Holding On

A/N: Hey guys we are back! Sorry we kept you waiting for this next one for too long, we hope it makes it up though, enjoy!

Chapter 52

Sarah hated keeping secrets. And she wasn't entirely sure why she was doing it today but it happened without much thought.

A letter arrived for her in the post. From Baylor University.

Jason had just woken up, and was already going through lists of dogs names and she was suddenly terrified of what was in the letter.

If she got in, she would be disappointing some of the most important people in her life,Connor and Jason.

If she got rejected, then she would disappoint her Mom and it would be disappointing herself too.

Even if she wasn't sure she even wanted to go, she did have the hope in the back in her mind that she might be good enough to get in.

And the letter contained the answer. She couldn't open it. Not yet.

So she stashed in her bag that she was bringing to her first shift at Molly's. Otherwise her Mom might find it at home.

Connor looked tired when he picked her up for work. He had been up half the night with Natalie and Owen. He was learning that babies could cry. A lot.

She was nervous. Butterflies wreaking havoc in her stomach. Her first job.

School, she could do. Work? She wasn't sure.

She was introverted which wouldn't really go with the busy diner. And she was worried she wouldn't be able to memorise all the steps and roles without a textbook and notebook.

"You'll do great you know." Connor squeezed her hand. "Herrmann is a great boss and we'll all help you out."

"Thanks." She smiled shyly at him, he could read her mind that much she knew, which also told her she couldn't keep the letter hidden from him for long.

"Right on time Sarah, looks like it's going to be a slow day and Connor here has offered to work with you so you can get the hang of it fast." Sarah looked at her boyfriend, even exhausted, he was always there for her. "

Connor, you should go home." Sarah insisted as he helped her tie her apron.

"On your first day? I promised you and Chris to teach you,didn't I?" He said charmingly.

"I love you. She replied. He leaned to kiss her softly, thankfully they were still in the back.

"No smooching on work hours, let's go kiddos." Chris called startling both as they turned to the front of the diner and got to work.

The day went by pretty quickly and by now, Sarah was used to the regulars who seemed to be keen on helping the kids out on their summer jobs and would given them extra tips, even Connor slipped some of his own into the jar for Sarah and the others working the day, it was almost afternoon when Henry showed up.

"So, how's it going?" He asked, putting on an apron and his usual notepad.

"Well you know Sarah, she's got the hang of it already." Connor said with a tired smile.

"How long has it been since you slept?" Henry mused.

"Not sure. Nat is going home tomorrow morning though." Connor said leaning against the counter and running a finger through his hair.

"Oh, yeah she told me and also that you brought her a milkshake. You apologized, did you?"

"Yeah and drove Will over to the hospital."

Henry stopped in his tracks. "Wait, what?"

"He didn't want to see her Henry, I mean, should that be the guy to be Owen's Godfather?"

Henry sighed. "I'm guessing he's just trying to process the fact that his relationship with Nat has changed forever."

"Son, I thought that was you. Get to work then, Connor bud, go home, you look terrible." Chris mused at him. Connor rolled his eyes as he went to ask Sarah if she was ready to go home.

"Sarah?" He thought she had jumped to the sound of his voice, she turned to look at him with her bag to her shoulder. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" She said quickly kissing his cheek and pulling him into the front of the diner as they said their goodbyes to Henry and the others, promising to be there the next morning to support Natalie.

The drive to her house was quiet as both of them seemed to be tired, he walked her to the door though and kissed her goodbye.

Sarah pulled the letter from her bag as soon as she said goodnight to her Mom and Jason after a quick dinner, her hand tracing the seal on the letter. She was thankful most universities still sent them on paper because if she had received an email, her curiosity would surely taken the best of her.

She fell asleep with the letter beside her on the pillow, a million thoughts invading her mind as she finally gave in into exhaustion.


"How cute is Owen?" Emily gushed as she and Sarah left the Manning house after visiting Nat who seemed to have already settled at home the following day. Sarah smiled to herself, Nat had been worried about being overwhelmed but now it seemed she was going to be overwhelmed by all the help and support. Connor and Henry hadn't left her side since she got home. All her siblings wanted to hold the baby. Cindy and Claire helped out keeping the house running and Natalie had been happy to see Emily and talk about the dance, to talk about anything other than how she was doing.

"I know, he's so cute."

