My letters to people were getting shorter by the day. I was running out of things to say as I didn't want to repeat myself every letter. But when you do the same thing every day, there is nothing new to talk about to be honest. I'm sure some people, somewhere would understand. James was starting to show the strain of being locked up, we all were. Little Harry having not been outside the walls of his house, excluding our garden, for most his life, James, being a Marauder and needing all the space he can get to destroy and me, the little book worm needing books.
Sure, our friends did what they could, with what they had but really. It wasn't much. Sure, we got presents and food and tiny gifts that they were used to having, like new jewellery or hair clips, or books, or pranks to pull or even a new toy to suck on. I felt so sorry for my son and hoped he didn't have to suffer all this to come out dead at, the end of what seems to all of us, an endless wait for freedom. Alice and Frank could only know a morsel of what we feel like; At least they have the freedom to walk beyond their front door. At least they can commune with people beside one another. James, Harry and I were locked up and locked up good.
So we got owls from People, they all had a decent length as they had stuff to talk about but mostly I was stuck with repeating myself and asking questions about the outside world. I never thought, ever since I joined Hogwarts, the wizarding world, that after a few years of magical teachings and lessons, I would be spending a good year locked inside the same house for days on end, with nowhere else to go all because I gave birth to my enemy's son on a certain date.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it wasn't Alice and Frank and that they weren't murdered straight away but why, why of all the families did it have to be mine? What had I done to deserve this never-ending punishment? Clearly someone somewhere has something against me and killing of any friends or family isn't enough to torture me with. No, I had to sit by and watch my one year old watch as people walked past our house, as he watched but never met them. I had to sit by and watch my husband as he went part crazy from being locked in this same house, every bloody day. Okay, maybe I exaggerated a bit with the crazy part, but I sure did feel like we were both slowly losing our minds.
I blamed myself. I don't know why, I guess it was easier for me, to let me know there was someone at fault for our misery. So day by day, minute by minute I sat sobbing on one room, always the same room. And I knew James couldn't help but notice my strange disappearances. I couldn't understand why I did this to me, why I would let myself deepen my anguish feelings but I did and did so without complaint. Sometimes you just have to take the torture on alone. You just have to work things out alone.
So I did. Being me and all I guess that is it. I have to do nearly everything myself, saving James, helping Harry, doing my homework, babysitting, teaching and reading. All alone and no distractions. It was stupid but it was how I lived. Sure people could join me at times, like when I was talking and when I was sleep or playing and whatever, but mostly I was a solo girl. James wasn't, he was a people person. He had to be with someone at all times, he loathed being alone. That's why I let him watch Harry.
I spend days up in Harry's room sobbing my heart out to his stuffed owl or reading a long lost muggle book I discovered under his cot. I still amazed myself sometimes. Losing stuff one moment, rediscovering my childhood the next. So slowly, I started rebuilding my confidence, my brain power. Being locked up did not help, but not doing anything didn't help either. It was up to me to remain sane in this endless trap.
Months had been drifting by speedily escaping from me and my family. James and I spent many days writing to people, requesting that they got money out the Potter Vault in Gringotts and bought presents for Harry on his birthday which was in only a few days. Sirius, being the Godfather, took this role upon himself most profoundly. It was brilliant watching him come over once a week with two regular shopping bags of pressies.
'Thank you so much Padfoot' I smiled one afternoon as he dropped of the last lot of presents. 'Welcome my dearest flower!' he said in a booming voice. 'Yes, yes. Would you care to join us for tea?' I asked politely. 'I would but I can't. I've got another job for the Order tonight. I'm sorry' he said sadly and I smiled a fake smile. 'Its fine, kill all the bloody Death Eaters you can alright? Even try the noseless one' I said in a fake happy voice of encouragement. 'Anything for you flower' he said kissing my cheek before leaving.
'He'll be fine. I know you hate them going now, now that we're locked up and can't go as well. But we'll live Lil's and maybe... Maybe it's better this way' James said from behind me and I glanced at him. He was paler than usual and looking at me as though depressed. 'Oh James,' I sobbed flinging myself into his arms and skiing his cheeks and before I knew it I was crying. So together we sat on the wooden floor sobbing our hearts out into each other's arms.
*July 31st 1981*
'Happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday dear Harry. Happy Birthday to you,' James and I sung to our now one year old son. Harry's hair was still that messy black fluffy, his eyes were still shockingly so much like mine and he had grown so much. He had even started walking to my great pleasure. 'Happy Birthday kiddo' James grinned passing Harry his present. 'Papa' Harry yelled and tore the paper off. I was quite impressed.
