Chapter 55 Dates
Jess was the first to wake up. He got off the bed and just stared at sleeping Rory for a while. Then he took his pills and went downstairs to prepare the family's breakfast. It was Saturday, so everybody was at home. He loved these days and in spite the fact that there was going to be the full house, Jess enjoyed them.
Ayn was the first one that showed downstairs. Jess just had switched on the coffee machine and put his mug there.
'Morning daddy.' Ayn smiled and took her seat. Jess did not miss her careful look towards him. He knew that look. Rory gave it to him every time when she felt doubt that he was alright.
'Morning.' Jess greeted her and took his full mug from the coffee machine. He sat opposite Ayn and stared at her face with a smile. She looked nervous and he knew why. 'I've read the story by the way.'
'Really?' Ayn smiled shyly. 'And? I know that it sucks, but I'd really want to know…'
'It is good.' Jess surprised her and saw her face flushed red. 'I have to tell you that I'm impressed.'
'Thanks.' Ayn shrugged and lowered her look. 'I wrote what I feel.'
'That's good.' Jess agreed. 'When I wrote my first book, I thought that it's a full crap! My first book actually expresses my inability to talk about myself!'
'But…' Ayn frowned.
'It's confusing, I know.' Jess laughed. 'You're gonna read it someday. Now it's not for you.'
'Okay.' Ayn shrugged.
'The point is that I saw my style in your writing now.' Jess smiled with proud. 'Keep going and you are going to be better than me.'
'You think?' Her eyes glowed and Jess felt proud of her.
'Yeah.' He shrugged. 'I can see a lot of potential in you.'
'I could work harder.'
'Don't.' Jess shook his head with a smile. 'If you work harder, it won't work. Just let it comes to you. When you get the inspiration, you'll know that is the right moment for you to write.'
'Ok.' Ayn nodded. 'Thanks daddy!'
'No problem.' Jess shrugged and took a sip from his cup. 'Can I ask you something? Why are you calling me daddy now? I mean – you are a teenager and stuff. It could embarrass you in front of your friends. You are not being cool anymore.'
'I could care less to be cool.' Ayn answered coyly.
'Ah, remind me where I've heard that?' Rory walked into the kitchen. She ruffled Ayn's hair as she passed her and then sat close to Jess. He poured her some coffee and gave her, her morning kiss.
'It sounds familiar?' Ayn frowned.
'Yeah.' Rory smiled. 'Your father and I talked about that, years ago. I think it was about his decision to skip the college.'
'And I don't regret!' Jess nodded.
'Can I skip it too then?' Ayn looked at her parents. 'I know that I am not…'
'No!' Jess and Rory said in one voice.
'Okay, okay…' Ayn put up her hands. 'I've tried.'
'You're going to college.' Jess frowned. 'You just have to pick what you want to study. But you have to go, okay?'
'Okay.' Ayn nodded again.
'It's too early though.' Rory smiled and touched Jess' hand, lying over the table. 'She is still our little girl.'
'Yeah.' Jess sighed and touched his temples. 'She is.'
'Are you okay?' Rory looked at him with concern.
'I'm okay.' He smiled and then looked at his daughter. 'I really am.'
'Good.' Rory touched his face. 'I trust you.'
Jess only smiled and moved his head to kiss her palm.
They spent a quiet morning as a family. The small kids wanted to get out and play in the snow. Rory frowned, looking at Jake. Jess had calmed her that he would watch over him so now she was on the porch, looking at them. They were laughing and playing at the front yard. Jess was sitting close to her.
'You think that they could get cold?' Rory looked at him and saw his light smile.
'I think that they spent enough time in home, Ror.'
'I know, but I just want to keep them safe.'
'I want that too.' Rory tilted her head and suddenly her eyes went wet. 'It supposed to turn one year now.'
'What?' He frowned.
'Our last…' Rory bit her lower lip. 'Never mind.'
'Rory!' Jess looked at her and saw her sad face. She tried to avoid his eyes, but he caught her chin between his fingers. 'You thought about the kid that you lost? Is that it? Is that why are you sad?'
'Yeah.' Rory nodded and her voice cracked. 'I know we have children Jess and I'm happy to have them all, but the absence of this one keep haunting me.'
'Do you want to talk about it?' He asked her gently.
'Just hurts. That's all.' She smiled, but Jess saw the tears in her eyes. 'I just can't stop thinking about it.'
'Daddy! Look at this!' Jane giggled and Jess looked at her direction. All the kids had built up a snowman. Now they were jumping around it. Jess smiled.
'Good!' He looked at Ayn. 'It's time for hot chocolate.'
Ayn just nodded, understood his message and she walked inside the house along with her brothers and sister. Jess and Rory left alone.
'I'm sorry.' Rory whispered with weak voice. 'I'm such a baby sometimes.'
'You are not a baby! You suffered a lot and you just need time!' He nodded.
'I don't think that I've ever going to do that Jess.' Rory shrugged. 'I just keep counting the days and mark some of them in my calendar. I know that it's stupid, but I just can't stop the thought that today he or she would be at one year.' She sobbed. 'Can you imagine? And I just could not hold that child! I could not tell it how much I love it! It's… like a giant hole, here in my heart!' Jess pulled her into his arms and she sobbed loudly. 'It'll never see it! Never…'
He heard her and he knew that, there was nothing, he could do. That was killing him. The thought itself was killing him. Jess hated feel in this way. He so wanted to help her now, but he could not do anything to cure her pain.
'I'm here, Ror.' He just whispered, kissing the top of her head. His hands rubbed her back. 'I'm here, with you and I'm going to do anything that you ask me for!'
She just nodded on his chest and fisted his coat. Finally, he eyes went dry and she calmed enough to walk into the house with him. Jess took her hand and helped her get off the small bench. The kids were at the kitchen, so Rory could go upstairs unnoticed. Jess followed her with narrowed eyes and then went in to the kitchen.
'Ayn?' He called his daughter and she went to him. Her face was serious and Jess was surprised once again. She was so grown up for her age. 'Your mother needs me, so I'm going with her. Call me if you need help, okay?'
'Okay daddy.' She nodded and looked at her brothers and sister. 'I'll call you if I need help.'
'Thank you, princess.' Jess touched her shoulder and went out of the kitchen. When he opened the door of his bedroom, he saw Rory lying over the bed and staring at the window. Her eyes were dry, but she still looked sad. He crawled over the bed and lay beside of her. 'Everything will be okay, Rory!' Jess whispered and she snuggled in him. 'Everything will be alright.'
'I want it, Jess…' Her voice cracked. 'I want it here.'
'I know.' He whispered in her hair. 'I know…'