"And babies make guys so much more attractive." Emily mulled, smirking at Sarah.

"Okay, I don't know how, but just Connor holding him makes him even more gorgeous." Sarah confessed with a laugh.

Emily fanned herself as they walked, the Chicago summer had begun. "Do you know what's up with Will? Jay said he was cranky for the last few days, I get that Nina broke up with him but then he was with Natalie during her labour?"

"Yeah, it's complicated." Sarah nodded.

"I already love Owen, but talk about bad timing for Manstead huh?" Emily sighed.

"Speaking of bad timing, there's never going to be a good time to tell you this Emily…" Sarah hesitated, slowing her pace.

Emily turned to her, taking off her sunglasses, "What's up?"

"I...well you see, I'm starting my senior year in September." Sarah said in one breath, bracing for Emily's reaction.

Her best friend just broke eye contact and sighed. Then pulled her into a hug.

"Just promise me you won't forget about me because you're moving ahead." Emily asked.

"Of course not, " Sarah promised.

"Then I'm really happy for you. Sarah, you're seriously smart and wonderful and you deserve the opportunity." Emily smiled, "But I'm really going to miss you!"

"I'll still see you in school." Sarah argued.

"It won't be the same, but we'll make it work." Emily decided.

They kept walking, chatting about things, Sarah about Jason and the horses and prospective puppy and Emily about the camp her parents were sending her and Ethan to for the summer.

Sarah lied when Emily asked if she had heard back from Baylor.

"You'll get in, no doubt." Emily told her. "Summer is going to suck though. I didn't want to go to camp but everyone has plans anyway. Monique is visiting her grandparents in Europe, Will is working, Jay will probably live at the ice rink all summer, Gabby is volunteering, Natalie has her baby, you're going to Baylor,"

"Might be." Sarah corrected.

"Uh huh, whatever." Emily rolled her eyes. "It feels like a movie, like this is the summer everyone's lives are going to change you know? Like we'll all be different people in September."

Sarah didn't really see it but her friend liked to dream big. "I guess."

"What's Connor going to do?" Emily asked. He'd told her he wanted to be with his Mom and Natalie as much as possible.

"Ugh, can your boyfriend be any more perfect?"

Sarah didn't think so.

"I can't believe I didn't think of it before, we all need one last hurrah before we leave." Emily stopped in her tracks.

"What are you thinking of?"

"My parents are away on business and this weather is stifling. I think we need a pool party." Emily grinned.

If she didn't know it before, she knew it now, Emily Choi was a force to be reckoned with. She was the reason Sarah found herself by the Choi's pool two days later in the hot sunshine.

Unfortunately her Mom had put her foot down and only let Sarah attend if she wore her one piece bathing suit that was basically a t-shirt and shorts, but then again her Mom was letting her go to a pool party with her boyfriend, so Sarah classified it as a win.

"Do you know what I just realised?" Emily asked, as she sipped on her soda from the sun lounger next to Sarah.

"What's that?" Sarah asked looking up from her phone and the text Connor had just sent her that he was on his way.

"I never noticed that Jay was like...hot." Emily said in hushed tones as she tilted her head and gazed to the pool where Jay was getting out after swimming.

"So...do you like Jay now?" Sarah asked.

Emily scrunched up her nose, "Ugh no, he's like a brother to me, but I kind of see it, why other girls like him." She commented.

Sarah didn't buy it but wouldn't push it, it wasn't the first she'd seen Emily turn weird when talking about Jay. Ever since Erin had left it was like she was seeing him a whole new light.

"Oh, is that Connor?" Emily tried to turn the conversation around, Sarah turned around to see her boyfriend walking their way with a turned back Chicago Cubs cap, dark polo shirt and all ready for the pool, honestly, he could easily pass off as a model.

"Hey guys." He smiled, taking his glasses off.

"Hey." Emily said with a smile. "Here sit, I'll be back" she gave Sarah a knowing glance as she walked over to some other kids that were there.

"Hi." Connor smirked at Sarah. "Sorry I was late. Mom wasn't feeling well." His stare turned dark for a moment.

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, Claire stayed with her." He told her. Sarah nodded. "How exactly did Emily manage this in two days?" He said looking around. "She and my sister seriously have a gift for it."

"I know, it's scary." Sarah said facing him. Connor leaned in to kiss her. "Come here." He moved back and stretched his legs so she could easily fit between them. He kissed her cheek from behind as she settled against him.

