Edward POV
I can't bloody believe this. Ever since this mess began and I met Solas, it has been clear as day that he is drawn to Mona. I might have fallen head over heels for Josephine, and got the brunt of the teasing. But had anyone bothered to look at Solas they would have seen it. Or maybe I'm making it out to be more than it was. Truth is I wanted Solas to like me and for him to teach me. He is everything I never was. Clever, confident, talented, and wise, where I'm just some halfwit who just happen to pick up that stupid orb. So I wanted to learn from him, thinking that if anyone could make sure I wasn't a disaster it would be him. I paid more attention to him than the others did. And I saw what others didn't; a fascination and devotion that from the start seemed right. Mona understood him and he looked at her like she was the only true mystery in Thedas. When they finally found each other, it felt like something had finally gone right amidst all the chaos. I was so certain that they were going to last, that they were going to marry, as one large "go plow yourself" to the chantry. And now I hear that he has moved back into his old quarters.
I should mind my own business - I really should. But Solas is not only my friend, he is the best mentor, and only true father-figure I have ever had since my own family cast me out for being a mage. The only one who ever saw any potential in me beyond the mark on my hand. I'll have his back whether he wants me to or not.
I walk into the Inquisitor's quarters and find her sitting at her desk as always. Solas has few belongings, but seeing them missing from the room makes it seem empty. She looks up at me and manages a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.
"Herald, what can I do for you?"
I walk over to the desk making sure to stay as far away from the balcony as possible. I really hate it up here. Heights is definitely not for me. I think the dwarves had the right idea staying underground.
"I was wondering how you are?"
"I'm fine." Her smile is calm, but I know it can't be the truth.
"I heard about you and Solas." She lowers her head, but doesn't say anything. "Mona, what happened?"
"Sometimes things just don't work out, Edward. It's life. But we're professionals. You have nothing to worry about."
"Don't give me that. You love him and he loves you. There has to be more to it."
Mona sighs in defeat and I see a distant echo of pain in her eyes.
"Alright… have you… there is a reason why Solas was a hermit before the Inquisition. You have noticed how Solas never lets anyone close. That's because he has lost everything he has ever loved. When you have been hurt like that… it's easier to never let anyone close."
That makes a lot of sense. Besides Mona, and maybe Cole, I'm the one he is closest to and I barely know anything about his past.
"I understand… it's that way for a lot of people in the circle, too, but I thought things were different for the two of you."
"I had hoped so, but I have lost my family… I know what he is going through… to some extent at least. But when you have been hurt like that its difficult to allow yourself to be that vulnerable again. And… well, when you realise that you might experience that pain again… then you might not act rationally."
I raise an eyebrow staring at her. "Are you saying that Solas - calm, wise, who always has a plan Solas - panicked?"
She gives a wry smile, but I see a hint of unshed tears in her eyes.
"In a manner of speaking. He needs time to come to terms with everything he has experienced and is feeling. And if me giving him that space makes it easier for him, then he has it."
"But he loves you."
"I know… and I love him. More importantly I believe in the man he can become. But he needs a different perspective to see it himself. I can't change him and I don't want to. He has to be willing to change."
I throw up my hands in frustration. "How in the name of the Maker can you be so calm about this?"
"Because I know him."
"If you knew him you would see that this is crushing him! You would go down there right now and tell him that you'll be there for him whatever he needs!" I take a deep sigh, but Mona doesn't say anything. She just sits there looking serene in a way. Had it not been for the tear gliding down her cheek I would have thought her immune to my words.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I know you're hurting, but…" I trail off.
"He is your friend and like an older brother, and you're protective of him. I understand. He is lucky to have a friend who cares about him so much."
"Yes, well, I'm not sure I can make up for the loss of you. I'm not his type." I shrug and Mona giggles.
I walk out the room hoping to find Solas. I hope they figure it out. While Mona is not the prettiest woman in Thedas - that honour definitely goes to Josephine - she is clever and resourceful. More importantly, she made Solas happy. There must be a way to fix this.
Solas POV
Artlathan
Being in this place of dreaming is so… disconcerting. It's intangible, but still maintains a presence, no more real than when merged with the physical. Now, Mythal lies dead, I have sundered the world of the elves in two, and I have rendered my body immoble and unconscious. My own body and spirit divided as I divided the physical world and magic. The spirit and heart of the world are now only accessible while dreaming, its spirits confused and lost, while the People are now caught in a world torn. Marvels destroyed and our empire now a mere faint echo of what it once was. The People, our world, has faded, and these shadows are all that remains of it. This "fade" is all that is left of the spirit of an it is all my doing.
