My emotions came all at once.
I wanted to run up to him and cry. To tell him all the lonely days I've been having. To help me make things right...
I also wanted to embrace him.
He looks up and sees me practically trying to hide my happiness.
"I was going to call you." He said, smiling.
My heart lit up. Smile again... For me...
"I decided to walk here..." I drag my finger on the seams of the sofa. My eyes stay on him.
"Where's namie?" He asked looking around. My heart dropped just a little but I answered him.
I point at the kitchen.
He smiles again and walks closer to the kitchen door. He peeks in and tells her something that I couldn't hear.
She walks out of the kitchen pushing him out of her way in the process. A playful shove.
I looked at their friendship. Orihara-San might not call it that... But I do...
They both go on about how the Christmas decorations aren't up yet. I get a small hint of joy in my stomach. I almost forgot Christmas was near by... But snow doesn't seem to fall... And then there are times where it's not cold at all...
Namie starts to walk up to the sofa I'm sitting down on and begins to take her jacket.
"By the way, You're working tomorrow." Orihara-San said.
Namie stops her fiddling with the jacket and turns to him.
"What? Like, in the morning?" She points at me like I'm not even here." When she's still here?"
I look at her. I wanted to say something but I stopped myself.
"Namie... I told you already. No one's staying over. Rio just wanted to visit me."
I nod.
Namie looks at the buttons on her jacket. She begins to pin them and then makes her way towards the door. She takes her belongings and turns to us. "See you tomorrow." She said and then... She leaves.
I stand there. I don't know what to say... I have him all to myself now but what do I say?!
"Sorry about that..." He said. "I don't know what's been going on with her lately..."
I look at the door.
He knows something's wrong too...
I look back at him. He's so fixed at the door... I want all his attention on me and only me.
I sit back down. I made some room to make it look like I want him to sit next to me.
He looks at the desk and sees the board.
"Things are looking better then I thought..." He said.
I look up at him. What did he mean? Does that mean that something bad might happen?!
I start to worry... I don't feel happy at all anymore...
I fiddle with my fingers and look at the carpet.
Anything good to Orihara-San is bad to me...
Does he mean there will be more attacks on the dollars and anri might get hurt?
"Rio." I jumped and raised my eyes up at him. "How are you?" He smiled.
I look back at the carpet.
"I'm... Well..." I said.
I don't know who my friends are.
My boyfriend is out hurting my friends.
One of my friends knows something about another and the same goes for me...
I know everything...
Just not the reason why...
I cried a lot this week.
But... I'm doing well.
"That's good. Have you talked to masaomi?"
I bite my lip. If he mentions masaomi I might cry...
I blink away the thought and say- "yes... And the talk wasn't at all that good..."
Silence. I hear a snicker coming from him. It made me feel uneasy... Maybe he's happy that I won't be his friend anymore...
"So what, you're just not going to talk to him anymore?"
He walks up to me and plants himself on the sofa right next to me.
"I guess... Just today he came to eat lunch with anri and mikado for the first time in days and I decided not to eat with them..."
I look up at him. He seemed to be enjoying this...
"What about mikado? How is he taking the idea of people getting hurt because of him?"
My face hardened. He can't just say it like that! It's not mikado's fault at all!
"He's taking it hard... I told him I'd visit him this Sunday." I said.
Silence.
I hear cars beeping from down below but the sound wasn't irritating.
Finally, Orihara-San said- "what?"
I feel like I should say 'never mind' and let it go...
But I want him to stop talking about my friends like this...
"I'm going to go and talk to mikado... At his house on Sunday." I gave him a serious face.
His face looked like he wanted to laugh. It also looked... Dark...
He stood up straight and took my right wrist.
His touch burned. I longed for his touch... And by how warm he is he wanted to touch me too.
"Why do you need to go?" He said. He was quiet. He wanted to make himself look like the leader.. And it was working.
"I-I want to talk to him more about how we can stop the yellow scarves from hurting anymore innocent people." I said, keeping my cool.
His grip on my wrists grew tight and I had pain written all over my face.
"Mikado is a guy. You can't just visit him without that other friend of yours that's a girl."
"We're not going to do anything... Mikado is just as much of a friend as Masaomi and Anri are." He still didn't seem pleased. "He really needs someone right now... Anri can't do it because she can't know about him... And masaomi can't..." I was shaking. I wanted to sob and be held by him... But how can you cry in front of someone who's against what you want?
He loosens his grip.
"I guess mikado wouldn't do anything..." He looks at the floor for a second and then looks up at me. "I should be worried if you do anything stupid."
I gave him a look. I haven't given him one in days...
He lets me go. I start to rub the pain away.
"Do you still want to know stuff about masaomi?" He asked me.
"That text never said anything about masaomi... I asked about the yellow scarves."
