A/N: Sorry this took so long guys. My life just kind of… fell apart this time. We made it to chapter 50! I'm seriously too depressed to write this. Shit… oh, well. Here's too hoping I don't kill everyone off! Ugh…

Thanks to RoRo for editing. You'll always be my purple haired goddess, even if your hair is black now.

Disclaimer: TROLOLOLOLOLOLO!

Scrumdidileeumptious

Chapter 50

Inception

I pushed against Itachi's chest, greedily palming his perfect pectorals through the flimsy material of his black t-shirt. He never stood a chance. He was forced to back up under my assault, and when his back met the wall I stood on my tiptoes to press my lips to his, simply because I wanted to. Kissing Itachi didn't change reality, make the world stop, or make the planets align. I knew, even in that moment, that somewhere a homicidal pedophiliac maniac was plotting my doom.

But I kissed Itachi anyway. I didn't want to forget reality; I just wanted to kiss Itachi. There are plenty of reasons why. He's hot. He's a good kisser. He's one of the smartest yet not entirely conceited guys I've ever met. He can wiggle his ears. He's Itachi.

Besides, plenty of people in the world were murder targets. That didn't make Itachi any less hot or me any less attracted to him. Orochimaru's existence didn't mean my social life needed to stop. If I wanted to kiss a guy who was absurdly sexy (In a daring, intellectual, bad-ass with secret sensitive-side way) well, then, I would. Itachi knew about the whole Orochimaru thing and he didn't hate me, so why should I hate myself?

My left hand grabbed onto the collar of his shirt for leverage and my right hand pressed over his heart, measuring his reaction as I opened my mouth just the tiniest amount and traced his lips with the tip of my tongue.

The response was immediate, and I felt Itachi's heart lurch. He opened his mouth and tilted his head the appropriate amount of degrees. His left hand gripped the side of my face, pulling me closer to him while gently tipping my head back. The tips of his fingers tangled in my still-damp pink hair. I could hear a frantic ocean of my blood, pulsing through my head and body. He pulled me forward so roughly that my teeth knocked his and his jaw reflexively closed a little. His canine tooth scratched my exploring, tender tongue. I didn't care. It was actually pretty hot.

His right hand pressed against the small of my back, supporting the weight of my upper body as I leaned into him. His neck bowed forward, his lips pressuring mine so I had to tilt my head even farther back as he took control. His tongue ran over mine and then delved deeper into my mouth as my satisfied cries echoed throughout the deserted early-morning hallway.

I pushed back anyway, knowing I was fighting a losing battle as I allowed my tongue to join in a violent dance with his. My hand slipped from his collar down the back of his shirt, feeling the muscles of his back tense as he moved against me; his hands moved up and down my sides and he pulled me closer. I breathed in through my nose, as my mouth was otherwise occupied, and was overwhelmed by the smell of Itachi. He smelled intoxicating, like body wash from Target, men's shampoo, some sort of aftershave, and an edge of something that was purely Itachi.

"Excuse me?" A woman asked leaning out the door of the room next to the wall Itachi and I were currently making out against.

"Hmm?" Itachi hummed, still kissing me, refusing to let me go no matter who was watching. I wasn't exactly pulling away either.

"Um, my son is trying to sleep," she explained, jutting her thumb over her shoulder, into her son's room. "So can you, you know, do your thing somewhere else?"

"Mmm…" Itachi pondered, kissing along my jaw and then down my neck, moving his left hand from my face to my butt, and his right hand to my side, just south of second base.

"I-I'm sorry." I apologized, not really sorry at all and thoroughly enjoying my part in our teenage shenanigans. "We-We-We'll leave—ahhh!" I broke off as Itachi simultaneously squeezed my ass and sucked on my pulse, sending waves of surprise and pleasure rocking though my body. I smacked his back lightly. "Itachi, come on, we have to go."

The woman smiled. "Thank you."

I gave her a distressed smile as she disappeared back into her son's room. Itachi didn't make a move to leave. "Itachi" I whined childishly.

