Maura's eyes snap open and then shut, tight against the pain that radiates out from her rib cage. She gasps a little and the throbbing subsides and her heart rate slows again. She opens her eyes again, carefully, and finds herself looking up at the unmistakable overhead light of a hospital room.

She lies very still, taking inventory of her body.

Besides the burning pain in her ribs and the throbbing in her head, everything else seems to be functioning properly. She lifts her hand to feel her forehead, where one neat line of butterfly bandages runs across her skin.

She tries to remember what happened at the warehouse but everything after he'd shoved her against the beam is hazy. He had tried to shoot her.

She feels at her ribs with her hand, wincing a little, but not in extreme pain. The bullet can't have done more than graze her.

And he hadn't tried again….why?

A shifting in the corner of her eye makes her look around. Jane is asleep there, curled up into the tiny hospital chair like a child, right arm around her knees and head resting against them. What Maura can see of her pale green shirt is spattered with blood, and her hair is wild and matted in places. Her left arm is held tight to her body in a sling, but Maura doesn't see a cast.

She hears the IV next to her give three quick beeps and knows that it is sending more pain medication into her blood stream.

"Jay," her mouth feels like it has been stuffed with steel wool.

Jane jerks awake instantly, wincing at her sudden movement, but her eyes widen when they meet Maura's and she stands, crossing the room.

"Maura," her voice is hoarse, like she's been yelling. "Hi honey. You're awake."

Maura shakes her head, already feeling the medication making her heavy. "not long," she manages.

"It's okay. Everything's okay. Your mom is fine; they're going to discharge her soon, okay?"

"you" Maura says, reaching out her hand. It feels like it weighs about twenty pounds.

"I'm fine too," Jane says, sounding relieved. "And so are you. It's okay, Maur, don't fight it. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Maura closes her eyes. "You…shld chnge." It's all she can manage. And as the drugs pull her down, she hears Jane's voice, right by her ear.

"I'm not leaving you."

"I would do anything to protect her. You have to know that." Maura wakes, but does not open her eyes. Jane's voice is low and close to tears, and Maura wonders who she's talking to.

"I do. I don't blame you for this happening. And Maura's right there. She's only sleeping." Constance's voice sounds surprised, like she's never really looked at Jane before, and she doesn't know how to process the emotion on the detective's face. Maura tries to keep her face calm and her breathing even, not letting them know she is awake.

"I should have paid more attention."

"You still might not have seen. When my daughter sets her mind to something, she is not usually dissuaded. She chose you, after all." Constance pauses, "And now, I hear you are starting a family."

There is silence, and Maura fights to keep her eyes closed. Jane doesn't respond, and after a moment Constance sighs.

"I should apologize to you, Detective. I was quite frightened that first time I met you, when Maura was assaulted. I'm afraid that I associated bad things happening to my child…with you."

Constance pauses and Maura knows that Jane is opening and closing her mouth, too stunned to find the right words.

"I…" Constance falters, "I kept her from you for a long time. I thought I was keeping her safe, but I realize now that I was keeping her from…well, anyway… I'm very, very sorry, Detective."

"You can call me Jane, you know…My family calls me Jane."

"Jane." Constance says. "Thank you for saving my daughter's life."

There is silence, and Maura has just begun to think the conversation is over when Jane speaks, her voice tight with emotion.

"I love her so much. I have forever. From the time we were kids. I'll always be there for her.."

Maura hears the smile in Constance's voice. "I know."


"You'll go to the hospital and check on Maura?"

"Of course."

"And bring her the bag I gave you."

"I will, Jane," Frost says gently, gripping her shoulder briefly.

Jane sighs. "Okay. Tell her I love her. And I'm at Frankie's if either of you needs me."

Frost raises his eyebrows.

"I can't spend another night in that house alone." Jane says, gritting her teeth.

Frost goes to say something else, but it gets lost in a booming voice from behind them

"Hold it right there, Rizzoli, where do you think you're going?"

Jane turns, surprised. "Neil! What's up?"

"Don't you what's up me. Dr. Isles came for your wire like two and a half hours ago. You know a cop's gotta sign for it. Case number and everything."

Jane gapes at him. "Maura came for my…what?"

Neil stares at her. "The wire you needed for your case, what is it, arson? She came and got your wire, and you never signed for-Hey! Where are you going?"

But Frost and Jane are already running, sprinting towards the front of the building.

"Frost!" she tosses the keys to him over the hood of the cruiser, slamming the door so hard that the car shakes.

"Go! GO!" She says, as Frost fumbles with the keys.
"Where would she-"

"Warehouse. Go to the warehouse." Jane slams the dashboard in front of her with her fist, "Damnit, Maura."

She tries not to think about what Neil said. Two hours ago. Maura picked that wire up two hours ago. She lets out a little involuntary moan.

"She's gonna be okay, Jane. We're gonna get her."

"Barry," Jane never calls him that. "Kevin's not just going to let her walk away.

Frost doesn't respond. He just puts his foot down harder on the gas, the siren wailing.


