After scraping up her piles of floorcake and shoving it into her mouth on the grounds that "it was dropped so I don't have to pay for it," Name grabbed Shulk and exited the restaurant as fast as she could. Shulk protested that he hadn't had time to interview Charizard about his struggles as a business owner for his column but Name insisted that their date came first. She dragged him across the entry plaza over to a small carnival that had set up shop in honor of Ness's birthday. Apparently Lucas knew some big wig pigs over at Pork City entertainment company and had pulled some strings.

"Isn't this great, Shulk?" Name smiled, somewhat unsure how to voluntarily hold hands, "We're gonna have the best date ever. It's going to be an overall positive and desirable experience!"

"Okay," Shulk said, middle of the roadly. He didn't seem very invested. Name had to convince him that she was the right match for him so she could shove their genitals together.

"Check it out!" she said, pointing to a ramshackle booth. A pink-colored ROB was tucked away beneath a sign that read "LOVE DETECTOR!" The sign around ROB's neck was clashingly labeled "Tomorrow's Forecast: Yes" Name squeezed Shulk like a dog with a toy. "A love detector! Let's go see how good of a match we are!" Shulk looked especially hesitant.

"I'm… not the biggest fan of robots," he mumbled.

"Why not? Is that why you write newspapers instead of eye-catching Buzzfeed articles?"

"My last girlfriend turned into a robot!" he said. Name thought about how to respond to that.

"That's rough buddy," she decided. Done with being sympathetic, Name tromped over to the booth despite Shulk's wishes and read over the instructions.

"Both members of the couple must grip one hand of the detector each as hard as they can. The detector will measure your LOVE (written in bright red cursive) and it will spit out a reading on it's ROMANCE DISK." Name glanced at the metal beyblade sitting in the robot's lap. A series of non-sequitur readings aligned its edges. "The one that sticks highest in the air is your reading."

As an expert on romance this made perfect sense to Nick Name who grabbed ROB's outstretched left hand immediately. She turned towards Shulk and smiled expectantly. He shrugged and slowly placed his hand on ROB's remaining sensor with an expression like he thought the robot was going to bite it off.

"BEGIN SQUEEZE" said a robotic voice from somewhere inside the metal. Name was momentarily reminded of the Star Fucks' voice recorder. Shulk still hesitated. The voice insisted again. On the repeat Name realized it was Lucas's voice giving the command in the same way he'd say PK FREEZE! He must have recorded the custom sound bit this morning while setting up the carnival. There weren't any workers around, just a host of ROBs. Come to think of it, the carnival probably wasn't even open yet. Whoops.

No time to think about that now though. From the sound of the detector's loud and clunky chirrups, it was about to dispense its result. Some gears whirred and with the speed and grace of a 50 cent crane game the gyro on ROB's lap began to move. After a few seconds of slow turning it flung the disc out, hitting the table in front of him where it fell over without completing a single revolution.

"Dognut" it read.

Shulk looked it over for a second. "...I think it's supposed to say 'donut.'"

"That decides it then!" Name declared, triumphantly sticking her hands on her hips. Shulk didn't seem to understand. Name cleared her throat to clarify: "See, Sausage Fests are when it's a room full of guys. A donut fest is when it's a room full of girls!" Shulk blinked twice. "It's saying you should go for my donut!" Still nothing. Name leaned in and whispered: "havesexwithme!"

Shulk winced and backed up a few feet. "Listen Name," he stuttered, "I have to be honest, you're being much too forward for my tastes. I think maybe I should go…" He turned to leave.

"Wait!" Name cried! What did she do wrong!? "Uh… give me one last chance! I'm sure that dognut thing was just a fluke! Let's try our luck at the kissing booth!" Shulk looked around.

"I don't see a kissing booth." The Love Detector ROB spun in a circle and changed its sign so that it now read "50% OFF!", indicating that it was now a kissing booth. Two gross pairs of dull, grate-metal lips sprouted on each of ROB's hands. Name tried her hardest not to think about why those ports were a built-in feature, but failed. "This seems like a terrible idea."

"Come on, Shulk, no one lives forever!" This did not convince the Monado Boy. Nevertheless, Name confidently stuck her face forward and began fervently kissing the ROB hand. Wait, she remembered, Shulk said he wanted me to be less forward! I should kiss modestly. Name decided to reel in her raw kissing talent a smidge and only use her tongue. Surely Shulk couldn't resist this! She visibly stuck her tongue into the slot like she was slurping up a cup of applesauce. Shulk was visibly distressed by this but began his own kiss anyways to avoid eye contact. Moments later two fortune cookie-sized slips of paper dial-up modemed their way out of ROB's base. Name picked hers up expectantly. "Strong like bull!" it read. "Neat! Shulk, what did you get? Quit really concealing it and show me!" Shulk, confused, presented his.

"Oh!" it read.

"Oh," she said.