Monday's update a little delayed due to site issues but it's here now!
Next Monday there probably won't be an update as I have family coming (so excited!) and lots of stuff going on for the next week or two which cuts in to my writing time. So last week Jim and Pam had their first proper fight and Pam left Jim standing in the driveway.
Chapter Fifty-Three: Third of July Continued
How dare he! "How dare you, Jim Halpert!" She shouted at her unresponsive steering wheel. She hadn't gotten far before her anger had given way to tears. She'd left. She almost could believe she walked away but she did. She left him standing there when he'd wanting nothing more than to stay and talk.
She fumbled for her phone. Penny was spending the whole day with Danny for their six month anniversary, Isobel was with her mom and not the right person to be discussing this with and Kelly... was Kelly. She called probably worst person to call considering Jim would be meeting her for the first time tomorrow. She called her mom.
"Mom." Her voice betrayed her and cracked miserably down the phone. She could have kicked herself but there was no helping her tears.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Said the kindly voice, calm and maternal. She could just picture her mom dropping everything to focus on her needs just like she always did.
"We had a fight." She choked out.
"Oh sweetie, I'm sure it's just the pressure of tomorrow, you want to tell me what happened?" She soothed, she never panicked, that always made Pam feel better.
"He was mean about Isobel."
"Why would he do that? I thought he got on with everyone."
"He's still upset about... well, Isobel did something stupid, she met up with Jonah-"
"That little toad, ugh."
"Yes, and well Mark saw her with him when she'd told him she was working late and he kissed her."
"Oh, well I could understand why Jim's still sore; he's ever so protective of Mark, isn't he? I mean from what you told me about them being like brothers and all. His actual brothers aren't that good to him, are they?"
Pam tried to explain more, it wasn't as simple as Jim being protective. "No, but he was still out of line, he said that people like her aren't to be trusted and he was all disgusted when Mark was talking about being friends with her one day. Isobel's dealing with it; she's seeing a proper therapist even though it's costing her a ton of money and her dad's in town."
"Gosh, that girl doesn't have much luck when it comes to the men in her life."
"Mark was good for her, it's... a shame." She didn't know what else to say other than what a shame it was. He would have helped her deal with her dad turning up but in some way, he did. It was fate surely that he'd shown up, maybe they will get back together one day. They'd have beautiful kids.
"Honey, I still don't understand why you're so upset. I could understand you telling him to watch his lip when talking about her and pointing out she's trying to become a better person. Did he not say sorry?"
"He said sorry loads; I think he just didn't want me to leave. He was really upset. He might as well have just said it was my fault."
"He doesn't believe that, honey. You had nothing to do with Isobel's mistake."
"Yeah, well you don't know what kind of person I am." She half mumbled under her breath.
"What are you talking about?" She'd snapped to attention. "You're making me worried, should I be coming to see you? I can leave right now, where are you?"
"Mom, I'm fine, it's just...I kissed Jim while I was still with Roy. I did what Isobel did but he's still mad at Issy. I'm worse." Pam prepared herself for her mom to be disappointed, maybe even scold her for what she'd done and yell a little.
"Love isn't rational."
"You're not going to shout at me for basically cheating on Roy? He was practically your son for nine years!" Pam couldn't understand why no one, bar Isobel, was mad at her. She felt better when Isobel was shouting because at least then she was being punished.
"You and Roy had a lot of problems I didn't see until we talked about it. I wish I hadn't been so blind, maybe I could have saved you from a lot of hurt."
Pam was quiet for a moment. She wasn't quite sure what to say next so she took in her surroundings and tried to collect herself. She was in a quiet residential street; some kids were walking a dog. It was peaceful. She really didn't want to cry anymore than she was already.
"This isn't really about Isobel is it sweetie?"
Pam thought that was a strange thing to say. "Of course it is. He shouldn't bad mouth my friends. I know he's not perfect, no one is."
"That's very true and I'm sure Jim would understand that if you sit down calmly and talk it through."
"Mom, he was a complete ass."
