…For Meritorious Service, Chapter 43
Batchelor Officer Quarters [BOQ]
Camp Chesty Puller
Near Mirbullah, Iraq
Bud sat on his bed, reviewing Commander Lexington's report on her subordinate JAGC officers. The head of Bahrain's NLSO Branch Office had included fitness reports, commendations, and other material that she hoped would mitigate their actions.
The more the former Seahawk public relations officer, now up-and-coming JAGC officer scrutinized the wealth of material Lexington had provided, the more the three JAGC officers actions' didn't make sense.
Why had these three done this?
Psychological evaluations indicated they were somewhat stressed, but considering the circumstances that was normal – or was it? Bud went back to their hearing transcripts.
"Oh my gosh!" Lieutenant Roberts said, his eyes bulging in disbelief, "Why the heck didn't I see that before?"
The obvious answer to Bud's rhetorical question was that he and the rest of the JAGs had had little time for anything else other than the hearing and trial for FIREFLY ONE's crew.
He put their psych evals side by side with the statements they gave at their hearings. It was like reading Morse code.
"They were being coerced," realization was evident in the young JAG Corps attorney's voice. Bud pulled up the three confessions from the time of their arrests.
His personal revelation was interrupted by someone knocking on his door. Bud minimized all the files on his laptop screen.
"Who is it?" he asked setting his laptop on the bed.
"It's me Lieutenant," came back the stentorian voice of Sturgis Turner. "Is it all right if I come in?"
Bud looked back at the minimized icons on his screen. (Inadmissible evidence,) he thought glumly before turning back to the door, (Not applicable to this trial.) Still, he had to try to find a way to let Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie know about what he had discovered.
"Sure sir," he said as he got off his bed. "Come in."
The former Dolphin opened the door slowly and seemed to hesitate about coming inside. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
Bud shook his head "No sir, nothing at all," he lied, "Uh, just reviewing evidence for the start of the trial tomorrow morning."
Sturgis nodded his head. "I see…Lieutenant, um...Bud…," It was obvious the Bubblehead wanted to say something to the junior officer. Something he wasn't quite comfortable talking about.
Bud decided to make it easy for him. "Sir, before you say anything, I just want you to know how sorry I am for the things I said to you last night. "It was wrong of me to make such a snap judgment and my actions were completely unprofessional."
Sturgis Turner gave the younger man a dry smile and clapped him on the shoulder. "Apology accepted Bud, but I feel that I owe you one as well…."
"Sir?"
"I'm anxious to win this case, Bud," Sturgis explained soberly. "I let my drive to win color my judgment of you, Harm, Mac and your emotional states last night. I guess, in a way, I was trying to escape my own emotional turmoil about what happened by focusing on the case."
Bud could see that it was truly humbling to this man to have to admit this. "I should have been more concerned about my co-workers…my friends."
Bud gave him a sympathetic smile. "That doesn't excuse my comments to you sir." he said, "I'm very sorry sir, I—I just lost my head…."
"It's okay Lieutenant, we all say or do things in the heat of the moment that we don't really mean…." Sturgis wondered if what he was saying also applied to what he'd said to Mac? After all, despite the closeness of Harm and Mac on this investigation, maybe they were just good friends – despite the mixed signals and Mac's own Freudian slip when they had worked on Commander Aiken's murder investigation. Maybe they just had a really good working relationship. It wasn't unheard of. He would have to find a way to apologize to both of them.
"I just wish you could forgive me for what happened at the Board hearing…." Bud said almost wistfully.
Sturgis focused on the Lieutenant's uncomfortable look. Maybe it was time to bury the hatchet on that one. The former submariner gave the man a wan smile. "As I told you earlier, Bud, time heals all wounds."
Lieutenant Roberts thought this was the Commander's way of putting him off again as he done several times now. "Sir, it's been nearly two months…."
"I know Lieutenant, I'm just having a hard time…I couldn't …." In way, Bud had been right.
Bud decided forgiveness would begin with him. Sure Sturgis had a hard time forgiving him, at least he admitted to that. In Lieutenant's eyes, that was a start.
"I know sir, neither could I," Bud said sympathetically, "I – I just blanked and then I remembered what Tiner had said in the mock trial and it just came out."
Sturgis gave the man a wry look. "Do me a favor Lieutenant,"
"Yes sir?"
"The next time you blank out, don't use any advice or ideas that the Petty Officer gives to you.
Bud nodded his head solemnly. "Understood sir."
Mac was thinking about Harm and what had happened this morning. It was like the old good news/bad news joke – 'I made love to the man of my dreams…now what do I do?'
