Chapter 53: Swashbuckler!

Will: Swash, swash, buckle, buckle! (as he kicks a Sue into a wall)

"How do we make this more Swashbuckling?" Asked Elizabeth, looking around to the others behind her. As she did, a Sue dived on her, sending them both sprawling. Elizabeth deftly kicked the Sue in the face, and rolled out of the way as another Sue attacked, her sword landing on the stone floor next to her with a clang.

James: Hmm! If I had a beard, I'd stroke it...

Davy: (smirking) You can stroke mine.

James: ...!

Will: James didn't even say anything! How come he gets his name to show up?!

Tia: ...

Davy: ...

Will: ...

James: ...

"hahahaha wtf swashbucklnig wont saev u fulz!111!11" The Suethor jabbed her pen towards Will... it struck him, sending him flying backwards into a corner. She turned to James, who looked a little apprehensive now that he was fighting her alone. He blocked her strike with his sword, and the Suethor began writing something in the air.

"You just hit Will!" Elizabeth gasped, running forwards and aiming a kick at the Suethor – the Suethor stopped mid-word, as the pen flew upwards into the air.

Tia: (shouting) Elizabeth! Get the pen!

"James, get the pen!" Jack shouted.

"SUEEZ GET TEH PEN11" the Suethor shouted.

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The boom of cannons echoed around the sea dully, as did the cracks of timber splintering and the shouts of various crewmembers. The HMS Sparrabeth I juddered as it was once again hit by a dark red cannon, which splintered through a few layers of walls and landed inside the hold, steaming. Crewmembers ran around, shouting orders to one another, firing cannons relentlessly.

"Send forward the Pairings!" Abby bawled, pointing skywards. Almost immediately, about ten of the giant red bats flew overhead, their shadows flickering over the deck of the ship.

"Fire!" the Willabether Jade cried, waving her arms. Twenty or so Willabethers leaned back, bows and arrows held steadily in their hands, and with several twangs heart-shaped arrows of love were shot towards the oncoming Pairings, with heart-shaped confetti falling in their wake. One Pairing was struck; and immediately turned into a WillxElizabeth pairing. With a docile smile, it landed on the deck of the Great Ship Willabeth, and then curled up to go to sleep.

Very... tame creatures, are Canon Pairings. They like to hug things.

"What're they doing?!" The Willabether captain, Anne, frowned, as the HMS Sparrabeth I turned and began heading towards – though she didn't know this yet – Tortuga, "They can't just leave mid-fight!"

"Apparently they can," Willabether Dina said politely. If there is anything bad to say about these Willabethers in general, it is that they're not too imaginative. But sticking to the canon pairing can do that to you... bad side-effects and all.

However, before the HMS Sparrabeth I could get too far, a shadow fell across it. The entire crew looked upwards, aghast. From the sky, something was falling – it landed in the sea next to them with a whoosh and a boom, sending massive waves tumbling across the velvety surface of the water, and a spray over everyone standing on the deck of the HMS Sparrabeth I. They gaped at it.

It was the Black Pearl.

"Fire all!" PoeticPoetry2 shouted to her crew, pointing an unforgiving finger towards the two other vessels in the water before her, "I must get my pen back!"

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The pen fell back down towards the cellar; Elizabeth fumbled it, and the Suethor grabbed it off of her, with a triumphant cry. Elizabeth felt defeated; she apologized loudly for failing, but the reaction wasn't one she was counting on.

Tia: (overjoyed) Excellent! Perfect! That was Swashbuckling! The boat-fight, the pen-grab, it's all coming together!

James: Yipee! But, uh, what now?

Tia: It's the final ingredient! That means...

"I think you'd better hurry, Tia," Elizabeth shouted worriedly over the din. Will was hit, Elizabeth and Bootstrap were fighting with bits of wood that were beginning to get very dented, and the second they exterminated a bunch of Sues, more would appear, as if out of nowhere! Davy was also getting tired – he'd so far been stabbed, shot, headbutted, karate-chopped and kicked all over, with the message not getting out that he couldn't die. Their stupidity was frustrating him.

