Chapter 55

Veronica was sitting in the food court waiting for Logan when Mac came up with her business face.

"Veronica!" She called.

"Mac!" Veronica returned her enthusiasm, then saw the white coats behind her. "And the people coming to take me away."

"Veronica Mars, Pauline Elliot and Gil Thomas Pardy." Mac introduced. "They're missing a monkey."

"And twenty rats," Gil Thomas added.

"We're talking monkey, as in..." Veronica frowned, looking at Mac.

"Touch my." Mac confirmed.

"It's not just any monkey," Pauline told her.

"Please tell me he plays piano!" Veronica begged, suddenly incredibly excited.

"Twenty-five is a genetically altered Capuchin monkey. Its uptake-inhibitor proteins have been coded to allow us to monitor cholesterol breakdown at a cellular level." Pauline told her.

As she spoke, Veronica stared at her uninterested.

"And he can play Chopsticks," Pauline sighed, noting Veronica's disinterest.

"Excellent." Veronica hauled herself out of her chair and grabbed her tray, ignoring the looks that Pauline and Gil Thomas were giving her very large stomach.

"Any idea who would want to nab... what was his name?" Veronica asked, turning to the scientists.

"It's not a pet." Pauline told her, obviously annoyed at the question. "We don't name them or wrap squeaky toys up for Christmas. His research number is Twenty-five. And yes, I know exactly who stole him. It was those damn fat kids."

"Because, I take it, monkeys are delicious?" Veronica asked. "And, dude, 'girth-challenged' is the preferred nomenclature."

"P-H-A-T," Gil Thomas clarified. "People for Humane Animal Treatment. They've done this kind of crap before. They liberated him and took a year's worth of research in the process. Please, this our future. We need that monkey back."

"My fee is five hundred," Veronica said nodded. "I'll let you know as soon as I find anything. Mac?" She nodded her head towards the exit and Mac nodded.

"What happened?" She asked as they walked.

"I was called in for tech support. Their lab was totally trashed and somebody poured something on the hard drives to fry them." Mac explained.

"Do you think you can get anything off of them?" Veronica asked.

"Iffy," Mac shrugged, then smiled. "I just can't wait for that moment when you're in a tree going 'Here, monkey, monkey,' and holding out a banana, and then a branch breaks and hilarity ensues."

"Ah, if there's hilarity I charge extra." Veronica shook her head. "And I really don't think I'm in a position to climb any trees right now. I'll have to send Logan to do that."

"Oh! That's a great idea!" Mac laughed, picturing the scene in her head.

"Aha!" Veronica stopped, looking at a bulletin board.

"You solved the case?" Mac asked.

"PHAT is having a recruitment meeting tonight." Veronica pointed to poster, taking note of the time and place. "Square one."

"Want some company?" Mac offered, causing Veronica to raise an eyebrow. "What? This soft spot here..." She pointed to her heart, "It's for all creatures, great and small."

"Okay," Veronica shrugged. "The more the merrier. All we need is one more angel and we've got a show." She squealed with fake excitement. "I'll pick you up at you room. Dress cruelty free, we want to blend."

"Got it." Mac nodded. "Now I've got to get to class."

"Me too. I'll see you tonight." Veronica waved and headed to her psychology class.

"So, where are you going?" Logan asked as she got dressed later that night.

"PHAT recruitment. Does this look cruelty free to you?" Veronica asked, turning around to show him her shirt, which read: Test on criminals, not animals.

"Ya, I think you got that covered. Why are you going to PHAT recruitment, you love bacon?"

"For a case. Somebody thinks they stole a monkey."

"A monkey?" Logan asked. "As in..."

"Touch my. Yes." Veronica nodded and Logan laughed.

"Okay. Do you want some company?"

"That's okay, I'm going to pick up Mac."

"Okay, I'll see you later then?"

"Of course." Veronica nodded and kissed him. "See you later."

"So, according to the PHAT website," Veronica read to Mac, 10 minutes later. "We should stay away from fur, obviously, leather-"

"- The one day I feel like wearing my leather miniskirt!" Mac complained.

"If it ever had a face or parents, you can't wear it." Veronica summed up.

Mac pulled a relatively ugly sweater from the closet and walked over to a mirror.

"Does this say cruelty-free?" She asked.

