A/N: Let's take it back to Bella, and see what's been going on with her since she ran away.

It's extra long, because I couldn't break this into parts, it needed to be all in one chapter. Bonus for you!


Bella's POV

I was numb in the taxi all the way to Sea-Tac, my tears falling silently.

I was numb on the plane to Chicago, and the tears didn't stop falling.

I was numb on the plane from Chicago to New York, but the tears had stopped, perhaps from dehydration.

I was numb in the taxi to my brownstone.

Once I was inside, with the door locked behind me, the numbness wore off.

I sat on the floor, my back to the door and cried. The pain locked in my chest wouldn't shake loose, no matter how loudly I wailed.

What had I done?

Why had I left? Injured pride? I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life. But it was done, and I was going to have to lie in this bed of thorns I had made.

When the storm of weeping began to subside, a small bit of the numbness crept back. That numbness made it possible to move, get to my feet, drag my suitcase up the stairs to my bedroom.

The numbness could not, however, make me forget that I had walked away from the only man I had ever loved.

I tossed my bag on the chest at the foot of my bed and collapsed onto my pillows. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, from the trip and from what I had done. I kept my phone clutched in my hand, waffling over whether to call him or not. I don't recall making a conscious decision to sleep, but after a slew of horrifying, agonizing dreams, I woke up completely unrefreshed, my face wet with tears, my fingers cramped from being wrapped around my phone all night. Before passing out, I had been thinking about just... calling Edward. But now, after being away from him for so many hours, and not even a phone call from him, my heart cracked a bit more.

At first, I avoided the parlor, afraid of the pain of seeing my Gran's piano, remembering how Edward had brought it to life. Before the first day home was over, I couldn't stay away. I found myself sitting on the bench, opening the fall board and lightly touching the keys. The same keys my Edward had touched. No, not my Edward. I had thrown that away. And with every hour that passed with no call from him, that point was hammered deeper into my broken heart. If he cared that I had left, he would have called... right? I had to accept that he was fine with my absence, as painful as that thought was.

Day bled into night. I had no appetite, so tea with honey sustained me. I spent my time either sitting at the piano, remembering, or curled up in the window seat, dozing... and remembering. I didn't return to my bed, for fear of the nightmares, but I wasn't immune in my window nook, either. I lost count of the times I jerked awake, feeling Edwards touch on my face, or crying out his name as he walked away from me in my dream.

Night faded into day. I wondered what he was doing right at that minute. Was he playing his piano? Hunting, perhaps? Playing video games with his brothers, happy that he was no longer burdened with the clumsy human? I choked back a sob. I had really thought he loved me. Was that on me, for being so gullible, or on him for being such a good actor? For him to be okay with watching me age and go deaf and blind, and then... die? How was that love? He was worried about heaven and hell and what happens after death, and yet not what was going on in my actual life now. I couldn't fathom it.

And I couldn't abide it.

Day transitioned into night. I started feeling shaky, and realized that I hadn't eaten since the night before leaving... him. I found a package of cookies and choked a few down, to boost my blood sugar. They sat like lead in my stomach. I took to wandering my own house like a wraith. Maybe I'd waste away here, still wandering, and then haunt this building forever. I barked a short laugh. That would be a hell of a forever; haunting my house into eternity, frightening the new owners. I'd make sure not to frighten the children; I wasn't a monster, after all.

Night rolled back into day. I realized that my hair was lank and greasy, and I could smell myself. I was still wearing the same clothes that I had put on the morning that I left him. I dug my toiletry bag out of my suitcase, mentally chastising myself for not even bothering to unpack. I took a shower, combed out my hair and dragged on a pair of faded jeans and a thermal shirt. I didn't really care what I looked like. Why bother, when my insides were so... ripped and ugly.

I resolved to stop carrying my phone everywhere I went. What was the point? And yet... I still moved it from room to room, always keeping it in sight. I thought I no longer had any hope that he cared, but I was wrong. I was no longer able to say his name, even in my head. It hurt too much.

I was back in my window seat, watching life happen outside on the sidewalk. With a new cup of tea in my hands, and my phone, my silent, unringing phone nearby, I settled in to waste more time. Maybe I would doze off, and not dream of him. That would have been great, for a change.

I was vaguely wondering if I would ever be able to resume life when my phone rang. Luckily there wasn't much tea left in my cup, because I dropped it when the ringing sounded loud in my ears.