After another moment, his red eyes opened and gazed up at me through his long black eye lashes. Is this was they call smoldering? It was a lot hotter than I thought it'd be. Heart, stomach, and lungs: they all clenched simultaneously and suddenly the hall felt twenty degrees warmer. "You started it." He accused.

I sighed dramatically, fighting my urge to just kiss him all over again. "Aren't you supposed to be the mature one? Come on, let's go." I took his hand, and, with great self-restraint, began walking towards the elevator. I pressed the up arrow and, as we waited, I snorted with laughter at remembering something.

"What is it?" Itachi asked.

"Earlier, when I was kissing you, your heart skipped a beat and then sped up." I explained wistfully. "It's endearing to know that guys' heart's race too."

Itachi looked more embarrassed than I'd ever seen him. Sure, to the naked eye, he was just a stoic brooding teen, but I knew him well enough to notice the way his eyes widened slightly, his brow furrowed, and his jaw flexed as he fought an unconscious desire to bite his lower lip. A weaker man than him would be blushing. Then he turned the tables with a vengeance. "At least I didn't make any funny sounds."

"Wha-?" My face, I could tell, had gone red. "What funny sounds?"

Itachi smirked and put a contemplating finger to his chin mockingly. "I believe it was something like 'Ahh, Itachi, mmm, please-ah-to…touch me more. Oh, mmm, don't stop.'" He taunted in a perfect monotone.

The monotone didn't matter, and neither did the context. Itachi Uchiha had just uttered the words 'touch me more.' I was fully within my rights to conjure up some lewd images to match. It was, certainly, against my will. Or maybe not, but really, he's just so sexy. And I am a healthy teenage girl. If anybody was to blame for the graphic porno playing in my mind, it was Itachi for supplying the sexual tension. I stomped my foot to regain control of myself. "I did not say those things!"

Itachi's smirk widened. He was enjoying this too much. "No, but you were thinking them."

Fuck. He heard me.

Seriously, keep your thoughts to yourself next time.

"Already looking forward to a 'next time,' Sakura?" Itachi asked, his smile approaching a full on grin, as his eyes danced with suppressed mirth.

Curse his mind reading powers!

Fuck you, Itachi's mind reading powers!

I didn't mean LITERALLY!

Stop criticizing me!

Stop being such a dumbass!

I'm you!

Then stop criticizing me already!

"We're going to need to check you into the psych ward, soon." Itachi commented, raising a sardonic eyebrow.

I pursed my lips. "Stop criticizing me."

Itachi ignored me. He was already scanning the information board, looking for the floor that specialized in psychology. I pouted, crossed my arms, and ignored him in the most immature way possible.

Finally, the elevator arrived. Inside were two guys: one with white hair and the other a giant with dark hair and skin. In the giant's arms was Bonbon. "Bonbon!" I called out without thinking and tackled her out of relief. However, as she was in the arms of a strange man, I ended up glomping him in the process. Didn't matter to me. Who cares? He's just some strange guy. "Bonbon! I was so worried about you! Where have you been?" I asked as if she were capable of answering.

Bonbon only licked my chin and nuzzled me affectionately. As soon as I got over the epic joy that was her return, I realized I was still on top of a man I'd tackled along with her. He did not look amused. I gulped, collected the cat, and stood up silently, eyeing him fearfully. "Ah, I'm sorry. I get over excited easily." I apologized, sweat dropping.

He didn't respond as he, too, stood up.

I tried again. "Er… thanks for finding my cat."

Kisame's cat. Inner Sakura corrected.

Tobi's cat. I countered.

the cat? Inner Sakura suggested.

Sure, let's go with that.

The man considered me stoically, extended his long, muscular arm, and plucked Bonbon out of my grasp. She hissed and bit his thumb for the treatment but he didn't even flinch. "Finders keepers. This cat is mine now."

