Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his friends belong to the lovely JKR. The OCs belong to little old me.

Chapter 51: Harry's Worst Nightmare

18th July 1995

Remus could feel sweat coating his hands as he pushed open the door to Jamie's room.

Lily was about to step into the fireplace but halted at the sight of Remus' white face. "What's wrong?"

Remus handed her the letter. "Read it."

Harry and Jamie looked at each other, wondering what was going on.

Lily promptly burst into tears. "But he's supposed to have a few more weeks."

At her words, Harry began to shake, correctly guessing what the missive contained. "He's brought it forward?"

Remus nodded. "I'm sorry. You've got until tomorrow."

"But Severus is supposed to be leaving for the States today," Harry reminded his dad. "And he won't be back until Saturday."

Remus checked the time. "Harry, Severus will have already left. We can't get him back in time; the portkey travel would be too much for him." Remus knew that because of the training sessions, Harry and Severus had not only developed a mutual respect for each other but had also grown quite close. He wondered whether this was how the alternate Severus and Harry had become father and son. Conscious that Harry needed some reassurance, Remus put his arms around his son. "We're going to get through this, Harry."

"Dad, I can't do it on my own. I need him." Harry leant into the comfort of his dad's embrace, even as he felt like running out and never returning. "I haven't even started practicing the Killing Curse yet." Harry's voice reflected his panic. "I won't be ready in time."

"I'm going to make you ready," Remus promised. "I need you in the dueling room in fifteen minutes' time." When Harry hesitated, Remus opened the door and gently pushed him out. "Harry, please go get ready." Harry finally did as Remus asked.

Lily looked hopefully at Remus. "I want to stay."

Jamie jumped up off his bed. "I'm staying as well. I know how horrible it's going to be for him tomorrow. I want to help."

Remus could see that both of them were determined to remain. "If you do, you can't get upset. Harry's going to have a difficult enough time as it is. I need his focus on what we're going to be doing, not on someone else's distress."

"We understand." Lily wiped her face. "I'm just going to tell Sirius that Harry's not feeling very well and needs me."

Remus nodded brusquely. "Make certain he won't come to check on Harry. I don't want him here."

"Don't worry. I know just what to say." Lily hurried away.

Remus turned to Jamie. "I may as well tell you now. I'm going to be downright nasty to Harry if it doesn't look as if he's going to be able to do this with simple encouragement alone."

Jamie didn't want Remus to refuse to let him stay. "I understand."

"I don't think you do, Jamie," Remus told him. "Then again, it might be better if you stay. It'll give you some idea of exactly what you're going to have to go through when I train you to do this."

Jamie hid his elated grin at being allowed to remain. "I won't let you down, Uncle Remus."

"Get dressed then, and I'll see you upstairs." Remus then walked out to prepare the dueling room.


Two hours later

Harry had thought that Severus had been a hard taskmaster but he paled in comparison to Remus. As Harry slid off Remus' lap and on to the ground, for the first time in his life, Harry actually felt frightened of his father.

Remus snapped at his son, "Get up!"

Harry struggled to his feet, resisting the urge to rub his sore bottom. "Can't we stop for a while?"

Remus ignored Harry's request and nodded towards the small brown box. "Get over there and try it again."

Harry gritted his teeth and marched over to where a small rodent was frantically running up and down in the box, desperately trying to find a way out. So far Harry had been able to kill small insects and the like but had baulked at killing anything bigger. Remus had subsequently gritted his own teeth and forced himself to punish Harry every time he failed or refused. So far he had held off using the Cruciatus but he knew that it might get to the stage where he would have to.

Harry tried again but failed and he backed away from his father, truly afraid of him. "I'm sorry, I can't."

Remus' stomach flipped as he turned his wand on his son. "Crucio." He held the underpowered spell on Harry for just a few seconds, before dropping it. "Now get up and kill it."

Jamie stood beside the box. He whispered to Harry, "You can do it."

"Potter, get over there," Remus ordered in a stern voice, "unless you want to sample a little of what your brother just went through."

Jamie hurried over to stand by his mother. Lily couldn't even muster up a reassuring smile for Jamie. She now understood why Remus had wanted her promise not to get upset. She had never seen him act like this before, and knew that it was a sight that after today, she never wanted to witness again.

Raising his wand, Harry concentrated. "Avada Kedavra." Nothing happened.

"Again, Harry," Remus snapped, not able to bring himself to use the Cruciatus again. "If you don't do it this time, then we'll see how well you manage it with a few broken fingers to concentrate on as well as the Cruciatus Curse." Remus knew that his threat was empty but he just hoped that Harry didn't.

Angry and alarmed by Remus' threats, Harry closed his eyes and tried to let his anger flow out. "Avada Kedavra."

When Harry finally opened his eyes, the small rat lay stiff and unmoving in the box.

Remus hid his relief that Harry had at last succeeded. "We'll take a break now. You've got ten minutes." He walked out of the room and downstairs to his bedroom.

Lily smiled consolingly at Harry before following Remus. Reaching his bedroom door, she knocked hesitantly.

"What is it?" Remus sounded irritated at the interruption.

Lily put her head around the door. "Can I come in?"

"If you must." Remus didn't really want to see anyone.

"Remus…" Lily began hesitantly.

"If you're going to say that I'm being a bastard to Harry, then you're right, I am." Remus took a deep breath as he tried to calm himself.

"I wasn't." Lily put a hand tentatively on Remus' arm. "I was just going to ask if you wanted me to take over."