Parker looked up from the book she was reading and cringed.

"It says, 'I've given up. Don't look at me.'" She told her.

Before Mac could argue against that point, their RA walked in holding a clipboard.

"Hey! You guys haven't picked a country yet." She scolded happily, looking down at the clipboard, then at Parker's blank facial expression.

"For the Around The World party." She explained. "Every dorm dresses itself up like a different country. Party, fun?" She looked around.

Mac looked incredibly unenthusiastic and Veronica returned her attention to the PHAT website.

"No?"

"I prefer most of the people on the floor, you know, not in my room." Mac told her.

"Okay, well, if you change your mind, let me know soon. Most of Western Europe is already gone." She turned and left, and Parker got to her feet and pointed at Mac.

"Single."

Then herself.

"Single."

Then Veronica.

"Not single, but still ready to party."

"Not so much." Veronica shook her head.

Parker looked back at Mac, ignoring Veronica.

"Just so you know, we're approaching critical pathetic mass if the girl who most wants to host gentleman callers is the most recent victim of a sexual assault. We should be out there! Or, at the very least, not barring them from coming to us."

Mac and Veronica exchanged a look, not at all impressed by Parker's impassioned speech.

"Fine!" Parker sighed, throwing her hands up. "Be pathetic. I'll just wander through the floor alone."

"Have fun." Veronica nodded. "We have to go." She turned to Mac, who threw a sweater on and followed her out the door.

"Okay," Mac vented as they walked towards the classroom. "I get cruelty-free, but I'm an animal too, and the clove cigarettes and no-bathing thing is cruelty to me."

Veronica didn't answering, noticing a guy standing beside the door, listening.

"Oh!" Mac noticed him too, suddenly embarrassed. "No. Not you. You're..." She leaned forward and sniffed him, causing him to chuckle. "You're fine."

"You guys ever been to one if these before?" He asked, ignoring the incident.

"Me? No. I come from a meat-and-potatoes kind of family," Mac explained. "Minus the potatoes. My first pacifier was made of jerky."

"Well, it, uh, it could be fun." He laughed.

Veronica couldn't help but notice that he was obviously into Mac.

"Or it could be a lot of speech making by politicos-in-training." Mac observed, looking around.

"Or that." The guy shrugged.

Veronica and Mac took a seat near the back of the room, and the guy stepped to the front, starting the meeting.

"My name is Bronson Pope. I'm the chapter president of PHAT here at Hearst."

Veronica glanced over to Mac, laughing at the chagrin written across her face.

"I'd like to thank everyone for coming out." He turned on a slide show and started explaining. Veronica wasn't really paying attention, instead, she took in the other members of the group, then raised her hand.

"This is in addition to some of the more active stuff?" She asked. "There was a rumour that someone liberated some research animals. I was just wondering if we'd be doing anything like that."

She noticed everyone staring at her, and raised an eyebrow.

"What? I raised my hand."

"That's not really our thing." Bronson told her, while Mac grinned. "But, if you're eager for action, how about joining us tomorrow night to launch our letter-writing campaign?"

"Sure." Veronica nodded, unenthusiasticly. "That sounds almost as good."

"You know, Bronson," a girl near the front of the room raised her hand. "That psycho bow-hunting rocker guy Ed Argent is playing downtown tomorrow night. We should consider picketing the show."

"You ever met an Argent fan, Darla?" Bronson asked. "They pay double to spit on our picket lines."

The rest of the group muttered in agreement, but Veronica's interest was caught and she made a note to keep the girl in mind.

They returned to the classroom the next day, ready to stuff some letters and sniff out some radicals. Bronson ran over as soon as he saw them.

"Hey! Thanks for coming. Lick or stuff?" He asked, causing Veronica and Mac to look at him strangely as he lead them inside. "Letters are there, envelopes there." He pointed. "You know, this is what it's all about. Yeah, if people knew that every research animal on campus is caged, tested and killed, you know, they might not be here in the first place."

"Every research animal?" Veronica asked, a little shocked.

"Yeah. That's why this is so important." Bronson nodded.

"Well, I'd like to stuff." Mac decided, cutting the slightly awkward silence as Veronica realized what was really going on in the science department.

"Okay, come on." Bronson led her to a table, pointing out what was going into the envelopes. Veronica recovered her composure and made a b-line for Darla, sitting down next to her.

