Liam

Deja Va in French it means "Already seen" it basically having a phenomenon of having a strong sensation that one has already seen or experienced an event even of it didn't happen. Expect in this case it already had only four months ago we buried Robbie. Here we stood a family of four which only a few days before had been a family of five. Cyrus and his two girls stood stiff trying to find some resemblances of sadness the truth was none of them cared. Than Dad stood tall regal and saddened yet still the ever the glorious king. Mum stood covered in her warpaint looking stiff than Eleanor and I stood. I have no idea how many drugs Lenny took to get through that day but somehow she stood tall silent hiding her eyes behind her big black sunglasses. That day was one of the hardest I had ever had to face, burying my only brother my older brother the one I idolized who's shadow I had always stood in now with his passing all eyes were on me. Now here I was again with Lenny and mum a family of three. Mum stood beside Lenny who was sitting as tall as she could in her wheelchair wishing she could have some real drugs. All morning she had been freaking out about people seeing her in this wheelchair. A sheer chill went through me as I tried to keep calm it wasn't from the weather either, I could see Lenny's face her eyes taking it all in. What was she thinking? Was she thinking about the fact that soon we would be a family of two? That sent a colder sharper shiver through my body as I glanced at my mum. A few feet away stood Ted Marcus and Phi she wasn't even looking at her dad, I wondered what the hell had happened there? She was looking pale her face stained with tears which I knew was more than sadness over my dad's passing. I didn't spend months with her without getting to know her. Why did I care though? She betrayed me hurt me without giving a damn. Deep breath Liam, Mum was looking at me. Stepping forward I glanced one last time at Lenny who smiled weakly at me no Liam not without her, I bent down and took her hand. "Were a team Lenny always and forever" I kissed her forehead than her check she smiled weakly "You forgive me?" "Of course Lenny your my best friend my sister my twin" Her eyes questioned me how she was suppose to get down the stairs. Quietly and gently I scooped her out of the chair she was so light she barely weighed anything now. Her thin arms wrapped around my neck and shoulders, the entire crowd stood silent tears streaming down their faces some gasping slowly they started clapping. As I walked down to the front of the steps they started throwing roses towards us chanting "Prince Liam, Prince Liam" Once we got to Fiona I helped Lenny down holding her up she was shaking but stood straight next to me as Fiona bowed to us. "It is with our deepest sympathy that we mourn with you here today" "Thank you Fiona my sister and I are so proud to have been raised by the greatest man on earth to us he was and always will be dad a great king a great leader a great dad a great man he wasn't afraid to stand up and fight for what he believed in even if it wasn't favored in the majority I promise I will find out who did this to our dad and I will reclaim my rightful birth right" Lenny cleared her throat I could see that her strength was wavering her breathing becoming heavier. "My dad taught me that choices made whether good or bad follow you forever and affect everyone in their path one way or another and that the lesson will always repeat itself unless you see yourself as the problem not others yet he also taught me to learn from my mistakes to grow and do better he was a man of few but always wise words so I ask all the children teens and even young adults here today to please listen to your parents take head of their words for they do know best I wish I could go back and do things over make my dad proud but he's gone now so I can't"

I squeezed her shoulders as we walked slowly to the crowd mum was by her other side within seconds helping her to stand straighter. Walking even a few steps sapped her already weakening strength but she made it to the crowd who bowed handing us roses, flowers kissing our hands. Mum was ever so gracious as always talking with the crowd helping Lenny who seemed to be growing weaker. By the time we got the limo she could barely sit up her body just seemed so weak.

I was expecting mum to have a smart remark but she said very little just poured herself some brandy than poured some water for us, I took it eying her as Lenny shock her head curling up on the seat resting her head in my lap. Fear consumed me when did she grow so weak? Mum looked out of the window not glancing at us. Swallow it Liam now was not the time for snide remarks. There were so many questions burning in my head. The procession took it's time through the streets of England as on lookers threw flowers waved flags taking pictures and videos nothing remained private anymore. Inside the church which was warm way to warm yet I saw Lenny wrap her arms around herself why was she so cold? Mum seemed prepared for this though wrapping a blanket around her tenderly stroking her check. The service was long many speakers went up and said kind words about our dad but Lenny was uncomfortable the whole time barely looking at them. Mum whispered some harsh words to her but nothing seemed to bring her out of this trance. The speakers ranged form celebrities to parliament. "Everyone is talking about what a great king he was but what about him as a person his hopes dreams his passions his role in our lives?" "This isn't a service for Simon Henstridge it's just for the king of England he was more than that" "Darling I know that's how you feel but we are Royal and our lives are not ours now you need to suck it up and deal with it gracefully" "No I don't Mum I've had to deal with everything my whole life with no choice I won't let anyone disregard my father they did it in life I won't let his death be in vain" Before either of us could stop her she wheeled herself up to the stage on the wheelchair ramp and over the feet of The president of the United States Of America there were gasps all around as she lowered the Mic shocking the president as Mum lowered her head in her hands cursing. Clearing her throat she looked around as the chatter lessened.

