Is she serious? Would she actually pick up everything and move to Cambridge? Of course she would. It's my Mom. But that isn't what I want. I want to do this, as crazy as it sounds, alone. I don't want my decision to equal all of us moving. It's not like I'm planning on staying there permanently. Just for school, and then I'd move home.

I sit on my bed, trying to focus on a physiology paper, but I can't.

Eventually, I fall asleep.


A couple days go by and then one day, when I get home from school, Mom's on the couch and she smiles at me when I come in. It's the first smile she's given me in days.

"Hi baby," she says.

"Hi," I reply, dropping my keys in the bowl and setting my bag near the wall.

I go over to the couch, and slowly sit down as she scribbles onto some medical forms.

"How was school?"

"Good," I reply, folding my legs. "How was your day?"

"Oh, it was fine," she replies, finishing writing and neatly placing the papers into a folder. "Paperwork mostly. Barely left this couch. Our little Freedman in here won't let me sleep, always rollin' around and kickin'."

I don't reply, but she meets my eyes for a moment and she can obviously see my nervousness.

"Come here, baby," she says, setting the folder on the table and patting the couch cushion. I move over.

"I owe you an apology," she says quietly. She reaches over and pushes a lock of hair behind my ear, and her eyes look sad but not angry. "I'm sorry I got so angry at you. I was being selfish, only thinkin' of myself, when I should have been congratulating you."

I chew my lip.

"I am so proud of you, sugar," she says, taking my hand and holding it firmly. "I can't describe how proud I am of you, on a day-to-day basis, let alone for getting accepted into one of the top schools in the country. And I'm happy for you."

I don't smile, but the tension in my forehead smooths out.

"I don't expect you to forgive me right away," she says. "But I am sorry, baby. I guess I just got caught up in thinkin' about what I'll do without you, not knowin' where you are or if you're okay…. You're still my baby. It's hard to think about you leavin' this nest."

She smiles, small, and I feel my throat tighten in a lump, so I try to swallow it down. I've thought about it, too. And honestly, it scares the shit out of me. But I can't stay here forever, and now my eyes are starting to tingle. I've been needing her for days, and been avoiding her at the same time, and now I can feel what I haven't wanted to feel.

She knows, of course she knows, and she just reaches out and wraps her arms around me. I let tears slip from my eyes as I bury my face in her shoulder.

"We're all gonna be just fine," she says softly.

"I don't…" I start, slow.

"Hm?" she hums, waiting for me go on.

"I saw your computer yesterday," I say, lifting my head. "It was gonna fall off the couch, so I picked it up and…"

I hesitate.

"Oh," she nods after a moment, realizing what I mean. "I was just trying' to get a jump on some plans."

"For…"

"Well, you, of course," she replies, confused.

"Not all of us?" I ask carefully. I don't want to hurt her feelings by misspeaking here.

She looks at me, questioning.

"I just mean that I don't want to move our entire lives to Massachusetts," I mumble. "It's not like I want to live there forever."

"Well I know that, darlin'," she says. "If my child is movin' across the country, you can be sure I'll be doin' the research as to where she'll be livin'."

"Oh," I say quietly, laying back against her shoulder.

"Doesn't mean I didn't seriously consider followin' you there," she murmurs into my hair, kissing my head. "But we've got some time to work through all of this."

I nod slowly and then raise my head to wipe the tears from my face, and she finds the last one with her thumb and swipes it away.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you, too," I say quietly, as my eyes well up again.

It's harder now that her belly is bigger, but my head still fits on her lap. We stay this way, her running her fingers through my hair, as an old episode of Saturday Night Live plays on the TV. Eventually, the door opens and Dad comes home. I can hear him stop at the front door, no doubt watching us. Then he takes off his shoes and jacket, and comes to sit on the couch with us. I don't open my eyes, because they're starting to fill beneath the lids, and I just want to lay here and forget everything else.


The next morning is finally the kind we're used to: calm, relaxed and comfortable. It's still going to be weird, though, now that everything is out in the open and certain plans will have to be made.

I'm sitting on the couch, resting my head against Nigel as he sleeps soundly. Mom comes and sinks into the space by my feet, at the end of the couch.

"Well," she sighs, putting down her tea and picking up her laptop. "I've been lookin' around Cambridge and I think the west end of the town looks alright. Found a few places near Brattle Street."

I sit up, crossing my legs and looking at her screen.

"You wanna buy a place?"

"Might as well invest in some real estate," she replies, clicking. "You'll be there for several years."

I chew my top lip, not saying anything. I don't like to think of it in terms of years like that…it still seems crazy. Not that I'd change my mind, I just mean I'm trying to process the entire situation slowly. The first step was not backing down when Mom was flipping out. Now I just have to think about all of the other stuff.

"So what about Axel?" Mom asks carefully, looking at the screen, trying to make it sound nonchalant.

"Mm," I hum. "He…applied too."

She's only a little surprised. "When?"

"After my letter came," I reply.

"I suppose I expected that," she says, a slight smile in her voice. "Their School of Engineering up there is apparently incredible."

I watch as she clicks on some condo links.

"Yeah," I say. "Those Masons and their science."