"Are you sure you're not over reacting?"
"You're supposed to be on my side!"
"I'm supposed to be looking out for the best interests of my daughter."
"Well you're not doing a very good job!"
"Because I want my daughter to stay in a wonderful, loving relationship with the man of her dreams? Yes dear, I'm a terrible mother."
"Don't be like that, it's been a hell of a day, I miss having Jim around at work..."
Pam paused. No one was supposed to know yet. How could she fix this without lying? Oh god, think, think, think...
"Honey... is Jim not at work?"
She slumped her head on the steering wheel defeated by her own stupidity and loose tongue. "You can't say anything ok, he needs to tell his parents first and he's still working stuff out. Please, please don't tell him I told you."
"Everyone makes mistakes, sweetie." Pam registered the pointed way she spoke.
"He quit. He's going back to college to get his teaching certificate. He's selling used cars and working with the group that Danny teaches boxing with, he's teaching English. Well, he's going to be teaching it officially, it'll take a year or so."
"My goodness Pam, that's wonderful news! How brave of him!"
"I know, I'm so proud, I just didn't think I'd find it so hard. I miss him at work, he's got all this excitement and... what if I'm too boring for him, what if he meets some other student or teacher? What if I'm not enough and he finds someone more like him?" Pam was feeling like she was hyperventilating and she was starting to cry again.
"Calm sweetie, calm, take some breaths. You've not told anyone that you've had all these worries, have you?"
"No." She choked out, hoping the kids teaching the dog to stand on his hind legs wouldn't notice.
"You've just been a little kettle waiting to boil up. Oh honey, I wish I was there because I would be giving you such a hug, you're so silly."
"Mom." She cried, breaking down that last little bit she needed.
"I know, I know, you really need to talk to Jim about this, all these bottled up feelings aren't good for you. I've been around long enough to have worked that one out."
"I don't want him to feel bad for following his dream."
"Honey, how long has this boy been in love with you?"
"A while... I guess." Years, probably.
"You're his dream sweetie, he's just piecing together the other parts to make everything complete."
That somehow made sense and the cold shadow inside her that had been growing for weeks shrank back on itself like an imploding star. She believed her mom. "I feel stupid."
"Everyone gets an attack of the stupids every now and then. You gonna tell him why you got so upset?"
"How can I? I can't tell him I miss him, god, it's so clingy and he doesn't miss me. He's happy making money and volunteering, he's even driven to some colleges and checked out their
facilities. And he was an ass about Issy."
"And I'm sure he knows that. You have to let this out or you're going to end up exploding at his next little slip up when it could all be cleared up in one simple conversation. It's been the end of the most stable relationships, you've got to communicate."
"I didn't even know I was upset about him not working there. It just started getting to me. The days were getting really long. They hired Ryan so I keep looking up and I see Ryan. And Kelly. But it's not right mom, I have to prank Dwight on my own, it takes some adjusting to, I don't want to be a baby about it. I miss seeing him."
"Yes, I'd miss the view too."
"Mom!" Oh dear god, Pam blushed.
"Listen, you're not a baby, you're very much in love, I'm quite jealous actually."
"Come on, mom, you've got dad."
"It's not quite the same honey-pie."
"I should go back, shouldn't I?"
"You should. Tell him everything on your mind and then get yourself some make-up sex!"
"Mom! God!"
"What! I know the way of the world my lovely girl."
"You're so not like Betsy. Don't scare him, will you? I don't think he could handle it."
"I won't sweetie, I can't wait to properly meet him, it's going to be a lovely day. I've got everyone briefed to go easy on him; a lot of them are meeting Danny for the first time too. I'm so lucky that my girls have good taste in men."
"Do you think anyone will miss Roy?"
"Maybe some of them, but they'll be happy to see you happy and they'll love Jim, I'm sure."
"I better head back, sorry to call you all tearful."
"That's exactly when I want you to call me sweetie, I'm here any time anywhere. You got that?"
"Yes, mom."
"Now go before I have to drive you myself, you know I will."
"I'm going, I'm going."