Just in that moment Emily had come back and sat beside them. "Are you two up for a swim?"

"Sure, let's go." Sarah smiled as Connor pulled her to her feet and got rid of his shirt.

Sarah felt self conscious all of the sudden of checking out her boyfriend, she wasn't sure she'd seen him with that little clothing before, even if they had been experimenting and moving ahead on bases or whatever.

Connor was tall and skinny but strong from all his years playing hockey. His hair was longer now and it stuck a bit against his forehead in the heat.

"Hey." He said softly with a smirk on his face as he put a finger under her chin to lift her head and catch her eye and pecked her lips.

Flustered, with cheeks that were now officially burning, Sarah grinned, "Hi."

She was now kind of glad of her Mom's insistence, standing within a breath's distance of a shirtless Connor in her swimsuit was an entirely new scenario compared to their usual make out sessions.

"Hey, love birds! Can you check each other out later? You promised me a swim." Emily beckoned with a shout before making a run and jumping into the pool.

Sarah was surprised to see Connor's cheeks slightly reddened too as he took her hand and led her to the pool.

"Hey Sarah." Jay said from where he was taking a seat at the edge. "Connor." He nodded.

"Hi Jay."

"How's Nat doing?" He asked, and Sarah could feel Connor stiffen, as if suspecting Jay to be asking because of Will. But Sarah knew her friend, no matter what happened with his brother, he wasn't going to get involved in arguments that wasn't his place.

"She's home and doing good." Sarah said, "Right?" She asked her boyfriend.

Connor looked from Sarah's stern glance to Jay's ernest expression. "Yeah she's doing good."

"Good, well tell her I was asking for her, not that I can do a lot, but if there's anything I can, tell Natalie to let me know okay?"

"We will." Sarah promised and proceeded to pull Connor away before he could say something along the lines of get your brother to make everything right.

She sat down, dangling her feet in, "It's cold!" She laughed at Emily who had swam over.

"Exactly!" Emily said before reaching up and pulling Sarah in. Sarah reached the surface to see Connor jumping in.

He appeared next to her, water droplets falling from his hair, she reached over to wipe them off his face as he kissed her cheek.

"Halstead, get over here, I'm a third wheel!" Emily called, making Jay laugh and Sarah blush.

She never wanted to be the person to get so caught up with her boyfriend that she neglected her friends, especially her single friends. How many times had she been the third wheel?

Jay hopped into the pool as Sarah splashed Emily. Connor went for a lap of the pool as Emily kept trying to dunk Jay. Sarah laid back and let herself float, the sun shining down letting her mind wonder.

She didn't know how much she needed this little bit of normalcy.

Ethan managed to light the barbeque among the kid infested backyard and Sarah and Emily sat, wrapped in their towels to enjoy their hotdogs.

"This right here is summer." Emily said with a happy sigh.

"It's a good distraction." Connor agreed, with Sarah tucked into his shoulder.

"Gotta go, Nina's arrived and Jay does not look comfortable." Emily said hurriedly, getting up to play distraction in the awkward conversation that was taking place between Nina and Jay by the pool.

"I better get going soon, I told Henry I'd let him go home from Nat duty later and take over." Connor said, finishing off his soda.

"Yeah, me too, I promised my Mom I'd do some chores while she's at work and Jason is with James."

"I can give you a ride home?"

"Sounds great." Sarah smiled.

They said their goodbyes a little while later as the party died down and Emily who was distracted by a deep conversation with Jay, didn't make much of a fuss of it.

Sarah put her loose top and shorts back on over her swimsuit before they made their way to her house. Natalie rang Connor on their way, saying that Jeff was coming over.

He took the hint and slight desperation in her voice that he should probably not drop by. She didn't want to give Jeff any reason to stay away from Owen.

And all of them knew how Jeff was around Connor, Henry or any of Nat's friends who were boys. "I could have stayed longer at the party." He mumbled after he hung up.

"But it's a good thing Jeff is involved." Sarah pointed out.

"Yeah I know." Connor said as he pulled up to her driveway. No cars in sight.

"So…" His voice croaked, "You better get started on those chores huh?"

Sarah's heart started racing in her chest, like the first time she had kissed him. "You could come in for a while, there's not that much to do…" She said quietly.

