It wasn't easy to get rid of those feelings I had earlier today. Even with the complete entrancement of Arithmancy did the cloud of guilt hang over my head. My internal conscience had me twisted in both directions.
By lunch I was famished. The thought of roasted ham or even a salami wrap sounded delectable. I caught myself several times with my mouth watering during transfiguration. This thirst for meat was almost unbearable. Maybe it would be better to spend my lunch in the infirmary?
I went to leave transfiguration upon dismissal when Professor McGonagall stopped me.
"Ms. Carrow, a word?" I turned, my stomach growling. "I couldn't help but notice your wand." My wand! I had completely forgotten about it being broken and yet I used it in class today.
"Seems to be in working order."
"Erm...yes." I mumbled. I looked down at my wand. No cracks or splinters. Thank god.
"I came to check in on you late last week but couldn't find you. Everything alright?" Oh great.
"Yes? I mean...yes, everything's ok. Just...just studying for finals is all." How many more lies did I have to tell? I sighed. McGonagall looked at me queerly in an effort to get more information.
"If you'll excuse me Professor, I really must get going." She gave me another glare before letting me leave. I stumbled out of her room and ran to the infirmary, my stomach yelling at me along the way.
Upon my arrival I noticed most of the beds were empty with the exception of one in the corner. Madam Pomphrey finished up with her patient before acknowledging my presence.
"What can I do for you dearest?" she questioned, removing her gloves before grabbing another pair from her apron. I slowly shrugged off my bag and my cloak, exposing my bandaged arm. She took it in her grasp and looked at the dark veins running down it's length. Cautiously, she removed the bandage, revealing the nasty scar.
"How?"
"Erm..." I paused. I really couldn't come up with another lie.
"Doesn't matter. Here, come sit." I let go of my breath in relief. She led me over to the next bed. Taking a needle from her hat, she pricked my skin, sending a burning sensation through my arm. She gathered a drop of blood and then rushed into her office. Within moments she returned, a look of relief on her face.
"Well, good news is you are NOT in full lycanthropy, which... is odd. Your blood tested normal but, that bite. I don't see how that is possible. When did this happen?"
"A couple of days ago." I responded vaguely. In all honesty, the three days I spent at the Manor all ran together. Madam Pomphrey took another look at my arm, examining it with a magnifying glass.
"Someone tried to treat you, didn't they? There is an incision wound here. Please tell me it wasn't another student."
"No...it wasn't."
"Then surely not a professor?"
I hesitated. "No Ma'am." She looked up at me with worried eyes.
"Did you have authorization to leave campus? You know it is far more dangerous out there than you think. You're actually very lucky." I could only laugh at her remark. She raised her eyebrows at me as she cleaned the bite. The liquid stung as she dabbed firmly. I winced as she pressed harder on the bruise. Removing her cloth, she showed me a light silvery residue.
"Too much silver and not enough dittany dear. I am guessing that explains this toxicity down your arm. Have you shown any side effects?"
I remembered the painful night, my body sweltering from the fire that burned within. Narcissa said it could've been worse.
"Somewhat..." There was no easy way to explain the feeling. "There was this burning sensation?" Pomphrey took a light to my eyes and stared into them.
"Hmm...peculiar. You have some trace in your irises. Any mutations, malfunctions? Of any kind?" Oh god. I just shook my head in response. Then I remembered the time in Draco's room. God I had puked in his room again.
"There was blood." I murmured.
"Excuse me?" The doctor stopped and stared at me.
"I threw up blood."
"And how long ago was that?" I shrugged my shoulders. I really had no idea. "A couple of days ago?" I replied vaguely.
"Have you since?" I shook my head again. That feeling. I didn't want it to return.
"Have you eaten anything?" she questioned. I chuckled a little. She didn't know who she was talking too.
"Yes. But...I have this weird craving for red meat. Actually meat of any kind. And it won't go away." At that my stomach growled again. "It's like a thirst I cannot quench." Madam Pomphrey sighed and took off her glasses. She rubbed her temple with her spare hand.
"Have you told the Headmaster about this?"
"No," and I didn't want to. How would that even pan out? Even if I wanted to, how would I find him? Dumbledore was almost impossible to talk to recently.