Good Afternoon everyone I want to thank all of you for coming out here for showing us such love and respect. You knew him as King Simon but to my brothers Robert and Liam we simply knew him as Daddy. Looking back at my daddy's life one word comes to mind values he was a man of principle and values. From the time I was a kid he was always teaching us by example not just by words he always said talk is cheap Lenny people can hear your words read your words but what they will remember is your actions cause actions have consequences. My dad wasn't perfect but he was a leader even at age six he lead his class in organizing one of the largest food drives for the homeless in London. He loved school never missed a day even earned perfect attendance. My father never let his fellow man down he fulfilled every obligation, commitment doing so with a smile. While it was true he was born into a lifestyle of wealth and privilege and yes he did indulge in these things from the finest wines art music, food houses, travel he never forgot that it was because of the hard work of the people his people that he was able to maintain his lifestyle. He was loyal to those who were loyal to him he chose his friends wisely because simply we never know who we can trust so when we find someone worthy of our love and trust he was right by their side. It was my dad who taught Liam and I at age 12 to mix a martini something. He wanted me to know that it was okay to drink if I did it with maturity the problem was I wasn't mature and I took his showing me as a sign that it was okay to drink he never told me it was he told me everyday how dangerous it was. I should of learned form his example my dad while he drank never became drunk never did or said things in the heat of the moment he could never say it was the booze because he was always in control of his actions. moderation is what he always said. My father loved to joke but he was never insensitive he was always careful to chose his jokes and think of what they meant to others. My dad the king your king was a handsome man who had plenty of female admires and his eyes while they wandered and lead his mind to think some in pure and naughty thoughts he was a man of his vows even when his heart was broken by his wife's betrayals he never took revenge" I watched Mum's face flush as she fanned herself off glaring at Lenny who stood proud and tall up there every eye was on her every ear was glued. Cameras flashed making her squint people stood to record her speech which made me strangely angry she was speaking from her heart they couldn't even be decent every moment to them was public.

"My dad stood by the woman who cheated on him and played him like a fool he helped her become the strong beautiful radiant queen you all know today he showered her with affections and love their marriage wasn't perfect but my dad never stopped trying" He wanted to give us a perfect childhood the white picket fence the American dream even though were British he always believed in the values of families, trust, love. My dad showed my dutchie all the love and support in her personal and career development even though she was the reason his family fell apart he held no grudge" I never really saw my dad cry even when Robbie was taken from us so soon so tragic he stood as a tower of strength for us. I know he hurt but he never showed it instead he taught us to chose love even if in the end it hurt us love was never wrong" He had a quite dignity a self respecting inner peace he treated others like he wanted to be treated he never judged even when we did stupid things like getting kicked out of school for drugs usage getting arrested he just told me to do better be stronger love myself more, I wish I had listened" Instead I am left with his last words ever spoken to me in this life "I'm disappointed in you Lenny I really am" I can't take my actions back and I can't undue the damage that I have done nor can I ever bring my dad back but I can do for others what he tried to do for me listen to your parents don't wait till it's too late, don't allow yourself to be put in a position here your parents have to wait anxiously every night afraid that when the phone rings it will be some corner calling to inform them that their kid is dead, embarrassed when your face is on the papers smearing your name half lies half truth" see my dad was more than just a king more than just a royal figure he was my hero and I let my hero down he stood with duty decency reliability, honour, dignity respect and pride, even in the end amongst all the lies deceit and heartbreak he never stopped believing in love that's what I will always remember about my dad. An unending unwavering love our family chain is broken now nothing will ever be the same but I know he is with my brother smiling down and soon I will be called to join them, one day years from now we will all stand together again as the chain will link again"

I stood up clapping tears streaming down my face as Lenny stood eyes casted around at her as every single person started to rise Phi stood after me than our cousins even though Cyrus growled, than my mum soon the whole church was smiling crying and clapping as Ted went over with Marcus helping her down.

The burial was the hardest part laying him in the ground there was a finality about it that tore my heart into a million pieces I wanted to crawl in there with him but I couldn't that was when Lenny broke down crying. I held her close holding her up until she just couldn't stand anymore. As I threw the rose down on his coffin I swore silently glaring at Cyrus I would find out everything I had to just to restore the monarchy I would make my dad proud.

In the limo of course was when the fireworks started Mum on her third glass of gin glared at Lenny sneering. "Really Eleanor how many times have I told you about speaking without being scripted?" "You made me seem like a slut" "I only spoke the truth mother if you can't handle it that's not my bloody problem someone had to honour daddy because no one there gave a damn about him as a person just as a king he's more than a king" "Always the dramatic little bitch Eleanor your father knew his place in life he was fine with it" ""Really Mum fine? Than if he as so fine why did he file the referendum?" "Dad wasn't fine he hated the monarchy he wanted it to end your the only one who can't live without the money the power Queen" Her hand rose so fast I couldn't stop it slapping her across the face gasping I reached over graping her shocked hurt face. "You call Lenny a bitch Mum who hits their sick kid?'" "Not sick Liam dying but as usual mum shows that she only cares about one thing the family image not the family" "Stop being so dramatic Eleanor your not dying your sick but we will find a heart for you"

"Why bother mother if I'm such a disappointment to you wouldn't it be better if you just let my failing organs do their job or not do their jobs than you can breathe easy with your throne and your image. I'm sure you can work the story for all the sympathy Queen loses her only daughter" I breathed in deep waiting for the comeback but my mum simply looked at her I couldn't tell if she was tearing up or so angry she was clouding up. I had to turn away from Lenny did she really think she mattered that little to any of us? Was she really giving up not even trying to fight anymore?

Laying her down when we got back to the palace I stayed by her side there was so much to do I had to talk to Mum yet I didn't want to leave Lenny alone. Suck it up Liam you'll have to talk to Phi but first you have to find her. Kissing Lenny's head I sighed getting up she was so worn out nothing was going to wake her. "Lenny?" Phi stood in the doorway her face pale her body shaking but damn she still looked so beautiful. Shaking my head I cleared my thoughts how could I think she was beautiful how could my heart beat so hard seeing her there yet I thought Kylie was smoking as well, maybe I was to blame for some of this mess. Man up Liam own your mistakes it wasn't all her fault. You played your part to just like your mum did. Oh crap I'm turning into my mum. FML