"You sure?" He asked.

She nodded, keeping her eyes on his.

Her knees felt weak just by looking at him, and she was still sitting down.

And her house was empty.

And their friend had just had a baby plus, they said they would go at their pace. She tried to push that rational thought back into her mind as she unlocked the door and led him inside. But Sarah knew they just weren't exactly sure what that pace was going to be. Standing in the kitchen, she was pretty sure it was the first time she felt an awkwardness between them. Neither needed food or drink since the party but they were trying to keep up pretences.

That she hadn't just invited him in and he hadn't just followed her so they could have time alone together.

"You okay Babe?" He asked, glancing around at the quiet room.

She nodded, biting her lip.

"You want to sit?" She asked.

"No, I'm good." He said.

She let out a giggle and he followed with a nervous laugh.

"C'mhere." He beckoned her over, held out his hand.

She placed her hand in his and he tugged it gently so she was a breath's width away from him.

"Hi." He grinned.

"Hi." She looked at him from under her eyelashes.

He wound his arms around her waist, holding her softly against him and held his forehead against hers.

This was felt safe like they were the only two people in the world.

Like nothing else mattered in that moment. The outside world finally, for a few minutes, had no impact on them.

Then Sarah made a decision, it was time she told him about Baylor, so she leaned up to kiss him."I need to show you something." Connor raised an eyebrow as she pulled apart and moved to grab the small bag she had taken to the party. She took the letter out and with her back to Connor, she sighed, turning around after a moment. "This arrived a few days ago, but I haven't opened it."

Connor searched her eyes but after just a moment, he understood. "Baylor?"

Sarah nodded. "Yeah, I'm just a little nervous."

"I could open it if you want?" He offered with a warm smile, moving closer to her.

"Please?" He took it from her and slowly ripped it open. "What?" He hadn't even unfolded the paper.

"Just know that whatever happens Sarah, you are the smartest person I know and I love you."

Sarah grinned. He began to scan the paper with his eyes and then a smile crept into his face as he read.

Dear Sarah,

We were incredibly impressed by your application and are looking forward to welcome you to our Houston Baylor University program for undergraduates , starting July 7 and ending August 25.

"Sarah, you got in." Connor spoke after a moment, while she tried to process his words, before she could register anything, Connor was inches from her. "Sarah?"

"I got in." She almost whispered.

"Yep, you did, I told you you would." He smirked. Sarah bit her lip and Connor worried for a moment that maybe she was having second thoughts, but then she wrapped him in a hug, they stayed like that for a moment. "Congratulations babe."

"Thank you. I really didn't think I'd get in."

"You don't give yourself enough credit to how smart you are." Connor beamed, brushing her cheek with his finger.

"Thank you for always believing in me." She beamed at him. "I love you."

"I love you too." Sarah leaned to kiss him first, tenderly.

He responded slowly as if they had all the time in the world and he was trying to memorise her.

Then her hands reached up to the back of his head and the kiss became urgent. He gripped her waist as if he was afraid she was going to disappear in front of him.

Even if her knees were weak, he wasn't going to let her fall. She somehow managed to lean forward so much he had to take a step back and bumped into the table behind him.

He pulled away for a split second, looking down at her.

"Do you trust me?" He asked, his voice hoarse.

"Of course." She replied instantly.

The letter long forgotten.


His sweet smile was all she saw before her world spun as he twirled her around in his arms. She was left breathless by him pulling her even closer to him. The table was now pressing at her lower back and Connor's two hands on either side of her resting on the table.

He placed his hand on the back of her neck and pulled in to kiss her deeply. Once he was happy she wasn't letting go of him anytime soon he moved his hands away. She shivered as he trailed them from the back of her head down her spine and around her hips.

She wasn't even embarrassed by the grumble of disappointment that she uttered when his lips left hers.

She didn't register what was happening until he crouched down slightly and almost effortlessly managed to lift her straight of her feet and leave her sitting on the table. But Sarah soon found that she didn't like the new space between them.

But he was waiting for her next move, not pushing her further than she wanted and she loved him even more for it. So she shifted herself and pulled at his waist until he took a step closer so his body against hers, her legs now wrapped around his waist somehow.

Sarah relished in the smaller height difference now as they kissed again. It could have been minutes or hours later when his hands were in her hair, and her hands were circling his waist, playing with the bottom of his shirt when he pulled away from her.