(We sure can't go back to the ole 'do we or don't we' dance….) she reasoned, (What's he going to expect of me? Do I have to give up my career? Am I ready to be the dutiful little housewife, raising 2.5 kids and baking cookies?)
The more Mac the Marine thought about it, giving in to 'the heat of the moment' may have complicated their lives exponentially.
Harm was watching Mac reading through a legal brief
(Well Hammer,) he mused, (you finally did it. You finally made love to the one woman who has turned your life upside down since she came to JAG Corps Headquarters….)
He loved looking at her soft curves, that sexy face, those gorgeous chocolate brown bottomless eyes of hers – so why didn't he feel happier?
(Why? C'mon Hammer, snap out of it….) he ordered, trying to get his mind off this troubling subject.
But the question was still there. 'Now what?'. Should they take it slow? Should he just cut to the chase and propose to her? Should they just go UA and elope?
Harm shook his head. (Okay Hammer, that was a stupid thought….)
So what was he going to do? And what was bothering him so about what happened?
Maybe it was the way they just fell into it, was it just that they took needing comfort to the next level? Was that all it was? He certainly hoped not. Was Mac really looking for a long term commitment?
And then there was the question of their careers; that 500 pound gorilla had suddenly re-appeared and was beating his chest ominously. Could he really ask Mac to give up her career? And what about his? What if they decided he had to give up the Navy? Could he really give up being a JAG Corps lawyer and getting the chance to fly fighter planes? Maybe one of them could just leave JAG Corps Headquarters…transfer to another post…but that presented it's own set of problems. For instance was either one really ready to leave JAG Headquarters? Sure, they had been there…what eight, nine years? Wow, he hadn't realized it had been that long….
Harm didn't know the answer to this myriad of troubling questions. He'd have to talk them over with…. Harm felt a pair of eyes looking at him.
Lifting his eyes from the witness testimony he was reading, he saw Mac staring at him with those expressive, inquisitive eyes of hers.
Harm sighed.
"We need to talk," they both said simultaneously.
The urgency in their voices was shattered by this comical interlude.
Harm smiled sheepishly. "You first,"
Mac gave him her own embarrassed smile. "No you,"
"Well, I just wanted you to know…."
"That you care a great deal for me?"
He gave her a gentle smile "I do Mac; you're my best friend."
The beautiful Marine couldn't believe what she was hearing
"Just your 'best friend'?" she probed. This is not what a woman wants to hear after making love to the man of her dreams.
Harm looked down at the bed, not wanting to look into those bottomless brown eyes of hers for fear of becoming lost in them.
"Well, you're a pretty good lover too, you know," As he finished feebly, unsure what she was asking of him. He wanted her to know how he truly felt, so he looked into her eyes trying to communicate how he felt.
Mac saw the stormy look in those hard-to-read blue eyes of his. She knew what he wanted to say. Inside, her heart was shattering, but she decided bursting into tears was not very Marine-like.
(C'mon MacKenzie,) she chided, (tough it out, you've been hurt worse…)
Or had she? Right now she had to focus all her energy on not giving in to that sarcastic inner voice of hers.
"Just pretty good?" she said glibly with a fake smile as she teased him, trying to break the tension that was building.
Harm could tell that he'd made a mistake somehow; he just didn't know how bad a mistake it was. Trying to think fast aviator/attorney thought humor might help. "Maaac," he groaned playfully.
She moved closer to him. "So what did you want me to know, Harm?"
She hoped he couldn't hear the apprehension in her voice. She knew there was something more he wanted to say and she prayed it wasn't as devastating as what he had just told her.
Harm meanwhile was having his own inner conflict
(You lose control in my world, you die...) Those words floated back into his mind from a conversation they had a long time ago. (C'mon Hammer, keep it together….)
"Harm?"
He could see a look of dread and anguish flit through her smile. The tall Naval Commander vowed this was one time his fumbling verbal skills with pretty women was not going to be his undoing.
"Mac, I'm sorry-"
Fear leapt up in the back of Mac's throat (He's sorry? Oh God, he's backing away, I can't let him do this to me again!)
She moved even closer. Her smile had disappeared, replaced by a guarded look. She pulled back, putting some notable distance between them
"Sorry for what?" her voice was ice cold.
Harm realized the 'ohno second' had just passed and once again he'd managed to shove his size thirteen combat boots into his mouth. (Dammit!) "No, Mac, I'm not sorry for anything bad…."
That only made it worse.
She shook her head in confusion, her frustration showing through. "Harm," she ground out, "You're not making any sense…." She got up off the bed and walked over to the window.