I blame what happened next on my motherly instincts, for Bonbon is my baby girl. I snapped. My hand came up and before creepy overly tall guy could even blink, I had punched him, burying my fist in his stomach. Those last minute anti-Orochimaru martial arts lessons had done me good. My usual bitch slap probably would have been useless here. Predictably, the tall guy wasn't weak enough to be knocked out by such a blow, but he sure was taken off guard.

I used the opportunity to snag Bonbon back and cradle her to my chest. She just purred. The violence was clearly amusing her. "Bonbon isn't some lost wallet! She's a cat, and she's my cat, and she's a living being, so don't just play around with her!" As I yelled at the tall guy something told me my anger wasn't entirely aimed towards him so much as a certain snakey ex-teacher. I didn't care. I was too upset. Before he could recover and kick my ass or his white-haired friend could peel himself off the floor where he lay laughing, I turned on my heel and marched to the stairs.

I was too embarrassed by my momentary lapse of self-control to even look at Itachi as he followed after me. How could I have snapped like that? I chalked it up to my strung-out emotions after being attacked by a possible rapist and making out with Itachi the Sex God.

I began climbing the stairs, Bonbon still in my arms. "The psychology ward is only one floor above us, Sakura. Let's make a pit stop there." Itachi suggested, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. He could possibly even be smiling.

I resisted the urge to turn around and check. "Your sarcasm's showing, Itachi." I grumbled irritably, making sure to purposefully march right on past the door that led to the psychology ward and continue my ascent.

Itachi's hand caught my own and he spun me around. He was just a little shorter than me as I stood a few steps above him and my heart fluttered when he met my eyes on his level. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked seriously.

Having him so close, no matter how many times it had occurred before, always seemed to do funny things to my heart. I tried to make the palpitations stop, but they were quite the stubborn little buggers. Slack-jawed, all I did was nod in response to Itachi's concerned question.

Itachi's eyes, so red and beautiful, seemed to catch fire as they bore into my mine. I waited for them to swallow me up. "Sakura, you just kissed me and then decked a total stranger." The sincerity in his voice that he so rarely displayed made me feel empty inside… like I needed him to fill me up again.

I tried to relax my frantic heart and remind myself that Itachi was only concerned about me. After a few moments of deep breathing and mentally picturing Kisame kissing Pablo, it worked. "So kissing you makes me crazy, then?"

Itachi may not be conceited, but he also wasn't insecure. He knew he was hot, and that kissing him was fully within the realm of any average teenage girl's fantasy. He smirked in amusement. "Everything you do is just a little insane." He told me.

I grinned. "That only started after I began hanging out with you guys."

Itachi paused and for a second I was sure that he'd mention that I began hanging out with them at the same time my parents had passed. They were, after all, exactly the opposite of what my parents would have wanted for me: a bunch of badass boys. I felt my heart sink as a familiar feeling of lightheadedness and sadness came over me like it always did when I thought about them. My parents had yet to come back from the grave and condemn my choices in friends. We'd never been particularly close; both of them were workaholic geniuses and I was always busy with my own academic achievements. The chasm only widened due to boarding school that had begun when I'd entered the sixth grade. But they were still my parents. I swallowed.

Itachi appeared to rethink his words. He squeezed the hand that he'd caught me by earlier and still had yet to relinquish. "Are you sure you're okay?" His voice was tender and sincere.

I leaned forward and kissed him again, softly on his lips. "I'll be fine as long as you're here with me." I whispered and squeezed his hand back.

This time I did see a little color reach Itachi's cheeks. That hadn't been my intention but it still felt like a victory, nevertheless. I smiled and began tugging him up the stairs. "Come on, we need to get the movie and then we'll go tell everyone we found Bonbon."

"Meow!" Bonbon added happily.

-"Okay, Brave Little Toaster or The Fox and the Hound?" I queried. Itachi raised an eyebrow."How about we just get Inception and call it a day?"-

"We got Inception." Itachi announced smugly when we reentered my hospital room.

