A/N: Here's another chapter, because I finished one this weekend I'm particularly proud of. But a word of warning. The next few updates may be irregular. I'm getting to the end, maybe only a chapter or two to go, but the problem is that some chapters are super short, while others are fairly long, so it may seem a little lopsided- and unbearably frustrating if I don't immediately post again after putting up one of the short ones.
But rest assured... we are so freaking close to the end. I'm going to be so proud of myself when we finish. And I've long given up marveling at the fact that I keep saying "we". Let's face it. You guys are awesome, and I probably wouldn't have gotten this far without you guys. :D It's been a joint effort.
So... enjoy!
Janet spent over an hour on the dock, her thoughts spinning dangerously. Periodically she would come up for air, staring into the serenity of the surrounding woods. It really was beautiful. Perhaps they could live out the rest of their lives here, quiet and unnoticed. It would be rough, especially when winter hit, but it would be a simple existence that just might be peaceful.
But even as she stared at her unwavering reflection in the glassy pond, the shadows of doubt lurked in her mind. Her best friend was dead. It didn't matter that her doppelganger was sleeping in the house behind her. It didn't matter how much she'd wished that this Sam was the real thing. It didn't matter if Daniel's half-story was crazy. Her Samantha Carter was dead, her body never recovered.
Was she dishonoring her memory by helping these people? Was she betraying their friendship by feeling a kinship with this Samantha Carter? What if this Sam was a villain, more dangerous than any other of the prisoners housed in that facility?
The thought was dismissed almost as soon as it took shape. It didn't matter what kind of person this Sam was. No one deserved that kind of treatment. It had been more than incarceration, and worse than interrogation. Sam had ceased to be a person, in those final weeks, and no one deserved that.
But what would she do now? She couldn't go home. She didn't have a home. She'd drifted from assignment to assignment for years now, with no roots, no lasting ties to anyone. No ties except to Sam—Sam, who was truly dead and gone.
Even so, she had to wonder if her presence here now was honoring or defiling Sam's name. By consorting with these people, who could very well be terrorists for all she knew, was she working to destroy everything Sam had worked for? But somehow, she knew that she had done the right thing.
After all, Sam had given her life to save her crew. To protect the human lives she'd been entrusted with. Janet had done the same. Regardless of what came next, she had done the right thing, and Sam would be proud of her.
But what did come next? Would the others be content to live out their lives here? Something told her they wouldn't. They had no love for this world, that much was evident. She had no idea what had happened to these people before she'd met them, but she was certain that Sam's plight had only fueled an already present flame of resentment.
If they tried to return to their time, or wherever they came from, Daniel had said it would mean the end of everything she knew. Would she go with them? Would they let her? Did she want to? To sully the name of the woman they knew, to be in the same boat their Sam was here, in this foreign world… Could she risk what came with that decision?
Did she even believe Daniel?
She didn't know. She wasn't sure of anything at that moment, except for the fact that she had jumped into this situation feet-first without thinking to see where the bottom lurked. Any minute she could find out the jump was a short one, and slam into the bottom of the pit with bone-crunching force. Or she could only fall deeper.
And this other her… this Janet they'd known. Who was she? How did this different Janet Frasier compare to the life she'd led here in this world? That Janet who had died a hero's death and left the legacy of daughter she'd always wanted…
It couldn't be her. The way that Daniel spoke of this other her, it seemed that Janet had never stood by and accepted the things she had. That Janet had never compromised the way she had.
Maybe that's how it should be. Even if Daniel and Sam were willing to corrupt their own timeline by letting her come with them, who was she to tarnish the memory of their own Janet, so good-hearted and pure? She wasn't that woman. She couldn't ever hope to be. She'd compromised too many times to be that kind of hero.
Now different questions flooded her mind, and when she finally found her way back inside, she was glad to see that Cam was just coming out Sam's room. It was no longer Daniel's presence she sought, but Sam's. She avoided Daniel's gaze as she slipped into the bedroom, and as she closed the door behind her, she took a careful moment to collect herself.
When she was as steady as she could possibly be, she crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Sam's eyes were already blinking sluggishly, blearily looking up at her as she sat up in the bed. Something told Janet she hadn't really been sleeping. She wouldn't be surprised—drugs affected people in different ways, and insomnia could very well be a side effect of the half-dozen still lurking in Sam's veins.
"How are you feeling?" It was rote by now, but Janet asked anyway. It was an easy segue into actual conversation. Well, that was if Sam was up for answering without sarcasm. With her being so exhausted, it was a toss-up, and Janet knew it.
Sam pulled in a breath, running her palms along the tops of her thighs. "Better."
Not great, then. And anything was better than the way she'd been for the past week. Simply awake was 'better'. But there wasn't any sarcasm, so Janet counted it as a good thing. She nodded. "You should feel progressively better from here on out, but I need you to tell me if you don't, all right?"
Sam nodded her acceptance. But her blue eyes remained on Janet, taking in her tense posture and nervous edge. Under this Not-Sam's stare, Janet gave up the pretense. "Daniel told me."
The woman's reaction was far more subtle than Janet's own had been. She remained quiet, without so much as a gasp of surprise passing her lips. Her eyes pulled away, falling off to the side as she nodded with measured calm. But beneath her features Janet saw her mind working, processing the new situation with deliberate care.
"How much did he tell you?" Sam asked, her voice husky.
"Enough," Janet answered hesitantly. "That I'm dead in your world… like you're dead in mine."
For a long moment, nothing else was said. Janet didn't know where to go from here. So she was surprised when a hand extended into her field of vision, offering itself to her with a steadiness she envied. She looked up to meet Sam's familiar gaze.
"Hi. I'm Sam."
Janet blinked, but her hand fit into the proffered palm almost of its own volition. "Janet."
Sam's lips curled into a smile. "Nice to meet you."
The tension lasted for a split second, before they both dissolved into laughter. They melted into each other, until their shoulders bumped as they shook with giggles. They leaned against one another, the distance that had erupted between them gone once more.
Janet coughed off the rest of her mirth as Sam grinned. "God, we're idiots," the blonde groaned.
The doctor couldn't agree more. But Janet couldn't be more glad for it.