All to prevent a cataclysm caused by the Evanuris. Seven mirrors are gathered around me in the heart of this golden city that used to be a temple to Elgar'nan. From behind the glass they are hammering and shouting at me. Each of them trapped in their own personal nightmare. Crafted by their own minds to match their most desperate desires and perverted by their own atrocities.
I sit on Elgar'nan's throne. Golden and with the symbol of the sun. Fitting as I will make sure they will never see daylight again. I dread the path that lies ahead. The prison they find themselves behind was created by me, but designed by them. I take no pleasure in their torment - not even in my desire for justice. Still, I must see the agony I have caused them. Just as I must face what I have done to the People. One day I will be held accountable for my actions, of that I have no doubt. So despite myself I need to face the Evanuris one last time. I must not forget what I became to get here. I need to remember so that I will not become it again.
I raise myself from an empty, meaningless throne and walk towards the mirrors. In the first, I see Falon'din pacing from side to side. His features are young and he does not have a single scar or blemish. His long black hair is smooth and immaculate, as his clothing is adorned in extreme detail. His vanity and need for worship earned us bloody wars, a self-obsession leading him to madness.
"Fen'Harel! What have you done to us? Betrayer!" Falon'din screams as he hammers on the glass.
"I did no such thing." I say, unaffected by his rage. "You were the one who could not get enough power. You and the rest of the Evanuris wished to devour all the power, all the magic of this world. Killing everyone and everything in it. Tell me, what would that power be worth to you, when you no longer had a world?"
Despite his rage he laughs. "You think you are so clever. Do you really think this is the only world? Had you not been so blinded by your pride you would have realised that there is so much beyond this world. Enough worlds for us to travel from one to the next."
"And devour each one in your passing. Seems I did the right thing after all."
He gathers all his magic and directs it at the mirror, but as I cast a spell he recoils in terror. He touches his face again and again.
"What did you do to me?!"
In truth, I did nothing. He still looks the same, but every mirror he sees will show him a reflection of someone old and decrepit. In his eternal torment his prison has taken his beauty and accomplishments from him. The mirror darkens as I walk to the next.
Dirthamen. Keeper of secrets. He was supposed to safeguard the secrets of the Evanuris. He was a line of defence against those who would misuse the knowledge used to create and shape the world. But Mythal's faith in him was misplaced. He guarded the secrets of the Evanuris who Mythal in her wisdom deemed too dangerous, but not against himself. Sitting on so much power became too tempting and eventually he began using them. Sometimes to shape his domain in the way he saw fit. Other times he traded his knowledge to others in for favours. Each on their own was not a true danger, but these secrets combined could unravel the fabric of existence. By forsaking his duty, he betrayed the world. Secrets that should have been kept, to protect the People from abuse of power, he delivered to despots - just like he has become. Without this knowledge, the Evanuris could never have risen to power as they did. They would never had the knowledge of how to slay Mythal.
Dirtharamen stands proud in front of the mirror, but as he wrings his hands I know he is anxious. He stares at me with dark eyes, his brown locks hidden beneath his cowl as his being changes between the corporeal and non-corporeal.
"You think that by exposing all my secrets you have won, Fen'Harel?"
In truth I know only little of his personal secrets, but he must not have realised that he is placed in an illusion created by his own delusions.
" You ," he sneers, "are nothing but a liar and deceiver . Those are the ones who have the most secrets to hide. I will find them, and when I do I will use them against you. I will be your end."
I do not answer him, but merely walk ahead as if I pay him no mind. However, I know that should the Evanuris ever be freed, he will find the knowledge it takes to bring me to my knees.
June sits on the other side of the mirror his back leaning against the glass. He does not move, does not scream, merely sits there calmly looking at his pale hands. June, the "God" of crafts. He lives for his creations, and there is not a thing, creature or person he would not sacrifice to complete his project. His people worked to death in order to get him enough resources. Venturing into the depths to get more lyrium - a substance that has since coloured his eyes with an unnatural glow - threatening the treaty made with the Titans. No means, no price has ever been too great in order to achieve his goal.
"I never suspected you were this talented at creation, Solas. My mistake for underestimating it. You deceived us all quite expertly." He runs a hand through his short blonde hair.
"I would not have done this if not for your ambition."
"I know… I have to admire these contraptions. I look at my hands and they appear gnarled and disfigured. I can feel the ache in them, and seeing them I know I will never be able to craft anything again. But it is an illusion."
"How do you know?"
"Because you are not a torturer, Fen'Harel… No, this nightmare has to be one of my own creation."
"It wouldn't have to be this way. But when you crafted the weapon that killed Mythal… utilized the corrupted lyrium, you sealed your fate."