"Careful," Jane spreads her hand out across Maura's back, her other hand gripping Maura's tightly, as she helps her from the car in front of their house.

"I'm fine, Jane." Maura says smiling. "Honestly, I don't have five stitches."

"You have six," Jane says, reaching back for her bag, "and I know it hurts. Don't forget who you're talking to." She throws the bag over her shoulder and returns her hand to Maura's waist.

"You fired a bullet into yourself. Mine merely grazed my-"
"Merely nothing," Jane says, and her voice stays quiet but her eyes darken and her jaw sets. "I would carry you if I didn't think it would hurt you more. C'mon," they start up the drive to their house.

Once inside, Jane lowers Maura to the couch, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"You want something to eat?" she asks, moving to head to the kitchen.

But Maura shakes her head, and pulls Jane down onto the couch with her, sliding her fingers through dark wavy hair, watching her wife's eyes flutter shut at her touch.

"Don't go," she whispers, and Jane relaxes a little, her eyes still shut. Maura runs her fingers down Jane's jaw, to her throat and her chest, feeling her heart racing.

"You're so mad at me," she whispers, leaning in to kiss Jane's neck, right where her heart beat is pounding. "You're so mad…" she whispers against Jane's throat, and she feels the taller woman shiver a little. "Jane…"

But Jane shakes her head slowly, pushing her back gently so that they can look at each other. "I'm not mad, honey. I just love you, and I was very, very scared."

Jane contemplates her finger nails before looking up at Maura, who nods encouragingly. Jane sighs. "I was really mad at you when I realized where you'd gone." Jane flexes her fingers and Maura takes her hands, giving them a squeeze. "And then I realized how long ago you'd been gone without anyone knowing, and I…"

"I'm sorry."

"I know why you did it," Jane says, and she gives Maura half a smile, tired and tremulous, but genuine.

"And I didn't mean those things I said…with my mother…" Maura tries to take a deep breath and winces, as it catches.
Jane's brow immediately creases and she leans in, pushing Maura back against the couch, and slipping one hand up under her shirt to where the gauze is. "Lean back," she says, "make your torso as long as possible."

"I know that it wasn't your fault that my-"

"Shush," Jane says, her fingers ghosting over Maura's stomach. "Does it still hurt?"

Maura searches Jane's face, trying to find an opening where she can apologize, but as she looks, she can find nothing but genuine affection and sweet, quiet concern. "No," she says, reaching up to pull Jane down for a kiss. "No. Thank you, sweet girl."

The pet name makes Jane's smile a fraction bigger, and Maura relaxes a little.

"you have to be hungry," Jane says, pulling away again, and this time Maura lets her go, trusting that when Jane is ready to talk at her or rage at her or cry against her, she'll do it.

"Maybe a little…" she says, and she sees Jane smile as she turns towards the kitchen.


Jane rounds the corner as Flynn smacks Maura's face against the supporting beam.

The sick hard thunk of Maura's skull hitting concrete and metal reverberates around the gutted warehouse, it brings bile to the back of Jane's throat, but her hands don't shake around the gun. Cold fury makes her steady. Enhances each one of her senses.

"DROP YOUR WEAPON," Her yell makes him jerk upwards, his eyes leaving Maura as his gun goes off.

Everything else is driven from Jane's mind as the sound of the gun shot reaches her.

No no no no no, her heart is racing, keeping time to her one thought. Not, Maura. No. Not her.

She pulls her own trigger, and somewhere, behind her, she hears Frost's gun go off too, and then she is tearing across the building.

Flynn barely hits the floor before she is at Maura's side, pulling the doctor (was she always so small? Was she always this pale?) into her lap and pressing her hand against the wound until it's painful.
She wipes at the blood on Maura's face and bends to kiss her, hiding both of their faces behind the curtain of her hair, as if it is their own sanctuary, and nothing can touch them there

"Maura," she whispers, feeling for and finding the heartbeat, a little fast, not very strong. "Maura. Maura," Jane says, the way she might when they are in bed together, but not rushing.

But the medical examiner's eyes don't open and soon there are hands pulling at her from all sides, and they are trying to take her wife away from her, and in her confusion, and her panic that Maura's eyes have not opened…she fights them.

One of the paramedics hyper extends her elbow yanking her away so that another paramedic can get in, and she cries out.

Frost intervenes, shoving the young paramedic out of the way and holding Jane tight around the waist.

"They've got her. She's safe. She's going to be fine, Jane, alright? We got her. She's safe,"

He repeats it like a mantra, following the Paramedics to the ambulance and almost lifting her up into the seat next to Maura's unconscious body.

"You fucked up her arm, dickhole," He spits at the paramedic, "So give her something for that. And for fucks sake show some fucking respect. That's Dr. Isles. That's the woman's wife." He grips Jane's knee until she looks at him, and his eyes search her face for coherence before he continues.

"I'm right behind you in the cruiser, okay Jane? I'll be right there. Hold Maura's hand." Jane reaches out obediently (was her hand always so cold? Was it always this delicate?).