Madam Pomphrey turned and went to a shelf and rummaged through several unlabeled bottles before returning back to my bed. She dusted off the dark green vile before handing it to me.
"Take this. Wolfsbane. It will relieve some of your urges. But only major ones. I have yet to use this on a student. Other than our slight case a couple of years ago, I'd say you were the first one to come to me with this problem in decades. It shouldn't be used in large doses and I need you to come back to me weekly until the school year is over, understand? We must monitor this." I felt like I was being treated as an experiment. I took the bottle and put it in my bag. She quickly wrapped my arm up in some strong smelling cloth.
"If you don't see your arm returning back to it's normal state in a few days, come to me immediately." I nodded, thankful the darkness wasn't permanent.
"Thank you," I whispered, ready to head out.
"You know I have to tell Dumbledore, right? In case?" I drooped my head. It only made sense, especially if I was susceptible to an outbreak. Werewolves were not the friendliest of creatures and many lives had been put at risk when Dumbledore let Lupin come teach at the school.
"Madam Pomphrey? You don't think he will make me leave Hogwarts, do you? It's...all I have left really. For now at least." She sighed and came over to me, placing a hand on my unbandaged arm.
"At this rate, no. Let's just prey it doesn't get worse, yes?" I nodded, terrified at the thought of having to leave Hogwarts and not finish school. If I couldn't attend Hogwarts then I sure as hell couldn't work for the ministry. God, this was worse than I imagined. I hoped she was right.
That evening I met Hermione and Luna in the library. My hope was that the intense research may distract me from all of my feelings but honestly, it only made it worse. Searching for any possible inkling on Tom Riddle and his horcrux was near impossible. Hermione started going on tangents that resulted in paths that were far and few between being able to being remotely reasonable. I had to keep pulling her back, making her explain things over and over again until she proved herself wrong. It wasn't fun and we weren't getting much of anywhere. Luna had even passed out on the couch, unable to read anything else. I was honestly surprised we were not kicked out of the library by now.
"Ugh, how do we not have a lead yet? Things are getting worse out there and here we are, in a library, with our noses in books." Hermione said, frustrated. I personally would rather be here in this library than out in the wizarding world but that was just something that separated us.
"You can't keep thinking that way Hermione. You have found a lead. You know that Voldemort has a horcrux, or several. We just need to narrow it down is all." I tried to be reassuring but it wasn't working. She looked at me and frowned.
"I think Draco has one of them. I mean, it all makes sense. He is a death eater. Who would look at Hogwarts? Especially when it is completely secure." I threw her a threatening look
"Except for you and Harry! Why would he hide something in Hogwarts right in front of his enemy? That sounds preposterous." I replied, taking the topic off of Draco.
"You're just defending Malfoy because you're snogging him," she said defensively. I furrowed my brow. She quickly realized she had crossed a line and retreated.
"Sorry...I...it's just late," she sighed.
"Hermione, listen. You don't have to believe me when I tell you Draco is not all that you see him as. BUT, I will tell you that I am not a traitor. This world will be a version of hell if Voldemort comes into reign. I am not condoling that at all. Please trust me."
"Draco is a sniveling prick. I will think nothing more of him. I don't see what you see in him and I never will. I have scars to prove it Lyra, as do you. But that is not to say that it doesn't work in our favor. For the time being at least." All Hermione wanted me to do was find information out of Draco. What she didn't know yet was that I very well could get them information when the time presented itself. Until then, we were stuck in the library trying to find answers on our own.
My mind wandered back to him. He may be a sniveling prick but he was my sniveling prick. He had given me scars, scars that had healed and that he showed remorse over. There was a soul inside of that boy. That man. Images of us in the shower flashed through my mind. His body on mine. His touch. My body quivered in response.
Hermione thought he was heartless when in fact, he was full of emotion. Hell he was an emotional wreck that same night he found his father locked up in his house. I knew he had love and respect for his family and...for me. Enough that he risked his life to try to save mine. My hand flew to the necklace I had hung around my neck. He had gone to certain measures to make sure I was well taken care of and here I was, leaving him in the dark about my escape from the manor. From the potential deceit I would partake in. It didn't seem right and it certainly didn't seem fair.