"I'm aware… I know it means little, but I'm sorry."
The mirror darkens and I pinch the bridge of my nose. It would be simpler were the world black and white. Not seeing June's redeeming qualities would have been easier to bear. My steps feel heavier as I approach the next mirror.
Sylaise… her deception is perhaps the worst of all the Evanuris. She comes to her people with the promise of healing and nurture. Instead the People are mere ingredients in alchemy experiments so horrendous and bizarre it defies any justification. The People say she granted them the gift of childbirth, after they took physical form, and showed them how to bring new life safely into the world. This is true. She researched healing magic, blood magic, and herbs, and shared this knowledge with her followers. Unfortunately, the reason for this was a need for more specimens that drove it. Sylaise would test her experiments and modifications across generations, use the bodies of infants as they were not yet contaminated. Then she modified the corrupted lyrium into pure taint. The women she subjected to it became broodmothers. Monstrous things created only to breed an endless supply of subjects for the advancement of Sylaise's alchemy.
She is on her knees, rocking back and forth, her arms wrapped around herself as her long golden locks create a curtain around her. She doesn't seem to notice me. She looks so small and so broken, it is easy to forget the atrocities she has committed. I am not certain what she sees. The horde of her victims? The curse she has released upon the world? Sylaise's green eyes are swollen, her face flushed. Her tears are streaming down her cheeks, the fabric of her clothes starting to get wet from it. With a sigh I crouch down in front of the mirror and touch my fingers upon the glass. For a moment I suppress the magic creating the illusion. Sylaise looks up at me.
I expect her to lash out at me, instead she murmurs " Ma serannas ."
The words aches in my chest. No matter what she has done, I caused her this agony, and she is thanking me for this small act of release.
In the next mirror is the woman who started it all. The one who hunted in the void and crafted weapons of tainted lyrium to begin with, driven to madness by the Titans. The one who turned my heart against me. Andruil runs around her prison attempting to hide from creatures that aren't there. Her mind was already deranged and I fear her imprisonment will make her even more so.
"What is that?" She looks around her eyes widened with fear. When she sees me she throws herself at the glass. "Fen'Harel, get me out of here! Please, don't let it get me! I don't want to die!"
I quickly darken the mirror sighing into my hand.
"How long do you truly think this will last, wolf? My power is greater than any other. I will break free of here, and when I do, it will be your doom," Elgar'nan threatens from the next mirror, looking at me with sickening green eyes.
Elgar'nan's fury is a madness that consumes and destroys everything in its path. None but Mythal could temper his rage, and, left unchecked, under his violent outbursts the People suffered. There is no justice in a world where Elgar'nan is considered a God devoted to vengeance, so resentful of the leadership of Mythal that he betrayed the woman he loved.
I look at him without fear and reply in a steady voice; "You are certainly welcome to try."
In his rage he gathers his magic trying to burst free of his prison. While nothing about his appearance changes, he howls in agony as he beats his robes and long grey hair with his hands. For every time he will let rage consume him, he will imagine himself on fire, melting his flesh, searing his bones. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he is aware that it's not real - even if he feels the agony of it. He stops fighting it and stares at me with a fury greater than any I have seen before.
"I will teach you pain unlike any you have ever known! You're a monster!"
" You're judging me ?" I scoff. "You killed the woman you loved . A woman devoted to you."
"And how are you any different?" Elganarn looks towards Ghilan'nain.
My heart tightens at his words. Ghilan'nain… for all my physical conquests, I have loved none but her. Whatever pleasures my body has taken, my spirit was always hers. The other Evanuris shaped their fates themselves, but in hers I had a part.
"You used my creations to bind us," she murmurs from behind the glass and I turn to her.
She is still so beautiful. Her spirit translated perfectly into a physical body, her ashen hair vibrant against her dark skin. A part of me wants to plead with her, have her admit her wrongs and agree to set it all right. But I have seen what Andruil, Dirtharamen, and I have turned her into.
"You gave me no choice," I lament, fighting every urge to go to her.
" Solas, ar lath ma, " Ghilan'nain whimpers the confession.
I do not doubt that she believes herself in love with me. Unfortunately, I am now too much of a cynic to believe in such simple wonders.
"You helped kill my friend in jealousy," I hiss trying desperately to control my rage. "Turned my most trusted followers against me. Conspired with a woman who wanted me as nothing but a slave in her bed. You would rather see me bound than being without you. If you truly felt love for me once, then that time has long since passed. There is nothing beyond obsession and possession now."
Rage consumes her eyes. Doelike orbs turned into an inferno rivalling even Elgar'nan's.
" Dirthara-ma ! One day you will know true heartbreak, Fen'harel!"