He smiled almost like making fun of me and I wanted to hit him.
He looks at me and puts his finger on my lower lip.
"Stop lying."
I forgot about that...
I bite my lip when I lie sometimes...
I move away from his touch and put my hand over my mouth.
"Stop it... I'm not a little kid anymore... And I know what I want..." I feel like I should stop.. But he needs to hear what I've been through these last few days... "I want my friends to be happy."
He backs up on the sofa again. He looks like he's trying to choose his words wisely in order to show me how fun it is on his side...
"How can they be happy... If they're all against each other."
I swallowed. I can never win against him.
"Secrets would have been fine."
"Secrets didn't stop Masaomi from becoming one of the yellow scarves again."
My eye twitched... He's right.
Secrets are what made him enter. If anri would have told him about herself and saika then... Maybe he would have stayed away from that side and would have been ok with mikado being the leader of the dollars..
"Why do you always do this..." I whisper. I look down at the nice sofa. It was black leathered and it matches nicely with his hair.
"But don't you like it when I treat you like this? It makes you stay out of trouble sometimes..." He comes closer to me. "Let's not bring back memories though."
I wanted to push him away. He's treating like a child and a troublemaker...
He also brought back memories I'd rather forget..
He lays his head on top of mine and puts his left arm around me... I felt so comfortable...
"See? It's better if you just listen to me."
Does he mean give myself up to him? I'm pretty sure I do that too often...
"Just like what saki did when you told her to give herself up to 'them'?" I whispered.
I griped my skirt. The room was too quiet that the words that escaped from my mouth were very loud. I regret them. I regret!
He lets me go. He stands up and walks up to his board.
"If you weren't in a mood to talk to your psychopath boyfriend then maybe you should go home."
I was offended by his words.
"You're not-"
He turns to me. "That's all you really think about, isn't it?"
I stand up and face him. I shake my head.
"I just don't like it when you talk about my friends that way..." I said.
He smiles. I hear a small chuckle. Maybe thinking how much of a pathetic human being I am.
"Rio. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just being myself."
I look up at him. Being himself?
"I... I just..." I can't argue with him anymore...
I'm sure there's a place I like to call this...
I call it abuse. I like the abuse.
This man makes me feel like every single thing I do is bad. This man makes me feel like I would be useless without him...
He's right...
I squint a little. I feel the water works coming. Maybe crying will throw him off his game.
"You seem like the type of person who likes to put up decorations on the walls and trees... You want to come tomorrow and put stuff up?"
He's changing the subject. That makes me smile.
And then a bad thought came to me...
"Will namie be there...?" I ask.
He smiles with delight. "Yes." He said "she's working tomorrow isn't she?"
I bring my hands up to my chest. I don't care... I'll ask.
"I want to stay over again..."
I raise my eyes just a little to see his expression.
At first he seemed like this was a bad idea... But then his face softens... The Orihara-San that I know..
"I was waiting when you were going to say that.." He finally said.
I smile...
"I'm going to have I tell namie to come in at 10:00 a.m. ..." He said. He takes out his phone.
I walk up to him. He's leaning on his desk. I sit next to him and looked at the board.
He seemed to have moved the small pawn that was black. It was a lot smaller than the others...
He puts his phone away and puts it on the desk.
He sighs and takes a piece from the board. He waits a little and then puts it back where it used to be.
I really wanted to ask who that small piece was but... I also didn't want to know.. This piece was off the board...
"Now it's your turn." He said.
I was confused at first but... Then I remembered my parents.
I nod and walk up to the coffee table where my phone still rests.
I pick it up and look for my mother. She's probably off work by now.
I hear Orihara-san's footsteps as the phone rings once... Twice...
"Hello?" My mother's voice sounded happy. I'm glad.
"It's me... Rio..." I said. I felt arms wrap around my waists. I nearly jumped but Orihara-San shushed me.
"Rio! Don't tell me you're going to stay over again!" She still seemed happy... Thinking her little daughter can be so close to someone..
"I.. I am actually... " Orihara-San plants his head over my shoulder.
"Ok... I guess you can stay... Make sure to call me in the morning ok? Do you know your way home?"
I felt his tongue dip unto my neck and I nearly yelped.
"I-I... Do... I kinda walked from home to here..."
I wait for a response...
I start whispering at him to stop...
"Ok. Have a nice night.."
"Thanks mom..." I said.
She hangs up first. I treasure the last things she said.
I put my phone away and he holds on to me.
I don't push him off.
"If my mom heard you, I'm going to hurt you." I said. I didn't feel like he was scared at all. Why would he?
"I just wanted to see how good you can keep from whimpering." He said. "I'm pretty sure you failed..."
I felt warm all of a sudden.
Since he held on to me nicely I could feel his light breathing. He's very warm too.