Pam steadied herself and waited a few more minutes for the redness around her eyes to subside. Was she really that upset she didn't see Jim eight hours a day? Surely that would be enough to break most couples, being in each other's company that long but for them it had always been so easy. Now the days were long and hard. Tedious. Monotonous.
She could adjust, she told herself, sitting up a little straighter and jutting out her chin to her inner monologue. She'd taken control of her life thus far; she could get her head around this change. It wasn't like Jim had abandoned her, though maybe she felt a little... left behind. She'd get through this. First things first, she had to talk to Jim, running away hadn't solved anything and she didn't want to leave him thinking that things were over. She loved him too much.
...*...
"Are you going to spend the rest of the night staring out of the window?"
"Yes."
"Clutching your phone?"
"Yes."
"It's been half an hour."
"Yes."
"Food's ready."
"Not hungry."
"Jim, staring isn't going to make her come back."
"Yes it will."
Jim's nostrils were suddenly assaulted by the most amazing scent of lasagne. Mark was wafting the plate under his nose. He didn't stop staring outside. He needed her back, he couldn't move until he'd made this right again.
"It's got homemade sauce with balsamic vinegar. I roasted the vegetables too; I know you love roasted zucchini and red capsicums." He sang. Jim didn't really care about them right now. He barely cared about blinking and his eyes were sore. "Finest ground beef, mozzarella topping... ugh, come on I spent ages on it and I cooked enough for three so you better eat some of it before it gets cold."
"I should wait a little longer..."
"She'll call in her own time. Eat. Or I'll be insulted too."
"Not funny." Jim stared. The road remained empty.
"Fine, I'm eating." Mark stalked back to the kitchen. Jim stared out the window.
Another ten minutes passed.
"Jim, come on, seriously, eat something with me or at least come and talk to me. We can talk about this or something to take your mind off it. Whatever you like."
"I'll wait, thanks."
"I'm bored on my own."
"Eat in here."
"And ruin our new carpet?" Jim winced at the memory, both the good and the bad. "You can't magic her up out of thin air."
"Yes I can."
Jim saw her car. Mark looked a little put out by being proved wrong so blatantly.
"Coincidence."
"Told you." Jim dashed outside and met Pam before she'd even gotten out of the car. "You're back, you ok? I'm so, so, sorry, come inside, we should talk, are you hungry, are y-you ok-"
"Jim, stop talking and breath. I'm coming inside. We're ok but we do need to talk. Ok?"
Jim let out a sigh of relief. All he really heard was 'we're ok'. He helped her out of the car and into the house.
"Smells lovely." Pam remarked. Jim sensed she was trying to break some of the tension.
"Do you want to eat now?"
"Talk first, in your room?"
"Sure." Jim was edgy still but he'd take anything she'd throw at him just for them to stay together. It probably wasn't healthy but he didn't care, he needed Pam in his life for the rest of his
life and he'd do anything to make sure that happens.
They got to his bedroom and climbed on the bed, Jim sat up against the headboard and Pam sat cross-legged facing him.
"So, um... I miss you."
Jim looked confused. "You miss me? Or you missed me, just now?"
"At work. I miss you and I don't want to miss you and I'm so glad you're following your dream but... it's hard working there without you. I haven't adjusted yet. I think it's been getting to me."
"Oh."
"I'm still mad about the Isobel thing but I know you're sorry it's just, I've been missing you and today we had an ice cream party and you missed it but then you're doing this new exciting thing and what if..." Pam stopped herself, she was talking so quickly. Jim knew work had been stressing her out but he didn't know it was because he wasn't there. He didn't know what to say to make things better. Luckily he didn't have to yet. "I'll be fine, I'll get use to it again, it's not a big deal, I just didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to feel guilty or to think I was clingy. I shouldn't feel this way, I'm stronger now but, god, I had no idea how much of a difference having you there made."
"Do you want to leave?"
"No, I'm happy; I just think I needed to acknowledge it. I won't stay there forever but I'm not ready yet, I need to do my classes and get myself to a level where I can move on to other things. High school art isn't enough."