"Do you really think you could do it?" Remus snarled. "Put Harry under the Cruciatus for an extended period? Because that's what's coming next if he doesn't obey me."

"No, I don't think I could, but I can see that the idea of having to go that far is killing you."

"I've got to." Remus ran a hand through his hair. "If I don't and he's unprepared tomorrow, I don't know what Amicus might do to him."

Another knock sounded at the door. Remus marched over to the door and pulled it open. "Dudley, now is really not a good time."

"Dae's downstairs." Dudley wondered what was wrong. He had never seen Remus wearing such a cold look on his face before.

"Send him up." Remus then slammed the door in Dudley's face.

A few moments later, Dae was standing in front of Remus. "With Severus being out of town, I thought I'd just drop by and see whether Harry needed any help with his practice."

Remus was beyond thankful to see his best friend. "You didn't get the message I sent this morning?"

Dae shook his head. "I've not been into the Ministry. I've just gotten back from a long break in Paris with Anna."

"Where is she?" Remus didn't want Anna around as well, Lily was enough to deal with.

"At her father's." Dae could feel the tension in the room. He glanced at Lily before addressing Remus. "Did I come at a bad time?"

In answer, Remus opened his bedside drawer and took out the note that Amicus had sent him. "Read it."

After perusing its contents, Dae passed the letter back to Remus. "Where's Harry now?"

"He's upstairs in the dueling room with his brother," Lily told him.

"But I've just seen Dudley…" Dae began.

"She meant Jamie."

"Jamie, as in the Boy Who Lived, Jamie?" Dae was confused. "What's he doing here?"

"He's supporting his brother," Lily told Dae. "I'll tell you more later. Right now we could do with your help. Remus isn't coping too well with having to punish Harry. And Harry's struggling with the Killing Curse."

Dae was hardly surprised. "How far has Harry got?"

"A small rodent and I really had to push him to do that," Remus admitted. "I used the Cruciatus on him but underpowered it, and then I couldn't bring myself to do it again."

"I'll take over, Remus." Dae knew that he could push Harry a lot further than Remus ever would. "You know my methods though. Would you prefer to stay down here?"

"I might not like watching but Harry needs me there."

"I'm coming too," Lily informed them.

Dae refused. "Absolutely not."

"But I've already sat in so far," Lily protested.

"I'm going to be a lot harsher than Remus," Dae warned her.

"I don't care," Lily protested. "I'm not leaving my son to go through this alone."

Dae knew that Lily had no real idea of how sadistic he could be if the situation called for it, and if what she had said about Harry's struggles were true, Dae knew that things were probably going to get extremely ugly at some point. "If you come in, no matter what I do, do not interfere. If it comes down to the wire, then there's every chance I'll end up using you or Remus to get to Harry. Harry's got to believe that I'm capable of anything. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

Lily felt her stomach flop over as Dae's pleasant visage turned grim. "If it's the only way, then I'm willing to do anything for Harry."

"Let's get upstairs then." Dae pulled open the door and made his way to the dueling room, Lily and Remus following slowly behind.

Harry and Jamie were talking quietly together when the door opened. Harry's face lit up at the sight of Dae. "Hi, Dae."

"Hello, Harry, Jamie." Dae smiled kindly; it was the last nice smile that Harry would be receiving from him until he had finished his training.

Jamie was alarmed at the sight of Dae. "What's he doing here?"

Dae rolled up his sleeve. "Long story short. Former Death Eater; betrayed the Dark Lord; helping Harry."

"He's okay, Jamie," Harry reassured his brother, before anxiously looking behind Dae for the one person he now needed more than anyone else, even in the face of what Remus had done to him. "Where's Dad?"

"Right here." Remus stepped into the room. Lily closed the door behind her.

"What's going on?" Harry asked.

"I'm taking over your training," Dae informed him.

Harry suddenly felt very nervous as he remembered how Dae had dealt with Peter in the cavern. As callous as Remus had been with him, Harry had at least got the measure of his dad. Dae, on the other hand, was going to be a totally different ball game. "Um, okay." At the sight of Dae's scowl, Harry hurried to add a 'Sir' on to the end of his sentence.

Dae's face then became totally inscrutable, any signs of emotion now completely eradicated, as he told Harry what he expected of him. "When I tell you to do something, Lupin, you'll do it. Disobey me, and you will be punished. Unlike your over-sentimental father, I won't be handing out any second chances. Do you understand me?"

After what Remus had put Harry through already that morning, hearing Dae call his father 'over-sentimental' made Harry shiver even as sweat broke out on his forehead. "Yes, Sir."

"Good. Now go outside and take a breather while I set things up. Be back in five minutes." Dae then strode across the room as Harry left to take a bathroom break.


Twenty minutes later

Harry looked down at the litter of kittens he was expected to kill, and he struggled not to cry as the small bundles of fur mewed piteously at him. "I'm not doing it."

"Wrong, Lupin." Dae backhanded Harry, almost knocking him over. "Kill them now."

Harry backed up against the wall and defiantly shook his head. "No."

Remus felt Lily start as Dae advanced on Harry. He whispered softly to her, "He's got to, Lily."

They had only just started, and already Lily didn't know how much more she could take. "But..."

Remus squeezed her shoulder. "Shut your eyes."

Lily did as Remus suggested, but in her mind's eye she could still see the vision of Harry backing away from Dae. "I'll be back shortly. I need a calming potion."