"And Bonbon!" I announced, refusing to grumble anymore about the non-animated movie he had chosen. Why had I let his choose the movie? I was the injured one here! I probably let him get away with it because he's hot. Oh, no… Am I doomed to being fooled out of my things for the rest of my life by pretty boys? Will I marry a guy for his looks and let him ride on my coat tails as I achieve economic success using my amazing brains and then let him divorce me and take all of my money, leaving me with nothing but the broken pieces of our marriage and our young children who will grow up with a complex because they don't think their father wanted them?

Then, as angsty teenagers, will they experiment with drugs and rebel and blame me for our broken family until one of them, probably the oldest, runs away and is later arrested for possession? And then will I be sued in family court for parental neglect, and declared unfit to care for my children? And will the younger children be forced to file for emancipation? Then will I be all alone in my old age, used up and aged prematurely by stress to the point where no man will have me and I'll be reduced to owning a lot of cats and yelling at the neighborhood children to get off my lawn because I can't bear to see their smiling faces when my own children can't stand to look at me? Oh, god, why did I let him get Inception?

Itachi was looking at me strangely. "Don't worry, Sakura, if we get married and have kids and then get divorced, I won't take all your money away."

I deadpanned. "That's the only part you're going to take responsibility for?"

"Hey, Haku, you said pancakes, right?" A voice from behind us asked. I turned around to see the guy from earlier who'd had Bonbon. He was carrying a tray of pancakes and, behind him, was his creepy friend, also with pancakes.

"YOU!" I declared dramatically, pointing at him.

He glared down at me insanely. "So we meet again."

My left eye twitched. "I've been waiting for this day for a very long time."

"Like what, ten minutes?" His creepy white-haired friend chimed in.

I fixed my glare on him. "It was a long ten minutes." I couldn't even tell if I was kidding or not at this point.

"What happened between you two?" Haku asked curiously from her… er, his bed, all smiles and pleasant soft-spoken-ness.

"This girl stole your cat, Haku." Creepy guy accused me.

"You stole Bonbon first! How'd you even get her, anyway?" I demanded, my voice rising.

Overly tall guy had the decency to explain. "We picked her up on the highway. She was just standing at the scene of that car crash on the four-oh-five. Weirdest thing I'd ever seen."

I gaped and dropped my gaze to the smug looking Bonbon in my other hand. "So you did do that?"

Bonbon gave me a well, duh look.

"Awww!" I cooed and hugged her tightly, slowly choking the life out of her little kitty body. "You're the best!"

She hissed and swiped at my face with her claws until I let go and she dropped to the floor. She landed like the ninja kitty we all knew she was and then strut over with her super model swagger to a waiting Kisame, tail held jauntily high in the air.

"Zabuza, you can't just go around stealing other people's cats!" Haku chastised the tall guy.

Zabuza shrugged. "You like cats."

"No, actually, I'm allergic." Haku explained. "I like rabbits."

Zabuza looked confused. "Aren't they the same thing?"

Haku looked endeared by Zabuza's ignorance. Zabuza's friend looked weirded out and disappointed as he slapped his hand to his forehead but refrained from saying anything.

"Suigetsu?" Kisame asked from across the room, roused from his nap by Bonbon pawing his chest as she checked his heart for any possible abnormalities that may have arisen in her absence.

"Kisame?" Zabuza's friend asked, raising a brow in Kisame's direction.

Kisame caught full sight of the younger teen and broke into a toothy grin. "Small world, cousin!"

"Been awhile, Sunshine." Suigetsu grinned as well, and I could see the family resemblance in that malicious, jokingly sadistic grin.

Kisame glared. "I told you to stop calling me that." He growled.

"What's wrong with Sunshine, Sunshine?" Suigetsu responded with a nonchalant shrug as Kisame's righteous indignation mounted.

So this is the guy that leant his crappy truck to Deidara on Zetsu's birthday?

Wow, Kisame is way hotter.