"She's going to be fine." Frost says, one last time. And the ambulance doors slam.

The sirens wail as they zoom through the city.


While Jane is in the shower, Maura wanders down the hall to the guest room. She doesn't know what brings her there, except for the fact that their bed is untouched, as if no one has slept in it in days. So Maura goes to the guest room to see if Jane has slept in there.

She pushes the door open and immediately the strong smell of paint fumes hits her full in the face.

She flips the light on, and feels herself gasp.

All the furniture is pushed to the middle of the room, covered in plastic sheeting. Next to the jumble of furniture is a sleeping bag and a water bottle, a notebook open beside it.

And the walls are pale green, a green that Maura remembers pointing out to a seemingly disinterested Jane one Sunday morning. Wouldn't this be wonderful for the baby's room?

And the baseboards that run the room are yellow, pale and sweet and immaculately done. Maura walks into the middle of the room, spinning in a slow circle.

She must not have slept, she must not have eaten, she…

Maura is looking up and so she doesn't notice how far she's gone until she knocks over the water bottle on the floor. It spills all over the notebook, and Maura grabs it up, shaking it a little, trying to dry it without smudging it, but as she does a word catches her eye, and she stops to read, unable to help herself.

Hi baby, I'm so excited to meet you. I can't wait. Sometimes I dream about you. Sometimes I'm really, really scared, but I know you're going to be much more wonderful than in even my best dreams. You have a mommy who's going to carry you and who is the smartest person I know. I love her so much, and she will teach you anything you want to learn. She will always be there for you, and I will teach you how to make her laugh and how to cheer her up when she's sad, and how to make the chili that she really loves, even though she complains about the fat content.

I love you so much already. I'm not sure what you have in me as your mama. I'm not sure what I'm really bringing to the table except I love you, and I promise to protect you and your mother and any brothers or sisters that come along (and I hope they come along…). I'll protect you with everything I have. And I'll always be there for you.

Not flesh of my flesh, or bone of my bone

But never the less, still my own

Never forget for a single minute

That you were not born under my heart

But In it.

Love, Mama.

"You know... It was going to be a surprise." Jane's voice makes her cry out and whirl around, wincing.

Jane moves to her quickly, taking her elbow and steadying her, face lined with concern.

"I'm fine," Maura says, tugging her arm out of Jane's grasp so that she can wrap her arms around he skinny waist. Jane sighs into her hair. "I didn't remember what the name of the color was called, but I brought the guy at Home Depot the picture from the magazine and he color matched it," she says.

"Jane, I'm so sorry. I was just so scared and I didn't know how to-" But Jane pulls away from her, looking down into her face with an expression between annoyance and affection.
"Maura, I'm not mad. I'm not. I was lonely while you were gone, and I was terrified when you were hurt, but I'm not angry." She pulls the doctor back into her embrace, kissing the side of her head. "I just want to hold on to you. I missed you a lot."

Maura presses her head against Jane's chest, listening to her heart beat, strong and regular.
"Besides," Jane says after a while, "If you'd told me that's what you were planning. I wouldn't have stopped you."

Maura's eyes get wide, "You wouldn't have?"

"No. I would have gone with you, and we would have gotten that bastard and you wouldn't have been hurt."

Maura smiles, "Don't swear, Jane."

She feels Jane smile against her head. "So, do you like it?"

Maura nods, "I love it. And the baby's going to love it."

She feels Jane nod again, and pull away gently, not letting go of her hand. She pulls her to the hall and down towards her bedroom.

"Are you ready for bed?" The brunette asks, and Maura smiles, knowing that Jane will sit up with her and watch any documentary she chooses, but also seeing the way the taller woman's shoulders slump with exhaustion.

"Yes," she says, feeling settled and okay for the first time in days. "Take me to bed."

Jane chuckles, low and raspy, and she slips an arm around her wife. Knowing that Maura is baiting her. She leans over and bites the blondes ear lobe gently.

"I just want to hold on to you."


luvreading ri Sry it's a little late. I've been having mad DRAMA all morning you guys! But here's 53, just like I said. And no cliffhangers for you. And I don't want to spoil anything for you but next chapter...somebody's got SOMETHING in the oven. lol.

and you guys should count yourselves lucky. I've written exactly three cliffhangers (including this) the entire story. Other authors make me want to dieeeeeee with theirs. lol

ts (i'm not gonna stop calling you that), jmpack, TVaddict cheeky monkey! bookiewookie trangalang(awesome handle), thank you as ever for your wonderful words. Love it. LOVE IT. heatwave. no doyle. je refuse

NEW PEOPLE! kaliblue irisjsy, thanks! I hope you'll continue to read on when the sequel comes. Socks lost! HI. thank you and sorry...this one is fluffier though...right? see?

AE. why? because writing that pulls at your heart brings people closer together in the experience. AH DUH! :)

1 more and an epilogue...maybe.

poem at the end of jane's letter is by Fleur Conkling Heyliger.

happy reading!

t.c.