Remus watched as Lily left the room; he hoped for Harry's sake that she would return. Dae didn't even bother to look over as the door closed behind Lily.

Harry winced as Dae grabbed him by the hair and pulled him back over to the box, before shoving his head inside until his face touched the soft balls of fur. "These are only kittens, Lupin. Tomorrow you're going to be taking a human life. If you can't do this now, how do you expect to be able to complete your task tomorrow?"

Harry wanted to vomit as he felt the small creatures brushing against his skin. "I don't want to do it."

"I don't care what you want," Dae snapped, as he pulled Harry's head up out of the box. "Now do it."

Harry shook his head again. This time Dae didn't hesitate, and Harry cried out as a flaming cut appeared on his back. "Do it, Lupin."

Again Harry refused, before screaming out in anguish as he felt one of his fingers break. "Please stop. I'll do it."

Jamie wished he could flee after his mother but he had promised Harry he wouldn't leave him. Jamie looked away, closing his eyes, as the room was filled with the green light of death, again and again. When he felt able to look once more, the room was silent except for the sound of Harry's sobs as he wept over the bodies of the innocent creatures he had just slaughtered.


Six hours later

By now, Harry wanted to lash out at Dae but was afraid of what he might do to him if he did. "Please. I need a break."

"I really don't give damn what you need. This is about what I want." Dae lifted his wand and yet another flaming cut appeared on Harry's face. "And what I want is for you to take your wand and perform the curse again."

Harry had long given up trying to wipe away the tears that were sliding in an unending torrent down his face, stinging as they trickled over the cuts that Dae had inflicted upon him. His arms and chest were also covered in bloody cuts, he had been put under the Cruciatus more times than he cared to mention, and his left arm was dangling uselessly at his side. Harry half-heartedly aimed his wand at the large dog that just stood there, wagging its tail at him. "Avada…. I just can't." Harry collapsed on to the floor. "Go ahead, hurt me all you want to, but I'm not doing it."

Ascertaining that he had pushed Harry to his physical limit, Dae decided to go in another direction. He called Remus over before roughly grabbing him by the arm, and pushing him down on to the floor in front of Harry. Correctly assuming what Dae was about to do and why, Remus didn't resist. "Kill it or for every failure or refusal you make from now on, I'll start punishing your father."

Harry shook his head. Dae promptly put Remus under the Cruciatus Curse, watching without emotion as Remus writhed and screamed under it. He then ended the Curse. "Do it or I'll continue."

Harry sobbed as he looked over to where his father lay but he just couldn't bring himself to do it again. "I'm so sorry, Dad, but I can't face killing anything else."

Dae hid his worry at Harry's reluctance, and he knew he was going to have to take Harry to the limits of his endurance about seeing others suffer. Dae was aware that Remus had told Harry that he had built up some immunity to the pain of the Cruciatus, and given what Remus had endured when he had been taken by Amicus, Harry probably felt secure in the knowledge that his father could pretty much take whatever was thrown at him, which was why Harry was still refusing to continue. However, Dae didn't think that Harry would feel the same way if it was Lily being made to suffer instead of Remus.

His mind made up, Dae walked over to where Lily was standing next to Jamie. Immobilizing Jamie, he turned to face Lily, who took a step back in alarm at the look on Dae's face. He stepped closer to her. "You should've listened to me when I warned you about what could happen in this room but you didn't." Lily whimpered in pain as Dae grabbed her forcibly by the throat before throwing her down on to the ground and turning his wand on her. "Cru..."

As Dae had suspected, Harry was unable to stand by as Lily was being hurt. Climbing to his feet, Harry screamed at his tormentor, "I'll do it, I'll do it! Just don't hurt her."

Dae lowered his wand, and lifted an eyebrow. "Well, I'm waiting."

Frightened that Dae would turn his attention back to Lily if he didn't get on with it, Harry raised his wand and shouted out the words of the Killing Curse. "Avada Kedavra." The dog became Harry's latest victim. Harry then swung back round to face Dae and Lily. Looking down to where Lily was still lying on the floor, Harry saw that fingerprint shaped bruises were already beginning to form on her throat, and his anger at Dae boiled over.

Instead of waiting for Dae to urge him to move on, he strode up to the next container of his own accord, killing its occupant instantly. Several containers later, his anger was finally spent, and, both physically and magically exhausted, Harry collapsed to the floor. "Please, no more."

Dae nodded at Remus, who ran over to where Harry lay. "That's it, Harry. It's over."

Dae pulled Lily to her feet and healed her neck. "I'm sorry I had to hurt you, but I'd reached the stage where I knew that no matter what I did to Harry, he wasn't going to go on. After he refused to continue when I hurt Remus, you were my last option."

Lily rubbed her now healed throat as she watched Dae release Jamie. "I know you warned me but I didn't expect you to be quite so rough."

An angry Jamie scowled at Dae. "If you ever touch Mum again, I'll kill you."

Dae knew that that was unlikely to happen but respected the fact that Jamie had had the courage to threaten him at all. "I'm sorry, Jamie. It won't happen again."

Lily pulled Jamie close to her. "Jamie, Dae had already warned me about what might happen. If Dae had had to put me under the Cruciatus a dozen times, then I would've let him. I'd do anything for you or Harry."

"I know that, but it doesn't mean I have to like it." As he hugged his mother, Jamie scowled at Dae, who promptly walked off.