"Why 'Sunshine'?" Sasori chirped from his position sitting cross-legged on my bed. No doubt he was hoping to get a few amazing childhood stories to use for blackmail against Kisame out of this.

"Zabuza, my pancakes?" Haku prodded gently, tearing Zabuza's attention away from the brewing family feud.

"Yeah, no problem," Zabuza answered, bringing the tray over to the younger, more fragile-looking boy.

"Thanks." Haku said, giving Zabuza a winning smile.

Watching them, I finally understood why Haku's relationship with the elusive Pablo character didn't work out. Haku was so clearly in love with Zabuza. And, as I watched Zabuza watch Haku, it became abundantly clear that the feeling was mutual. As I watched Haku blush and titter as Zabuza gruffly inquired after his health, it quickly became obvious they were ignorant fools.

New mission: get them together.

"Sakura, sit down, it's time for Inception." Tobi insisted.

I realized I'd been zoning out and realized the entire Akatsuki plus Suigetsu were gathered into the hospital room sitting around the television. I climbed into my bed, crawling over Kakuzu's lap to do so and settled between Itachi and Deidara against the headboard. I briefly contemplated snuggling into Itachi's chest but something about Leonardo DiCaprio and an old Japanese guy gets me every time and I was out like a light.

- I dreamed that we watched Toy Story instead. -

When I woke up, it was about midday and a nurse was checking the flexibility of my legs for any possible stiffness. Haku was sleeping in his bed and Zabuza was respectfully sitting in a plastic chair beside him, watching the feminine boy dream (probably of him). Kisame, Tobi, Suigetsu, and Kakuzu were discussing something over a catalog and Bonbon was purring happily, in a ball, in Kisame's lap as he continuously pet her. Zetsu was sitting in a chair nearby, dozing. He looked… peaceful.

Pein had replaced Itachi by my side and Itachi was nowhere to be seen, but the sounds of a shower in the attached bathroom told me he was bathing. Deidara was on my other side. Hidan and Sasori were missing. I assumed they had gone for more food. The television was on again, this time set to a news channel. The weather called for thunderstorms this afternoon. A quick glance out the window on my part confirmed it. A storm was definitely brewing and droplets of rain were beginning to fall, their pitter-patter loud against the glass.

"What a miserable day," I commented, my voice thick with lethargy.

"Fuck the weather! We brought some real fucking food!" Hidan yelled boisterously from the door, awaking Haku with a jolt and causing Zabuza to glare at Hidan for disturbing his future-lover's slumber. I couldn't care less. Hidan and Sasori had reappeared and they had giant bags of McDonald's with them.

I sat bolt upright and leaned eagerly over Pein. "Oh, my Jashin. You better have got me my fucking big breakfast."

Hidan smirked while Sasori grappled with an overenthusiastic Kisame that was about to maul him for an egg McMuffin. "Oh, I might have, but I got it for me. Why should I let you fucking have it?" He asked, shrugging.

He was toying with me. I knew it. I also knew I was too hungry to deal with it right now. "What do you want, you sick bastard?"

Hidan put a finger to his chin, contemplating. A hash brown went soaring over my head and Deidara caught it. I wanted my big breakfast. "How about this? There's something I want to do tonight. After you're fucking discharged, why don't you come with me?"

I contemplated. "When you say 'something you want to do' do you mean 'me'? And when you say I should 'come with you' do you mean 'c-o-m-e' or 'c-u-m'?" I asked.

Pein sort of choked a little when he heard that. No doubt mental images were scarring him for life at that moment.

Hidan just sighed wistfully and then grinned, no doubt enjoying his little mental image parade. "Oh, I love how your fucking mind works. That's not what I was suggesting, but if you're up for it, who am I to deny you?"

I rolled my eyes and got out of my bed, awkwardly climbing across Pein's lap (he didn't complain). "Whatever." I told Hidan as I grabbed my big breakfast from the bag without meeting resistance, and returned to my bed to eat.

Hidan quirked an eyebrow. "So that's a yes, then?" He asked, trying to appear his usual cocky self but I could tell he was a bit taken off guard.

