am here and I'll do whatever I can to help you."

Alexis wrapped her arms around Cullen's neck, drawing strength from his embrace. His presence was grounding her, bringing her a sense of peace amidst the chaos like nothing else could.

"It's still hard at times to wrap my head around everything that happened. I never wanted any of this. Before, all I ever wanted was to be free, to be able to live outside the circle the way I wanted and without having a Templar always looking my back."

Before? Cullen knew that breaking free from the circle and the Templar scrutiny had been her dream, but now, was she thinking about something else for her future once the war would be over? Was she thinking about having a future with him the same way he did?

"And now, what do you want?" He asked tentatively.

She looked up at him and Cullen felt like she could read his intention as clearly as if he was an open book. She bit her lip, obviously taking the time to choose her words carefully. Cullen felt his heart tighten painfully in his chest as a discreet twinge of fear knotted his insides. What if she didn't want a future with him?

"Now, I wish I had the luxury to think about my future. I know it's not what you wanted to hear but it's all I can say. Every time I catch myself thinking about what will happen afterwards, once Corypheus is defeated, it's like I have this little voice in my head who tells me that I don't have much chance to make it out alive. And seeing that Redcliffe and Haven were very close calls I…"

"Don't." Cullen interrupted her. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I shouldn't have asked."

He closed his arms around her, feeling like a fool. There he was, wondering if she might want a future with him when she was afraid of not having a future at all. And now he was afraid of that too.

"Cullen, you don't have to apologize. And truly, I wish I could talk about it but I just can't for now."

"I understand." He said as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Though, there is one thing I can tell you."

"Yes?"

"I want you."

And with those simple words, Cullen's fears vanished. He looked at her, probably awestruck, trying to find something, anything, to say to her and share how happy he was to be with her and that he too wanted her. The look on his face was more than enough, and before he could say a single word, Alexis pulled him to her in a bruising kiss. She parted his lips, her tongue exploring his mouth, her hand tangled in his hair. And Cullen surrendered to her kiss, just as his heart had surrendered to her, long ago.


Cullen couldn't stop thinking about his last discussion with Trevelyan. It obsessed him for the whole day. . He had to do something for her, help her change her mind off of the serious business of the inquisition and allow her to be herself for a few days. She was too committed to her work and her position as the inquisitor to ask it for herself. She probably wasn't even thinking about it or how she needed a break, but he could plan it for her. For them. And he knew exactly what to do.

As soon as the idea came to his mind he knew he wouldn't stop thinking about it until he made it reality. And that's why he found himself opening the door to Josephine's office. "Cullen! You finally decided to join us. I had completely lost hope you would one day grant us the pleasure of your presence."

Josephine's singsong voice greeted him, and damn, he had completely forgotten that the ambassador took time, once a week, to have an afternoon tea with Leliana and, sometimes, the inquisitor, though, this time, the spymaster was the only one present.

"Sorry I… wasn't hum…"

"Oh stop fretting Cullen, we both know you simply had forgotten about our lasting invitation to join us." Leliana said with a grin. "So, what urgent matter has made you leave your lair?"

He had initially planned to speak to the two women separately and in doing so, avoid a lot of teasing. Well, too late, he would have to face it now. If he wanted his plan to work, he hadn't a lot of time before him to make everything perfect.

"Actually I have a favor to ask."

"A favor? My, commander, I am very much intrigued now. You never asked for a favor before." Josephine said with a toothy smile, Leliana nodding in approval.

"Do you have to act like… urgh, never mind. I was wondering if it was possible to clear the inquisitor's schedule for the better part of next week. I know you had several meetings planned."

As he feared, the ladies' smiles went up to their ears and their eyes glinted with mischief.

"Well I do have a few appointments with some of our allies that the inquisitor was supposed to attend, but, depending on the circumstances, I'm sure I can find a proper way to explain her absence."

"I believe those were very important meetings, Josie." Leliana added with a voice too sweet to be honest. "But I'm sure that our dear Commander wouldn't consider steering the inquisitor away from her duties if it wasn't of the upmost importance."

"Yes. Do tell us what matter brought you to ask for such drastic measures." Josephine said, her warm eyes not leaving Cullen's, her broad smile making her look far too affable.

"You're not going to leave this matter alone, are you?" And as the two women simply continue to grin wickedly at him, he knew there was no way he was getting out of there without spilling everything out. "Fine! Since the conclave, Alexis barely had a day to rest and it only gotten worse since she became the inquisitor. The responsibilities and expectations that we have all placed on her shoulders are beginning to weigh her down. She won't come to us and ask for a reprieve because she does not want to let us and everyone down, so I thought I could do something for her so she could…have a few days to herself."

There was no fooling these two cunning women, and especially it seems in matters of the heart but, oh well, a man's got to try anyway.

"A few days for herself, or for the both of you?"Was Leliana's sneaky question.

"Must you really hear the answer? Because I feel like you already know it."

The spymaster wiggled her eyebrows at him in a fashion that meant; yes I really much want you to say it. "Yes, for both of us."

Cullen begrudgingly conceded "I was thinking about taking Alexis away from Skyhold for a few days, since it seems impossible to even share a quiet evening here. I have everything sort out to make up for my absence. I only need your help to arrange a few things. And I would appreciate if you would keep all this under wraps."

The two women stayed silent for a short while, then, Josephine simply couldn't hold back the squeal of delight that came past her lips.

"Holy Andraste, you are planning a little getaway! It's soooo romantic! Have you chosen a place yet?"

"Hum…yes?" Cullen said tentatively, surprised by the ambassador's reaction.

"Where?"

"There's a lake near Honnleath I know the place and…"

"Oh I'm sure she will love it!" Josephine said, beaming at him.

"So, you can clear her schedule?"

"Of course, Cullen! I'll arrange everything. You and Alexis will have the time you need."

"Give me the location and I'll have one of my trusted agents scout the place for you. Don't worry, nobody will know it's for the both of you." Leliana added.

"Oh. Great. Thanks."

"You sound surprised, Commander." The spymaster said, looking up at him.

"I don't know, you two have taken a liking at torturing me for the sake of your own amusement. I had guessed you would let me hanging for a while longer. "

"We're not that bad!" Josephine tsked.

"Besides, your idea is great. The inquisitor has been under a lot of stress and strain, a few days away from all her responsibilities will do her much good."

"Well, thanks, both of you." Cullen said, unable to help the silly grin that tug at the corner of his lips. He and Alexis together and away from Skyhold, his heart skipped a beat at the mere glimpses of the possibilities before them and anxiety as much as eager anticipation settled in his stomach. Alone, with her, for days… He had never done anything like this before. He had never been in such a long relationship before, he hoped he wouldn't ruin it or make too much a fool of himself.

"Go now! I'm sure you can't wait to tell your Lady about it. Oh and Cullen? Please, do try to enjoy yourself."

Cullen rolled his eyes, mumbling "Will do" before leaving the room. Given how wildly the two women were still smiling when he turned his back to them, he knew he hadn't heard the end of yet another merciless teasing session.