Dae strode over to where the containers had been set up in a long row. Pulling out his wand, he began to cast spell after spell on their contents.

Despite his resentment at what Dae had done to his mother and brother, Jamie was curious to see exactly what Dae was doing. Joining Dae on the other side of the room, Jamie steeled himself to look inside the container that had held the kittens. He gasped. "They weren't real?"

Dae shook his head. "The insects and rodents were though." Dae smiled ruefully. "I may have seemed like an out and out callous bastard today but it was the only way, and I knew that Severus had planned to transfigure the creatures Harry was going to have to kill, so I decided to go the same way."

Jamie looked over to where Harry was sobbing into Remus' chest. "What would've happened if Harry had known that they were only stuffed toys?"

"He would've breezed through the test." Dae could see his response was confusing Jamie, and he hastened to explain. "Harry wouldn't have put in the effort needed to produce a true Killing Curse. To perform the spell, as with the Cruciatus, you have to channel your negative emotions into your magic. When tomorrow comes, if he hadn't been pushed as he was today, Harry would either have found nothing happening or he'd have become too distressed to kill someone."

Jamie suddenly understood why Lily had offered to make the sacrifice she had. "Harry wouldn't have been able to do it if you hadn't hurt Mum, would he, Sir?"

"No, Jamie, he wouldn't have. I know today seemed harsh but it was necessary. Harry had to truly want to kill to master the Curse."

Jamie was still a little confused. "But he didn't want to truly kill anything. He said he didn't."

"I pushed Harry over the edge by hurting Lily," Dae explained. "He truly wanted to kill at that moment, but it was me he wanted to kill, not the animals he turned his anger on."

Jamie shuddered. "I'm not looking forward to being taught this by Uncle Remus but at least I'll be able to understand why he'll be doing what he's going to."

Dae looked contemplative. "Why are you going to be taught this?"

Jamie could've kicked himself at his slip but as Harry had vouched for Dae, Jamie took off his sock and shoe and showed Dae the Dark Mark that marred the base of his foot. "I'm a Death Eater as well."

"You're more than that though, aren't you?" Dae said, well aware that the position of the Mark meant Jamie was either like Harry or a member of the Inner Circle.

"Unfortunately, I am." He put his sock and shoe back on before holding out his hand to Dae. "Thanks for doing this for my brother."

Across the room, once Harry's sobs had abated, Remus lifted his son up. "Let's get you out of here."

Dae moved to open the door as Remus carried Harry towards it. As they went by, Harry looked across at him. "Thanks, Dae."

"Only you could thank someone at a time like this."

"We'll be in my room." Not giving Harry a chance to say anything else to Dae, Remus strode out, Lily hurrying after him.

Dae turned to Jamie. "Let's give them a little time. You can tell me exactly how you managed to get embroiled in this sorry mess."

Jamie sat down and began to tell Dae what had happened to him.

Reaching his room, Remus wandlessly opened the door before spinning to face Lily. "Can you run a bath, please?"

Lily hurried into the bathroom and started the bath, before returning to where Remus was cradling Harry in his arms. "Do you want me to leave?"

Harry weakly shook his head. "Don't go, Maman."

"I won't then." Lily then pulled out her wand and began to heal the numerous cuts that covered Harry's body. "I'm not too good with broken bones."

A small pinging sound alerted them to the fact that the bathtub was full. Getting up slowly, so as not to jar Harry's broken arm, Remus carried his son into the bathroom and lowered him carefully into the bubble strewn bathtub. He then took out his wand to vanish Harry's clothes before aiming his wand at Harry's arm. "This is going to hurt, Harry."

Harry nodded weakly. "It can't hurt much worse than it does right now."

At Harry's words, Remus cast the spell to fix Harry's arm and broken fingers, wincing slightly as Harry went whiter than he already was. "Grab him."

Lily reached out and grabbed Harry by his good arm as her son passed out. "We'd better enervate him. He needs to take a pain killing potion."

Remus fetched the potion before the returning to the room and enervating his son. "Harry, you need to take this."

Harry let out a sigh of relief as the potion immediately went to work. "Dad, you don't need to watch over me. I feel much better now."

Understanding that Harry wanted some privacy, Remus set up a ward to warn him in case Harry passed out again and slipped beneath the water. Back in his room, Remus collapsed into a chair and dropped his head into his hands.

Lily moved over to where Remus was sitting. "It's going to be okay, Remus."

Remus looked up at Lily, tears in his eyes. "No, Lily, it's fucking not. Dae and I had to put my son through hell today because of that bastard's demands. And tomorrow, my son's going to be put through hell all over again, before being forced to give up his soul to a madman. It's not fucking fair!" Remus lashed out at the books and glasses that were sitting on the table next to him.

Ignoring the broken glass and damaged books that now lay scattered over the floor, Lily slipped on to Remus' lap and wrapped her arms around him before pulling his head on to her shoulder. As Lily comforted him, Remus came totally undone and he began to weep, huge sobs that wracked his entire body. Lily rubbed his back and murmured soft, soothing, unintelligible words until eventually Remus' shudders stopped. Lily didn't move away. "Remus, what can I do to help?"

Remus got up and gently set Lily down. "You've done more than enough already." A knock sounded at the door.

Lily hugged Remus before letting him go. "I'll get it." Lily opened the door to find Dae standing there. "Come in."

Dae stepped into the room, immediately noticing the mess. He knew without asking what had happened. "Can I speak to Harry?"

