Author: Raven Shadowrose

Title: To Catch a Falling Star

Rating: M

Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?

Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.

A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)

Thank you to MrsJeffreyCollier and sparkles and rainbows for your reviews. I really am sorry that it took so long for me to update, moving into a new flat is tough and very stressful.


Chapter Fifty-Six... Cynthia 'Cyd' Pyke.

I remember the beginning of this year very clearly, my friends and I were all happy for different reasons, we all had good things and people in our lives. I had been to visit my family during the holidays and I'd had a good time with them all, I had some new photos from the recent visit to add to the ones that are in my home. I was also happy that I was able to return to Holby and do the job that I love. I couldn't wait to catch up with my friends after being away from them for a while. I missed my family after I returned to Holby, I always do when I have to leave them. I know that I can go and visit them when I need to, Dixie gives me time off when I want to visit everyone. My family will always welcome me home, it always feels like I've not been away from them. I am grateful that I have a family to go home to and be with whenever I miss my family and the country that I grew up in.

Hannah and Dixie were still very much in love with each other and the beautiful children that had been born from their love. I know that they love each other very much, it is all in the way they hug each other and smile when they see each other. I am glad that Dixie has someone like Hannah; I can see that she loves Dixie and wants the best for her. Motherhood has been good for Dixie, she's always wanted to have children of her own. I see how happy being a mum to the twins makes Dixie, she always smiles when she talks about them. I know that Dixie is grateful to Hannah for her love and for carrying the twins for her. I am grateful to Hannah too, she has made Dixie very happy and given her the love that she deserves.

Jeff had just come back from his weekend away with Emilie, I could tell by his smile that it had gone well. He had asked us all to help him plan the weekend away, we sat together in between shouts and helped him to pick a nice hotel. I remember hearing Jeff singing to himself as he checked the ambulance before the shift, he only ever does that when he is really happy. I smile to myself as I remember Dixie teasing Jeff about his daydreaming during the briefing, it was obvious to me that she was very happy for Jeff. She has always wanted Jeff to find someone that would make him happy after everything that happened with Lucy.

Polly was happy too, she had spent half of the holidays with Jeff and Emilie and the other half with Dixie, Hannah, and the twins. She'd told me all about it just after I had returned from Ireland. It was obvious that Polly had enjoyed looking after the twins and spending time with the people that she loves the most. Polly always refers to us as her family, she says that having us around her more than makes up for the family that abandoned her. She has often talked to me about how she thinks of Dixie as her mum and Jeff as her dad, I know that she loves them and they love her too. I am glad that Polly thinks of us as her family and that being with us makes her happy.

Thinking about the days when we were happy has made me realise that we had no idea of the events that were about to happen. We had no idea that somewhere in Holby there was a young person out there who was about to do something terrible. I wonder how long he had been planning what he was going to do in the college. How many hours had he sat in his room and thought about how he would execute his plan? I wonder what his motives were, what caused him to do what he did? Was it revenge for something that someone had done to him? I don't think we'll ever find out why he decided to take such drastic measures against the people he thought had wronged him. Did he intend to make it out alive, or was he planning to have his life end in that way. Did he think about the other people that have been affected by what he did? Did he think of his family and how they would feel about losing their son? Did he think about those families that have lost a loved one because of his actions? I have thought about all of these questions in the months that have followed since the day we all went into the college to help those that needed us.

I remember treating what seemed like an endless line of people that had been injured, some of them had been hurt more than others. I looked around at my colleagues, I saw that some of them were feeling emotional about having to treat so many young people. Some of the students were in a bad way, I wasn't sure how many of them would live to see the end of the day. I watched some of the staff from the police and the other paramedics hugging each other whenever it was needed. I knew how tough it was for them, because I was feeling exactly the same way as they were. Dixie gave me a hug when I had finished treating one of my patients, I could tell that she needed the hug just as much as I did. I knew that she was worried about Jeff and Polly being inside the college, she hadn't wanted to send them in there. I saw Dixie looking over at the entrance of the college every so often, she was hoping that Jeff and Polly would be out of harms way as soon as possible. I felt the same way as Dixie, I didn't want Jeff or Polly to get hurt, I hoped that they would both come out safely from the college.

Hearing the gunshots and then someone scream inside the college made me jump, it sounded as though someone else had been shot. Everything went silent and I looked at Dixie, I saw the worry on her face, she looked as though she wanted to run into the building to make sure that Jeff and Polly were safe. I also saw her look at Hannah, she was torn between staying near her wife and checking on our friends. I think that Dixie would have gone inside had Jeff not walked out of the college with Polly in his arms. I closed my eyes and I opened them again, I had hoped that I would have ended up seeing something different when I opened them. Jeff looked as though he was in shock, he had gone very pale and he looked as though he was just about keeping it together.