'Fun, fun' he screamed waving the gift above his head I could barely recognise the stuffed owl I knew it was. I handed Harry my gift but took the paper off myself, not wanting him to ruin the pretty pattern. 'Mamma' he laughed sucking on the gift already. It was a figurine of his father on the broom. 'How did you get that made?' James asked grinning at me as we took turns passing Harry gifts.
'I got Sirius to get the figurine of some Quidditch player, and then I transfigured the appearance a bit' I smiled skiing James' lips lightly. 'You are amazing he mumbled before we turned back and watched Harry. 'Don't forget old Bathilda is coming over for tea James' I sighed as he started magicking everything to fly everywhere a while later after gift opening. 'Alright, alright. Let me have my fun' he said happily watching everything zoom around. 'How about a game of Quidditch?' James asked and I shook my head. 'No way' I laughed and he groaned.
'I know! I can't believe I didn't think of this before! I'll teach you the muggle sport of soccer' I grinned crazily and he looked at me concerned. 'What?' he snorted and I laughed at his expression. 'Don't worry, it's completely safe. Although you'd probably rather it wasn't. Here, let me explain when you put everything back' I said. So he waved his wand and everything zoomed back to place. I summoned a football and carried Harry outside where I would explain the rules to James.
He quickly grasped the concept and I sat Harry in a garden patch to watch as me and his father played a quick game. We spent nearly the hole day playing stopping occasionally to get Harry and hold him so as to have him join in, or for a loo break or to eat and drink something quickly. Harry was crazily impressed and was excited beyond belief. They were both slightly grouchy at me when I said we should stop as Bathilda would be round any minute.
Good thing to because an Owl swept inside the house letter in beak. I tore it open and read:
'Dearest Lily, James and Harry,
Young Neville has had such a lovely birthday. We send our wishes onto Harry. It's hard to believe they are both a year old. We had a small party inviting most people around our neighbourhood that we counted as friends. Dumbledore was against us inviting anyone who would apparate in as it would be dangerous. Don't ask me how it is dangerous, we just do as we're told.
Frank had such a blast playing with little Neville and I rather enjoyed taking pictures and talking with friends. I hope Dumbledore will let you three do something nice; it is completely unfair that you aren't allowed out. But I suppose it is for Harry's safety. I hope the three of you are okay, I wish we could see each other face to face just one more time Lily. You're still my best friends even if we haven't seen each other for over a year.
It has been quiet. No word from anyone as to what is happening outside our enclosure. I can't decide whether it is a good thing or bad thing not knowing what is going on. Frank, the man he is, is dying to get outside and fight Death Eaters. It scares me when I run in on him alone and he is practising spells he would use against them. But, I confess, I do feel the same way. Desperate for some action other than rushing Neville to the loo when he needs a pee. I'm sure you three, of all people understand.
I must be going now. I will write again soon, I swear. I love you all to bits. Happy Birthday Harry, hope you're okay Lily, James,
Yours truly,
Alice, Frank and little Neville Longbottom'
I nearly burst into tears reading her letter. It was only then did I realise just how much Alice meant to me. She was my best friends ever since our first night at Hogwarts. She was nearly always sleeping over with me, Rose and Mary whenever we had a sleepover. Alice was the rock of our group, one of the founders of our group. She wasn't only the last best friend I had; she was also one of the last members of my family, my school family. She was always there for me, still is always there for me and she would never leave me, not by choice.
It was true every word of her letter and it killed me to know it had been a full year since I'd seen her round face and her bouncing baby or her strong firm husband. James came into the room, placed Harry on the floor and took the letter out my hands. He read it for himself and sighed. He placed it on the table and hugged me in his arms. I love James Potter and I will until I die.
Bathilda arrived, perky and full of news as always. We had a little tea outside and watched jams and Harry playing 'junior soccer'. I listened happily to the news Bathilda had and secrets of the past about Dumbledore. 'Oh Bathilda. I don't know what I'd do without you, but these stories are incredible and nearly impossible to believe!' I exclaimed as she told me of Dumbledore good, brave and wise old Dumbledore and his relationship with Grindelwald.
'Oh child. If you were there you would understand. It nearly killed dear Albus to catch him, but he did' she said nodding wisely before sipping her drink. While we sat outside in the fading sunlight I decided to write another letter. Two letters in fact, one to dear Alice and another to Padfoot. I sent them off after Bathilda had left and went to bed quite happily with James after tucking Harry in.
Little did I know the end was soon upon me.
AC- Hey! The next chapter is the last one! Not sure whether to be excited or sad. Yes I will be doing another story after this, hell yeah, but I'm still drafting at the moment so it will be a while before I start publishing it. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the last chapter SS x