Lily nodded towards the bathroom. "You can go in; he's soaking in the tub."

Dae knocked on the door. At Harry's beckoning, he walked into the bathroom. "Hello, Harry."

Harry smiled hesitantly. "Dae, you don't have to say anything. I know why you pushed me so hard today."

"Even thought it was necessary, it still doesn't make me feel any better about what I've done though." Dae sat down on the side of the bathtub.

"If you hadn't had done what you did, I'd never have managed it," Harry admitted. "I just wanted to crawl away and hide. I didn't want to kill anything."

"I know that." Dae ran a hand over Harry's head.

Harry asked about his father. "Dad wouldn't have been able to go that far, would he?"

"No he wouldn't. Remus might be able to be ruthless to others but I think he was close to cracking when I arrived."

Harry gave a ghost of a smile. "Until today, Dad has never lifted a finger to me."

Dae was a little taken aback by Harry's comment. "But I thought he'd used the Cruciatus on you before."

Harry realized that Dae didn't know what Remus had done."He only did that because I forced him to. Today though, he stuck me over his knee and spanked me to try and get me to do as I was told. He actually used the Cruciatus only when he was at the end of his tether, and even then I know it was well underpowered. Still that was really hard for him to do, wasn't it?" Lying in the tub, Harry had heard angry voices, before the sound of smashing glass and then the sound of a man weeping, had reached his ears.

"You heard what went on next door then?" Dae had guessed from Remus' red eyes that he had been crying.

Harry nodded. "It was difficult not to." Despite everything Dae had put him through, Harry couldn't help but be glad that Dae had been the one to do it and not his father. "Dae, thanks for being here. I know it can't have been much easier for you but you saved Dad from having to go through that."

"Anyone would do the same for their friend.".

Harry shivered as the water started to cool. "Can you tell Dad that I'll be out in a minute?"

Dae stood up. "I'll be in the other room."

Harry watched as his Dae left the room before pulling himself out of the bathtub and slipping into the pajamas that Pasha had somehow known to bring him. Tired, he closed his eyes and leant against the wall.

After five minutes had gone by, Remus looked at Dae who shrugged. "He said he'd be finished in a minute."

"I'm going to check on him." With that, Remus pushed open the door.

Harry was fast asleep when Remus walked in. Smiling sadly, Remus picked Harry up and carried him to his bed. "I'm going to let him sleep here tonight. I've got a horrible feeling his nightmares are likely to return after what we've put him through."

Lily pulled back the covers and Remus gently lowered Harry on to the bed before covering him over. He then stood looking down at his sleeping son. "You know, I couldn't love him more, not even if he was my own biological child."

"I know that, Remus." Lily slipped her hand into Remus. "I'm just glad that he ended up with you and Nia as his parents and not someone else."

"What Dumbledore did must still hurt you even now." Remus pulled Lily over to the sofa before casting a silencing spell around the area so that they wouldn't disturb Harry. Dae took the chair opposite and listened quietly to the conversation.

"To be honest it does," Lily admitted as she thought about what she'd lost. "I know Harry calls me Maman but I wish that, just once, he'd call me Mum. Speaking of Mum, where's Jamie?"

Dae gave his first genuine smile of the day. "He's in his bedroom feeding his face."

Remus shuddered. "Food's the last thing I want right now but I wouldn't say no to a glass of Scotch. Lily, Dae, would you both like some wine?"

Lily nodded. "After the shit we've been through today, I feel as if I want to lose myself in the bottom of a bottle, to say nothing of a glass."

Dae also nodded. "Lily's right. It's been a bloody awful day. I'll get French."

Remus grinned as French appeared without Dae even calling out.

The small elf was carrying a tray. He turned to Lily. "Red wine for you, Miss Lily, and Scotch for Mr. Remus and Master Dae." French then bowed before disappearing.

Lily gratefully swallowed a mouthful of the mellow, slightly warm, red wine. "I so needed that."

Remus took a mouthful his own drink before turning to Lily. "I never asked. How exactly did you get Sirius not to come and see Harry?"

Lily giggled. "You might have forgotten but even though he's a healer, Sirius can't stand the sight of good old-fashioned vomit. He had a real hard time when the children were small and throwing up on him. He used to end up being sick himself. I told him that Harry has Muggle stomach flu."

Remus smiled. "I had forgotten." Remus then burst out laughing. "I really should've remembered. James once got totally plastered after we'd snuck out to Hogsmeade to the pub. When he got back he was so drunk he ended up throwing up all over Sirius. Sirius then returned the favor."

Dae and Lily both joined in with Remus' laughter, glad of the respite after a distressing and grueling day. Lily smiled softly. "James usually could hold his drink. He must have had a heck of a lot to drink to have been sick."

"He had." Before continuing with the next part of the story, Remus had the good grace to blush as he didn't like to remind Lily of someone who had dated James before she had. "I don't know if you remember, but Mary Crouch threw him over for a Hufflepuff. He decided to mend his broken heart at the bottom of a bottle. I'm surprised Rosmerta agreed to serve us." Remus then became serious. "Do you ever miss James?"

"Occasionally but not as much as I used to. After such a long time, his memory has faded somewhat."

"I sometimes feel guilty," Remus owned. "That I'm still here with his son, and he's not had the chance to see what a wonderful kid Harry's turned out to be."

Dae reached over and punched Remus in the arm. "I think it's time for a change of subject. You're going to send us over the edge if you keep up with the melancholic reminiscences."