"How's Atticus doing at Princeton?" she asks, looking through the photos of a really nice place.

"When is a Mason ever not great?" I reply. "He's going to stay there and do graduate studies and get his masters in Computer Science."

"Well, I guess it's nice knowin' you're only four or so hours away from him," she says.

She's talking in definite terms now…'you're' instead of 'you would be', and whatever. But she still looks like she's really trying to sound happy about it. I guess we've got about eight months to prepare ourselves.

"And where would Axel plan on livin'?" Mom asks.

I shrug. "I assume he'd just have a place off-campus. The Masons just pay Atticus' rent in Princeton. He didn't want to live in a dorm, either."

"Well at least I know Jessica's been down this road before," Mom replies, referring to Mrs Mason.

She gives me a small smile.

"What are we looking at?" Dad asks, coming into the living room with his coffee; still wearing sweats and a t-shirt, his hair messy from sleep.

"Real estate," Mom replies.

He smiles at me, but it's the kind of smile your dad gives you when he gets another hard dose of the reality of his kid growing up. I recognize the look. I just smile back and look at the computer screen again.

"Well, I suppose we'll have to go up there and have a look," Mom tells Dad. "Find the right place and get it all settled."

"Are you sure you want to buy?" I ask.

"Rent's a waste of money," Mom replies. "I'd rather know that you were safe, in a stable place that someone can't suddenly decide to change living terms on. Maybe I'll talk to Jessica, though. See where she found Atticus' apartment and what she's plannin' to do with Axel."

"What about Axel?" Dad asks.

Mom and I are quiet for a moment, wondering what he means.

"Well he's gonna need a place, too," Mom replies.

"Axel's going too?" Dad asks, surprised.

"Well…he applied," I reply.

"And he'd be living at his own apartment," Dad reiterates.

"Yes," I nod, as Mom says, "Obviously."

"Good," Dad replies, looking stern.

"Oh come on, Dad," I chuckle, getting up from the couch. "I just dropped the out-of-state-university bomb on you. I'll give you some time before the live-in-boyfriend one gets deployed."

"Sounds good," he replies dryly. "Should take about 10 years."

I shake my head, laughing softly.

"I'm going to shower," I say, heading upstairs.


My birthday comes up quicker than I expected, because I'm so immersed in school all the time. It falls on a Saturday, and Axel has a big party planned for that night. When I go downstairs, Mom's eyes are red-rimmed; a look Dad and I have kind of gotten used to, but still hate to see. Except today it's not because Dad said or did something stupid, or because she burned toast or something. Today it's all me.

"There she is," Dad smiles, looking up from his paper. "Happy birthday, honey."

He stands up and kisses me, giving me a hug.

"Thanks," I smile.

He grins when he releases me, pulling out my chair at the table, where several gifts fill the space where a plate and utensils should be.

"Geez, you guys," I say, running a hand through my still-messy hair. "You get miffed when I buy birthday gifts, yet you fill my spot at the table like I'm Michelle Obama."

"Well this isn't just another birthday," Dad smiles, sitting down.

"I guess not, huh?" I sigh. Eighteen. I don't even know if I feel 18. I just feel the way I usually feel.

"Happy birthday, baby," Mom hugs me, kissing my cheek.

"Thanks, Mom," I reply softly, not acknowledging her red eyes, because she'll just hate if I do.

She smiles, setting juice on the table.

"You want some toast?" she asks, walking over and buttering some.

"Actually, I'm not that hungry yet," I reply, rubbing my stomach. She doesn't get offended.

"You okay?" Dad asks, scrutinizing me with his doctor eyes.

"Yeah, just nervous I guess," I shrug, sitting down.

"About what?"

I raise my brow and let out a breathy laugh. "Lately, everything."

Mom runs a hand over my hair as she passes me and sits at the table, passing toast to Dad.

"Well open your presents," Dad replies. "That'll calm your nerves. For a bit."

I take the large one he nudges forward and start to unwrap it.

They spoil me, as usual, with clothes and a new bag and shoes. But there's a small bag that Mom doesn't put on the table until all of the others are unwrapped.

"You guys," I say, taking the bag.

"Just open it," Dad grins.

I pull out a jewelry box and open it to find a white gold ring with three coloured diamonds, amethyst, aquamarine and a regular diamond; our three birthstones. I look up at them, beaming.

"You guys, it's beautiful."

They smile happily, but now both of them are glassy eyed.

"I have so much bling now," I say, slipping the ring onto the ring finger of my right hand, right in front of Jamie's sweet 16 ring that I always wear.

"Maybe slip one onto the other hand so guys think you're engaged. That way they'll leave you alone," Dad puts in.

"Fat chance," Mom replies, but smiles at me when I look at her, curious about her unhappy tone.

"I'm sure Axel will take care of that for you guys," I say.

I get up and go to kiss and hug them.

"Thank you," I say. "I love it. I love everything. You guys spoiled me rotten."

"Ah, you deserve it, honey," Dad grins. "You had a perfect semester, and you work harder than anyone."

I grin, flushing red.

"Go on and get dressed," Mom says. "We have to be at Addison's by 2:00."