Harm ran his hand through his short cropped black hair. "Can I start over?" he pleaded. "A 'do over'? Please?"
She closed her eyes and hugged herself, not saying anything for a long moment. She sighed and turned to face him. Searching his face and seeing that he was serious, she nodded.
"Okay," she said slowly, unsure about where this was going. She cautiously walked back toward the bed. This afternoon had started out so well and now here they were right back at square one, again. Mac wanted to scream.
Harm looked down at the bed and then back at her. "Mac this is really difficult for me because I've never met anyone quite like you…or felt about anyone the same way I feel about you."
That last comment almost made her drop her defenses, but the Marine light Colonel was determined to say something to keep him from going any further. If they weren't going to pursue this, she wanted a clean break so they could get on with their business. But before she could, he plunged ahead.
"…I want you to know I love you for who you are and I'm sorry I couldn't make a commitment in Sydney."
Mac closed her eyes. Sydney; that brought back a flood of memories in her mind, both good and bad. But she had heard him. He wasn't backing away from her. So what was he trying to say to her?
"Go on," she urged him as she sat down next to him. She gently took his hand in hers.
He nodded. "I, uh, don't want you to have to sacrifice your career, and I'll understand if you want to walk away."
If a man ever deserved a kiss it was Harm. He was such a boy scout…no, more like the Lone Ranger. All 'yes ma'am' and 'thank you ma'am' and 'just doing my job ma'am' So adorable and yet so infuriating. Ever the gentleman…'you can walk away from this relationship if you want'…maybe kissing him senseless would help wake him up to how she really felt…. "Harm-"
"Mac, let me finish, please? This is hard enough as it is."
In all her inner discussions, she hadn't thought that maybe Harm was really trying to say something to her that was really important to him. God, they'd almost managed to blow it again. With her leading the charge this time. No doubt about it; verbal miscommunication was their forte. This had to stop before they both wound up in the loony bin.
She nodded silently, willing him to continue.
"As I said, if you, um, want to, ah, walk away, I understand. But if you can, I'd like to continue this relationship we've started." His baby blues were boring into her soul, melting her heart and sending a skittery feeling jumping through her stomach. "I don't want to lose you now."
Harm had done it again, completely knocked her off balance. She was having trouble breathing (He wants the relationship to continue!) A relationship she had dreamed about for years. Mac felt like getting up on a chair and singing 'I could have danced all night'.
"Uh Mac?"
Harm had a puzzled look on his face. Mac felt her face becoming flushed. (Back to reality MacKenzie).
"Um, my turn?" she said quietly.
Harm nodded. He was really worried he had messed this up beyond all recognition this time. He'd be lucky if he left this room with both legs unbroken.
"Harm," she squeezed his hand indicating reassurance, "you aren't going to lose me, in fact I'd like to see you try to lose me now."
He smiled at that comment. Maybe things were going to work out after all….
Now she dropped her bombshell. "But I'm not going to stand in the way of your career, so if you want to walk away, I'll understand."
Harm couldn't love her any more than he did at this moment. "Mac,"
She had been looking down at the bed spread, but now she looked directly at him, anguished. "Harm, you almost lost yours once, thanks to me."
"Mac," his voice was gentle.
The Marine attorney was determined to say her piece. "Harm, I love you, but I won't be the reason you leave the Navy…."
Now it was his turn to squeeze her hand. "You won't be Mac," he promised her.
"I won't?" Just when she thought he had him figured out.
"No Mac, I'll leave because I want to. But that doesn't mean right now, it may not mean until retirement, but when the time comes, I'll know…."
Mac understood what he was saying to her. It was typical Harmon Rabb-speak, but this time she finally felt she understood.
"Okay Harm, let me see if I have this straight…."
"All right…."
"You want a relationship with me…."
"Yes…."
"And you're staying in the Navy…."
"Yes…."
"Are you staying at JAG…?"
"That depends on the Admiral…."
"But you won't stand in the way of my career regardless…."
"Never Mac; just like you won't stand in the way of mine…."
"Even if it means one of us has to give up our career…or transfer out of JAG?"
That had always been the deal-breaker before; would it be now?
Not this time. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, Mac…."
"You want to make this work…?"
"I'd be a fool not to Mac…how do you feel about making it work?"
Now the ball was in her court. She heaved a relieved sigh. "I want to make it work too, Harm."
Harm let out his breath that he had been unknowingly holding. "Okay," he said wryly, "That wasn't so hard…."
That brought a chuckle from the light Colonel, relieving the tension.
He squeezed her hand. "I'm glad, Marine."