I slathered my pancakes with the soft butter. "Where are we going?" I asked.

Itachi emerged from the bathroom then, changed and still dripping a little. Damn sexy as always. A few years of him, and I was sure I'd be immune to hot guys. He was looking at Hidan. "Are you suggesting you and Sakura crash the Homecoming dance tonight?"

"I forgot Homecoming was tonight, un." Deidara commented.

"Sakura, do you want to go to Homecoming with me?" Sasori and Tobi asked in unison, Sasori a bit aggressively and Tobi eagerly.

I sweat dropped and held up my hands. "I was banned from Homecoming, remember?"

"Which is why it would be considered gate crashing." Kisame explained with a smirk.

"Back the fuck up." Hidan growled. "Sakura originally promised to go with me, remember?"

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't promise to go with anybody, if you remember correctly. Tenten just sent out that stupid mass text and you happened to have the fastest response."

"So you'll go with me, right?" Tobi and Sasori asked, again in unison. Somebody should have those two checked…

I blinked. What to do, what to do? I should just pick Itachi and be done with it, but, oh, God, Tobi's got his puppy face on.

"Wow, Sakura, I envy your love life." Haku commented pleasantly from his bed.

I fake-cried. "Don't envy me" I whined. "It's so complicated!"

"Are you saying you don't love us, Sakura, un?" Deidara asked.

Tobi put on his best kicked-puppy face. "You don't love me anymore, Sakura?"

"Geez, I didn't realize our affection was such a burden to you." Kisame continued.

Even Zetsu joined in. "Do you want us to go away, Sakura?"

"No!" I whined. "Don't go! I love you guys!" And, with that, I threw my arms around Tobi, Deidara, Sasori, and Kisame, somehow. Maybe I ate some gum gum fruit.

"Oi, get out of my hug." Kisame complained, kicking Tobi.

Tobi stumbled, but shoved Kisame in return and then tackled me into his own private hug. "Sakura is Tobi's because Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi declared.

I pet his head and giggled. Cute, sweet, little Tobi. I pinched Tobi's hand as it sank from my waist towards my ass. "Where does your hand think it is going?" I asked.

Tobi met my gaze seriously. "Tobi has needs, Sakura."

Sasori, Deidara, Hidan, and Kisame cracked up at that. I ignored them. "Sakura has boundary issues, Tobi."

Tobi pouted. "Sakura let Itachi touch her in the hallway earlier. Tobi saw when Tobi went to get snacks."

Hidan's guffaws abruptly stopped. "Wait, what the fuck?"

"That's different."

Tobi cocked his head to the side. "How?"

"Itachi is Itachi and Tobi is Tobi." I explained simply. "And since when did you want to touch my ass, anyway?"

Tobi shrugged. "Tobi just wanted to be like Itachi." I rolled my eyes. Figures. His mind is so simple.

"That's not a good enough reason, Tobi." I told him.

"Wait, you fucking kissed Itachi?" Hidan demanded.

I shrugged. "I felt like it, so yeah, I did."

"Moreover there's still the issue of Homecoming. How about you go with everyone, Sakura?" Itachi suggested.

"Trust you to be the diplomat." I muttered. "Alright. It's decided. We'll risk my academic future on a stupid dance that we're only crashing for the hell of it. Why not?"

I meant to be sarcastic but their cheering indicated that they were in agreement. I looked over Deidara, who normally would be excited by this sort of thing, but he was watching Itachi with the weirdest expression on his face. His expression was far from pleased. He almost looked… combative. Then, as if he could feel my gaze, he turned to me. For a split second he looked sad, but then he smiled. It didn't reach his eyes.

-End Chapter-

A/N: This is sort of the worst week of my life. Ever. But writing this has cheered me up some. Now I'll just have to eat my weight in chocolate and then maybe I'll feel whole again. This chapter is dedicated to all of you who waited for it. You're the best. Please leave a review.