I closed the book I was looking at and placed it on the pile next to Hermione. I stretched and gave her a tired look. She gave a weak smile.
"It's late Hermione. I need to get some sleep. Shall we continue tomorrow?"
"Go ahead. I still have a few hours left in me." Damn, this girl had some brain power. I couldn't help but think at how lost Harry and Ron would be if it weren't for her.
"What about our friend over here?" Hermione nodded towards Luna's direction. I stared down at her, her blonde hair splayed out over the couch. A small twitch of a smile spread across her resting face, lost deep within a dream.
"Leave her. She needs some peaceful sleep," I said quietly. I needed our dorm room alone for a few hours. Quickly gathering my belongings, I headed off in the direction of the dungeons.
Knowing that it was after curfew, I was hoping to run into Draco in the hallway. Being a prefect, he had certain obligations that needed to be served. Unfortunately I had heard he had mistreated this privilege, often not attending to his duties. I turned the corner to the dungeons only to hear the foregoing conversation.
"Come on Pansy, lay off."
"Aww but Draco, I know you need it."
"No. Leave me alone."
"Stop being prude."
"I'm not. You're just set in old ways."
"Old habit die hard love." My blood boiled at the thought of Parkinson hitting on him.
"Pansy, it's not like that. Shove off seriously."
"You're no fun Draco. What happened to you? You've never been like this." At that I folded up my note and enchanted it, slowly sending it across the dungeon floor.
The makeshift mouse hit Draco at his feet. He turned and picked it up, quickly unfolding it. His eyes were wide while Pansy tried to read the note. He hid it from her, folding it and placing it into his pocket.
"Excuse me. I have some business to attend to," he said swiftly before leaving Pansy alone to reside by the common room door. He traced his footsteps until he reached the corner that I had claimed for my temporary hideout. Draco's eyes met mine as we came in contact.
"What was that all about?" I asked rather sharply. Draco snickered, pulling me up the dungeon stairs.
"Jealous are we? She's mental. I already told you that. Why are your out at this hour? You could get caught." His anger from previously had subsided. I took his hand and drug him through the hallway.
"We need to talk. Pull your hood up and come with me. Be discrete." He gave a sly smirk, pulling his cloak up and over his head, concealing his identity.
We reached the Ravenclaw common room entrance around midnight. I breathed heavily as we approached, nervous about Draco concealing that he was not a Ravenclaw. The entrance suddenly spoke the new riddle.
"Feed me and I thrive. Give me a drink and I die. What am I?" Damn. It was technically a new day, a new start to a new riddle. I racked my brain to solve the question before Draco suddenly called out,
"Fire," I looked at him puzzled as the door opened. It only took him moments to answer the riddle. "What? That was nothing..." He flashed a 'know it all' grin as I shook my head and grabbed his hand. Quickly I pulled him into the common room.
We passed the airy room, ascending the stairwell to my dorm. As soon as we reached my room, I closed the door behind us, locking it. He took a moment to glance around the room in awe. I couldn't help but stifle a smile.
"Why...why did you bring me here Lyra?" He questioned smoothly. I sat on my bed, removing my cloak, getting comfortable. My palms were sweaty and I didn't know where to even start.
"There are some things we need to discuss." I said rapidly. My voice sounded shaky and I wasn't 100% certain about this. But he was here.
Draco removed his cloak took a seat on my bed, still looking around the empty room.
"So this is the Ravenclaw tower huh? Not all that it's cracked up to be, from what I have heard." I frowned. How did he even know what it looked like? I shook the thought from my head. Draco turned to me, placing a hand on my lap. I sighed, ready to let go of my secrets.
"I...I didn't just escape from the manor. You're right. Amycus does want something from me. But it's not what you think." He raised an eyebrow in interest. I tried to continue but my words would not form in logical sentences. I racked my brain, looking for the words to say.
Draco took my hand in his and looked at me, his silvery eyes piecing a hole into my soul. I knew I had to do this. He meant so much to me. He had done so much for me. He deserved this but it was hard to even speak.