Mac broke into a broad grin. "Me too Sailor," then her mood sobered "but we still have some problems to resolve…." She got up and walked over to her desk.
"What kind of problems?' he ventured cautiously as he stood up and crossed over to her. Images of their heated discussions on the Watertown about their relationship floated to the front of his mind.
"What do we tell the others?"
"The others…." He repeated, not having a clue what she was talking about.
She looked up and gave him an amused grin. "Everyone else," she elaborated for him. "You know, Bud, your mother, the Admiral, Tiner…."
He quickly picked up on what she was saying.
"Harriet." He added.
"Sturgis," They both said at the same time. Mac was right. There was a lot more here to discuss.
Harm was silent for a moment.
"Truthfully Mac, unless they really need to know, I'm in favor of 'don't ask, don't tell.'"
She couldn't believe he was saying this. "You mean, it's none of their business…?"
He was serious. "Right. Unless they really need to know…."
She got an impish grin on her face as she put her arms around him. "…like the Admiral, for instance?"
Harm looked perturbed for a moment. "Exactly," he said blandly trying to ignore the heat of her body as it seeped into his skin.
Mac got a thoughtful look on her face. "Well with most people, that would work fine…."
Harm gave her an annoyed look. "I hear a 'but' in there MacKenzie."
She began to straighten and tug at his shirt as he continued to hold her. "Well yeah, *but* what about Harriet and Sturgis?"
Harm nodded. "Sturgis could be a problem," he admitted.
"Duh huh," Mac said drolly.
Now Harm got a devilish grin on his face. "Coates could be a problem too, you know." he added.
"I know," Mac said ruefully.
"I'll talk with Sturgis if it becomes necessary," Harm said as if volunteering for a dangerous mission.
Two could play that game. "Okay, then I'll talk to Harriet."
"What about Bud?" Harm wondered aloud.
Mac locked eyes with the gorgeous Commander. "Harm, I think you should tell him. After all, you and he have been together for a long time…."
"But he listens better to you, Mac." Harm bargained.
Her grin got wider. "Sorry Flyboy, he was your friend first."
Harm held up his hands in supplication as she held onto him. "Okay, fine, I'll talk to him."
They both chuckled for a moment at their predicament – one that was much different from the ones they usually faced.
"You know I never thought having a relationship with you would be this complicated," Harm said glibly, "Is this what it's like having you as a girlfriend?"
She gave him another teasing smirk. "Yup. Are you regretting it, Sailor?"
He returned her playful smile. "Not for a moment, Marine."
The world stood still as Harmon Rabb gave Sarah MacKenzie a very passionate kiss.
As they continued their kiss both thought 'now it's us against the world and maybe…just maybe they finally beat this curse that had been plaguing them for so long.
When Harm pulled away enough to look into her eyes, Mac pulled out of his arms, and looked back over her shoulder at him with a playful look. "Then we'd better get started planning how to talk to them…just in case because tomorrow we'll be knee-deep in court martial proceedings."
Jennifer Coates opened her eyes and looked around the room.
An Arabic man in a white overcoat with a clipboard stood at the foot of her bed studying her chart. Hearing her weak moan he looked over the top of the board at her.
"Good evening Petty Officer, how are you feeling?"
Jen started at first when she looked at him but then relaxed a little as she looked around the room. "Um, pretty messed up sir," she replied honestly. "Where am I?"
"You're at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland." He gave her a long look and then remembered what she had just been through. "I'm Doctor Hamid al-Fahri, but you can call me 'Doctor Ham'," he said with a disarming smile.
She gave him a wan smile in return.
"Do you remember what happened and how you got here?"
Jennifer nodded, trying to get more comfortable in the bed. "I was shot…in a gun battle…uh…a shoot out with Arab…."
"…terrorists," he finished for her while nodding approval at her recall, "You were actually shot several times."
Jennifer looked at the heavy casts on her right arm and on her elevated left leg. "Yeah, I was," she grimly agreed.
"We moved you from the ICU this afternoon when your condition stabilized."
Al-Farhi stopped writing in her chart and gave her a scolding look. The doctor obviously thought having a shoot out with heavily armed terrorists was a bad idea. "You're lucky to be alive." He went back to writing.
"I know," she said somewhat embarrassed. Then another thought hit her. "Sir, the Petty Officer I was brought in with…is he…is he okay?"
The doctor stopped writing on her chart again but this time he gave her a knowing smile.
"Is he a friend of yours?"
Despite her injuries, Jen felt herself blush. "You might say that, sir." she said quietly.
-TBC…