My memories of what I did to treat Polly are still very hazy, Hannah was the first person to react, I saw her wheel a trolley over to Jeff and Polly. I followed her because I wasn't sure what else to do. Dixie was trying to encourage Jeff to let us help Polly, I saw the pain and shock on Jeff's face, I knew that he was already suffering because of what had happened inside the college. Dixie came over and she asked if we were all right treating Polly, I let Hannah answer her, I was trying to stay strong for Polly and be there to support her. I knew that she was injured badly and that she could die. I knew that if I said anything to Dixie then I would have started crying. I heard Hannah tell Dixie to go to Jeff, I heard the wavering in her voice and I knew that she was struggling to keep her emotions in check as she treated our friend. I heard her promise Polly that she wouldn't let her die, I hoped that Hannah was right and we would be able to save Polly's life.

I remember all of the times that I cried following the shootings at the college, remembering some of the students that I had treated was enough to make me cry. I sometimes thought of the ones that had died from their injuries, I sometimes thought of Polly and how she was lying in a hospital bed in a coma. I went over every detail of the treatment Hannah and I had given Polly, could we have done something differently, could we have been faster? I realised that I wasn't coping too well, I realised that I needed to talk to someone. It took me a few hours to find the courage to ask Dixie to make me an appointment with the counsellor. I was worried that he would tell me that I had to stop working, or that he would tell me I was going mad. I was relieved when Dixie told me that she was struggling too, that she understood how I was feeling. She helped me to see that I wasn't going mad, that I just needed to talk through how I was feeling with someone.

Ben helped me a lot, he let me talk, he listened to me when I needed him to. Talking to Ben gave me a different perspective on everything that I had done at the college. He helped me to see that I had done the best I could for all of my patients. I am glad that I found the courage to talk to Ben and let him help me. Having someone listen to me without judging me made me feel better about everything. I sometimes talked to Dixie too, she was always there for me if I needed to talk. There were times when Dixie needed to talk to someone, she was worried that she had let Polly down because she hadn't been able to protect her. Dixie was also worried about Hannah, that she might blame her for sending Polly into the building into the first place. I knew that Dixie was really worried that Hannah would leave her, that she might stop loving her. I reassured Dixie that Hannah wouldn't stop loving her, that their relationship was too strong for that to happen.

Jeff was the one person that Dixie struggled to talk about, I saw her lose a little bit more hope each time he pushed her away or got angry at her. I saw how Jeff's mood was affecting everyone around him. It was clear to me that he was suffering with a lot of guilt, he blamed himself for Polly getting hurt. I wasn't sure how long he could go on the way that he was doing, it was obvious to me that he was about to self destruct. I saw Emilie a few weeks after the shootings had happened, she looked exhausted, she looked as though she was just about holding on. I felt for her, I knew that she was still in love with Jeff, I could see it in her eyes. I saw how much pain she was in, how trying to help Jeff was slowly getting the better of her. I knew that she wouldn't give up on him, that she wouldn't stop trying to help him no matter how often he pushed her away. I wondered if Jeff would give in and accept the help he needed before Emilie was too tired to carry on. I hoped that Jeff and Emilie would make it through everything, I knew that it would have hurt them both if their relationship had ended.

Everyone had tried their hardest to convince Jeff to talk to Ben, he ignored the advice he was given and he snapped at people so much that they started to leave him alone. I knew that being alone was not what Jeff needed, he needed people around him to support him. I remember the day that he went up to the roof, I had been working with Hannah and we had just dropped off a patient. I happened to look up at the roof and I saw him stood there, I wasn't sure what to do, there could only be one reason that he was up there. Hannah saw where I was looking and she asked me to call Emilie while she went to see Dixie. I picked up the phone and called Emilie, I tried to break the news to her as gently as possible. I heard her trying to keep herself from crying as she talked to me, I knew that she was fighting a losing battle, her tears were evident in her voice. I really felt for Emilie, she was facing losing someone she loved. I hoped that she would get to Holby in time and she would be able to convince Jeff to come away from the edge of the roof. I hoped that she would be able to convince him to think twice about ending his life.