"Darla, hi. I'm Veronica. I think your idea to protest Argent was great. If you go through with it, count me in. I do a wicked picket." She smiled, then looked around before leaning in and speaking to Darla conspiratorially. "Look, I know letter-writing isn't all you do. You've got to be careful with new members. I get it, but, just so you know, I'm ready."

Darla looked at her for a minute, then handed her a pile of stamps and envelopes.

"Good to know." She patted her shoulder and spoke like she was speaking to a child, then walked away.

A few minutes later, Mac joined Veronica. As they put stamps on the envelopes, Veronica noticed Bronson watching them- more specifically Mac.

"Do me a favour. Casually look over there." Veronica told her, nodding in the direction of Bronson's staring.

"What?" Mac asked, completely oblivious to Bronson's attention.

Before Veronica could explain, someone sat down across from them.

"How's it going?" The guy had greeted them the night before, and Veronica recognized him as a friend of Darla's.

"Great," she deadpanned. "Maybe we should throw in some low-interest credit-card apps, really grab their attention."

"Yeah, letter-writing's good, but, uh, some of us aren't so patient. Some of us want to get the message out a little more... actively."

As he spoke, Darla casually drifted over and sat down beside him.

"If you're interested, maybe you can prove yourself." She added.

"What do you have in mind?" Veronica asked, her spidey-senses tingling.

"Just something that gets our attention," the guy shrugged. "Surprise us."

Veronica stared thoughtfully as they got up and left, then looked over at Mac, who was staring at her questioningly.

"This is your area of evil expertise." Mac informed her as they left. "Just let me know what you come up with."

"Sure." Veronica nodded. "Make the pregnant woman do all the work."

"I'm nothing if not equal." Mac smiled. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye!" Veronica waved, walking towards her car.

"How was the letter-writing?" Logan asked as she walked in.

"Boring. But I did get a lead." She nodded.

"Oh, yeah?"

"I found the crazy radical people. Now, I just have to find a way to impress them."

"You mean they weren't impressed by your spunk and pregnant loyalty?" Logan asked, scratching her scalp softly.

"Not so much, but I'll figure something out. Just not right now, because this is seriously relaxing." She sighed and leaned into him.

"That was the point." Logan chuckled softly.

"Mmm."Veronica hummed, closing her eyes.

"I suggest falling asleep in bed, not on the couch." Logan whispered.

"But it's so comfy here." Veronica mumbled, curling into him even more.

Logan chuckled and got up, hoisting her into his arms.

"Alright, this is seriously impressive." She muttered. "Is this why you took weight training?"

"This exact reason." Logan agreed. "Just so I could carry you around while you're pregnant."

"That was so thoughtful." Veronica laughed softly, falling asleep.

The next morning over breakfast, she figured out a plan to get in with the crazy PHAT kids. She was going to get Ed Argent to wear a 'Meat is Murder' shirt.

All she needed was someone who could get her a meet and greet with the rocker.

"Hey, Piz!" She smiled, pushing away from the wall she was leaning on and joining him as he walked away from a building. "Ed Argent is in town. Think you can pull some of that Oregon-mountain-man, kill-what-you-eat, gun-rack charm and book him on your show?"

"Everything north of San Francisco is just Thunderdome to you, isn't it?" Piz observed.

"It's for a case involving... a missing monkey." Veronica vamped, hoping to catch his interest.

"The case of the missing monkey?" Piz asked, obviously intrigued.

"Mm-hmm. You'd be helping science and me, and you might help classic rocker and conservative wild man Ed Argent connect with a whole new audience. So everybody wins, which is nice."

"That is nice." Piz agreed. "So, how is Ed Argent connected to the missing monkey?"

"I didn't say, and I can't. Client privilege," she explained. "You'd be doing me a favour. I'd really appreciate it." She smiled as sweetly as she could, and Piz smiled back.

"I'll give it a try," he sighed.

"Thank you!" Veronica squealed.

Piz just shook his head and walked off.

Before she could follow, Veronica got a call from Pauline, asking her to come down to the lab.

"Look!" She demanded, as soon as Veronica walked in. "Twenty-five's food is gone. It was here after the break-in, now it's gone."