Jim nodded, his head still spinning. "You know I love you, right?"
Pam smiled. "Of course, I love you too."
"I'd have gone crazy without you there either. What was the ice cream thing?"
"Michael made the Party Planning Committee throw an impromptu ice cream party to celebrate the Fourth of July because we weren't spending it together as a family."
Jim laughed. "God, I did miss a good day. I miss you too."
"You do?"
"Yeah all the time. I'd hide under your desk if we could get away with it. I could give you foot rubs all day."
"Don't think I'd get much work done."
"We never did anyway." He chanced a smile and got one in return. The knots in his stomach were slowly coming undone.
"There's another thing too."
Jim's stomach created a hundred new knots. Things were beginning to feel normal again.
"No, it's ok," she said quickly after registering the look on his face, "it's just an insecurity thing. I know it's stupid and irrational but I worry that you might meet someone more like you, that you'll change and won't-"
Jim cut her off with a kiss. She resisted at first but he kept her, one hand holding the back of her head and the other holding her hand. After a few seconds she gave in and let Jim show her his response, she let him take control and kiss her until he sensed that every thought and every doubt disappeared. "You." He whispered against her tingling lips. "Only you, no one else. Ever. Got that?"
Pam nodded whispered a noise that sounded like ok and let Jim kiss her again. Soon Pam found herself lying on her back with Jim still kissing her. No hands elsewhere, just kissing and it was exactly what they both needed. His lips, her lips, just them making everything right again.
"Was there anything else?" Jim asked, looking a little worried.
"What?"
"To talk about, anything else?"
"Just that I think we should talk more, even stuff that we think is difficult, I'm not good at that but I want to try. I let everything get to me."
"I'll do that too. I worry too, I worry that I've put us under pressure so early, that you'll feel neglected and I don't have the money to take you on weekends away and fancy dinners."
"We'll make time for each other, prioritise. What's important right now is that you get your teaching thingy and we'll work out everything from there."
"Teaching thingy?"
"Yeah, your teaching superpower licence."
"I like that."
"Me too." She smiled. This was over now. Worst forty minutes of his life. "Um, I'm kinda starving, you think Mark would mind if we ate?"
"I'm pretty sure he's gonna insist. He almost threw a Gordon Ramsey hissy fit when I refused to eat."
"God, I made such a scene in front of him."
"He's fine, he pretty much thinks I'm pathetic for spending the whole time at the window... and that's probably something I shouldn't have admitted to you..."
"That's ok, I spent it crying on the phone to my mom."
"You... told your mom?" Jim's mouth went horribly dry. She probably hated him. How could he face her now?
"Yeah but she's totally cool, she told me that I over reacted and that I needed to talk to you and solve this before it became a big problem. She's never seen me so happy, she wants us to be together and she's really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Don't worry at all."
"That's good. Good. You can talk to your mom, I just freaked out for a second in case she was going to hit me tomorrow. We are still on for tomorrow right?"
"Yep, not getting off that easy!"
"I love you so much, I'm so sorry." Jim wondered if it truly had been forgotten.
"Last time you say that ok, this is behind us now." She raked a hand through his hair making it stand on end before smoothing it down again. "I guess that was our first fight as a couple."
"It was."
"I think we did ok."
"No broken plates."
"Or broken noses. We need to do the communication thing better."
"Yeah, guess I'm learning this whole serious relationship thing as I go along." Jim thought back, how many times had things gone unsaid between them?
"I think I am too, there wasn't a whole lot of communication going on with Roy. This will work though, I love you and this will work."
Jim kissed her again, for being someone fond of writing saying words out loud had always been trickier. He'd try though. He really would do anything for her.
So everything is patched up but you can still see the problems. Namely the fact that Jim is in so deep he could easily find himself running into trouble because it's definitely borderline unhealthy and Pam realising that she's still dependant on the men who've been in her life.
Hope you liked the first appearance of Pam's mom, my mum was a big inspiration but I've made her very much her own character.