Remus smiled ruefully. "Sorry. It's just that after today, I'm feeling a little that way."

Harry suddenly began screaming. Remus sighed and put down his glass of Scotch. "This is pretty much what I expected."

Dropping the silencing spell, Remus moved over to Harry and gently shook him. "Harry, wake up."

At first Remus didn't think Harry was going to respond and then suddenly his eyes shot open. "Dad?"

"Was it a vision?" Remus asked gently.

"Just a bona fide nightmare. I think I'm a little stressed out about tomorrow."

"Would you like a dreamless sleep potion?" Remus asked gently.

"If I can."

Lily started to walk towards the door. "Where do you keep them?"

Remus pulled open his drawer. "Here."

Harry gratefully swallowed the proffered potion and was asleep again within seconds.

Remus threw the empty vial into the trash can at the side of the bed. "He'll sleep until breakfast."

"I don't want to go home." Lily couldn't face leaving Harry.

"You can stay here if you want to," Remus offered. "I'll take Harry's room."

Lily was surprised at Remus' offer. "I'd have thought you'd want to stay here with him tonight."

"I do but…" Remus didn't want to make Lily feel uncomfortable.

"I'm just going to floo Sirius and tell him I'm staying with Harry." Lily left the room.

Dae put down his glass of Scotch. "Is there something going on here I don't know about?"

"No. Lily's just worried about Harry."

Dae looked concernedly at his friend. "You're not over her, are you?"

Remus didn't bother to deny it. "I thought I was but this morning I found out that I'd been kidding myself." Remus sighed. "This morning seems so long ago now."

Knowing now how Remus felt again about Lily, Dae apologized to his friend."I'm sorry I hurt Lily today."

"I almost undid everything you'd done for Harry when I saw you grab her. If Harry hadn't have called out, I think I would've blown everything. When you seized hold of Lily, I wanted to get up and rip your throat out with my bare hands for touching her. Actually, I've had to hold myself back all afternoon," Remus admitted.

"I have to be honest," Dae told him. "I half-expected you to attack me at some point. I made sure to keep eye on you, just in case you did."

Remus then told Dae why he hadn't. "You're lucky. If I hadn't marked you as part of my pack, then I probably would have. It was difficult for me to stand back while you tormented Harry."

"I'm glad you marked me then." Dae put a hand on Remus' arm. "You won't pull a stunt like Leo did with Lily, will you?" Dae didn't think Remus would but he wanted to make sure his friend would be all right.

"I've managed for this long without doing that, so I think I'll get through tonight." Remus smiled at his friend. "Will you stay?"

"I can't tonight, but I'll be back tomorrow after Harry's initiation." Dae pulled Remus into a brief hug instead of shaking his hand as he normally did. "Goodnight, Rem."

"Night, Dae." Remus closed the door behind Dae and headed into the bathroom, taking the opportunity to slip into some pajamas and a robe.

When he came out, Lily was sitting on the bed. She giggled at the sight of him. "I'd never have pegged you as the pajamas and robe type."

Remus scowled. "I shouldn't laugh too loud. There's a spare pair and a robe for you in the bathroom."

Lily held up her right arm. "Sirius sent me my own things, but thanks."

Remus lay down beside Harry and waited for Lily to return.

After her shower, Lily opened the bedroom door to say something to Remus, only to discover that he had fallen asleep. Covering him up, she slipped into the bed on the other side of her son.


Remus awoke in the dark. He wondered why someone was in his bed and then he realized it was Harry. Quietly getting up, he made his way into his sitting room, only to discover Lily was already there eating a sandwich. "Couldn't you sleep?"

Lily held up the sandwich. "We missed dinner last night and I was hungry."

"And you couldn't sleep, could you?" Remus thought Lily looked worn out.

"I tried but it's difficult when I know what Harry's going to have to go through."

"I feel such a heel lying to him." Remus kept his voice low. "He's going to hate us for it."

"I know that, but it's for the best, Remus," Lily told him. "We can't tell him the truth now."

Remus opened up the door. "I'm going down to the Library. Can you stay with Harry?"

Lily nodded. "I'll go lie down next to him."


The Next Morning

Harry awoke feeling groggy and tired. He wondered why he was in his dad's bedroom. When he rolled over he was surprised to find a pajama clad Lily asleep next him. Not wanting to wake her, Harry got carefully out of bed and headed for the bathroom. When he returned, Lily was still sleeping, so Harry made his way downstairs.

As he entered the dining room, he found Remus sitting up nursing a cup of tea. "Good morning, Dad."

Remus looked miserable. "Morning, Harry."

"Are you okay?" Harry laid a hand on his dad's.

"I think it should be me asking you that." Remus looked over at his son, an apologetic look on his face. "About yesterday, Harry..."

"Dad, forget it." Harry knew that Remus had only done what he had had to.

"I can't," Remus protested. "I just want you to know that I hated every minute of it."

Harry squeezed his dad's hand. "I know you didn't mean it."

"But you flinched when I went to hug you yesterday," Remus pointed out.

Harry realized that despite his protestations otherwise, Remus thought that Harry resented him for what he had done. "Dad, I only flinched because of my broken arm, it wasn't anything to do with you." Remus still didn't look convinced. Harry sighed. "Dad, it really is okay. Look at this way, Dae did some pretty shit things to me as well and I'm still talking to him."