I don't know what happened or what Emilie said to Jeff to get him down, I know that it must have been very emotional for everyone that was involved. I saw Dixie, Jeff, and Emilie coming away from the roof, I was relieved that Emilie and Dixie had managed to get Jeff down. I saw that all three of them had been crying, Jeff was holding onto Emilie and Dixie as though he needed them to keep him standing upright. I saw Emilie look at me, she gave me a small smile and I heard her whisper the words thank you to me. I wasn't sure what she was thanking me for, it was only afterwards that I found out she was thanking me for phoning her. I felt like I played such a small part in it all, yet Emilie took the time to thank me for what I had done. I hoped that Jeff would seek out the help that he needed, that he would start making progress and get better.

I spent a lot of time with Polly when she was in her coma, I talked to her a few times but I mostly read to her. I know that Polly loves her books and reading, she always has a book with her and is always reading. I knew some of her favourite books so I started bringing some of them with me. I always made sure that I finished the chapter before I left at the end of visiting time. Polly told me that she remembered me reading to her and that she appreciated it. I am glad that she appreciated me reading to her, I hoped that it made her feel a bit better when she was still in her coma. I think that it must have been hard for her to be in the coma and not be able to talk to us or let us know that she could hear us. I was by Polly's side when she started to wake up, I was glad that I had some good news for my friends at long last.

Waiting to find out if Polly was paralysed or not was hard, I wondered if something I had done during treatment might have contributed to her not being able to walk again. I knew that Hannah felt the same, we had talked plenty of times after working together to treat Polly. I understood how Hannah felt, I shared her feelings, we were both worried about the same things. I was glad that I had someone to talk to that had been there with me, it helped me to realise that I had done the best I could for Polly. I was happy when the doctor told us that Polly would be able to walk again, everyone was relieved that Polly was going to be all right. I saw how relieved Jeff looked, he was also nervous, he hadn't seen Polly since he had gone to visit her when he was at his lowest. I could tell that he was nervous about seeing her and worried that she would remember what he said to her. I saw that Emilie was determined to take Jeff to see Polly, I admired her strength and determination to get Jeff through the darkest days he has ever faced.

Polly worked hard to get back to work, I saw her several times, both in hospital and out of it. I saw how much progress she made and was glad to see her when she came back to work. Dixie was very angry that the trust had made her do a report on Polly for them. She felt as if they didn't trust her judgement, as if they didn't believe that Polly was ready to be back at work. I think she was also worried that Polly would think she didn't think she was ready to be back. Dixie cares deeply for us all, it would hurt her to think that we thought badly of her. I felt for Dixie, the trust had put her in an impossible position. If she didn't do the report then the trust wouldn't let Polly come back to work, if she did the report then Polly might think she didn't trust her. I saw that Dixie wanted Polly to know that she had confidence in her, that she believed in her. I also saw how relieved Dixie was when Polly understood that Dixie had to do the report and that she trusted her skills.

Everything we have been through has made me appreciate the happy days and my friends being healthy and safe. I am grateful for the fact that we have made it through the bad times and we are still together. I count all of the blessings that I have in my life, there are plenty of them. Jack is the latest blessing in my life, he likes me and I like him too. We have been out plenty of times and he has treated me like a lady every time. We make time to see each other when our shifts allow it, he always picks me up and sees me safely home again. I like being part of a couple again, Jack makes me happy and I know that he feels the same way. I hope that we will be together for a long time to come, that the relationship we have with each other will last.

I have been watching all of my colleagues walking about as I have been thinking about them, all of my friends have passed by me at one time or another. They have all been coming and going to and from shouts or having their breaks. I look up as I see a shadow fall over me, Dixie is stood in front of me and she smiles when I look at her. 'You look lost in thought Cyd.'

'I was.' Dixie sat next to me and she put her hands on top of her knees.

'So what were you thinking about?'

'I was thinking about everyone.'

'Oh, were you?'

'Yeah, I was thinking about all of the bad and good times that we've had to face since the beginning of the year.'

'There have been plenty of both good and bad times.'

'I know, we made it through, we're all together.'

'We are, I am so glad that everything has turned out all right for us.'

'As am I. As long as we stick together then we'll be fine.'

'How is everything going with Jack, is he looking after you?'

'He is.'

'Good, he had better keep on doing that, if not then I will come and find him.'

'He knows, he will be on his best behaviour.'

'I should hope so too.' I smiled at Dixie, I know that she has my best interests at heart, just as she does for all of the people that she cares about.

I sit next to Dixie in silence, it is comfortable, she is my best friend and she takes care of me. We don't need to talk all of the time when we're together. I look again at all of the people that I call my friends, we have come through so much together. We have faced some of the worst times when we had to go into Holby College, I think that we have come out of them much stronger than we were. I am glad that everyone is back at work and our friendship is closer than ever. I have a good group of friends around me and I am grateful for each and every one of them. I really hope that we will all be happy for the rest of our lives.