"You can't tell me. I get it." He responded gently. "Will you let me help you?" I looked at him wearily. He just gave me a cunning smile before placing his hands on my face. Suddenly he took my lips in my, pulling me into him. I kissed him passionately, not wanting to let go.
Releasing, he looked into my eyes. "Let me?" He questioned again. I nodded in approval before he placed his fingers on my temples. Suddenly a flash of white light appeared in the back of my eyes lids. For a brief moment, I felt suspended in oblivion, not able to control my thoughts.
Releasing my temples, Draco sat, eyes wide. He had used his power again, reaching into the back of my mind, reading my thoughts.
"Lyra...your parents," he murmured. His skin color had faded into a paleness. He looked at me with solemn eyes. He hadn't seen it all. I placed his hands on my head again, encouraging another reading. Again he delved deeper, reaching my unexplained memories.
After moments of complete paralysis, Draco let go. I waited for him to respond only to see him breathing heavily. "Please understand" I thought to myself as we sat there on the bed.
"Draco...I...I didn't have a choice." I said, breaking the tension. He sat there staring at me, unable to speak. Curling my knees to my chest, I felt insecure about the entirety of the situation, second guessing my every move. What if he didn't approve?
After moments of silence, I spoke. "What...what's next?" Draco turned to look at me, his eyes wide with fright. He shook his head in astonishment.
"I...I don't know." We sat there for a minute, our breath filling the void. I gently placed a hand on his, hoping for some affirmation.
"He kept his promise." Draco murmured. I looked at him quizzically. "I made him promise your safety. However, I wasn't expecting this," he stammered.
"Please don't tell." I said hurriedly. I would ruin everything. My life. My parents. And I think he knew that. After a few moments he shook his head.
"Do you know how risky this is?" A worried look spread across his face.
"Draco, my parents are alive. This..this could be the end." Little did I think of the effects this may have on Draco and his family.
"And then what? Ever think of that?" His lips turned into a frown. He had caught onto my thoughts. My head drooped at the idea of him and his family in danger.
"It's not too late." I responded. He sat there and sighed. Running his fingers though his hair, he plopped down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I gently caressed his hair as he lay on my duvet. Draco closed his eyes, relishing in the thought.
'I'm sorry," I whispered. He opened his eyes to look at me.
"Don't be. You're doing what is right for your family. I couldn't ask you to do any differently." My heartbeat quickened. Maybe he would understand after all.
"Debitum amorem in aeternum," I whispered. He cracked a smile and looked at me again, his eyes softening. "I will do everything I can to protect you and your family, just as you did for mine." I responded. I owed him this.
"You mean everything to me Lyra," he said gently, taking my head in his hands, dragging me into a kiss. I pulled him up from my lap, deepening our passion. He broke away distracted and sat quietly on the edge of the mattress.
"We can do this," I said reassuringly. As long as he kept my secret, I was certain we could defeat Voldemort and his army in due time.
"Lyra, I...I don't know about this." Shit. He was beginning to be skeptical.
I grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at me. "We can do this." I said again, more sternly. I took his arm, exposing his scars from the previous night he had caused. "I know you want this. I know you know what's best." He bowed his head in disapproval.
"I trust you," I whispered. At that he looked up at me, the hint of green shining through his deep grey eyes. I could feel his pulse quickening as I held his arm. He swallowed hard, releasing his arm from my grasp.
After a moment he knocked off his shoes and curled up in bed next to me. Taking me in his arms, he held me under the covers. He gently kissed me on top of my head then rested his upon mine. I snuggled up next to him, wrapped in the scent of sandalwood that infiltrated the air.
"Good. I'll do what I can love," he whispered into my hair, hugging my tightly. I looked up at him and kissed him, thankful of his understanding. Together we wrapped in each others embrace before nodding off to sleep.
Author's Note: Lyra couldn't help but reveal her secret to Draco in hopes that he would understand (and hint at the help to find her parents). We see that Draco really isn't one sided about where his loyalties lie and is a little fed up with his task, yet he knows he has to complete it. He has deep feelings for Lyra and for the burden he has placed on her shoulders. Lyra finally confesses to Draco that she trusts him, for genuine reasons we are still unsure.
Raunchy content in next chapter, be forewarned. Comment if you're enjoying the read! Thanks :)