With shaky fingers, I snatched it up. I saw that it was Alice, and I was simultaneously relieved and disappointed; someone from the family was calling me, but it wasn't him.

I answered hesitantly, "Alice?"

"Hi honey. How are you?"

I suppressed a sarcastic huff, "I'm home. I'm surviving. How are... things... there?" How is he? Does he miss me? Has he mentioned me?

"Not good. We all miss you so much. All of us. It's just not the same around here."

Maybe he... "Is... he... oh god, Alice. Is he okay?"

"No, he is most definitely not okay. Why don't you call him? Maybe..."

Why didn't he call me? "No. He made his feelings clear, Ali. He doesn't want forever with me. And when I'm completely deaf, and then I go blind... I won't limit him like that. He doesn't need that sort of thing to complicate his life. It's better this way." Better for him, of course. Me? Not so much.

"Wait, that's why you left? He seems to be under the impression that you left because he wouldn't make you immortal. That you don't want him for himself, only for the immortality."

I gasped, "Well, I can't help what he wants to tell himself. If he can't believe that I really love him-" I couldn't finish the sentence. "I just couldn't deal with the fact that he could be happy with just a few years together, blind and deaf years, when we could have had... forever."

"Oh Bella. Sweety, listen, Rosalie and I can come there, rent a place up in the Catskills, and change you. You don't need him to-"

"No! I don't want that without him, and he obviously doesn't want me enough to change me. He hasn't called me, or come after me. That speaks volumes." I couldn't hold back my sobs.

"If you guys could just talk-"

I couldn't take any more, "Look, Alice, I have to go. Give the family my love. I miss you guys. I love you Al."

I ended the call before she could say anything else.

I walked on stiff, unfeeling legs to the hall table and plugged my phone in to charge. It was obvious that he wouldn't be calling me. The only one that seemed to care was Alice, bless her, but it wasn't enough. The final spark in my heart died. I made it as far as the parlor before I sank to my knees, hopelessness washing over me, drowning me. I curled into a ball on the rug, letting grief carry me away to a place inside myself, a tiny, dark room in my soul reserved for the deepest pain.

Day dissolved into night, and still I stayed curled in on myself, hugging my knees to my chest, fists clenched in my hair.

I must have slept, because he was standing in front of me, his eyes as cold as ice, his beautiful mouth curled into a derisive smirk. "You're human, Bella. Of course I don't want you. Look at me. I'm meant for better than you."

I jerked awake and realized that my phone was ringing in the hall. I knew it couldn't be him, it must be Alice again, and I was in no condition to be strong enough to- I just couldn't deal with her right now. The ringing stopped.

The sun wasn't even up yet, but the darkness had started to fade, so I knew sunrise wasn't far away. My phone gave me a voicemail alert, and I trudged wearily to find out what she had to say that would further destroy me.

When I pressed the button to light up the screen on my phone, a jolt went through me when I saw who had called.

Edward.

And he had left me a message.

I almost rushed to listen, but paused; what if he was calling to make sure I knew that it was over? I couldn't stop the cry that left my lips.

Only one way to find out. I gritted my teeth and with a trembling finger I pressed the little envelope icon and raised the phone to my ear.

"You have one new message. First new message."

"Bella... Sweetheart, it's Edward. I need... Baby, please, I love you. I love you so much. I'm so, so sorry about... the other day. Please... I'm in New York. I'm coming to you. I do want forever with you. I really do. I'll change you whenever you ask. Just... answer the door when I get there. I can't live without you. I-"

"End of messages. To repeat this message, press-"

I ended the call, stunned. He was here. He was in New York. He was coming for me. He... oh god, he loved me! He wanted forever with me! I almost wept with joy.

Edward was coming!

I threw the phone back down on the table and raced to the front door, only barely remembering to disarm the alarm before throwing the locks and running outside. The street was quiet, the paper hadn't even been delivered yet, and it was too early for the dog walkers. I stood on the top step for a moment, then ran down the steps to the sidewalk. I was barefoot, in old worn-out jeans and a shirt, no bra, hair everywhere, but I didn't care. My Edward was coming.

Edward loved me!

I turned toward the direction he would be coming from, the airport, I was sure. I fought to control my breathing, wringing my hands together, touching the finger where his ring should be over and over. My arms actually ached to hold him.

What would he be driving? Oh why didn't I answer the phone? How far away had he been when he called? When would he-

I didn't see the van until it was nearly on top of me. I had no time to react. I felt it hit me, and everything went black.

I awoke in hell.