Harry then sat down and attempted to eat some breakfast, but after several failed attempts, finally gave up. "I really can't eat anything."

At that moment, Luna strolled in and took one look at the miserable faces, before flopping into a chair. "So, it's today, is it?"

Harry loved Luna's directness. "Yes, but I don't know when."

"Morning." Lily ambled into the dining room still clad in her pajamas and robe. "Harry, sweetie, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, Maman." Harry got up and hugged Lily.

Luna was about to ask what Lily was doing in her pajamas, when yet another person wandered in.

Jamie stopped dead as he soon as he saw Luna. "Um, morning."

"Morning, Jamie," Harry greeted his brother.

Luna was surprised. "Well, I didn't see this coming."

Jamie yawned. "We'll tell you later about it." He looked over at his mother. "What time is it?"

Lily gasped as she checked the time. "It's 9.50. I didn't think I'd sleep this late."

Harry frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Get your things and come straight back down," Remus instructed reluctantly.

Harry blanched as he realized that he probably didn't have much time until he had to leave. "It's soon, isn't it?"

Remus had wanted to wait until the last possible moment to tell Harry. "Yes."

Harry hurried out of the room to get his cloak and mask, his stomach churning wildly.

Dudley ran into him on the stairs. "Have you seen Luna? She was going to fetch some juice and come back upstairs."

Harry struggled to get his words out. "D-d-dining room."

"Harry, what's wrong?" Dudley grabbed his brother's arm.

Unable to speak, Harry just shook his head and pulled free. Dudley followed Harry into their dad's bedroom and watched as Harry opened the closet and removed the mask. "Shit!"

Harry smiled shakily and finally found his voice. "That just about covers it."

Dudley didn't attempt to hug Harry as he could see that his brother was close to breaking. "I wish I could do this for you."

Remus poked his head around the door. "We've got to go Harry."

"I'll just be a minute, Dad." Harry picked up his cloak and shook his brother's hand. "Thanks, Dudley, but I'd rather it was me doing it than you."

Harry went through the door and headed downstairs. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Harry found everyone waiting for him. "I'll see you all later then."

Luna couldn't hide her tears. "We'll be waiting."

Harry struggled to hold on to his own composure. "Thanks."

Jamie could say nothing, and Harry suddenly found himself sandwiched between his brother and Lily. Unable to deal with it, he pulled free. "I'm sorry but I just can't right now."

Remus walked up with a wand in his hand. "You're going to need this."

Harry slipped it into his holster beside his regular wand. "I'm ready."

Remus held out his arms and Harry immediately went into them. "I'll take care of you."

"I'm sorry you've got to do this for me." Harry took a deep breath and stepped back. "We'd better be off."

Harry felt Remus put a hand on his shoulder, and the pair apparated to the destination that Remus had chosen. On arrival, Harry began to shake, as the realization of what he was about to do hit him full force. "I'm not sure I can do this, Dad."

Remus hid his own panic and snapped at his son, "Harry Remus Lupin, you're going to take a deep breath and you're going to do exactly the same as you did yesterday. Do you understand?"

Harry tried to relax as he unholstered his wand, but his voice was shaking horribly as he said, "Yes, Sir."

Remus didn't dare touch Harry; he knew that Harry would feel him trembling if he did. He swallowed hard before giving Harry his instructions. "There's no set target. I simply want you to kill the first Muggle that comes up that street."

Harry was unable to answer and he just nodded to show that he had understood his dad's command. He then began to pray that no-one would come up the street. Unfortunately his prayers went unanswered as within a few minutes a woman appeared in the distance.

Harry felt panic rising inside of him again. "I thought I could do it, but I really can't."

Remus knew he had to be ruthless. "Tell me, Harry, how are you going to explain to Lily and Sirius why they and their children are going to die?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I just can't, Dad. I can't. I can't." Harry's voice had risen to a shriek by his final word.

Taking a different tack, Remus shrugged as if he wasn't bothered. "If you don't want to do it, then I'll take you back now." He then placed his hand on Harry's shoulder and looked Harry in the eye, before trying one last time to persuade him to change his mind, sarcasm dripping off every word he spoke. "I've no doubt that Amicus will understand. However, I'm not so sure your mother will when she has to watch me transform before taking the lives of our children one by one before I kill her."

Backed into a corner by the truth in Remus' words and having no-one else to vent his fear and anger on, Harry turned his fear and anger on his dad. "At least I know now why you've got where you have in His ranks." He then turned around to face the street, not noticing the tears that filled Remus' eyes.

Not looking at Remus again, Harry waited for the woman to reach him before angrily speaking the words he had hoped never to direct at another human being. "Avada Kedavra." He watched as green light illuminated the area before the woman slumped to the ground.

Remus put his hand on Harry's shoulder in preparation for disapparating. "We can go now."

Harry shrugged off Remus' hand. "Get off me." Harry felt his stomach threatening to revolt and although he took deep breaths he was unable to avoid the inevitable and was violently sick, while at the same time trying to avoid looking at the woman, who now lay dead on the floor in front of him. When it was over, he wiped his mouth on the back of the sleeve and slumped to the ground, his legs refusing to hold him up.

"Harry, put on your mask. We've got to go." Remus replaced his hand on Harry's shoulder as Harry did as he was told. He was relieved when Harry didn't pull away and Remus hauled him to his feet.

Harry's fear of killing another human being now transmuted into fear of receiving the Dark Mark, and he could feel his legs shaking as he and Remus apparated to the Dark Lord's home. As soon as they arrived, Harry pulled free of Remus' grasp. "I can manage."

