This is the follow on to Pretty Woman.

Requested by SittingontheEdge.

Enjoy :-)


Bench

"Why did you buy this again?" Joe asked as he flicked through the instruction manual, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Because Joseph, that guy who owned the store you dragged us to, was being a complete tool. He didn't think me or Jon had the money to pay for any of his overpriced ugly woodwork...sooo...I bought this bench to make a statement" Colby said with a huff.

"Ok, let me get this straight...so...this guy...the owner of the 'overpriced, ugly woodwork store' basically accused you of being too...lower class...to buy any of his stuff, so, to prove him wrong...you bought an expensive piece of furniture that we don't need and that you don't want, just to prove a point?" Joe asked his friend.

"Yes" Colby replied folding his arms.

"Man, you should just get 'mug' tattooed on your forehead" his friend said with a chuckle.

"What? Why?" Colby asked.

"This guy made you feel so pissed that, without you knowing it, felt the need to buy some of his furniture to prove your point, and you actually did it. I wonder how many other people he's done that to? It's a good way to sell stuff. Piss people off by accusing them of not being able to afford it, so, in their anger and better judgement...they end up doing EXACTLY what he wants. And that...is to buy useless pieces of expensive furniture that they don't need or want...hence, this bench" he said throwing the instruction manual behind his shoulder and folding his arms, a smirk on his face.

After thinking over what Joe had just said, Colby went red with anger and stormed off into the apartment, muttering something about being a 'smart ass' and being 'down eleven hundred bucks'.

"Hey, this is your shit. Come and put it together. Don't just leave it lying around on the floor...it's expensive ya know" Jon shouted, smiling through the garden door to his frustrated friend.

Colby stormed back into the garden and glared at him.

"You think your funny don't you?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"I think I'm hilarious" Jon said smiling.

Colby, filled with anger, picked up the instruction manual off of the floor that Joe had thrown down just moments before.

He briefly flicked through it then growled in annoyence.

"None of this is in English. How the hell are we supposed to put this together if we can't even read what it says?" he shouted angrily, then proceeded to throw the booklet on the floor and kick it.

"We? What do you mean we? WE didn't buy this bench...you did, so YOU can put it together" Jon said sipping on some soda from the can he held in his hand.

"And what? You're just gonna sit there and watch me struggle? Some friend you are" Colby huffed folding his arms and sitting on the floor with his legs crossed like a child on a time out.

Jon just raised his eyebrows at his friends behaviour.

"Well, I'm definitely not helping you now" he sniffed before drinking some more soda.

"Why?" Colby asked genuinely shocked.

"Seriously?" Jon asked.

"You're acting like a kid. Look at the way you're sitting. Grown ass man sulking. Then you think you can be rude and I'm still going to help you? Think again" he added before turning away and looking at the end of their garden.

Joe looked between the two. It was extremely rare that they argued or fell out. This was actually the first time he'd seen them in any sort of a 'diassgreement'.

"I'm not sulking" Colby mumbled.

"Yeah...sure you're not" Jon said getting irritated.

"You're the one who started it. Making jokes at a time like this?" Colby said glaring at his friend.

"ME? Did I tell you to buy that thing? No, I didn't. Did I piss you off enough that you felt the need to buy that thing? No, I didn't. And am I the one who wrote the instructions in every other language but English? No, I didn't...so why don't you go and sulk somewhere else princess and stop ruining my day off" Jon spat.

"Guy's c'mon. Don't argue with each other" Joe said aloud as he tried to stop the rising tension between the two men.

"And besides...Jon does have a point" Joe added.

"WHAT?" Colby yelled.

"You are acting kinda childish" Joe said with a chuckle.

Just as Colby was about to protest he heard a camera click go off.

He turned to look at Jon who sat smiling at his phones screen.

"What are you doing?" he asked his friend.

Jon looked up at him, a blank expression on his face.

"Well...I knew you were about to argue your point that you don't look childish so I thought I'd take this picture of you sitting here ya know...child like...and show it to you" he said turning his phone around for his friend to see himself.

Joe chuckled softly as he saw an embarrassed red blush spread up Colby's cheeks.

"Still think you don't look like a sulking kid?" Jon asked smirking.

Colby looked like he was going to say something but instead, he just began to laugh out loud.

"You're right. I'm sorry man" he said honestly.

Jon nodded. "It's ok" he replied bumping fists with his friend.

Joe smiled.

"Now that, that crisis has been averted. How about we put this thing together before it starts getting dark?" Joe suggested, to which both of his friends nodded in agreement.


An hour.

It had been an hour since they had begun to attempt to put the bench together.

An unsuccessful hour.

"What the hell is a schraubendrher?" Jon asked looking at the instruction booklet like it was written by Satan.

Both of his friends shook their heads not knowing.

"Ok...what's a schraube" he asked.

Again, they shook their heads.

"Jesus...what's a destornillador?" he asked.

"Sounds like a breed of dinosaur" Colby replied.

Joe laughed out loud.

Colby then began to laugh and soon, Jon followed.

They all sat on the grass in their garden looking at the wood that surrounded them.

"We should just wing it. How hard can it be?" Colby asked.

All three men then began to hold bits here, and screw in bolts there.

After another forty five minutes they looked at their progress so far.

"It's wonky" Jon stated.

"How are we supposed to sit on it if it's wonky?" he asked.

They all huffed.

They then took the bench apart and started again.

"Ok, now hold this here Joe" Jon said showing his friend where to hold the side part of the bench.

"And dipshit...you hold it here" he said showing Colby where to hold the back.

He then bent down and began to screw in a bolt to attach the two pieces together.

He was leaning over Joe and slightly bent under Colby.

"I feel like I'm paying twister" Colby muttered.

"How do you think this feels for me? I'm not bendy. Look at the angle my body is at" Jon stated.

Colby did look. Jon was right. The way his body was bent and twisted looked very uncomfortable.

"I appreciate your help" Colby said, feeling it was the right thing to say.

"Oh shut up" Jon told him making Joe laugh.

"Ok, now...let go" he old his friends.

They both slowly let go and were happy to see that it didn't fall down like it had about ten minutes before.

"Ok, now all we need is the seat bit and it should be done" Jon said picking it up and slotting it into the space on the frame.

Joe and Colby held it in place while Jon screwed in the bolts.

When he was done, they stepped back to admire their handy work.

"Not bad" Joe said.

"Nice" Colby said.

Jon looked at them both.

"Are you two nuts?" he asked.

"It's ugly. It was ugly in the store and it's ugly now. All that's gonna happen, is it's gonna get tucked away in that corner their, getting rained on. It was pointless buying it" he said folding his arms.

"I had to show that guy a lesson" Colby defended.

"A lesson would have been walking out of the store and not buying anything. But noooo...the dipshit in you just HAD to make a point" Jon said making Joe laugh some more.

"Well, there you go Mr I Have Money, I'm Not Lower Class, So Stick That In Your Pipe And Smoke It. One uncomfortable, completely useless bench" he added before walking away.

Colby stood there shocked.

"Was that his version of a pep talk?" he asked.

"I think that was. Yeah" Joe replied.

"He needs to work on it" Colby added before he and Joe picked the bench up and carried it to it's new place.

"It is kinda ugly" Joe said when he turned back to look at it as he and Colby began to make their way inside.

"I know it is. But DON'T tell Jon I said that. He'll be going on at me for weeks if he finds out. Making jokes here and there. He'll never let me live it down" he said, making Joe laugh.


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