::::::izaya:::
This girl really doesn't know what's going on...
I know the pain she went through.. That's why I told her to come today.
I'm keeping her in here to make her remember who she really wants to be with. It's not by force if I tell her this way.
The news about staying over at mikado's house caught me off guard...
This is bad since he will possibly get rio to talk...
They might talk about our relationship or even things I've been hiding that rio knows about.
I hold on to her frail body some more. She feels warm and it makes me want to hold on to her even more.
I guess I'll wait to get the news about what happens later...
She then begins to giggle. I take in her laughter.
"Ow... You're squishing me!" She laughs.
I let her go slowly. She starts to separate from me slowly too and still stays by my arms.
Her smile makes me feel ok. She's an ok person.
"Can I start to ask questions? Remember you told me I can one day." She said.
She really wants to know stuff about me?
"Ok... Go ahead." I smile.
She holds on to my sleeves.
She opens her mouth to say something to me but I cover it with my left hand.
"Only 3 questions." I say.
Her eyes made her disappointment show and I tried to ignore it.
She then begins. "Who was your first kiss?"
At first I thought it was just something she wanted to say as a statement and move on... But she was serious.
"Why... Why would you want to know that?" I ask.
She looks at her hand that's holding my sleeve.
"I want to know how it happened..."
I sigh. I don't want to hit high school details.
"Can I lie?" I ask.
Silence.
"No.."
"Then let me say it differently:I'll lie." I smile.
She nods as if she agrees.
She looked like she wanted to say 'then what's the point on asking?'
My next words came out without warning.
"You were my first real kiss." I said.
It wasn't much of a lie and I had no sense of idea how I could have said it differently but like this...
I guess she should feel special for these ridiculous words.
She smiled a little. Maybe thinking that I was telling the truth just now.
"How did you get this job?"
I pressed my lips together and shake my head. I don't want her to know.
Her eyes shake a little but she relaxes.
"Question number 3 would be?"
"Who is Shizuo Heiwajima?"
.
.
.
I let her go and plop myself on the sofa. "I told you. It's no one important."
"Yes he is!" Then she stops herself. "Ok then... Who's shizu-chan...?"
I hold up three fingers. "I said three questions only."
"You didn't answer my second one!" She wined and sits down right next to me.
As she sat down, I put my hand over her mouth again.
"Rio... There are some people who shouldn't be known by you until you meet them for real..."
:::::Rio:::
I think about all the people I want to meet because they seem so interesting.
Namie's brother, seiji is one.
Mika harima is one...
Then there's Shizuo...
And this really great actor I know but that's a different story...
I place my hands on his hand. I pressed it closer to my lips. He was soft.
I avoid his eyes because I know he's looking right at me...
He moves his hand away from my lips and gently replaces it with his.
My heart starts to jump. 5 days of not kissing him and this is what happens to me.
I pull away just an inch to breath.
His breath was coffee flavored... Dark coffee with no sugar.
He kisses me again, more forceful then last time.
I felt his teeth crush my lower lip hungrily. I heat up fast.
He gently runs his hands around my waist. I felt warmer and warmer.
Should a 15 year old girl like myself do stupid things like devote herself to a guy who is way out of her league? I'm just plain old rio...
The girl no one really pays attention to...
My eyes had been closed. I open them up pulling away slowly from him... Wait... He's pulling away from me...
I'm now laying on my back.
He has me pinned here but now it's just really me thinking about holding onto his neck.
I slip my hand in his hair. It's soft.. Really soft...
My skirt slips down but I force it to stay the way it is with my left hand.
He pecks my neck like its candy and I let him.
I blush furiously but still I don't stop him.
I have a feeling he's been wanting this... I do too...
I remember about my pride. He's not going any further than this that's for sure.
I begin to remember that this is usually all he really wants.
He likes messing with me.
I'll let him mess around if he continues.
It was then that I feel the coldness of his ring on my stomach that I let my legs fall on each side of him.
I felt myself tingle everywhere. This feeling was something I never experienced before. I loved it.
He hears me cry out as he pulls my hair harder than expected and then he looks at my face...
"I'm.." He stops himself. He searches forgiveness in my eyes.
"Don't be... I'm.." I touch my hair. Knots... Curse this hair for being so fragile!
He closes his eyes for a moment.
He then kisses me again as to say 'sorry.. I can't do this to you yet...' He then gets up from that position.
I quickly get up too.
I dig my face into my hands with embarrassment. Why does he always do that?! I'm so close to be his everything and then...
I look up at him and he just stares out the window.
I run my fingers through my hair and continue to look at him.
He let me forget about the real problems...
"Thank you..." I said.
He turns to me and smiles "for what?"
I smile but I don't say anything. He knows exactly why.