Remus was glad of the mask he wore as he followed Harry to the Dark Lord's antechamber. At the door he stopped. "You're to go on without me." Remus then turned left, and disappeared around the corner.

Alone, Harry entered the room Remus indicated and found himself not in front of Voldemort, but facing Amicus instead.

"Harry, please remove your mask."

Harry did as he was told, and Amicus grabbed his chin and looked into his eyes, which were full of tears. He knew then that Harry had done as he'd been instructed, disgust and turmoil written all over the young man's face. "Well done. I wasn't sure if you had it in you or not." Amicus could feel Harry's tremors as he held his chin, and not wanting Harry to become ill again, passed the boy a potion. "It will settle your stomach."

Harry tentatively took the potion from Amicus and swallowed it, hoping that it truly was only something to settle his stomach and not something more sinister. It was. "What happens now?"

"Normally you'd get your Dark Mark from my Master, but as you are to be my apprentice, it is I who shall be marking you." Amicus pulled out his wand. "Kneel."

Harry backed away. "No."

Amicus couldn't believe that Harry was defying him. "I suggest you do it now or be prepared to suffer the consequences."

"I'm not binding myself to you unless I know who I'm serving."

"Why should I tell you?" Amicus found it hard to believe that it was so important to Harry that he would risk his own life to defy him.

"I know who your Master truly is, so why shouldn't I ask the same from you?" Harry countered, although he knew he was taking one hell of a chance with his demand.

Amicus thought over Harry's demand for a moment before asking, "Are you really positive you want to know?"

Harry nodded firmly. "Yes."

Amicus agreed. "Fair enough, but first you will take my Mark."

Harry again shook his head. "Not until I know who you are."

"I give you my word that I'll tell you after you take the Mark," Amicus promised. "Now unless you want me to hurt you, I suggest you kneel and swear allegiance to me, body and soul."

With Amicus' promise and threat ringing in his ears, Harry did as he was told, his shaking now becoming more pronounced.

"Bend your head." Harry inclined his head and Amicus placed the tip of his wand on Harry's nape. "Morsmordre."

As the spell began, Harry finally understood what Remus had tried to tell him about how taking the Dark Mark felt. Never before had Harry ever experienced so many conflicting feelings at once: triumph, despair, pain, desecration, disgust and relief flooded through him. Harry was shocked to realize that he was feeling relief but he was, relief that the waiting was finally over. Harry bit through his lip as pain coursed through him and he struggled not to drop screaming to the floor. Eventually, however, the pain became too much and Harry couldn't help but scream aloud. After what seemed like an eternity, his ordeal finally came to an end.

Amicus was pleased by Harry's fortitude, particularly as he hadn't held back, wanting to test Harry. "You may stand."

Resisting the temptation to scratch his hairline, Harry swayed as he got to his feet.

Amicus handed over a glass of firewhiskey. "Trust me. You'll feel better for it."

Harry took it and knocked it back, hoping that it would help to dull the pain.

Amicus took the empty glass back from the coughing boy and refilled it. "Believe me, you're going to need it."

Harry took the glass back. "What now?"

"Now you will swear an oath not to reveal my identity to anyone," Amicus told him.

Harry interrupted him. "What if they already know who you are?"

"Then you can, of course, discuss me with them," Amicus told him. "However, as only my Master, Bella and Lamia know my true identity, there aren't too many people with whom you're really going to be able to discuss me."

"Who is Lamia?" Harry hoped Amicus would tell him.

"She'll tell you if she wants you to know, Harry." Amicus then continued to tell Harry what the other conditions of the oath were. "I also want you to swear never to take up arms against me unless invited to do so, and finally, you'll pledge to defend me with your life."

"Agreed." Harry knew he sounded more confident than he felt.

"Last chance, Harry." Amicus stood up. "Are you truly positive that you really want to know?"

Harry nodded, his curiosity utmost. "I am."

"Swear the oath then," Amicus demanded.

Harry did as Amicus ordered.

As Harry finished, Amicus sat down on Voldemort's throne. "So is there anything else you want to know before I show you who I am?"

Harry thought for a moment, before shaking his head. "No. I just want to know who you are."

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Amicus then pulled off his mask.

Harry went white and backed away. "Oh Merlin, no!"


Grimmauld Square

Remus paced up and down. Dae, who had arrived a few minutes earlier, put a hand on his friend's arm. "Calm down. He should be back soon."

"What if something went wrong? What if he panicked and decided he didn't want to take the Mark? What if…" Remus' rant was cut off in mid-sentence as a sharp crack signaled someone arriving home.

Remus went running out into the hallway. "Harry, is that you?"

Harry didn't answer as his legs gave way from under him. Remus shot forward and grabbed his son before he could hit the floor. "I've got you."

Remus lifted Harry and carried him into the sitting room, before gently lowering him on to the sofa where Lily and the others were waiting for him. Remus pulled out a calming potion. "Drink this, it'll help you to relax."

"I don't want to relax. I need to speak to Dae alone."

Dae turned to the others. "Clear out."

Remus baulked at leaving his son but Lily slipped her hand into his. "Just because Harry needs Dae right now, it doesn't mean that he doesn't need you as well."

Remus recognized the truth in Lily's words. However, he still didn't want to leave Harry but after looking at Harry's pleading face, he left the room and closed the door behind him.