Hi! ~gum wrapper.
Don't own Dan or Phil and they are real people and I'm just using them for your entertainment.
Sorry it's angsty, I had planned to write fluff but that changed clearly.)
Phil Lester was happy. It was his two year anniversary tomorrow and he was just finishing up his surprise for his boyfriend. Dan would love it, he was sure of it.
"Phil?" Dan's voice suddenly cuts through Phil's thoughts as he speaks through the closed door, "Phil I need to talk to you."
That's never a good phrase.
"About what?" Phil swings open the bedroom door after making sure to close out of his laptop tabs.
"Um," Dan is looking down at the ground and his hands are playing with each other. Phil's worry increases.
"About... us?"
"What... what about us?" A very large blackhole lands in Phil's gut.
"Listen, I love you, terribly so. You're almost everything I am. I don't know how to describe myself without you. But, Phil, I have... I have to tell you something."
He cheated? He murdered? Is it bad to want the murder? He did something stupid and just feels bad about it? He's just having a bad day and needs to get some things off his chest? Yeah, that last one must be it.
"Phil," Dan finds Phil's hands and holds them tightly, "I'm a little conflicted about what to do. I need your help."
I'd help him hide a dead body.
"There's the side of me that loves you so much, that cares for you, that wants you and me to love each other and get married and have a life... but Phil."
Oh fuck, here it comes, something bad. Something terrible.
"You deserve better Phil. There's the side of me that's your firebd. Your friend who is honest and wants what's best for you."
"What are you talking about?" Phil wants him to look up. He wants Dan to look him in the eyes and say it.
"As much as I love you, I want you to be happy. I can't give you everything you should have or everything you deserve. As much as I don't want to hurt you, I think it's best if we maybe... stop it here?" Dan's hands start to let go of Phil's but Phil doesn't let him pull away.
"No. No, you don't mean that."
"I do... I don't... I have no idea," Dan sharks his head and then his eyes flit up to meet Phil's for a second, "I don't think I can love you when I don't even like myself. I need to fix me before I can care for you."
It's almost funny, Dan thinks this will make Phil happier when it actually hurts him more than he ever thought he could be hurt.
"I don't care! I'll love you enough for the both of us."
"Phil."
"Dan."
They're eyes meet and they freeze.
"You don't think you can make me happy?" Phil whispers.
Dan shakes his head.
"You make me happy. All the time. You're so caring and kind and you always ask if something is okay before doing it," Phil starts to trip over his words as he tried to get it out, "I can't change your mind, I don't know if I can, but know that I'll wait until you think you can be in a relationship again. I'm not going to find anyone else."
Dan's eyes water but he quickly blinks it away. Phil resists the need to touch his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?)'s face because he doesn't know what Dan feels anymore. Maybe he never knew.
"I hope you can forgive me then. I just need to take some time to... to sort myself out. I love you Phil, I really do."
And then Phil can't handle it anymore, he has to do this one last time.
His lips are only one Dan's for a minute at most but it's enough time for Phil to realize just how confused Dan is. At first Dan doesn't kiss back, then he does very hesitantly, and then he pulls away and steps back down the hall. As his hands are ripped from Dan's he only can form one sentence:
"I love you too."