Letting me stay here was great. Telling me to wake up was great too because I know he's wrong and ill do anything in my power to protect mikado, masaomi, and anri.
Also... For letting me kiss him.
The small noises that came from outside sneaked inside and was soothing out what just happened in this room.
My knots where gone so I begin to tie them back up.
He stands up and looks down at me.
"Are you hungry? Did you ate anything today?"
I nod. "All I've been doing is eat... I can concentrate better that way.." I smile.
I eat spicy foods when I'm troubled and sweets when I want to make myself feel happy... It's weird but that's normally my diet.
He sits down again and holds onto my arm.
I try to focus on what he would say and not what he wants to do to me.
"I want you to tell me everything that will happen on Sunday." He said.
"But-" I stop when he raises his eyes at me. The sight of them shut me up. A shiver crawled up my spine. "... Ok..." What bad thing can possibly happen anyway?
He smirks. "That's my girl."
Am I a traitor if I help him or mikado? Am I a traitor at all? Am I a back stabber if I pick no side and stay neutral?
Sometimes I want to do nothing. Just go to school and learn. Just eat lunch by myself and go home and do home work. And then I sleep.
Wouldn't that be a stress less life...?
He kisses my cheek and it makes my skin blush. I get closer to him and finally get my embrace. I grip onto his shirt and dig my face onto his chest. I felt his heartbeat. I felt his warmth.
He lifts up my legs to sit on his lap and wraps his arms around me too. As he does this I know my face was full of tears by now.
I start to whimper. I finally broke.
He starts to put pressure on the hug.
He probably heard me and doesn't know how to turn me off.
"Don't... Don't cry rio..." He breaths the words on me. I can't help it by now.
I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder. His neck was close to my lips.
He picks me up right there.
I gasp quietly. He walks to the stairs.
I look at him while tears still roll down my cheeks.
"You need sleep..." He said.
I close my eyes. I finally got carried by him... I must have been pretty heavy...and then there's that skirt I wore...
::::izaya:::
I enter my room and set her down on my bed. She's already asleep.
I close the door next and take my shirt off. I should find something comfortable.
I walk up to my drawers and pull out a white sweater. This will work I guess... I pull out a black shirt next and long warm shorts.
I put on the black shirt and then my sweater. I walk in the bathroom to change.
When I come out rio is already balled up at the side of the bed. I go over there and take her shoes off.
The socks she's wearing were pink. I'm not surprised.
I walk up to her upper body and this idiot is still wearing a sweater. It's pretty warm in here and the kinds of sweaters I wear don't look as heavy as hers.
I think for a second. Do I really want to touch her while she's like this? I guess I should or she'll suffocate...
I sit next to her and begin to pull down the zipper. The noise made her stretch. I wait until she's done and then I place my left hand over her cheek.
I remember how I couldn't sleep when I was at her house. I stared at her for my amusement.
I run my hand over her clothes from her stomach all the way up to her collar bone.
A human being's body was always admirable. The way you see something you like is pleasing. Right now I can't really pick a favorite. Her skin is soft so that's fine. Her hair is fragile. She has creamy skin. Her eyes look confused and always sad. Her hands are always cold. Her legs are always cold. Her neck is the softest. She's kind of tall for her age.
I wipe away the tears from her face.
And then there's her lips...
I lean down towards her collar bone where I have been running my fingers through and kiss it lightly. I felt her breathing. She still seemed sick but not really.
I drag my lips up to her neck feeling the softness. She's still asleep. She really is a heavy sleeper.
I pull away from her and lift her up quickly to slip off the sweater. She made a noise and I stopped to see what I did wrong.
Nothing. False alarm.
I plop her down gently again.
I put her jacket at the foot of the bed. I start to walk around the bed and sit down on my side.
I turn to her and pull her close to me. I pull up the covers and I lay her head gently on a pillow.
Once she seemed comfortable I went ahead and laid next to her.
Her breathing was light and I couldn't help but put my head on her chest to hear her breath more. I hear her heartbeat. Normal.
I close my eyes. I just kind of let my hands search for a place to be.
Her leg was cold so I started from there.
"Nnn..."
I look up at her. She moved just a little and then stopped.
I smile. I get up.
I can't sleep. It's already 11:43 and I can't sleep.
I sigh. Maybe if I start somewhere then I will eventually begin to feel sleepy.
I get In the covers again and put my face close to her neck. I wrap my right arm on her back and my left leg goes back to her thigh.
This is how it should be. This is what I meant when I told her I was attached to her.
She's mine. Without me she wouldn't be here. Without me she'd be gone from this world.
I think for a moment...
That's pretty naive coming from me... She wouldn't have killed herself. She wanted to have a partner.
She jumped because I was careless. She jumped.
I hold on to her tight. She's here. That's all that matters. I kiss her neck and I finally fall asleep.