"Shirt off?" He asked, slightly breathless.

Sarah's breath caught in her throat. She sometimes forgot she could ask things like that. He was her boyfriend and this was their own pace.

She blushed furiously, but she couldn't help but have slight flashbacks to earlier when she had seen him shirtless. She bit her lip and nodded shyly.

"If that's okay?"

He nodded with a wolfish grin and took a slight step back to reach down and removed his shirt in one foul swoop. Her eyes left his and travelled down his front.

"You okay?" He asked in a quiet voice, running a thumb over her cheek.

"Hmm mmm." She nodded, and reached out tentatively to put her hand over his heart. It thumped hard under her touch. She looked up at his eyes to ask permission but he wasn't arguing as she felt bold and trailed both her hands from his shoulders down his front to his waistband. She ran her hands around to his back where she could really feel his muscles now, clenching at her light touch.

"Sarah…" Connor breathed out roughly, his eyes dark as her fingers danced over his skin.

It was his turn to take a dislike to the space between them. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He didn't even move to her lips and she was about to protest but instead, he angled his head and brought his lips to her neck.

She gasped in shock and pleasure, apparently it was her weak spot. She let her head fall back which evidently gave her boyfriend more space to work on.

He got to the collar of her own t-shirt, suddenly she felt bolder than she had before and that really she should be fair.

"Shirt off." She was surprised by the crack in her voice as he found her pulse point with his lips. He moved back instantly and she swore her heart had never beaten as fast as when she lifted her two arms up and beckoned him to remove her shirt.

She expected him to be quick about it like he had with his own but he leaned closer and ran his hands down until they reached the hem of her shirt and started to peel it slowly off of her, his hands leaving a trail of fire across her stomach as he went. He glanced at her to make sure it was alright as he moved the shirt up further and his hands passed over the side of her chest.

She heard herself moan his name as her eyes fluttered closed at his touch. He removed the shirt entirely then, leaving her in her swimsuit and shorts.

They seemed to be a mess by now, a mess of arms and wandering hands and bare skin as they kissed so deeply and were so close, she wasn't quite sure where she finished and he began.

She felt an ache inside herself she had never felt before.

He broke away for air and then she realised where they were, "What are we doing in my kitchen?"

She laughed and he started to as well when they managed to take their eyes off each other and look around. Her boyfriend was topless and she was being kissed senseless on her family kitchen table.

He ran a hand through his own hair, collecting his thoughts, "I should probably be going…"

"No!" She insisted quickly. Then the solution shot through her mind like a flaming arrow.

"We could...we could...eh…" She mumbled, suddenly worried he would think less of her somehow.

"What is it?" He asked, his hands cupping her face gently.

"We could go up to my room?" She asked, her cheeks flushing. "We don't have to...you know…" She trailed off quickly.

"No, we don't have to do anything we don't want to right?" He asked.

She nodded.

"But we could...go up to your room…?" He clarified.

"And see what our pace is…?" She asked.

"Definitely." He agreed, sealing the decision with a searing kiss that managed to leave her breathless all over again.

He moved to lift her but she didn't want him to hurt his knee so she hopped down from the table, picking up their shirts.

He moved wordlessly after her as she walked up the stairs. She felt like her whole body was shaking from the inside, but it wasn't from fear. Far from it, not with Connor. It felt something like anticipation.

She closed the door behind them but her mother wouldn't be home for hours.

He sat on the edge of her bed, patting the space beside him but the feeling of his loving gaze on her left her with no other choice but to walk straight over to him and kiss him where he sat and she stood. Her hair fell around his face but this height difference was new.

After the novelty of being taller than him, they both moved at the same time, bumping heads in the meantime and giggling over their incoordination.

But they managed to somehow crawl onto her bed. She fell against her pillows, as one of her swimsuit arm straps fell over her shoulder and he braced himself before he fell completely on top of her.

She could feel his heart pounding as hard as hers as they fell into each other's touch.

Her last coherent thought was of Connor's name resounding in her head as she felt like she was falling and taking him with her.

He would go with her anywhere, do anything for her.

And to her, he would always be the one person she'd trust the most.

For her, he was it.


Soo... Rheese is going on their own pace intimacy wise. Stay tuned for more and also a little partner story we've been working alongside this one.

Thanks for reading!