It's been a while, crocodile. Still interested? Have a lovely week.
The next day, Meredith was sitting out on the chairs by Cristina's pool, happily soaking in the sun with her best friend next to her.
"My house is all packed up now." Meredith told Cristina, "Which is so utterly insane, because right now, I have nowhere to live. Ted found a group of interns and they moved in last week. I'm literally homeless."
"You're living at Derek's though?" Cristina asked, adjusting her sunglasses.
"Derek's, yeah, but, he's so going to get sick of me. He'll… I'll… I didn't think this through, did I?" Meredith groaned.
"Well," Cristina started, "You're here for two weeks, then, we've got less than two months left. We could head back to college early? I'm not sure how much more of this," she gestured to her perfectly pruned backyard, "I can take."
"I mean, I love Derek and his family, but, I want it to stay that way and if I constantly live there, I feel like I'm not pulling my fair weight. Carolyn won't let me help with anything. I tried to help pay for groceries, or do the housework, but she just tells me to leave it to her."
"We could go back when Derek sits his exam and just stay?" Cristina suggested.
"In three weeks?" Meredith asked. Truth be told, she hadn't decided one hundred percent that she was staying. She had received other options; her life could go in a different direction. She could cut all ties and leave. It'd be so simple… If she could just go and get everything from Derek's without anyone noticing. Leave a note… It wasn't the most adult way of doing things, but at least it'd be done. Sever all ties. She could forget the complexities, but, they always followed her, as she had seen over the past year.
Cristina shrugged, "Well, there's nothing else happening,"
"I suppose not…" Meredith sighed, standing up and walking over to the steps into the pool. Giving up her home, moving to new residence, new life… She had to admit that she found it all a little unsettling, and the future was even less decided and it all made her want to back into a dark hole and retreat.
"Girls," Cristina's mother called, walking up the stairs leading to the pool, "I need some help. What do you think about these two shades of green to go with this yellow?" She said, holding out three swatches of a thick fabric.
"Can't tell the difference." Cristina told her bluntly, staring at her fingernails.
"I, um," Meredith tried to be helpful, "The one on the left?"
"That's what I thought too, thank you Meredith. You're a polite and helpful child." Cristina's mother praised her, throwing a dirty look at Cristina. Cristina rolled her eyes and after her mother had gone, restarted the conversation with Meredith.
"What should be do this afternoon?"
"I'm quite happy with this." Meredith laughed, floating into the centre of the pool, "But, when I was moving, though, I found a box of my mum's old journals." Meredith hinted, wanting to finally drop the last bombshell. She was sick of holding in information from her bestfriend.
Cristina sat up abruptly in her seat, "Please tell me you brought some. I mean, you're okay with it, right?"
Meredith shrugged and stood up in the pool, walking over to the edge. "I found it last week and then the box kept finding me. I taped it up. I left it in my car. But, somehow, it made it into Derek's spare room and then I started to read one and it was terrifying but then I got interested, but I was so exhausted I fell asleep. I haven't been able to make it back to them yet. It's like I can't separate myself and I'm both petrified and intrigued at the same time"
"You can find out exactly what your mother was doing when she wasn't with you." Cristina said, eerily.
"I know." Meredith replied, wide eyed.
"What if you're in them?"
"What if I'm not? I'm not sure what's worse!"
"Do you want me to go through them and magic marker out all the scary parts?" Cristina offered, pulling her sunnies off her face to get a better view of Meredith.
"No… Yes… No. No? No." Meredith decided, "I have a handful squished into my suitcase. And a few surgical tapes."
"Okay, right now." Cristina said, grabbing Meredith's towel and holding it out for her as she climbed up the steps from the pool. "We now have big plans this afternoon."
XOX
Meredith lay sideways on Cristina's bed, holding the journal above her head, as Crisitna leant up against the backboard with a second.
"She stood and held a retractor for almost 18 hours in this surgery!" Cristina almost yelled in shock, violently jabbing the page with her finger.
"Right now, she's describing her new group of interns in mine. Sorriest bunch of no-hoper kindergarteners." Meredith laughed. "I would really hate to be one of them."
"We probably will be one day." Cristina laughed.
"Oh, did I tell you I saw Catherine Avery and Jackson at the airport? She hugged me and said she was 'Sorry for the loss of my mother, and I nearly started blubbering like a little school girl!" Meredith groaned.
"Are you going to cry now?" Cristina asked, lowering the book and looking at her friend.
"I don't think so." Meredith whispered back. "I'm not sure why it hurt so much."
Cristina stuck her arm out and lay it over Meredith to comfort her. The two fell back into their reading and after a long period of silence, Meredith had come up with a conclusion.
"I think the bad memories of my mother are fading away, and I'm starting to realise we're more alike than I had thought. Her focus just had to be that much stronger because of everything she had to overcome."
Cristina rolled over and wrapped her other arm around Meredith's body. She didn't reply, but Meredith could feel her support. She moved herself closer to Cristina, and reopened her journal. They read together; her mother's highs and lows, her thoughts, opinions and memories. It was a glimpse into her life Meredith had never received before. When they finished that book, Meredith gathered three more from the floor, throwing one to Cristina and lying on the ground, reading away intently all night.
Meredith wasn't going to leave. She'd found a new family, and that was a rare thing to come by. If she could keep holding herself out there, she hope it'd all work out in the end.