I take a step closer to the mirror, staring down at her with a stern expression.
"You butchered my people, murdered my friend, and betrayed me . As the eons pass I will remember the lessons you have taught me well. I shall never trust even those who claim to be my friends. Never shall I rely upon others. Nor will I ever allow my heart to swept away as I did once. I will not abandon the needs of my people - not even for love. I know heartbreak all too well, you ensured that."
"You shall die alone!" Ghilan'nain curses me.
I walk from her with my hands behind my back.
"I know."
Present - Skyhold
Corypheus has chosen his final stand and we all gather our gear in haste. I gather the few belongings that matter to me in my pack. No matter how this ends, I will not be returning. I hear footsteps behind me and expect the Herald. Instead I see a pair of hazel eyes looking back into mine. My breath hitch in my throat, but I manage to keep calm. I cannot allow myself to succumb to my feelings for her.
"Inquisitor."
Mona holds up a hand for me to relax. A thoughtful gesture, but a request I can't grant her. If I relax for but a moment, I will give into the ache in my heart and pull her to me.
"I wanted to say 'goodbye'," she explains as she takes a step closer.
"Inquisitor, I… Whatever comes, I want you to know that what we had... was real."
"I know," she says with a smile softer than I deserve. "I'm not giving up on you, Solas."
"You truly should."
She gives me a downcast smile. The one that lets me know she expected this all along. Why, vhenan ? Why would you allow yourself to love me if you knew this would be the result?
"Be careful and take care of yourself. Thank you for everything. Ma serannas, vhenan ," she whispers and turns before I can answer.
It feels as if a dagger has been plunged into my heart. Had she hated me it would have hurt, but it would have been nothing compared to this torment. Ma vhenan , forgive me. I love you with all my heart and spirit, but I'm more than those things and my purpose demands more of me. I feel my heart wither in agony and my hand rests above my chest in a hopeless attempt to soothe the pain. My mind keeps repeating two phrases; " Ar lath ma, " and " Ir abelas ". Please, vhenan , understand just how much this hurts me. How much it tears at me to hurt you. Please, please, my love... Forgive me.
Mona POV
From my balcony I watch over the valley through my telescope. I see the temple ruins fall back to the ground and I know Corypheus has been defeated. In a few moments Solas will vanish. Distraught by the loss of his orb. He will flee into the mountains and I will not see him until the Exalted council - if ever. Everything I ever did was for nothing. Please, my love, understand that I truly did not know how to save the orb after Corypheus got ahold of it.
"It wasn't supposed to happen this way."
I hear his words though he is kilometers away. It was, but it wasn't. I should have stopped it. I should have tried harder. Been quicker, smarter, braver. The world has suffered - will suffer, but no one in this world will suffer more than you, my love. They will fear and hate you, and no matter which side wins you will be the one mourning. Even should they manage to kill you, I know your spirit will live on. Like a wisp clinging to the fade.
I lean against the wall behind me and slide to the ground crying. I embrace myself as I begin to sob. I give an audible noise releasing the pain I have felt in my chest since Crestwood. I can barely see from the amount of tears streaming from my eyes. I hear Tish come up to me and whine, then she turns her head towards the sky and howls.
Please, Solas, understand that what I do, I do for you and not against you. Please, please, my love... Forgive me.
Hours later I brace myself for the reality that awaits me. The inquisition forces are returning with the Herald victorious, while my heart is already kilometers away - avoiding Leliana's spies with an ingenuity and skill only he has. I take another deep breath before I exit the main hall and I see a cheerful group of heroes and soldiers entering the gates. In a moment I will have to ask all the questions I don't want to. 'Where is Solas?' 'Tell me he isn't dead?' All subterfuge because I know he isn't there. I know why. I know he is about to steal my Mythal's essence. And I, damaged as I am, can only think of the fact that I don't know if I will ever hold him in my arms again. Resigned to my fate, all air escapes my lungs.
Through the gates, the soldiers and the Herald's companions all appear. Cheering and so full of joy, but when Edward's eyes meet mine I know the charade must begin. Solas hardly ever lies. I always do.
That night I pick up my violin and play his theme from memory.
Notes:
First of all, thanks to everyone who have supported the story this far. You're so awesome. This next part of the story is going to take it's own spin going into DA4, but since we know almost nothing it's going to be wild speculation on my part. I hope you will enjoy it.
Sorry for the broken hearts. I promise I will mend them and that this story will have a happy ending. In the meantime if there is anything you would like to see please let me know.
Please let me know what you think of my spin on the lore and the Evanuris.
Thanks so much to EmberLeo for beta reading. You have been such a great help to me :)