Davy: Not another Secret-Agent Sue! (said Sue does a forwards roll and shoots two laser-guns at him, with no effect.)

"Someone get Tia's potion!" Barbossa shouted, his cutlass clashing with that of a Sue. He blinked at her. She looked just like Elizabeth. In fact, was he fighting Elizabeth herself? No, no, he couldn't have been...

James: Don't fall for it, Barbossa, it's another Elizabeth Sister!

"I wasn't falling for it," Barbossa said with a frown at James, cutting the Sue down thoughtlessly. James just rolled his eyes and continued using his trusty brackets. Barbossa nearly stepped on a small sack, and picked it up. Frowning, he opened it. Immediately, a jet of flame flew into his face, startling him, and making him throw it across the cellar.

"...A DISGRACE, I'M TELLING YOU! HOW DARE YOU CALL THIS PIECE OF TURD A STORY! IT'S MORE LIKE A BUNCH OF TYPOS AND MISSPELLINGS THREADED TOGETHER BY CONTINUOUS OOC AND CRAP HUMOUR! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU COULD SAY IN YOUR SUMMARY THAT YOU THINK IT'S GOOD, WHEN IT'S ABSOLUTE..."

Tia: Everyone! Help me with the potion! We have to chuck it over the Suethor!

"Tia! What be happening to the Suethor? Arrr!" Barbossa shouted, in the most piratey accent he could manage, for added Canonness™. They all turned to stare. The last flame seemed to have sent her into overdrive; her eyes bulged, her back was arched, and swear lined her brow. Suddenly, she gave a bellow of pure fury, and stood straight, her finger pointed at the canon characters that were ruining her story.

"YUO LOSRS WIL PAI 4 WAHT UV DUN!!!!111!1" She screamed, thousands of voices rebounding around the small cellar, making her cry seem to come from everywhere at once, her body heaved with barely suppressed rage.

Will: (whimpers) I think we pushed this one too far...

Tia: No time! We have to get the potion on her! Davy, Jack, help me carry the cauldron across! James, use your pen to stall her! Elizabeth, Bootstrap, Will, keep the sues away from the potion!

"Aye aye, Dalmation!" Jack cried, jumping forwards along with Davy to help with the cauldron. He and Davy grabbed one edge of the cauldron each, Davy's crab claw nearly bending with the weight, his tentacled hand wrapping around the side. Jack grunted as he heaved, his muscles screaming. Tia tried to help, but she couldn't do much – she pushed on it with her paws.

Davy: Why's it so damned heavy?!

"Canon is heavy..." Tia sighed. "Try your best, before we lose anyone!"

Elizabeth, Bootstrap and Will were having a hard time with the Mary Sues. They were everywhere! Overrunning the place like some horrendous infestation! They fought as hard as they could, and Will turned, and saw a small sack on the floor. Could it be...? He dived towards it.

And James turned towards the Suethor, shaking. Damn his higher class education, now he had to be the one wielding the pen! He stared on in horror as, slowly, the Suethor – still screaming with rage – began to grow, and grow, and grow; her body swelling. She had to bend her head, and it was still brushing the ceiling – and still she was growing.

James: It doesn't get more Swashbuckling then this... (raises PP2's pen)


NB: Uh oh! Trouble! Much Swashbuckling adventure... deary me. Also, take a visit to the Pirates of the Caribbean Hall of Fame forum on here! I am going to say this to everyone I ever meet again for the rest of my entire life - uh, well, probably not - but the lovely Jennifer Lynn Weston nominated this story for the Hall of Fame, and it got in!

Not bad for a load of barely coherent gibberish... I mean, a long and well-thought-out story that I've put a lot of hard work into... heh, heh...

Tune in next time for... Chapter 54 - They Think It's All Over...