Pauline showed Veronica the cupboard, while Gil Thomas worked at a bench.

"Obviously, those PHAT fanatics are trying to take care of him. What did you find out?"

"There might be a splinter cell. I'm setting something up to get inside." Veronica assured her, but Pauline just let out a frustrated breath.

"So, what happens to Twenty-five... after you complete your research?" Veronica asked.

"The only way to conclusively prove test results is through autopsy." Pauline said flippantly.

"So... that monkey good life includes a blindfold and a last smoke?" Veronica hated thinking about that. She wasn't a fanatic, but monkeys were cute. She didn't want them to die.

"You sound like one of them." Gil Thomas remarked.

"It's just a question." Veronica defended.

"Ah, a question, like, how do we cure cancer or develop new vaccines?" Pauline asked maliciously.

That girl was really starting to get on Veronica's nerves, she was way too high and mighty about this whole science thing. As they spoke, a girl came in from the science lab next door and started playing with the thermostat.

"You've got the A/C on full," she complained. "If you want to see my nipples, just ask."

Veronica was slightly taken aback by this comment, then noticed Gil Thomas raising his hand and forced a smile off her face.

"How many times do I have to say, 'temperature affects rate of carbon assimilation'?" She demanded, ignoring Gil Thomas.

"I don't know, Emmy, a billion." Pauline remarked, obviously annoyed.

Emmy turned and stomped back into her lab, slamming the door behind her.

"Friend of yours?" Veronica asked.

Pauline just glared at her, so Veronica decided she should probably go talk to the girl.

"Hi," she smiled walking into the second lab. "I'm Veronica. I'm looking into the lab animals that were stolen from Pauline and Gil Thomas' lab. I was just wondering if you could tell me where you were that night, if you saw anything."

"I was in my lab until around nine, locked up. Didn't see anything suspicious and went home." Emmy recounted. "I already talked to campus police."

"I'm sure you did all you could for your pal, Pauline." Veronica smiled, obviously implying that she didn't believe that for a second.

"They have twice the space I have. For what? To find a pill so fat guys in the suburbs can keep eating cheeseburgers." Emmy told her. "It's ridiculous. Look, I may not love Pauline and Gil Thomas, but I'm a scientist. I'd never vandalize a lab... ever." She assured her, and due to her passion Veronica was inclined to believe her.

"Okay. Thanks." Veronica smiled and left the lab.

Piz called her later that afternoon.

"Hey, I got him on the show tonight."

"That's great Piz. Thanks!" Veronica hung up and headed for the Hearst Store, where she bought some pink Zeta Theta Beta sweatshirts, and then to Walmart, where she bought a blank sweatshirt that was the exact same colour, and took it to a printer. She had the printer add "Meat is Murder" to the sweatshirt and called Mac to explain the plan.

"Bring Parker to the radio station after Piz's show." Veronica instructed. "And bring your camera."

"Got it."

When the radio segment was over, Veronica and her sidekicks were waiting in the lounge wearing their Theta Beta sweatshirts.

"Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!" Veronica squealed when he walked out. "I am your biggest... super biggest fan! I joined the NRA after they covered you in Guns magazine."

"Oh, I loved that article!" Parker squealed, getting to her feet and joining Veronica.

Veronica gave Mac a small kick and she got to her feet, too.

"Totally. The second amendment is, like, my favourite." She smiled, less manically than Parker and Veronica.

"We were so hoping to get a picture of you in our sweatshirt for our celebrity wall." Veronica squealed again, holding up a Theta Beta sweatshirt.

"Anything for a fan." Argent smiled.

"Awesome!" Veronica and Mac pulled the switch, and Veronica handed it to Argent.

"Maybe, after the show, I could stop by the sorority." Argent smiled, and Veronica swallowed the urge to vomit.

"I think the Theta Betas would really like that." She assured him as Mac joined her for the picture.

"Okay, say, 'Meat!'" Parker smiled, holding up the camera.

"Meat!" They smiled and Veronica made her rocker face.

Veronica checked the photo to make sure it came out clear, then hurried the girls out of the room, calling her thanks behind her.

"Alright, I have to get this picture to the Free Press." Veronica grinned, taking the SD card from the camera. "I will let you know when the crazy people make contact." She assured Mac, heading out to her car and pulling off the sweatshirt.