50. Tobias: About love

Sunday

I find them in Natalie's bedroom. I'm glad to see Natalie awake too and she seems pretty well, despite her bandaged head. I left Adam at Christina because I feared something could go wrong if she saw him straight this morning. I see Tris did not sleep much, just like me. I approach the bed to hug Natalie and "Hi sweetie, how have you been, does it still hurt you?"

"No! she says, I'm very tough like you. I want to go to the park now, they don't have games here." I respond half smiling "You're very brave I know, but we are not allowed to leave before the doctor says so. Would you like to see the coloring book I brought you?"

"Oh yes! I want it." she says happily. Once she buries deep into her drawing, I go out of the room to speak with Tris. I ask "You didn't sleep at all did you?"

"I must look awful, I know" she says "I did sleep, but only for a few hours. I was too much worried. She woke up one hour ago and seems very well up till now. She has asked me to go to the park already."

I smile at her "I'm pretty sure the doctor will say there's nothing serious, he said if nothing happened overnight, she would be fine." I add "Don't worry about this. We will need help to work with Adam about him mustering his violence. He has been taught to fight and hurt and he needs us, and maybe a therapist, to understand it's not a way to solve things."

"You say so…" she answers raising an eyebrow. "Okay, huh I've not always been good at it myself" I was thinking about other people like Christina who knows how to talk about things, and maybe Dr Lang who works at the Home. He would probably help us well, he will deal with this with other kids at the Home I guess." She nods and answer "You're right, I'll ask him. I don't want to fear every day that an accident happens with Adam, and I don't want to isolate him either, he wouldn't understand."

The doctor arrives so we go back inside the room to wait with Natalie. He looks carefully at her head, pushing here and there, pulling her head on side or the other, her and after a few questions and tests, he turns to us and says: "There's no brain damage at all. She can do whatever she wants when she'll get out, as long as the wound does not get wet for one week at least."

We both breathe again normally. I notice that even I did hold my breath during the doctor's exam…

xxx

As we get out of the hospital we linger in the park for a while because we promised Natalie she could play a little. We sit on a bench while she takes turns at the slide.

"What shall we do now then?" asks Tris.

I had an idea while we were waiting in the hospital and I think I know what we should do. I find it brilliant but maybe I'm wrong. I can't wait to tell her though "Look, we need help and we need a therapist for Adam. So why don't we go the Home with the children? We would have all the help we need, properly trained staff and teachers, and Adam and Natalie would have friends to play with. Besides, you're doing very well in ruling the Home, because you really care. Stay as the head of the Home as Johanna has asked you to, and let's all move in there. You would never be far from Adam and Natalie even at work. I really feel we should."

"Are you serious Tobias?" she answers frowning "I see what your point is, but they are 223 children left… I'm not sure I can handle all this with our baby coming; living there will be hell every day!"

"Know what? I trust you Tris. You're the best mother I've ever seen. I will really try to help you too." I put my hands on her now prominent belly. "But that'll make 226 kids if you count well."

She laughs and takes my hand. "I will do it if you're with me."

"Always" I say with a smile. And I know that's settled.

xxx

Monday

Every day my sight has improved continuously and it really improved quickly in the past few days. I can see everything now, even if it's still a little blurred when I'm far away. But close sight is fine and I can read in day light, if not too long. I need to wear sunglasses in bright day light, but I can do things on my own again. I even managed to shave alone again for one week. That's something I didn't like to need Tris for. It's strange, but it felt too intimate to share that with her. Abnegation shyness left I guess…or maybe it's too much of a man's concern. It's true she was very clumsy doing this, she hated it. I'm just glad one of the first things I got to see was our son at the ultrasound exam last week. This is really unique feeling, I felt proud and excited at the same time, and curious too. I wonder what he will look like. Maybe he will feel different toward me because I'll get to raise him from his first day unlike Adam and Natalie.

Caleb picked me up at 9PM after dinner for our Private celebration. Though I promised him, I don't feel very well being alone with Caleb. I argued with Tris, when she said she decided to forgive him. I really can't. I don't think I will ever be able to, as far as I'm concerned. Anyway I had to go away: Tris and Christina are having a wedding planning session tonight and I know for sure, that I don't want to experience this again. I try to be as friendly as I can though and try to speak casually in the train.

"Know what ? We have three things to celebrate." I say.

"Three?" He asks raising an eyebrow.

"Yes : first I can see again thanks to you; second I've been chosen to replace Johanna at the city council, and third I saw my son to come last week. I believe that's worth a few drinks, don't you?"

"Whoa!" He says "Sounds like you had a good time recently."

Yes I had. I still can't believe the burst of mixed pride and bliss I felt when I saw the baby on the screen. I just didn't care about anything else. Tris right, I'm really happy it's a boy.

"What about you?" I ask when we get out of the train. "Nothing much, really." Matthew asked me to join his new research program. I believe it's got something to do with those pluripotent cells he took from the Fort Sheridan lab. I'm considering it, but I would be away from Cara, so I'm torn between my wishes."

I order beers from the bar and we find a quiet place to sit in the corner. It's still calm at the moment, so we have not too much noise around and we can talk. I ask him "What's up with Cara then?"

Caleb goes "I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I think she likes me and the next day she beats me cold. How do you know what a girl really wants?"

"You never know." I respond "That's the point. You have to guess, and even when she tells you something, you're never sure it's the whole truth."

"Man, that's hell!" He says with eyes wide open.

"Don't be mistaken" I add "There are good moments, very good ones, but sometimes you'll see that what you did with the best intentions will turn into a mistake or a fight."

He looks both sad and worried when he asks "How do you think I should do?"

"Did you tell her how you feel?" I ask back.

"Not yet. I don't know how."

I think for a minute and suggest "Maybe you should ask her out for dinner as a start. If she says yes it will be an encouraging sign."

He still looks worried when he asks coldly "Do you think I'm capable of love? I always wonder, because of what I did to Tris. I tried to kill her even though she was my sister…"

I suppose I forget I don't like him for a moment, when I answer "And you also decided to save her life twice. When I was really bad about what my father did to me, I believed I would never love again. Because I had only known love, going along with the worst pain: I just didn't want it anymore. But Tris changed that. It's like she released something in me that gave me the strength to move on. Love changes you, you can learn from it. " I pause. "And nothing compares to what I felt when I first met with Natalie and Adam. It's really worth it you know. Just try with Cara. Maybe you'll have remorse about it, if you fail, but I believe it's better than regretting all you life that you didn't try and let it slip away."

He looks at me in astonishment, but curiously all he says is "This is getting too serious. Maybe we should get drunk from now on?" I agree and go for a refill.

.

A/N : Not a very exciting chapter but I needed it and this is my story so I do it my way ;-)).

I'm getting near the end but the next -and last- chapters will take a little time to write so be patient for the next updates. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Go on with ideas for the baby's name, I haven't chosen it yet, but if you do, please tell me why you think this name would be good for him.