Well, I thought it was hell. I was burning inside and out. What horrible thing had I done to deserve hell? This was no ordinary flame, no; it was a raging inferno, as if my blood were an accelerant. Every inch of my body was being consumed by a white hot fire. I imagined that my hair must be burned away, my skin blistering and splitting. I held myself perfectly still, uttering not a sound. If I was going to be incinerated, satan would get no enjoyment from watching me suffer.

After awhile, I imagined that I could feel cool touches. That wasn't possible, was it? Then cold lips were pressed to my face, over and over, and then I could smell him. I could smell my Edward. Was he in hell with me? Had he killed himself to follow me? It comforted me to know that we would be together, but I hated that he was here, burning with me. I wanted to cry out, beg the devil to reconsider punishing my beautiful vampire. It wasn't his fault! He didn't deserve this torment!

Words began to penetrate my consciousness. My Edward's voice, murmuring to me, "I'm here, sweet girl. You're going to be okay. It won't hurt for much longer. Bella, I love you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry I didn't get to you in time..."

Could he be right? Was I going to be okay? I couldn't see how, with this fire burning me incessantly. My fingers must be ash by now.

And why did it feel like we were moving?

I heard Emmett's voice as well, from time to time. So no, I wasn't in hell. Was I changing? Had Edward bitten me after all? He meant what he said on the voicemail, then? I was becoming like him. I was becoming a vampire.

I still refused to move or voice my agony. It would hurt my sweetheart so bad to see me suffer.

At about the same time I felt the burn beginning to lessen in my fingers and toes, I also felt the vehicle we were in come to a stop. Voices... Carlisle! I felt myself lifted and moved as the voices swirled around me, hushed, almost reverent.

I felt touches on my skin again, my arms, my forehead, but they were no longer cool. Someone embraced me; Edward. The fire was contracting toward my center, my hands and feet feeling so much better, but my chest felt exponentially hotter, as if the combustible materials were used up there, and the fire sought it's last fuel; my heart.

My heart slowed, slowed, thumped heavily, pumped sluggishly. The fire collapsed in upon itself in my chest. My arms and legs no longer burned, sweet relief!

The fire faded, faded, and then with a final thump, my heart just... stopped.

I worried for a moment that I was dead, but I didn't feel dead. I could feel the fabric beneath me, I could feel the dust in the air as it touched my skin. I could smell...

My eyes snapped open. I saw a surface with a myriad of cracks. A ceiling, of course. The ceiling in Edward's room. Why had I never noticed all of those cracks?

Oh. Vampire. Wow, I could really see!

I sat up, and before me was a world of wondrous sights, and that wasn't counting what was on the other side of the window in front of me. Every detail was in sharp relief, every color made up of a million shades. It was nearly overwhelming. I crept to the window to see the world outside, and was captured by my own image. I was in a dress I'd never seen before, and I could see each individual thread in the cotton, every tiny imperfection, every slub in the fabric.

My attention turned to my own body. I took in my new, more womanly curves, the paleness of my skin, my hair looked fuller, more lustrous, longer, even. Nice. I raised my hand to the sunbeam falling on me, and marveled at the sparkling beauty.

I heard my name whispered behind me, and I realized I wasn't alone. I spun around and there stood a tall male, and another male was in the doorway. But something about the one closer to me... pulled me. His face broke out into the most beautiful smile... Edward! This was Edward, my... my mate! The other male held no importance to me at that moment, my full concentration was on my gorgeous mate. Before I was even aware of it, I was moving toward him. I knew I was moving fast, but I was able to process everything as if time were moving slower than normal. I saw his smile falter, and his eyes held... fear? I only knew that I had to get to him. I had to touch him. Now.

I underestimated my strength and speed. His arms reached to catch me- and we were flying. The wall never stood a chance, and we punched through it like it was tissue paper. We landed in the hall, Edward on his back with a stunned expression on his beautiful face, me sprawled on top of him, the only sound was the falling of bits of the wrecked wall, and then the creak of a broken two-by-four as it swung from loose nails from the ceiling joist.

I stared down at Edward in horror, "Mom is going to kill me."

A sound from the direction of the stairs caught my attention. There stood the whole family in silent and shocked witness to my humiliation.

All except for Emmett, who still hadn't stopped giggling.


E/N: Aww, she's not mad at all! Tell me what you thought about the dark glimpse into Bella's angst, please! Your reviews make me as happy as a fat kid in a bakery.